Where Rainbows End (29 page)

Of course he did, I had my daughter years before I met him.

Wildflower:

Oh well that’s a shame, thought we were onto something good there. So let’s not be rude guys and introduce ourselves to Buttercup. I’m 62 years old, I’ve 5 kids, and my husband left me last year.

Buttercup:

Oh how awful, I’m sorry.

Divorced_1:

HA! No need to be sorry Cupcake, the man had good reason to leave her; she was sleeping with their gardener.

Buttercup:

Oh!

love, rosie

255

Wildflower:

Oh
please
like you lot never thought of ever doing the same thing.

UnsureOne:

Well my gardener was a woman.

Wildflower:

I didn’t mean
that.

LonelyLady:

I didn’t, I really didn’t. I never would have done something like that to my Tommy. Never.

Divorced_1:

Are you crying again, Lonely?

LonelyLady:

Yes.

Buttercup:

What’s your . . . eh . . . stats, Divorced_1?

Divorced_1:

I’m 49 years old, have 4 kids, and my ex-husband was screwing his secretary. Bastard.

Buttercup:

LonelyLady what about you?

LonelyLady:

I’m 27, I just got married last year but my Tommy left me. He just couldn’t take married life he said. We just argued and argued every day and then one day he just left me . . . all alone.

Buttercup:

UnsureOne what about you?

UnsureOne:

I’m 36, have 3 children, and I’m not technically divorced per se. We still live together . . . What about you Buttercup, how did you and your husband split?

Buttercup:

Oh he was seeing a number of different women quite regularly and I was oblivious to it all.

Divorced_1:

Bastard. Screw him.

Wildflower:

Well I believe that we’re all put on this earth to have as many sexual playmates as we want.

Divorced_1:

Oh shut up you new-age hippy.

Wildflower:

There’s no harm in expressing my personal view. I don’t recall ever attacking your opinions.

Divorced_1:

That’s because my opinions are always right. So anyway Buttercup, did you get the house?

Buttercup:

No actually it was his in the first place, my daughter and I just moved in with him.

Divorced_1:

What?! Didn’t he put your name down on the house after you got married?

256

Cecelia Ahern

Buttercup:

Em . . . no, why? Should he have?

LonelyLady:

Yes of course Buttercup, equal rights and equal ownership.

Of course in my case, I got to keep the house and it just meant I had to stay here all on my own with rooms full of memories.

Divorced_1:

Oh drop it Lonely, you sound like a broken record today. I was screwed in the divorce settlement. My ex got the holiday home and I got custody of the kids. What I would give to swap for a few months of peace and quiet in the sun. So if you didn’t get the house Cupcake, what did you
get
?

Buttercup:

I
got
the hell out of there and away from that creep.

Wildflower:

Wahooo!

Divorced_1:

You’re right, that’s all you need. Screw him.

UnsureOne:

But are you
sure
that’s enough for you and your daughter?

LonelyLady:

I would stay with Tommy even if he was a shit. I wouldn’t care, I just want him.

Wildflower:

Ignore her. Her balance is all wrong. The best way to get over one man is to get under another. We all know that.

UnsureOne:

I’m not sure that’s the correct attitude to have. I certainly have no intentions of sharing a bed with anyone other than my husband.

Buttercup:

I don’t understand UnsureOne, you’re still married?

UnsureOne:

We’re not technically divorced. He sleeps in our bedroom and I sleep in the spare room.

Wildflower:

UnsureOne, you let him kick
you
into the
spare room
when
he
was the one messing around??

UnsureOne:

Oh, is that wrong? I’m not too sure. This is all new to me . . .

LonelyLady:

I wouldn’t care if Tommy and I couldn’t even stay in the same bed. I just want him home with me.

Divorced_1:

Oh sweet lord have I taught you ladies nothing at all . . . Anyway Buttercup, where are you living now if shit for brains kept the house?

Buttercup:

Oh this may seem a bit bizarre but I’m currently living with my daughter’s father.

love, rosie

257

UnsureOne:

The way it should be I think.

