Where There's Smoke (19 page)

"Well, you should.” They joined the Escamillas, the perfect family. Every muscle in Lauren's body screamed to bolt. Maybe if she claimed a stomachache, she could escape. “When Enrique and I were planning our wedding,” Crystal continued, “some places were booked three years in advance. So even if Seth hasn't asked you, I'd start looking around on the sly. What he doesn't know..."

She trailed off then made everyone scoot around so Lauren and Seth could sit together. Seth returned with two bottles and Lauren drank hers and part of his before Crystal quit gushing about what a great couple they were.

Sitting beside Seth made Lauren feel like her nerves were outside of her skin. Why did he put his arm over the back of her chair like that? His family knew—or at least thought they knew—they were together. He didn't have to advertise it.

Outwardly, nothing had changed. Inwardly, nothing was the same. She'd never gone two and a half weeks without speaking to Seth and like the needy desperate females she despised, she hung on every word, hoping to learn something about him in the time they'd been apart.

"Lauren, are you feeling all right? You look a little pale,” Sandra said from across the table.

"This just isn't my color,” Lauren said lightly.

"You look beautiful,” Seth said, sounding sincere. She cast him an evil look, wishing for a sharp object to stab into his thigh as his family sighed in appreciation.

"Don't you have to go hunt for your picks or something?” she asked through her teeth.

"Yes, actually, I do.” He pushed his half empty beer in front of her, then leaned over and kissed her mouth. Before she realized what he'd done, he strolled off, hands in his pockets. If he whistled, she'd tackle him.

What was wrong with the man? Didn't he remember he'd left? He'd decided she wasn't enough for him, so what was with all the kissing and the touching and the niceness? She couldn't torture herself by wondering about it. But with him standing up there in front of everyone, she couldn't think of anything else.

She'd been to most of his gigs, but had never been as struck by the power of his stage presence as tonight. The dark suit and tie set off his good looks, and his voice sent shivers of longing through her. He'd belonged to her, and now he didn't; the thought ripped her apart. Why did she have to see him again at a wedding, where he sang songs of love and hope to the bride and groom, songs he couldn't believe in?

She'd thought they'd make it, she really had. She thought they'd both wanted it enough, or else she wouldn't have risked their friendship, and thought he wouldn't have either. Her pride had kicked in when she considered fighting for him, trying to convince him they were worth another try. Why wouldn't he fight for her instead? She wouldn't make a fool of herself over a man who didn't want her.

"Poor Lauren, you have it really bad,” Lisette sympathized, watching Lauren watch her brother.

"Yeah, I guess I do,” Lauren said with a sigh.

Seth knew he'd see Lauren tonight, thought he'd prepared for it, but no preparation was enough. Even in that awful dress, she made him ache for what he couldn't offer her. He had hurt her, was hurting her still. He'd picked up the phone more times than he could count, started to dial her number, wanting to share something silly that made him think of her. And rehearsing for this wedding, knowing she'd be here, he imagined her reacting to the songs the band practiced. He selected the songs more with Lauren in mind than the bride. Now, as he sang, he watched Lauren watch him, though she pretended she wasn't. Did she hear the yearning in his voice?

And if she did? Nothing had changed.

Perhaps she'd feel less awkward tonight if he'd told his family they'd broken up. Part of him thought if his parents thought they were still together, he could believe they were.

One of the groomsmen approached Lauren, extended a hand to her for the traditional bridal party dance. Seth could be pleased she went with him reluctantly, only out of duty, but when he saw the man touching the bare skin of her back, holding her closer than a stranger should, Seth nearly snapped the neck of his guitar. The guy was a dweeb—side by side, Seth would win any contest—but this guy was where Seth wanted to be. If he felt this way about her dancing with another man, how would he feel when she fell in love with someone else, married and had his children?

He never thought it could hurt to be around a woman, but Lauren destroyed him.

Eight songs into the set, he called an early break. His decision alarmed his band mates and probably angered the bride's family, but he had to talk to Lauren. He didn't know what to say, exactly, if he'd beg for a chance to try to be the man for her, or if he'd ask her to walk away for good, but things couldn't remain like this.

