Where Love Has Gone (41 page)

“What?” she gasped.

“It’s entirely possible. We have lain
together twice.”

“You cannot trick me this way! I will not -”
She choked back anger and tears. In her innocence and her eagerness
to know Desmond in every way, she hadn’t stopped to think of a
child.

“Would you deny your child its father? Allow
it to be branded a bastard?”

“Don’t do this to me! You are cruel!” She
tried to leap from the bed, but Desmond caught her, holding her
against his warm, muscular chest.

“Elaine, you welcome me into your arms with
such sweet passion,” he murmured, his lips on her forehead. “I know
you find pleasure when we embrace so intimately. Why do you insist
upon refusing what we both want?”

“Because you crave the suspense and secret
excitement of spying. And because you don’t love me.” She wrenched
herself out of his arms to kneel facing him, her hair tangled over
her shoulders, while the tears she could no longer control streaked
down her cheeks.

“I do believe that living with you will be
excitement enough for any man,” he said. “Certainly, enough for
me.”

Elaine shook her head, denying her feelings
and his words.

“In recent weeks we have both seen the
tragedy that can ensue when men and women who do not love each
other are bound together,” she said. “Lord Bertrand and Lady
Benedicta, and my mother and Sir Lamont, are only two examples.
Others are all around us, here at court. I refuse to marry without
love.

“Oh, I wish you could see yourself now,” she
cried. “The way you look at me in horror at the very thought of
loving. Or, far worse for you, of confessing to love.”

“You are wrong,” he said. “I thought you
knew. But then, I’m so unaccustomed to loving that I suppose I
don’t know yet how to show it so you’ll understand. That is one of
two reasons why I want to marry you. I’m hoping you can teach me
how to say aloud what I’m feeling in my heart. No other woman holds
the power to teach me.”

Deeply moved by his words, she put out a hand
to touch his bare chest just over his heart. But when he lifted his
hand to cover hers, she shied away.

“You said there are two reasons why you want
to marry me. What is the second reason?”

“Because I cannot live without you.” He
swallowed hard before uttering the next words, and they sounded as
if they were wrenched out of him by force. “I want to marry you
because I – I love you.”

“You do?” She brushed her tears away.
“Truly?”

“I think I must,” he said, “because the
thought of losing you is like tearing my heart from my chest. I am
a whole man only when I’m inside you and your arms are around me
and I hear you cry out my name in pleasure.”

“Oh,
Desmond
.”

“I’ve spent most of my life shutting my heart
against love. My mother died when I was little. My father never
loved her, or me, or my twin. Our older half-brother despised
Magnus and me. I left Ashendown as soon as I was old enough, after
deliberately quarreling with Magnus so the parting wouldn’t hurt
either of us so much. Only in the last year have I begun to
understand what a brother’s love can mean, and to witness a loving
marriage, for somehow Magnus and his wife have managed to create
one.

“Given all of that, how can you expect me to
admit to loving anyone, much less a woman who has the power to
destroy me by rejecting me?”

“You do love me.” She sighed, venturing a
tremulous, weepy smile. “The more often you say the words, the
easier they will become.”

“Then I promise to say them at least once
every day. But only if you promise to say them to me, too.”

“I love you, Desmond.”

“I love you, Elaine.” He said it haltingly,
and she knew he’d find the words difficult, for a time, at
least.

“Will you marry me?” he asked. “Since I’ve
said twice that I love you – no, three times – will you marry
me?”

“Yes. But,” she said, holding him off when he
tried to embrace her, “I do make one.

Readers often ask where I find the ideas for
my books. Seldom do I have a simple answer, but in the case of this
story, the origin is clear. While checking on a reference, I came
upon an entry in
The Anglo-Saxon Chronicle
for the year A.D.
1117:

“King Henry spent all of this year in
Normandy because of the hostility of the king of France and his
other neighbors. Toward summer of this year the king of France and
the count of Flanders together invaded Normandy with levies, but
remained only one night, retiring in the morning without a
battle.”

That struck me as odd. After all the
preparations and the expense necessary to gather an army and launch
a joint invasion, why withdraw at once? What happened to convince
the French king and his ally to avoid a battle?

At that point I asked the writer’s
traditional question:
What if?
And the story began to build.
Suppose the mysterious disappearance of a young noblewoman is a red
herring that conceals a deadly political plot? Then a friend made
an off-hand comment about a late twentieth century scandal and I
discovered both motive and means for murder.
Where Love Has
Gone
is the result.

I chose the island of Jersey for its
isolation and because the kings of France coveted the Channel
Islands throughout most of French history.

The mount at the eastern end of Jersey is an
ideal location for guarding against an invasion from the mainland,
and there has been a fortification of some kind on that spot since
men first settled the island. Unfortunately for my purposes, the
present stone castle wasn’t built until the mid -1400’s, much too
late for this story, so I created a manor house to be used by the
Warden of the island, who was appointed by the Duke of Normandy,
the owner of Jersey.

Flora Speer is the traditionally published
author of twenty full-length novels and two novellas. She writes
historical, futuristic, and time-travel romances. Born in southern
New Jersey, she now lives in Connecticut. Among her favorite
activities are doing the research for the next book, which is
always fun, gardening (especially herbs and flowers used in
medieval gardens) and amateur astronomy. She firmly believes in
space travel and wishes the U.S. would restart its manned program,
which provided some great ideas for her futuristic romances.

Flora is currently writing a series of
medieval romances, Lord Royce’s Knights, soon to be published on
Smashwords, in which a group of young men who have no prospects in
life at all, still manage to achieve remarkable results by valor
and intelligence. Since these are romances, never fear that they
will also find their true loves, ladies who are every bit as
dauntless and determined as the men.

Connect with this author:

Web site:
www.floraspeer.com

E-mail:
[email protected]

Other books by Flora Speer, all now available
through Smashwords:

HISTORICAL ROMANCES:

By Honor Bound

Much Ado About Love

The Viking Passion

For Love And Honor

Rose Red

Castle of Dreams

Castle of the Heart

Two Turtledoves (Christmas Novella)

TIME-TRAVEL

Twelfth Night (Christmas Novella)

Christmas Carol

A Time to Love Again

A Love Beyond Time

Timestruck

Love Just in Time

Love Once And Forever (also paranormal)

PARANORMAL – Medieval Magic

Heart’s Magic

The Magician’s Lover

A Passionate Magic

Love Once And Forever (also time-travel)

FUTURISTIC ROMANCES

Venus Rising

Destiny’s Lovers

No Other Love

Lady Lure

ORIGINAL E-BOOKS, coming in 2014-2015:

Lord Royce’s Knights series:

So Great A Love

Cast Love Aside

True Love

Where Love Has Gone

Love Everlasting

MORE ORIGINAL E-BOOKS, coming in
2015-2016:

A prequel to Lord Royce’s Knights:

Love Above All

And a Romantic Fantasy series:

The Secret Heart

The Fire of The Soul

The Anvil of the Mind