Where There's Smoke (18 page)
Oscar nodded tersely.
"Tell Sandra hi for me,” she added, and bolted for her car.
Lauren stared at the phone a long time as she sat cross-legged on her sofa. This secret was too hard to keep. But it must be kept. So many people would be hurt if it got out.
But she wanted to talk it over with someone. She wanted to talk it over with Seth.
She just wanted to talk to Seth. If she talked to him, about anything, not about Valerie and Oscar, maybe she could put things in perspective. He'd always helped her do that.
She missed him so much. Why hadn't she just allowed things to stay the way they were?
Because she was foolish and hopeful. And now she was more alone than ever.
She reached for the phone, listened to the dial tone for a moment before she gathered the courage to punch in a different series of numbers. “Hi, Mom. Look, I know it's late, but I can't sleep. I have to know how long this has been going on."
Her mother sighed. “I told Oscar you wouldn't be fooled."
"I've dealt with deceptive couples before.” Lauren could still see Eddie trying to convince her that he was only doing a buddy a favor by taking his sister out on a date. To this day, Lauren wondered how that girl felt, passed off as a pity date.
"Have you told anybody?"
"No.” She pulled a pillow onto her lap and squeezed it, as if it might fill the empty hole inside her.
"Not even Seth?"
"How can I hurt him like that?"
Her mother sighed in relief. “Lauren, I hate to ask you to keep this secret—"
"It's not like something I want to announce to the world anyway. I just ... need some answers."
She knew Valerie would get defensive, expected it. Instead her mother said, “Why don't you come over and we'll talk?"
Valerie looked tired when she opened the door for Lauren a few minutes later. She was still wearing the clothes from earlier, still immaculate, but her signature bun drooped, the circles under her eyes were dark. “I won't tell you anything you want to hear."
Lauren nodded and moved past her into the house. “I just want to know how long it's been going on. When I saw you today, when you tried to hide it, it made me wonder."
"Do you want something to drink? A snack?” That sounded cheery, at odds with the conversation to come.
Lauren shook her head, trying to imagine eating popcorn while listening to what her mother had to say. She wouldn't even be able to swallow. Valerie motioned her into the living room and Lauren sat in the leather chair across from the couch.
Valerie sat on the couch, her hands folded between her knees. “Oscar is the love of my life, Lauren. I've loved him since high school."
Wow. Just when Lauren had braced for one blow, the punch came from another direction. Lauren reached for the throw pillow behind her, held it in front of her as if it would absorb some of the pain. “Why didn't you marry him?"
"Your grandfather wouldn't allow it, because Oscar is Mexican. I wasn't always the person I am today.” Valerie leaned forward, determined that Lauren understand. “In fact, I'm probably the person I am today because of it. But I couldn't stand up to him."
"So you married his best friend instead.” Lauren pressed the pillow tighter to her middle. Could she do that, marry Seth's friend just to be around him? Could she watch him marry another woman, have babies with her? Knowing he shared that intimacy with another would kill her. She'd always known she and Valerie were not alike, but this proved it beyond a doubt.
"Not right away.” Valerie looked away. “Oscar and I fought about my father. He couldn't understand why I would risk everything we had just to please my father. We fought and I said I never wanted to see him again.” Her mother swallowed. “The next thing I knew, he was telling me Sandra was pregnant and they had to get married. My whole world fell apart."
Lauren fought back a wave of sympathy. If Seth came and told her they had no more chance for a future, what would she do? She wouldn't put another man in the middle, she was sure of that.
"That's when you married Dad."
"I watched Oscar have three babies with Sandra before I had you. Seeing, knowing—” She covered her face with her hands for a moment.
"Why did you torture yourself?"
Valerie looked back at her then. “When I married Mitch, I thought it was the only way to be close to Oscar. I didn't think of how hard it would be to watch him with the family that should have been mine."
Lauren was glad she hadn't taken her mother up on that snack. Her stomach lurched and she fought to steady it. She was a product of a loveless marriage, not wanted by her mother, who desired another man's children. Was that why she was an only child? Valerie couldn't bear to have a family with Mitch with the family she wanted out of reach?
