When You Make It Home (9 page)

“You cool if I crash here tonight?” he asked on the way to my door. “I mean since we’re turning into sleepover buddies and all, I think it’s my turn to be your guest.”

“I suppose so, but don’t have high expectations in the accommodation department. I don’t have a guest bed for you.”

“I’ll take the sofa.”

“I don’t have a sofa.” I slid my key into the lock, Theo standing close behind me.

“What do you mean you don’t have a sofa?” I walked in, switched the light on, and he followed me. “You’re still moving in,” Theo said.

“No, I moved back months ago. All my stuff is here, or at least what I decided to keep. But I’m still unpacking.” I looked around the room and tried to see it from his eyes. My condo was empty, with the exception of the boxes scattered around the room. Worse still, the boxes were covered with a thin layer of dust. “Actually, I gave up on unpacking. I’m in no hurry.” I dropped my keys in the bowl on the kitchen island.

Theo looked in one direction and then the other, his eyes growing bigger. “Why don’t you have a sofa?” He walked through the empty dining area and to the kitchen. “What do you have against furniture?”

I kicked off my shoes, picked them up, and dangled them from my fingertips. “We gave away everything in the condo when we moved. Bradley wanted a fresh start for our house. When our new beginning tanked, I took only what was mine from before I met Bradley. So this is my new, new beginning.” I smiled. The spare bedroom had previously held my library, but I’d need that room for the baby. The majority of my boxes were filled with books. I needed to find a place to put them, because parting with them was out of the question. They were a part of me, a part of my past. From Kurt Vonnegut to Nora Roberts, I had many traveling companions. Their stories had taken me away when I’d needed an out. They filled me with hope when I needed to know love could last. For me, a book held the potential to change my life, at least for the moments lost between the pages.

I padded barefoot along the path of boxes to my bedroom in the back corner of the condo. “I have big plans to renovate, but so far I’ve only finished my bedroom. It’s more comfortable back here.”

The truth was, my place looked pretty deserted. Before putting it on the market, I had painted everything neutral, making the place a clean slate for any potential buyers. The nice thing was, I didn’t have to try to erase any lingering traces of Bradley. I knew my initial asking price was much too high, but since the condo was the first place that was all mine, I hesitated to walk away from it. In retrospect, I wondered how much faith I had really had in my new life with Bradley. Maybe I had known I was going to need an escape hatch.

Funny how life can double back on itself.

“Come on in.” I led the way to my bedroom.

“Have you done anything to get ready for the little guy?” Theo asked. “How much time do you have?” He went to the corner of the room, dropped his backpack on the floor, and took a seat on the ottoman of my reading chair.

“Oh, seventeen weeks down—twenty-three weeks to go.” I stepped into the closet to find pajamas. “I’ve got plenty of time.” I grabbed deep purple cotton shorts with tiny dots and a soft lavender cotton tee. I headed to the bathroom and quickly changed. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and washed my face, scrubbing away the dried tears. I brushed my teeth and noticed my beaming reflection. Aside from the current state of drama in my life, I was hit with a sudden rush of happiness to be sharing another night with Theo.

I returned to my room to find he’d explored my reading table and was flipping through the copy of
A Girlfriend’s Guide to the First Nine Months
that Ellie had lent me. He looked a little out of place.

“Discover anything shocking?” I lowered myself into the chair, facing him. I tugged my shirt down to hide my tummy.

He slammed the book shut. “Nope. This stuff is sugar coated.” He raised the book for emphasis and tossed it on the reading table. “AIT is shocking.”

“And what’s AIT?”

“The army school where I learned to be a medic,” he said.

“I can’t even imagine.”

He adjusted his one leg and I thought about the medicine cabinet loaded with pill bottles.

“How are you doing?” I asked. “How have you been?”

He slid his hand over the angry scar on his neck. “I’m fine,” he replied. “Getting better every day.” His words rang true: He looked better, no gauze on his neck, more of his arm exposed, only a few bandages. The unveiled skin showed more than a hint of the violence he endured. Raised, red flesh that had been knitted back together snaked out from under the covered wounds, running up to his elbow and under his shirtsleeve.

“And what about you, girl? You went into your own battle tonight. Are you all right?” There it was again, the look of genuine, unadulterated concern. Theo’s core of kindness sparked out in contrast to his cocky self-assurance. The combination was truly alluring.