He jumped off the front of the stage and immediately female guests surrounded him. He enjoyed women too much to ignore them, so he thanked them for their compliments about the band and looked over their heads for Lauren.

She stood a few feet away with his drummer Rob, laughing and touching his arm. Seth saw red. He'd heard the expression before but never connected it to a physical reaction. His instinct was to shove aside the women and snatch Lauren away.

He grasped his temper, excused himself and ambled over to Lauren and Rob casually. He considered taking advantage of everyone's ignorance and kissing Lauren till her toes curled, branding her, but she might scratch his eyes out. Instead he slipped one hand about her waist and leveled a look at Rob.

Rob got the message and took a step back. “I was just telling Lauren we miss her at the gigs. It's not the same without her there."

No lie.

Rob tapped his drumsticks against his thigh. “I was just asking how she stayed away."

"It's easier than you'd think,” she muttered, shifting away from Seth.

"Aw, come on, we're better than that,” Rob said, splaying a hand over his heart as if she'd wounded him.

"Maybe y'all could learn a new song now and then,” she teased.

"Hey, we've learned two!"

"Two whole songs? Wow.” She inclined her head, feigning impression. “I hope they weren't too hard."

Seth envied their banter. Even though he had his arm around her, he felt removed from their conversation.

"We'd learn more if you'd let your boyfriend out of the house long enough to practice."

Seth only felt her reaction because he touched her, the jolt that went though her. He'd never recognize it on her face. She only laughed.

"I've got to take advantage before he decides to dump me."

Ouch.

"Right,” Rob said, face reddening. “He'd be an idiot to dump you. You're more likely to throw him over for a better man."

Seth drew Lauren away, excusing them. She was shaking and didn't know if Rob's comment, or her anger with him causing it. She'd always been good at hiding her emotions, but not from him. The realization that she'd learned to hide from him hurt.

"So have you been dating? A lot?” Her voice was tight, and she wouldn't look at him. Of course she had latched on to the remark Rob made about Seth being unavailable for practice, and drawn the logical conclusions.

"A few times,” he admitted. Now he couldn't look at her, after not taking his eyes off her all evening.

"Different girls? Or the same one?"

"Different. Lauren—"

She took a shuddering breath and tears glistened on her lashes as she tried not to cry. “That's why we broke up, right, so you could go back to that, and not worry about hurting my feelings."

He hated answering the question, but couldn't be less than honest. “Yeah."

She absorbed it for a moment. “We need to break up tonight."

He snapped his head up. Okay, so she beat him to the punch about resolving this tonight, knocked him off balance. “What?"

She finally looked at him and the tears in her eyes nearly unmanned him. He didn't want make Lauren cry. He felt like a bug.

"We need to tell everyone it's over.” Her voice shook with tears.

Her resolve panicked him. “Not tonight, not here, not after the way we've been acting together."

"They're bound to have picked up on the tension, so let's just act on it and break up."

"And they'll spend the rest of the night trying to get us back together."

"I'll leave, and you'll be playing. It won't matter."

"Not tonight, but tomorrow—"

"We'll deal with it then. I can't pretend anymore, Seth, not when we're face to face."

"Okay,” he said at last, a bit relieved. She was right, the charade was too hard, face to face. “How do you want to do it?"

"It won't be hard. They'll see me crying.” She gave a short, embarrassed laugh and looked away again. “We'll say we decided it wouldn't work out, that we'll never be like Crystal and Enrique or Kim and what's-his-name, so we're going to stop trying and move on."

Why did it hurt so much to hear her say it? Had it hurt her this much when he spoke similar words a few weeks ago?

"I'm sorry,” he said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Maybe, after awhile—"

She held up a hand. “Let's not make any promises, all right?"

"You want me to tell them?” It was the least he could do after making her cry.

She considered a moment, then shook her head. “I think we need to do it together."

On stage, Rob stepped up to the microphone and called Seth back to the stage. Seth looked at Lauren and she waved him off.

