Where There's a Will (Whiskey River Book 1) (5 page)

“I think soul sex is an exaggeration,” she said after a moment. “I’m sorry but a distraction is the word for it. The attraction was there and I guess it just gave us an excuse to give in to it.”

An excuse, was it?

“That’s bullshit.” The fact that she was maintaining her calm while he was rapidly losing his only made him angrier. Maybe at himself, as much as at her. Could he really have read things so wrong?

Damn it, man, get it together.

“Is it? I don’t think so,” she said carefully, marking her place in her law book with her finger. She dealt with him the way she’d deal with a hostile witness. Her voice calm and reasonable. It just enflamed his temper.

“If what we did wasn’t soul sex what would you call it, then?” he asked. He really wanted to know. What was she calling this thing between them?

She frowned. “Why do we have to put a label on what happened? Especially since it’s not going to happen again.”

Ryder understood now what the phrase “blow his top” meant. He thought his head was going to literally explode. What in the hell was wrong with him? As a lawyer, he was accustomed to people trying to piss him off and throw him off his game. Is that what she was doing? And if so, why?

He strove for calm. Took a deep breath and reminded himself that he was always, always cool under pressure. He was known for calmly, methodically destroying an opponent’s argument.
Yeah, right
.
That’s me, Mr. Calm and Methodical
.

Addison wasn’t an opponent. She was the woman he . . . Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. He’d fallen in love with her. And it hadn’t happened just today. He’d been in love with her for months, he’d just been too pig-headed to realize it. He dropped his arm and stared at her.

“Ryder, are you all right?” she asked, the concern in her voice just added to the storm inside of him.

No, he wasn’t. How could he be all right when he’d finally admitted that the reason he thought about Addison daily, the reason he couldn’t get her out of his mind no matter how many women he went out with or how hard he tried, the reason he fantasized about making love to her was because he was madly, marry-me-and-have-my-babies, in love with the woman.

Ignoring her question, he pulled the shreds of his composure around him and said, “What makes you think we aren’t going to make love again?”

She sighed and closed her law book, put both of her hands on top of it and looked down at her fingers for a long moment. “Because I’ll be leaving after I pass the bar and get a new job. And you’ll be staying here in Whiskey River. Having sex again will only make the situation that much harder when it’s time for me to go. No,” she said, shaking her head. “We’ll just have to put today out of our minds.”

He nearly laughed, except thinking of Addison leaving wasn’t funny. She really meant it. What had happened in her past to make her so leery of getting involved? “Do you honestly expect us to just go on about our business as if nothing has happened? Really?”

When she didn’t answer he closed the distance between them. “Maybe you can forget it, but I can’t. I never will.” He leaned back against her desk, then reached for her hands to pull her up to stand between his legs. Bending his head down to hers, he nuzzled her ear.

“What we have together is special. It’s not two people using each other for sex. It’s much, much more.” He drew back and looked at her, tipping her chin up so she was forced to look him in the eye. “Lie to yourself if you want but I’m not going to.”

*

O
F COURSE HE
wouldn’t.
He
was the kind of man who shot from the hip and laid all his cards on the table. There was no subterfuge in anything about Ryder and maybe that was part of why she was scared to give into her feelings and commit to anything with him.

There would never be a chance to pretend with him. He’d demand she was honest with her feelings for him. She’d have no place to hide her vulnerabilities. She wasn’t sure she could handle that.

She jerked her head away from his hand, unable to keep meeting his gaze. God, she didn’t want the connection she felt with Ryder to be real. She didn’t want to acknowledge that there was any part of her that was similar to her mother.

“Honey, you know you can trust me.”

Honey
.

Not Addison.

Honey
.

Her heart melted behind the steel cage that she’d put it in a long time ago. She’d thought she was safe, but she hadn’t known about Ryder. Not then. Not when she was making promises to herself that she’d never let any man have sway over her decisions.

She nodded, but didn’t look up. It was getting harder to keep her guard up. And looking at Ryder weakened her defenses. And he’d called her honey. No man had done that before. She wasn’t the kind of woman who usually earned endearments…probably as Ryder would point out because she called soul sex a distraction. But that was the only way she knew to survive.

