When You Least Expect It (5 page)

             
Hi Mandy, it looks like no one heard our conversation.
It had said
.  The next morning was breakfast as usual. That was close!  What was even scarier was how I felt about you!  As if it weren’t crazy enough, your voice just intensified how I feel for you.  You were just as sweet and adorable as I imagined you to be.  Is this ok?  Is it wrong?  I don’t know, Mandy.  All I know is that I can’t stop.  I hope this hasn’t scared you off.  Of course, I’d understand if it did.  I hope to talk to you soon.  We’ll be going away on vacation in a few weeks.  Let’s talk, okay?

Love, Ray

             
Amanda read and reread that letter.  She didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t.  She planned her trip with the kids.  They were so excited! You’d think they’d never been on a roller coaster before.  She had to admit, she was just as excited.  She needed time away to think.  To have fun, be with her kids, and relax.  She loved going to California and hanging out with her cousins.

             
They were leaving the next morning; she hoped to catch Ray online tonight so they could talk one more time before she left.  She needed to clear up some things, and to find out exactly where he was coming from.  Things seemed to be getting complicated way too fast.  She wanted to try to get it out in the open, discuss it, and nip it in the bud.  She hoped it wasn’t too late.

CHAPTER 5

             
Amanda was startled the next morning by the loud ringing of her phone. She felt around for the phone, finally found it and heart pounding yelled into the phone as she held it upside down. “Hello!”  It was Ray.  

             
“Hi, Mandy.  Were you still sleeping?  I’m sorry to bother you.” 

She tried to wake up. “Ray, what’s wrong?  It’s so early!”

              Ray laughed and said, “Not here.  I’m already at work.  I bought a phone card this morning so I could call you.  We haven’t spoken in a while and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

 
              She sighed, a bit irritated at the early intrusion.  “Yes, everything’s fine.  I’ve just been really busy trying to get organized for my trip.  I’m taking the kids to California for a week.  We leave Saturday.” 

             
“Wow,” replied Ray, “that’s great. We’re going on vacation a week from Saturday.  So two weeks with no contact.  That’s a long time.”  He knew that was a ridiculous statement to make to someone he didn’t know.             

 
              She took a deep breath; she wanted to get some things out into the open and right now was as good a time as any. “Since I have you on the phone, I want to talk to you about some things I have on my mind, hopefully without interruption”.

             
“Go ahead, Mandy.  You can be frank with me.”  He rubbed his forehead, afraid of what she might say next.

              Amanda continued, “It seems that this is getting out of control.  Can you explain to me what’s going on?  I’m afraid of it, and I’m at my wit’s end trying to figure it out.”

             
“You mean us?” He asked innocently.

 
              “Yes, us, although there really isn’t an ‘us’ Ray.  What’s an ‘us’?  Are we Internet friends?  Someone you get your kicks with?  Or something that makes your marriage a little easier to bear?  I don’t want to be used like that.  Frankly, it’s driving me a little nuts.”  She breathed out.  She was lying in bed shivering at the intensity of the feelings she had just shown, but was proud of herself for finally saying it.   

             
Ray was taken aback.  Of course, he understood why she felt this way.  It wasn’t like she knew how he felt about her.  After all, she may not have any feelings for him at all.  She may just think of him as another Internet nut.  He hoped not, but needed to find out.

 
              “Mandy, I know I’m married.  I know I’m a million miles away, and the probability of us meeting is slim, but my feelings for you are real.  I can’t explain them.  I just know they exist.  I have to ask you this, Mandy.  You don’t have to answer, but I’d really like to know.  I have to know.  How do you feel about me?”  The silence on the other end of the phone was deafening.  What had he done?   He’d rather have her friendship than nothing at all.  He hoped he hadn’t messed that up.   Finally she answered.

 
              “Ray, what feelings do you have?  You don’t even know me.”  She was feeling exasperated.  All this seriousness, and before coffee! 

             
“Yes I do!”  He insisted.  “We talk on the Internet about everything.  We know so much about each other.  In such a short time I have come to learn about how sweet you are, what a big heart you have.  How you are with your children.  How hurt you’ve been in your past.  You’ve shared your life with me.  I know what you want in a relationship. It’s everything I want.  We laugh, we cry, Mandy, do you know what I’m saying?” 

              She was crying on the other end, but didn’t want him to know this.  She wasn’t sure at this point what she wanted him to know.  She was afraid of getting hurt again.  Wasn’t it bad enough she had been hurt by live men, should she move on to the Internet and give faceless men a chance? She wasn’t sure enough of herself to know what she wanted.  She didn’t know how to respond.

 
              Her silence did not deter Ray. He continued.  “I know now that I want out of my marriage.  I just have to get through this vacation, for the kids.  Then I’m going to start planning my departure.  I could use a friend for that, Mandy.  Then after I leave, who knows?  What do you think?”

              She bit her lip. She knew she had feelings for him.  But what were they? That was the question that had her, feeling like an idiot.  That was the feeling that made her say, “Ray, of course I will be there for you.  Of course I have feelings for you.  I just don’t allow myself to feel them because you’re married.  I’m really confused right now.  Can we talk about this later?”  This conversation was too much for her.  She definitely was not a morning person by any means, and to have such a serious tone first thing was not in her make-up.  They made a date for Friday night on the web.

             
“We’ll talk then.  Then it will be two whole weeks till we speak again.”  Ray was not thrilled about this but hopefully it would go fast. 

             
“I’ll talk to you Friday,” she said.  “Right now I’m already late for work.” 