LonelyLady:

Oooh what a wonderful love story!

Buttercup:

Oh no, no, no, don’t get me wrong, there’s absolutely no love involved in this story. In fact, I hate him.

Wildflower:

Thou doth protest too much.

Buttercup:

Yes I do and if you met him you would too.

Divorced_1:

Well I wouldn’t be sure of that, ever since this woman hit 60

she’s been eating men for breakfast.

Buttercup:

Well not this one I assure you, unless you mistake his head for a hard-boiled egg.

UnsureOne:

Buttercup, why did you choose that name?

Buttercup:

Oh it’s just a nickname my best friend calls me. When we were six we were in a school play and I was Princess Buttercup and he was Prince Moonbeam. He’s been calling me that name ever since.

Divorced_1:

You’re still in contact after twenty-six years??

Buttercup:

Yep, we’re still best friends.

Divorced_1:

You’re best friends with a man?! Did you ever sleep with him?

Buttercup:

Only when we had sleepovers in the non-sexual kind of way.

Divorced_1:

Is he gay?

Buttercup:

No he’s not. He’s divorced, himself.

Divorced_1:

And you weren’t married to him?

Buttercup:

No.

UnsureOne:

Well I think that’s beautiful. I mean I lost contact with my school friends as soon as I left and got married. Leonard hated me having any male friends.

LonelyLady:

When I moved from Belfast to Dublin with Tommy I left all my family and friends behind and now with Tommy gone, my friends are all up north and I’m—

Divorced_1:

All alone, yeah, yeah, we get the message. Buttercup, is your friend single, what does he do, where does he live and finally is he looking for a hot 49-year-old with 4 kids? He can take or leave the kids, I’m not bothered.

Buttercup:

No unfortunately he’s not single.

258

Cecelia Ahern

Wildflower:

Why “unfortunately”?

Buttercup:

Because she’s a real bitch. She’s his first love from when he was 16—I hated her then and I still hate her now. Anyway he ended up working with her dad in Boston, of all places, and I suppose their love was rekindled.

Divorced_1:

And you’re jealous.

Buttercup:

I am not.

Divorced_1:

Yes you are. I can hear it in your tone.

Buttercup:

You cannot hear me; we’re typing to each other!

Wildflower:

What she means is that she
senses
it and I must admit, I agree.

What about you ladies?

LonelyLady:

I agree. It must be so lonely for you.

UnsureOne:

Well far be it from me to be a know it all—

Divorced_1:

Far be it is right.

UnsureOne:

But
surely
if you’ve been friends since you were six and you’re now thirty-two, you’ve both been married once and are now living with other people in different
countries
, then if it hasn’t happened by now, it won’t be happening at all.

Wildflower:

Oh Unsure, don’t be so pessimistic. Soul mates have a way of finding their way to each other.

LonelyLady:

Does that mean that my Tommy will come back to me?

Wildflower:

No.

LonelyLady:

Oh.

FreeWoman has entered the room

FreeWoman:

Yeeeessssss!!

LonelyLady:

Welcome FreeWoman, do you want to chat?

FreeWoman has left the room

Wildflower:

Oh Lonely! Stop scaring them off!

LonelyLady:

Story of my life.

Divorced_1:

Are you crying again?

love, rosie

259

LonelyLady:

Yes.

SingleSam has entered the room

Divorced_1:

Sam!!

Wildflower:

Wahoooo! Sam!

LonelyLady:

Hi Sam, welcome, how are you?

UnsureOne:

Hello Sam.

SingleSam:

Hello ladies, good to see you all here again tonight.

Divorced_1:

Sam meet Buttercup, she’s 32, has a 13-year-old daughter, and her husband was cheating on her. Cupcake, meet Sam, he’s 54, has 2 daughters, and his ex-wife’s a lesbian.

SingleSam:

Nice to meet you Buttercup.

Buttercup:

Nice to meet you too Sam.

UnsureOne:

So what’s new Sam? Are you happy or sad today?

SingleSam:

Oh today has been a bad day for me.

