Where Rainbows End (26 page)

Nope, hasn’t happened yet.

So I’m beginning to think that when I’m fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety years old I still won’t be any closer to being wise and knowledgeable.

Perhaps people on their deathbed, who have had long, long lives, seen it all, traveled the world, have had kids, been through their own personal traumas, beaten their demons, and learned the harsh lessons of life will be thinking,

“God, people in heaven must
really
know it all.”

But I bet that when they finally do die they’ll join the rest of the crowds 232

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up there, sit around, spying on the loved ones they left behind and
still
be thinking that in their next lifetime, they’ll have it all sussed.

But I think I have it sussed Steph, I’ve sat around for years thinking about it and I’ve discovered that no one, not even the big man upstairs has the slightest clue as to what’s going on.

Rosie

from:

Stephanie

to:

Rosie

subject:

Re: Life

Well isn’t that one thing you’re all the more wise for? Age has taught you something. It seems to me that you know the big secret. That
nobody
knows what’s going on.

Hi,

My sincerest apologies for that ridiculous note I sent you last week. Just put it down to a momentary lapse in concentration, I’m a complete fool (as you’re already aware) and I have absolutely no idea what I was thinking. But you’ll be pleased to no (I hope) that I’ve landed back on earth with a thump and I’m willing and able to give us another go. So let’s not waste any more of our valuable time and let’s get down to the important stuff. Are we back on for tonight?

Alex

You have an instant message from: RUBY

Ruby:

So you’re still here then.

Rosie:

Oh not today Ruby, please. I’m really not in the mood.

Ruby:

I’m getting rather tired of you Rosie Dunne. First you say you’re moving to Cork, then you don’t, then you say you’re moving to Boston (again) and then you don’t. Then I expect you to finally profess your love to Alex and you don’t, so he still has absolutely no idea. I can’t keep up with you and your “leaving the country/ changing jobs/ leaving your husband”-type activities. Sometimes I think you just need a good kick up the behind for wasting all these good opportunities. You’re an incredibly frustrating person Rosie.

Rosie:

Well I’m an incredibly frustrated woman right now. And I’m not

“wasting” good opportunities; it’s called “presenting my daughter with new ones.”

Ruby:

You can put whatever name you like on it but at the end of the day a missed opportunity is a missed opportunity. But don’t worry; I think there’s a lesson to be learned in all this.

Rosie:

Well please tell me there is
some
sort of reason for all this. What’s the lesson?

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Cecelia Ahern

Ruby:

That you needn’t bother trying anymore, because you’re going nowhere. So really, how are you?

Rosie:

OK.

Ruby:

Are you sure? Oh come on Rosie, if my heart can’t take what’s happening to you then I can’t imagine how you must be feeling.

Rosie:

Oh my heart is broken, stopped beating two weeks ago.

Ruby:

Well it’s a good thing you know a man who can heal them.

Rosie:

No, no, no, it’s the unspoken rule. He heals other people’s hearts, not mine.

Ruby:

Here’s an idea, Rosie. Why don’t you just
tell
Alex how you feel?

Why don’t you just finally get all of those feelings out in the open, and clear your messed-up little head? At least then, he’ll know that you’re not going over
not
because you don’t care about him, but that in fact you love him, more than he knows, but that you need to stay here for Katie. Then that will put the ball in his court. He can make the decision whether to come to you or not.

Rosie:

But what about his job? And what about Josh?

Ruby:

That’s
his
decision.

Rosie:

Ruby I can’t. How do I tell him? Over the phone? In a letter, an e-mail, or an instant message? I can’t do that. If we had moved over to Boston I could have sussed things out a little, seen how he felt about me, and then tell him. He was just out on a date last week for Christ sake, how stupid would I look telling him I love him when he’s seeing someone? It’ll just be the whole Sally situation all over again. It’s too complicated and right now the last thing I’m worried about is which man to fall in love with next. Anyway he’s not even returning my calls.