“I can’t rely on you, Ryder. I won’t let myself.”

“Why the hell not? You know I’m trustworthy,” he said.

She looked up at him and realized there were tears in her own eyes when she saw his face through a watery veil. “I’m afraid. I don’t want to be like my mom.”

“How was your mom? What is it you are trying to avoid?” he asked.

“She fell in love easily. When the guy left, and they always did, she’d fall into a really deep depression and then into the bottle. Nothing mattered when she was drinking. Not her children, not her job, not even putting food on the table.”

Ryder studied her carefully, something she’d observed him doing with a witness in court. She knew he was sizing her up and deciding on the best course of action. She fought the urge to fidget.

“You’re much stronger than that. Help me understand your fear,” he said.

She couldn’t put it into words. He was making her feel high just being around him.

“Give me a chance, Addison.” He kissed her ear, her neck, stroked his hand up her back. “Give us a chance.” He pressed another kiss to the pulse beating at her throat.

“Oh, Ryder. I wish I could.”

“You don’t want to pretend there’s nothing between us any more than I do. What’s wrong, honey? Talk to me. Don’t shut me out.”

Her treacherous heart stuttered at his words. So sweet, so sincere. So . . . frightening.

If Pastor Tom had taught her anything it was that the devil didn’t tempt with things a person didn’t want. And she wanted Ryder. Not physically. Sex was mind-blowing, yes, but she wanted him because of who he was. And finally the thing that scared her the most was clear.

She wasn’t afraid of depending on him too much, she was afraid she’d change into the woman she truly wanted to be. She could survive without Ryder, but she feared that without him by her side it would be only survival, not happiness.

She had worked hard to stand on her own. She volunteered in The Barrels to feel like she was involved with people. She went to school, studied hard, did her best to feel like she had a well-rounded life, but one afternoon in a storm closet with Ryder had made her doubt all that.

Had shone the light on the fact that she wasn’t well-rounded. She’d been hiding.

Hiding in the volunteering, studying, stuff she’d used to fill the long empty hours of each day.

Suddenly she wanted more. She needed more.

She needed Ryder. But wouldn’t let herself have him.

Was this just another stumble? Another obstacle between herself and the one goal she’d always dreamed of achieving?

“I don’t know how to let anyone in, it’s never been my strong point,” she admitted.

“Fair enough. We haven’t had a chance to get to know each other properly,” he said.

“No, we haven’t. We’ve been boss and assistant and aside from our one kiss on Christmas and this afternoon…

“Yes, this afternoon has me convinced that I already know all the important things about you, honey.”

“Like what?”

“Like even when you’re afraid you don’t like to let it show,” he said.

She winked over at him. “And I know you are a stickler for doing things properly.”

“That I am. On Saturday night I’m taking you out—don’t bother saying no. And then after you go to your interview in Austin we can talk again.”

Chapter Six

‡

T
WO DAYS LATER
Ryder waited in the conference room for his partners to arrive. He’d asked to meet, choosing a day and time when Addison was in class since he didn’t want her to hear any of the discussion in case it turned sticky.

“What’s this about, Ryder?” Fiona asked as she walked into the room.

“Yeah, you sounded serious when you asked us to meet,” Johnny added.

Ryder looked at his partners, considering how hard it would be to convince them to hire Addison as a junior associate. Fiona, the Lannigan in the firm’s name, and Johnny, the Gamble part of the firm, had discussed adding another lawyer in the past, but for one reason or another, neither of them had ever committed to it, and Ryder had let it drop. No more. He intended to get a commitment from both today.

Before he could start, Johnny added, “It’s not about the hail damage to the roof, is it?”

“No. The insurance should cover that. Fortunately.” New roofs were expensive and he wanted nothing to interfere with his plan to hire Addison. “We need to add another lawyer to the firm. We’re barely keeping up as it is, and with Whiskey River growing the way it is, our client list will grow too.”