Her mother, of course, was oblivious to the pain she'd inflicted. “By then it was too late. I couldn't explain my feelings to Mitch, why I didn't want to be around the Escamillas anymore. So I had to learn to live with it."
"When did you start sleeping together again, or was it all along?"
"After Lisette was born, Sandra was too tired. Let's just say Oscar realized I still loved him, and it took off from there."
"Mother, Lisette is in college now. You've been having an affair for twenty years?"
"Not the entire time."
"Just every chance you got. Why didn't either of you get divorced before this?"
She shook her head. “It would impact too many lives."
"Still, better that than sneaking around.” Lauren's anger was rising. “You lied to everyone in the name of protecting them."
"And you'll lie to those same people, too, to protect them,” Valerie replied, just as sharply. “There is no easy solution to this."
"But there is a difference,” Lauren said, rising. She'd known tonight would end like this; how could it end any other way? “I'm not doing anything wrong."
What was it with spaghetti strap bridesmaid dresses in awful colors during winter? At least Crystal had the good taste to choose a dark color. Lauren's childhood friend Kim had picked an atrocious butter yellow that did nothing to compliment Lauren's winter-white skin. The bare style did nothing to hide her therapy of Krispy Kremes since the breakup with Seth and the discovery of her mother's affair.
She wasn't even sure how she'd ended up in this wedding. The bride was a daughter of another firefighter and near Crystal and Lauren's age. Apparently those long ago barbecues had made enough of an impression on her that she asked Lauren and the Escamilla girls to stand in her wedding. Either that or she had no real friends, and that thought was just too sad to contemplate.
Lauren made a face in the mirror before she picked up the bouquet. Why did she even care about her appearance, anyway? She didn't want to attract a man. She didn't have the energy.
At least Seth was working tonight and wouldn't be one of the masses of firemen in attendance. She wouldn't have to pretend to be in love with him. Not that a lot of pretending was involved.
She'd been able to dodge the Escamilla family until the rehearsal dinner last night, and that encounter had taken a lot of emotional preparation. She hadn't been able to look Oscar in the face and had successfully changed the subject whenever anyone asked about Seth, but there had been so much going on, evasiveness would be easy. Today would present more of a challenge.
She only kept up the charade because as long as she didn't see him, playing along was easier than explaining why they'd broken up, especially when she wasn't altogether sure of the reason herself. Seth had decided they should break up—he should be the one to explain.
The wedding ceremony was blessedly short, a bonus with a Baptist wedding versus Catholic. Lauren did shed a few tears over the minister's words about commitment and love everlasting. If anyone asked, she was crying for Kim.
During the photograph session, Lauren brainstormed excuses to duck out of the reception early. A headache seemed the most believable. She didn't mind resorting to a cliché if the reception got too boring, or too personal.
The reception hall was right next to the church and she walked over with Rosa, Seth's second youngest sister, the only Escamilla who wouldn't press her about Seth.
Just being around his family made her think of him too much, if it was possible to think of him more than she did. She even thought she saw his truck in the parking lot. She dismissed the possibility when she saw how dirty it was. Seth loved his truck. He wouldn't let it get dirty enough for someone to write “wash me” in the dust on the tailgate. She took a few deep breaths before entering the hall.
The reception rivaled Crystal's. Kim was an only daughter, so her parents had gone all out, hiring a wedding planner, decorators, caterers for a sit-down dinner. Lauren circled the biggest wedding cake she'd ever seen as she headed for the open bar as she listened to the live band tune up.
A live band. Her heart thundering, she turned slowly toward the stage.
No, no, no.
Oh, yes. Seth's red guitar gleamed from a stand on the stage, a Fender sticker slapped haphazardly across the body. She'd been so mad when he'd ruined that pretty guitar by slapping a sticker on it.
He was here. He was here tonight and hadn't warned her. How could she act like they were together when he blindsided her like this? Why hadn't he given her a chance to prepare? She'd murder him, as soon as she found him.