Ruby:

Just give him time, he’s disappointed how things worked out.

Rosie:

I’m sorry, he’s disappointed?
He’s
disappointed? I think me and the rest of the world seem to be having a communication problem here—does everyone think that I’m
ecstatic
by these new revelations? I mean, I’m really not looking for sympathy or anything but—

Ruby:

Yes you are.

love, rosie

235

Rosie:

Excuse me?

Ruby:

Sympathy. Looking for it. Yes you are.

Rosie:

Thank you for decoding that for me. OK so maybe it would be nice if at least some people acknowledged the fact that my husband has had an affair, my marriage has ended, I’m still a million miles away from Alex and will never know how I feel about him, my child’s runaway father is back in Ireland, and I HAVE NO JOB! A pat on the back, a sympathetic smile, and a bit of a cuddle would be quite nice actually. A few months spent in my bed curled up into a ball, smothered by blankets, in a room darkened by drawn curtains, dressed in a pair of big unflattering pajamas would be my idea of heaven but unfortunately I can’t do that right now because I have a daughter who is hyperventilating over the fact that her father who she hasn’t met for thirteen years is back in her life and I need to forget about me and be strong for her. But a bit of sympathy would be nice too.

Ruby:

Breathe Rosie.

Rosie:

No that’s how all my problems happen. If I wasn’t breathing then everything would be fine.

Ruby:

Don’t talk like that.

Rosie:

Oh shut up, I haven’t got time to kill myself; I’m too busy having a nervous breakdown. Brian booked a flight over here as soon as he got off the phone from me so it seems he is very serious about his new role of fatherhood. He tells me he’s been living in Spain for the past thirteen years where he owns a nightclub. Providing the highly sexed underage drinkers of Ireland’s youth with some binge drinking memories. Now he’s back in Dublin to work on another project.

Ruby:

Is he all tanned and gorgeous?

Rosie:

Well never before would I have put the words “Brian the Whine”

and “tanned and gorgeous” all in the same sentence. He’s pretty much the same with less hair and more belly.

Ruby:

How did you feel when you saw him?

Rosie:

I had to muster all my strength to stop myself from punching him.

Katie was so nervous about meeting him that she was shaking like a 236

Cecelia Ahern

leaf and clinging to me. She was expecting me to be the strong one.

Imagine. Someone was relying on me. We met him in the coffee shop in Jervis Street Shopping Center and I have to admit, as we were approaching his table I felt sick. Sick with anger that the miserable little man who I was going to have to force myself to be nice to for the next hour and help to become a part of my daughter’s life, was the very same person who caused me so much heartache in the past.
I
had to help
him.
It also felt odd that as weak as I felt bringing Katie into town on the bus that morning, as tired, nervous, angry, and disappointed as I was to be doing what I was doing, I realize that these two people needed me to bring them together. So for the sake of Katie’s relationship with Brian, whatever feelings of resentment I have for him need to be kept to myself.

Ruby:

You’ve done a good thing Rosie. It must have been difficult, it will probably be difficult for a long time watching them grow closer.

Rosie:

I know. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from telling Katie just how much of a hero her father isn’t when she tells me about some of the things he has done in his life.

Ruby:

What was he like with her?

Rosie:

He was even more nervous than Katie so it was up to me to get the conversation started between them. It was an odd situation but you know, being the strongest out of the three really helped me to see that the decision I made about not moving to Boston was the right one. Katie needed me. They both needed me. He seemed genuinely interested in my life and in Katie’s. He wanted to know everything about her and I quite enjoyed sharing our stories from over the years. At first I was telling each story with anger because he wasn’t around for any of them and then I realized I was bragging. It perked me up in a strange sort of way and made me realize how lucky I’ve been, as much as I moan and whinge about the responsibility of motherhood. It also helped me see the “specialness” of Katie and my situation; we’re the only two to share all these memories together. And what we choose to let other people know is com-love, rosie

237

pletely up to us. If Brian messes up absolutely everything else in my life at least he’s inadvertently helped me realize that.