"We'll do it later,” she said, taking a deep breath and turning toward the ladies’ room.

He approached the stage feeling empty, hollowed out. He'd held onto the charade to keep a connection with her, and now the connection was severed.

Walking up to the microphone was the hardest thing he'd ever done, until he had to sing words of love that tore his heart out. When she walked out of the restroom with tears running down her cheeks, he wanted to throw down his guitar and go to her. He choked up and stepped back, covering by playing his guitar. When he looked up again, he couldn't see her through his tear-blurred eyes.

Again he wondered if they could work it out. Again he told himself that the pain she felt now was nothing compared to the pain she'd feel if he gave into his baser instincts and cheated on her.

Lauren didn't know how she survived that set, waiting for Seth to take another break so they could face his family. She alternated between wanting to throw up and wanting to run away. She managed to hide from the Escamillas for awhile, but Crystal hunted her down and saw her distress right away.

"What happened?” Crystal asked shrilly, wrapping a concerned arm about her shoulders.

Lauren swiped at her eyes. “Nothing."

"Oh, please. You never cry. Are you sick?"

Lauren considered using the excuse to escape, but she told Seth they'd tell his family together. “No, I'm not sick."

Crystal drew back. “What did my brother do to you?"

"Nothing."

"Lauren, I saw you talking. I saw how upset you were. What did he do to you?"

Lauren just shook her head, her throat too tight to speak.

Then Seth announced another break and Lauren looked toward him in relief. She did not want to do this alone.

"Let's do this,” he said, striding over and taking her hand to lead her back to the table, eager to get this over with. “Come on, Crystal,” he said over his shoulder, as if Crystal would go against her nature and exhibit no curiosity about what was going on.

Oscar was heading toward the bar when the three of them approached, and Seth asked him to follow them back to the table. Lauren saw the hopeful expressions on everyone's faces and felt the dampness of Seth's palm against hers.

"Lauren and I are breaking up,” he said.

Everyone's shoulders slumped almost comically as their expectations were dashed. After a moment of stunned silence, the questions started flying, too fast for Lauren to keep track of who asked what.

Seth stemmed the flow by raising a hand for silence. Lauren felt like she was at one of those press conferences on TV and the Escamillas were reporters hungry for the juicy details.

"We decided we're just not ready to make the sacrifices necessary for our relationship to work,” Seth said. “It's just too hard."

Lauren dipped her head, unwilling to see the blurred pity on their faces.

"You're making too much over a little fight,” Sandra said, sounding relieved to have found a solution. “It will be better tomorrow and you can discuss whatever went wrong rationally."

"You need to give yourselves time to work it out. That's what adults do,” Oscar said.

"There's nothing to work out,” Seth said, and Lauren looked up at the steely edge in his voice.

"You always give up too easily,” Oscar said in an equally sharp tone. “You think being with Lauren is hard? She's a woman you've known and loved all your life. She's the best thing that's ever happened to you. But you think if it isn't easy all day every day, you can walk away. That is no way to go through life, only taking the easy path."

"Easy?” Seth bit off the word as he squared off against his father. “You think I take the easy way out? This isn't easy, telling you, hurting her—"

"But it's easier than staying with her and trying to make it work. Do you think our marriage is easy? What would have happened to you children if I'd walked away when it got hard? Do you think Rey and Pamela have it easy? Rosa and Phillip? No! Even Crystal and Enrique wouldn't have walked down the aisle if being in love were easy. But you, you always want everything handed to you, and if you don't get it, you turn away, and be damned who you hurt."

"Stop it! Stop it!” Lauren cried, stepping between Oscar and Seth. Her blood pounded, her stomach twisted as she listened to Oscar berate Seth. How dare he say such things to Seth when Oscar was sleeping with another woman? What did he know about pain, either the inflicting of it or the receiving of it, the coward?

A glance at Sandra stopped the tirade that threatened to burst forth. She loved and respected the woman too much to let the news out in front of everyone, to humiliate her. She gulped back the accusation even as she saw Oscar tense for it. “You're wrong. You're wrong about him."