Seth hadn't realized how much he'd missed Lauren until she walked into the hall. Even though he'd known she'd be here, his pulse pounded at the sight of her. No other woman who'd come through that door—or any door these past few weeks—stirred him like she did.
The minute she realized he was here, she turned from the stage with a scowl and scanned the guests. He lifted his beer in greeting when she found him, and sauntered to meet her half way when she charged toward him. Even from here he saw her eyes flashing. He smiled. She was going to kill him. At least she didn't look like she'd had her heart ripped out anymore.
He caught her waist and pulled her close so they stood nose to nose in the middle of the dance floor. “Kiss me,” he said.
She spluttered and he caught her wrists just in case she decided to deck him.
"They think we're still together. Look happy to see me. Kiss me."
She came at him violently, but he eased back so her lips glanced over his, then took control. Lauren went stiff, shaking with anger, her mouth unyielding, but he didn't surrender. Instead, he coaxed with his lips and tongue, teasing until she softened. When she did, he lost himself in the kiss, forgetting where they were, forgetting—
"Ow!” He jerked back and lifted his hand to his bottom lip. “You bit me!"
"You didn't tell me you'd be here,” she said, her tone reasonable. “I thought you were at work."
"I'm sorry. I thought we talked about it when Kim asked you to be in the wedding."
"I would have remembered,” she said, her words soft, distinct.
"Look at it this way. If I'm up on stage, you don't have to deal with me."
"Only look at you,” she mumbled, ducking her head.
"Is that so bad? I like looking at you.” He wanted to brush her hair back, but was afraid that small intimacy would earn him more pain than the kiss had.
"Yeah, you probably liked kissing me, too, it just doesn't mean anything to you."
"You're so wrong,” he managed before Crystal shuffled toward them in butter yellow pumps, arms outspread.
"Look at you two, what a handsome couple you make!” she squealed, drawing the attention of those who hadn't been attracted by their enthusiastic kiss. “You guys have been hiding yourselves too well. Now scootch together so I can get a picture."
Lauren did not want her picture taken, not when she still trembled from the shock of seeing Seth, of kissing Seth. Had she imagined it, or had he kissed her like he still wanted her? No, she wouldn't hope. All she wanted was to go find a corner and cry the stress out. But no, Crystal wanted a picture.
"I don't think so, Crystal,” she said, trying to walk away.
"Oh, come on, just one picture. Put your arm around her, Seth."
He did, raising goosebumps on Lauren's skin.
Crystal lifted the camera. “Remind me to show you the picture I have of the two of you dancing at my wedding. Okay, smile! Come on, Lauren, smile. There you go."
Lauren blinked against the flash.
"One more. This time, you two look at each other."
Lauren lifted her eyes to Seth's, unable to hide the longing and pain. She refused to read anything into the wounded expression she saw on his face.
"Wow.” Crystal snapped the picture and Lauren looked away. “Wow, you guys, that's going to be a great picture. Come on, let's go sit down."
"I, ah, have to go tune my guitar."
Why did Seth trying to break away make her feel relieved and sad at once? Was he trying to make her more comfortable or himself?
In any case, Crystal wasn't letting him off that easy. “You have plenty of time. Come visit with us. We haven't seen you since Christmas. I guess you've been busy.” She spoke over her shoulder as they walked back to the table where Enrique, Sandra and Oscar waited. God, Lauren did not want to sit with them, watching Oscar playing at being the attentive husband, knowing the truth. But Crystal gave her little choice, as usual.
Seth's sister tucked her arm through Lauren's and leaned close. “Let me tell you this before we sit with Mom, because she'd never approve since you aren't married yet, but Enrique and I found this little bed and breakfast that is so romantic. You guys have to go."
Lauren reached over and plucked Seth's beer from him, drained it and handed it back. “More,” she said. He owed her that, at least. “Now."
He made a grateful escape. Crystal only giggled at how well Lauren had him trained. Lauren made a point not to watch Seth walk away.
"You guys are so perfect for each other. Have you started thinking about a wedding date?"
"No!” Lauren choked.