             
“I’m so sorry.  Have a good day at work.  Thanks for talking with me, and as usual, for being so honest.” 

             
She jumped out of bed and ran to make her coffee.  She hoped the rest of her day went better than it was starting. As she got ready for work, she wondered about this crazy thing with Ray. What was he thinking?  How does he feel about her?  Can you have feelings without ever meeting someone?  It seems to happen a lot on the net.  In just the little time she had been on it, people meet, fall in love, and live happily ever after.  Could this be happening to her?  That would just be her luck.  She would fall in love with someone twenty-five hundred miles away, instead of someone right here in town. People in Texas have computers, after all.  What was wrong with her!  She’d really have to think about this while she was away, whether or not she wanted to be involved in such a strange relationship. She stepped out of the shower and went into her usual mode.  She was late, which in turn made them all late. 

             
She got to work and went straight to her desk.  She was a medical assistant at a pediatric clinic. She’d been doing this for quite some time, and really loved it.  She didn’t really have an assigned position; they just put her where she was needed.   After being late today, she didn’t have much to do, so she decided to go in and talk to her boss, Mariah.  She and Mariah were really close and she wanted to confide in her.  “I am finally here,” she announced happily.

 
              Mariah was glad to see her.  “What happened, girl?  I thought you would never get here.”

             
Amanda plopped herself in the big chair across from Mariah’s desk.  She spent a lot of time here, either venting or listening to Mariah vent.  Their workplace was a stressful environment, and it helped to get it all out sometimes.  She was grateful that she had the kind of boss that allowed it.  

             
“So I need to tell you something, Mariah.  It’s kind of weird, so try to listen with both ears open.” 

             
Mariah laughed, “Well it would be tough to hear if I didn’t!”

 
              Amanda rolled her eyes, took a deep breath and began.  “I’ve been talking to this guy on the Internet for a couple of months.  We’ve recently started talking on the phone.  Mariah, he claims to have feelings for me.  Believe me, I know this seems strange, and even I think I have gone off the deep end, but it just seems so real.”   She noticed that almost with each word, Mariah’s eyes were getting wider and wider.  “What do you think?”

             
This was all the invitation Mariah needed.  “ARE YOU NUTS?  You can’t have a relationship with someone on the Internet.  You don’t know him!  He could be an axe murderer for all you know. What are you thinking?  You’re a cute, wonderful woman; you don’t need to find men on there.  Find them here in real life, where you can get to know them.  The real them!  Mandy, you’ve lost your mind, girl!”

 
              She wondered if she should even try to defend herself after Mariah’s tirade.  She decided to just stay quiet for now.  She just said, “I’ve had my fill of real men.  You know that. That doesn’t seem to be working for me either.”  She looked pensively at her.  “So what do you propose I do, take up knitting?”

              Mariah laughed uncontrollably knowing full well Amanda had no idea how to knit.  “Go to work!”  She didn’t know what to say to her.  She wanted her to be happy, but she also wanted her to be safe.

  
              She laughed and said, “Yes, Master!”  She slowly made her way back to her desk, feeling no better than she had before.

             
                                                        ~~~

             
Ray was staring out his window.  He hadn’t done one thing since hanging up with Amanda except run the conversation over and over in his mind.  He felt like a fool.  In one conversation he’d practically asked her to marry him, professed his feelings, announced his intent to separate, and asked her to wait for him.  She must think him crazy.  The funny thing is he meant all that.  Who was he?  Who was she?  Why was he so drawn to her?  What were these feelings that he so easily professed? Is it just Infatuation? Or Love?  It couldn’t be.  Could his loneliness just be getting the best of him? The only thing he was sure of was that he’d never felt this way about anyone, ever.   He would meet her as planned on Friday night, but maybe the time away from her would help him figure out his head a bit. He shook his head; then why did he dread it so much?  He was hopeless.

   He turned on his computer to try to do some work.  Hopefully on Friday when they talked, they could sort through some of this stuff, and they could both feel better.  But what will he say?  He decided he would just leave the ball in Amanda’s court for now and hope she could figure it out for both of them.

                                                        ~~~

             
“Everything is packed and ready to go
,” typed Amanda.  “
I’m so excited, and so are the children.  We haven’t been around the family in a long time and I’m really looking forward to it.  Then there’s roller coasters, beaches, Woohoo, I just can’t wait!”

          
Ray laughed to himself.  “She is so cute” he said out loud.  He wondered if there was ever going to be a way to meet her.  He doubted it.   She was asking him if he was looking forward to his vacation.  “
Not really, Mandy.  I am, because I get to get away, and spend some quality time with the girls.  Diego has agreed to meet us there for
a few days and that should be fun.  Diego and girls in bikinis, now that’s entertainment!”

     
Mandy laughed.  How was it that he could be so funny and sweet and almost everything she wanted except for the little thing of being twenty-five hundred miles away?  Life was so unfair.  She then asked, “
So, Ray, are you going to tell Diego about ‘us’?

      “
Well, Mandy40
,” he replied, “
I would except you told me yesterday, there was no ‘us’.  Remember?”

      
Amanda typed in <
blushin
g>.  “
Yes, of course I remember.  We’re friends.  I was just testing you.”

      
Ray laughed, “
Yeah, ok.  But while we’re on the subject, how am I going to go two whole weeks without talking to you!!”

      
She felt the same way.  She wondered that herself.  “
While at my cousins, I’ll e-mail you and let you know how we are doing.  How would that
be?”