“Tonight was tough,” I said. “Let’s not get into it again. But I have something I want to show you.” When I pulled myself out of the chair, I bumped against Theo’s knee and stumbled.

He caught me, his hands firm on my hips. “Steady now.”

“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled and moved toward my dresser. Steady? Not even close.
Calm down
, I thought, and pulled in a slow deep breath. I picked up the ultrasound and walked back to Theo on shaky legs. I handed him the image of my unborn child and sat in the chair again.

A huge grin shot across his face. He had a gorgeous dimple on his left cheek that I hadn’t noticed before. Something stirred inside me, a desire much deeper than attraction. When he looked at me like that, my insides trembled, and every cell longed to reach out to him.

“Ah, Meg, this is amazing. Look at your little baby.” His eyes sparkled as he gazed at me and then back at the photo. I became acutely aware of his proximity to me. My knees rested next to his one knee. We were eye to eye, and my mouth went dry. “Thank you for sharing this with me.” He took my hand and placed the photo in my palm. I twisted back to leave it on the table next to my books. At the same time, he reached down, cupped my foot in his hand, and pulled it to his lap.

“You look so uptight. Everything will work out. Relax.” He squeezed my foot, applying glorious pressure in all the right places. I dropped my hands to my sides and sank into the chair. I’d been alone for so long, for too long, and his touch was incredible. A moan slipped out of my mouth. “Good girl… Just give in,” he murmured.

He grasped my ankle firmly with the hand from his injured arm, and with his other hand he squeezed, pulled, and stroked my foot; he worked his way up to my ankle and calf muscles. By the time he reached the back of my knee I was writhing, groaning lasciviously with my eyes clamped shut.

I failed to contain myself as he seamlessly switched to my other foot, starting all over again. My breath was coming out in short, ragged gasps by the time he stopped. I opened my eyes and was devoured by a full-body flush.

“Did you like that?” Theo asked, his eyes glassy, his voice thick and husky. Damn him for being so sexy.

“Thanks.” It came out as a croak, followed by a shaky laugh.

“Sure thing.” He cleared his throat. “Can I have a glass of water?” Immensely grateful for the diversion, I bolted for the kitchen and took the opportunity to gather myself.

He was in the bathroom when I returned. I placed the glass on the bedside table and went to the other side to slip under the covers. I pulled my hair free of the ponytail and let it fan out behind me. I faced the wall, so my back would be toward Theo when he came out.

The bathroom door popped open. Several seconds ticked by in silence. I turned back to look.

He stood in the doorway with the light behind him. “Um, I take it you’re okay if I sleep with you?”

My pulse galloped, my imagination getting the best of me. “Yeah, sure, of course.” Our sleepovers were unexpectedly gratifying.

Resting my head back on the pillow, I pulled the covers to my chin. I listened as he approached the bed, felt the pull of his weight as he sat on the edge. I could hear the sound of him unzipping his backpack and the rattle of his bottle of pills, followed by the sound of drinking and the thunk of the glass being placed back on the table. The light went off, and then something different happened: Theo crawled into bed with me. Every other time we’d ended up in bed together, Theo had stayed on top of the blankets. Sharing the space under the covers, our bodies were closer than ever before. Theo’s breath heated the back of my neck, and I squirmed.

Maybe I was single and pregnant, but that didn’t mean I was used to being between the sheets with a strange man.

Theo was quiet, and I held still, waiting. About the time I calmed down and my breathing became even, I was kicked. Not by Theo.

“Oh my gosh—it kicked me. The baby kicked me.” I wasn’t sure if Theo reached for me or I reached for him, but the next thing I knew, his hand was between my belly and my hand. I knew it should have seemed too intimate, but at the time, everything felt perfect, natural.

“Oh, there it is.” His tone was animated; the rush of his breath ruffled my hair. In the cocoon of darkness, he carefully pushed my hair away from his face and slipped his hand back down around me. I felt tapping from the inside again, and Theo pressed against the same spot. “Wow, that’s your baby. I really feel it. Tell me you’re not excited.” He held onto me under the covers.

“Yes. Yes, I am. I’m afraid to show it. How can I be proud of a situation that’s so far from perfect?” Theo’s warmth and closeness welcomed me. His arms, locked around me, offered shelter, security.