Wildflower:

Oh please! This is supposed to be the
Relieved
Divorced Dubliners chat room not the Depressed Divorced Dubliners.

I’m heading to bed.

Buttercup:

I better head off to bed too. It was nice to meet you all.

Divorced_1:

See you same time tomorrow night Buttercup.

UnsureOne:

I better put the kids to bed.

LonelyLady:

I think I’ll watch the wedding video one more time before I go to bed.

Buttercup has left the room

LonelyLady has left the room

UnsureOne has left the room

Wildflower has left the room

Divorced_1:

Well Sam, it looks like it’s just you and me. You put the music on and I’ll light the candles.

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260

Cecelia Ahern

from:

Stephanie

to:

Rosie

subject:

Ms. Casey!

I cannot
believe
you’re going to be working with Ms. Casey! Mum told me over the phone and I could barely understand her through all her laughing. She’s wondering what her and Dad should do when they receive a letter from Ms. Casey while they’re in Australia, demanding to see them first thing Monday morning due to your behavior at work!

Whatever persuaded you to take this job? Have you gone nuts?! I never had a problem with the woman personally but I sure know that she drove you insane when you were a kid and then again when Katie had her for a teacher! What does Alex think about all this? I’m sure he’s got some very interesting views on the subject!

Dear Stephanie,

Well you of course
never
had a problem with Ms. Casey because you were Ms. Goody Two Shoes! She loved you and your neat copies and your finished and correct homework and your tidy uniform and politeness!

I probably am nuts taking this job, but to be honest it’s the best one with the most attractive pay packet by far. It’s Monday to Friday 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. which is great because I had to work all hours and weekends with my last job. It’s right beside Katie’s secondary school which means we can get the bus together every day. I really don’t intend working there for very long, just until a job in the hotel industry opens up.

But the main reason for me taking the job is the fact that I have very little choice. I have a week left here in purgatory (Brian’s flat) before I can move into the flat which is a bit of a dump. I’m going to need all the spare cash I can get to fix the place up and make it feel like home. God knows Katie’s had so many of them so far.

Before Mum and Dad went away they tried to persuade me to accept the money Brian was offering me. As far as I’m concerned his money is for Katie, not me. I’m a grown woman, I can work and provide a home for Katie all on my own, he can give her all the money he wants, for clothes, CDs and love, rosie

261

after-school activities. That’s all the expensive stuff. I’m not a charity, just a woman on a small budget like millions of other people out there. When the Rosie Dunne Hotel Chain buys over Hilton hotels, that’s when I can rip up the budget.

Strange things have happened in my daughter’s life but none of them as bizarre as her mother and father living in the same house. What may be a daily occurrence for some children is however something for children like Katie to laugh hysterically at. Actually it’s not as if Brian and I dislike each other, it’s just that we know absolutely
nothing
about each other. We are two complete strangers who got together once in our lives (and only for a few minutes, trust me) in a moment I can barely even remember, to make the most incredible thing ever. How could two fools like us create something as great as Katie? When Katie comes home from school and starts to go off on one of her stand-up comedy routines about her day I look at her, I look at him, and think how did
him
, mixed with
me
, make
her
. It’s scary.

I try to spend as little time as possible here as I can. I stroll around up and down Henry Street for most of the day because Brian’s flat just doesn’t feel like home. I feel like I shouldn’t be here. When I’m at the flat I stay in my room for most of the time or lock myself into the storeroom and send e-mails all day. You would think that we would share
some
sort of bond or friendship or have any kind of relationship. But we’re complete strangers.

Katie thinks it’s hilarious. Every evening she calls us both to sit together at the dinner table to eat. She’s not playing matchmaker by any means, she’s just trying to annoy her parents. I do still feel angry at him now but it’s a different kind of anger. Before I felt angry at him because he left
me, I
had to do everything.
My
social life was ruined, all
my
money was being spent, and
I
couldn’t get a job. But now when I look at him joking around with Katie I just think what a waste. That’s all he had to do while she was growing up—