However unfortunately, it’s not exactly the best time in my life to have an ex back again. In these situations you’re supposed to have become so much more since the last time you’ve seen them, happy and successful in your life so you can say “Na na na na na na, look what I’ve done since you’ve been gone.” A failed marriage, no job, and living with my parents did not have the desired effect.

Ruby:

None of that stuff is important Rosie, you should just be glad he’s grown up a bit. How long will he be around for?

Rosie:

He’s going back and forth from Ibiza all the time. He’s hiring someone else to keep an eye on it for him during the winter, but obviously he’ll need to be there during the summer, when he’s busiest.

He really seems to be taking this seriously and I’m glad for Katie’s sake. Having him hanging around isn’t exactly wonderful for me, but if it puts a smile on her face then it’s worth it.

Ruby:

Any luck finding a job?

Rosie:

Well I had just switched on the computer to search the Internet when you messaged me.

Ruby:

Oh OK I’ll go now and let you become the responsible parent you should be. By the way I’m making my Gary come to salsa dancing classes with me. Miss Behave drank one too many sangrias at the summer party last week and went over on her ankle in her 12-inch platforms. All we could hear was a big CRACK! I turned around and she was on her back with a run in her tights and her wig beside her on the floor.

Rosie:

Oh god did you have to rush her to hospital?

Ruby:

Why on earth would we do that?

Rosie:

She cracked her ankle?!

Ruby:

Oh no don’t be silly, she broke the heel of her shoe and seeing as they are her “only dancing shoes” she refuses to come to class until she replaces them. Unfortunately for me they’re only available in a 238

Cecelia Ahern

store in New York so she has to wait until they’re restocked and delivered. So I am without a partner and I won’t even ask you because I know you’ll say no.

Rosie:

You’re right. But how on earth did you get Gary to agree to go to dance classes with you? Did you threaten his life or something?!

Ruby:

Yes.

Rosie:

Oh. Well I hope he enjoys it.

Ruby:

Don’t be silly, he’ll hate it and shout at me for weeks but at least he’ll be talking to me again. Alright well I better go; I have to buy him a leotard and tights on my lunch break. I know we don’t actually have to wear them but it will be worth it just to see the look on his face when I pull them out of my bag.

Rosie:

You evil, evil woman.

Ruby:

Thank you, now go find a job. In a hotel. After all this nonsense in your life, I want you to become the most successful hotel-worker person in the world. No. More. Setbacks. You hear me?

Rosie:

Loud and Clear.

Alex,

OK, here’s the truth. I love you. No, more than that, I am
in
love with you. Do you think there’s any possibility whatsoever that you drop your successful career in Boston and role of fatherhood, to come to Dublin to live with me and Katie in my parents’ house happily ever after?

Dear Alex,

When will you stop giving me the silent treatment? You must understand that I can’t make decisions to suit myself. I’ve Katie to think about too. It is important for her to get to know Brian. You of all people should know how it is to want and need to be there for your child. Brian has finally realized that he wants to be here for Katie. It’s better late than never as you always say. Some things are.

I think I’ve stressed my apologies more than enough to you on your answering machine but now I’m writing to thank you. To thank you for being there for me as you always have been over the years. For making all love, rosie

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those arrangements for me when I couldn’t even think clearly. That week my world was turned upside down and everything that was once secure and solid was uprooted and came toppling down on me. Let’s not allow your disapproval of my decision to stay to affect our friendship.

Perhaps sometime, someday we can be reunited in the way we planned when we were seven years old. I’m lucky to have a friend like you Alex Stewart; you really are my moonbeam—guiding the way for me all the time.

And even though I can see you and know that you’re there, you’re just beyond my reach. I don’t know how unrealistic the promise we made to each other as children was, to stay together side by side forever, but we sure have remained friends from across the seas for over twenty years, and that I’m sure is some feat.