“You’re absurd,” he said, making his words seem a compliment. “Don’t miss this while you’re waiting for a moment more perfect than right now.” His voice was gentle, but uncompromising. “Miserable couples reproduce all over the world, and you are better than that. You can offer your baby better than that. Don’t idealize a fantasy.”

And he was right. Because I was hung up on approval, I hadn’t forgiven myself. Focused on my indiscretions, I was denying myself the chance to rejoice in the wonderment of what was happening to me. I was going to become a mother.

“Okay, from now on this is a celebration,” I said, and he held me a little tighter.

“That’s my girl.” He placed his hand on top of mine, and at some point we drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms. I was certain if I had turned, he would have kissed me. Who knows what could have happened? I chickened out on all thoughts of putting the moves on Theo that night.

The one thing I was sure of, even though he wasn’t my husband or my boyfriend, even though he wasn’t the father of my baby: I was overjoyed to share the baby’s first kick with Theo. He allowed me to experience delight in the milestone, without fear of the unknown. I could almost pretend I wasn’t alone.

Chapter Six

I
woke earlier than usual. Theo nestled against me, one arm snug under my head, the other draped over my torso, cradling my belly. There was an unmistakable something pressed against me, but I wasn’t about to acknowledge that. I wiggled a little, but pretended to sleep. That worked, and he rolled onto his back with a slight groan. The memory of the night before felt too intimate in the morning light.

I tumbled out of bed, rubbed sand from my eyes, and made my way to the shower. Once I got the water near scalding, I stepped in and lathered up, worries about the day ahead and the night before keeping my attention until the hot water ran cold. I blew my hair dry and covered my body with coconut butter. Wrapped in a terrycloth towel, I tiptoed back to my room. Theo sat in the reading chair appraising me; his gaze raked over my round midriff and down my legs. His blazing eyes stopped at my bare feet and retraced their journey back up to meet my mine. “Hey there.”

“Good morning.” I glanced at the alarm clock and realized I had to get on the road in less than twenty minutes, so I hurried to the closet. “I have to get moving. I have staff meetings today.”

I turned on the closet light and stepped in, pulling the door shut behind me. Nothing fit. After trying on three different outfits, I found a pair of black leggings and paired them with a black tunic and my Donna Karan sleeveless sweater coat, also black. I slipped ballet flats on swollen feet and rejoined Theo.

“Is there a funeral, or are you going to a poetry reading downtown?” He smirked.

“Real funny, you’re a regular wiseass.” But I laughed with him.

“I’m just saying, you don’t look as if your life is a celebration.”

“I know, I know.”

I excused myself and headed to the bathroom, where I did a speedy make-up job and considered what he’d said. After a final swipe of mascara, I went back to Theo.

“You’re right. I don’t fit into anything I own. I’ll hit the stores… soon.” I struggled to suppress a rising giddiness at the doubtful look he gave me. “Hey, why don’t you drop me off at work and come by later for lunch?”

“Sounds good.” He caught the keys I tossed him, but he didn’t get up when I moved to the door.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I got a proposition for you.”

I studied his face and decided that what I saw was hopefulness. “Proposition? What do you have in mind?”

“When you were in the shower, I looked around your place. You got a lot to do before you have that baby.”

“Cut me some slack,” I said with a dismissive wave. “I’ll step up at crunch time.” I crossed my arms and ignored the fluttering in my chest.

“How about I move in and help you out?” He shrugged. “Whether you do anything or not, time is passing by, and it’s going to get harder for you to paint and unpack boxes.”

“You want to live with me?” I swallowed, and my brain switched to Analyze and Evaluate mode. Did he like me? Feel sorry for me? Maybe he really wanted to help? Or was he trying to get into my maternity pants? Some men have a fetish for that. Uh-oh. I was pretty sure I wanted him to want to get into my pants. My head was spinning.

The corner of his mouth kicked. “No, I want to rent a room from you in exchange for work. At the rate you’re going, that baby’s going to end up sleeping in a drawer with a cardboard box for a playpen.”

“Gee, you sure have a lot of faith in my ability to provide for a child.”

“The truth is, I got to get out from under my mom. She’s driving me nuts, wants to coddle me all the time. The stress is taking its toll on her. If I move out, if she’s not worried about me being alone, maybe she’ll chill before she puts herself in the grave.” He maneuvered his crutches and heaved himself up, pulling his backpack on as he headed out of the room. “So really you’d be doing me a favor, but that’s cool if you’re not into it.”