“What brought this on, Ryder?” Fiona asked. A petite beautiful blonde, Fiona lulled those who didn’t know her into believing she would be a pushover. They quickly found out differently. She was a shark. A killer shark to be exact.

“My caseload for one thing.”

“But your caseload isn’t the only reason, is it?” Johnny added with a grin. “Or even the main one.” Johnny was an excellent lawyer as well. He also had a knack for getting straight to the heart of the matter. And a knack for zeroing in on precisely what you were trying not to say.

Ryder gave him a dirty look. “There are a number of reasons why I believe we need to hire another attorney.”

“This is about Addison,” Johnny said. Turning to Fiona he said, “Pay up. I told you something went down with them during the storm.”

“Pay you? Since when have I ever taken one of your bets?”

“If we can get back to the matter at hand,” Ryder said repressively. “I’ve got work to do, even if you two don’t.”

“Don’t get testy.” Johnny smirked at him. “So, you and Addison finally managed to get together. Thank God. Fiona and I were about ready to lock the two of you in a room together to end both your miseries.”

“He’s right,” Fiona said before Ryder could tell Johnny to stick it where the sun don’t shine. “The tension was getting to us.” She crossed one leg over the other and smiled. “You want to hire Addison as a junior associate. Did she tell you she’s looking for a job in San Antonio or Austin?”

“You knew?”

“Of course I did. And I also knew you wouldn’t let that happen, not that I told Addison so.” She glanced at Johnny. “What do you say, partner?”

“Sure. Addison’s great. She’ll be just what we need.” He kicked back, propping his boots on the huge table and linking his hands behind his head. “When’s the wedding?”

“Very funny.” Oh, what the hell. They had obviously figured out the truth. “I haven’t asked her yet.”

Johnny grinned widely while Fiona’s expression was soft and sentimental, which was totally out of character. “You two are perfect for each other,” Fiona said.

Perfect together. Now if he could only convince Addison of that.

By Saturday, Ryder, the man who never broke a sweat during his toughest court cases, was a nervous wreck. No other woman had ever inspired the feelings she did. Tonight was important. If he couldn’t convince Addison to stay he wasn’t sure what he would do. But he didn’t want to tell her about the job offer yet.

Maybe it was perverse of him but he wanted to wait until after her interview Tuesday to tell her his partners were on board with making her a junior associate. He needed to be sure that his offer was a choice and not simply a necessity.

His first sight of her literally took his breath away. She wore a simple black dress that followed her curves like the flow of a river. “You look gorgeous.”

She smiled and thanked him as they walked to his car.

He’d chosen a small, romantic New Orleans – style Creole restaurant, tucked back on one of the river’s cul-de-sacs. Once her brother had told Ryder that Addison loved shrimp creole, the choice had been easy.

The maître d’ led the way to the table Ryder had asked for, at the back of the restaurant in an intimate corner. White tablecloths, flickering candlelight, and soft jazz playing in the background amplified the romantic atmosphere.

Addison slipped into the corner style booth and Ryder slid in beside her. After ordering wine—another of her favorites according to her brother, Adam—Ryder signalled the waiter, who brought over a vase of beautiful lilies and placed it beside Addison. Stargazer lilies, white tips with centers bleeding from dark pink to pale pastel, mixed with simple white lilies made a beautiful bouquet that even Ryder, who knew nothing about flowers, could appreciate.

“They’re stunning. Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.” She leaned in to smell of them. “These are my favorite flowers. How did you know?”

“I have my ways,” he told her, silently thanking Fiona for her help in ordering the flowers. “They suit you. Beautiful, elegant, classy.”

“Thank you,” she said, flushing a little. “But you don’t have to flatter me.”

“It’s not flattery when it’s the truth.”

Seeming uncomfortable, she changed the subject. “I’m not complaining, but is the waiter going to take our order? We’ve been here a while now.”

“I hope you don’t mind, but I ordered for us. I think you’ll like it.”

“Ordinarily I do my own ordering, but I have a feeling you did a good job.”

They drank their wine and talked while they were served bread and salad prior to the main course. When the waiter set the shrimp creole in front of them Ryder heard Addison gasp.