Whisky State of Mind (17 page)

“Come on girl, suck it up,” she muttered beneath her breath walking toward the large arched, imposing door. She remembered walking up this same path as a little girl and eyeing the same door warily then. Everything about this place was imposing. Lifting the cast iron doorknocker, she tapped it quickly,
twice, and took a step back to wait. The sound of light footsteps making their way toward her sparked a desire to flee, but she somehow managed to hold herself in place.

The door eased open and suddenly Sky was face to face with her grandmother.

“Sky,” the woman gasped slightly. “You should have told us you were coming over.”

She tried to ignore the censure in the older woman’s tone, pretending it was meant as a delighted greeting instead of a reminder it was bad manners to visit people unannounced. “It was a spur of the moment kind of thing,” she smiled.

“Well, come on inside then.” Her grandmother stood aside and ushered her in the house, and led the way into the sitting room. “Would you like some tea?”

Sky tried not to screw her nose up at the offer. Tea was the drink of choice in the Tanner household. “Ah, no thank you. A glass of water would be nice though.” After all, it was rude to refuse a beverage if the host had offered one. All that social etiquette training came back full force and she self-consciously straightened in her chair, crossing her ankles and sliding them to one side.

“So then, dear. To what do we owe the pleasure of a visit?” her grandmother asked, taking a seat after she brought out their drinks.

Sky resisted the urge to point out the
we
was really just a
her
, since her grandfather wasn’t even home, but decided she must be using the royal “we.”

“I just wanted to say hello, really. I’d like to put our differences behind us and start over.”

Her grandmother raised an eyebrow slightly, taking a dainty sip of her tea before commenting. “I see. So you’ve decided to come home then?”

“No,” Sky said, slowly. “I’m happy where I am. I’ve got a better
-paying job and I’ve almost managed to save up enough money to go back to college,” she said proudly. And she was proud of herself. She’d taken on the big, bad world and survived.

“Really? Who knew waitressing could pay so much?” The comment may even have seemed meaningful had it not been for the smug little smile that followed.

“Anyway, it’s just that…I’ve seen my father, and it made me realize family’s important. I didn’t want to leave things the way they were.”

“I see. How
is
your father? I’m surprised he’s not in prison…again,” she added dryly.

“He’s fine,” Sky said, determined not to let the conversation deteriorate this early into the visit. “He’s doing very well for himself
these days.”

“Wonders will never cease,” she murmured sarcastically.

“Look, I just thought…it would be nice if we could all get along. You and Grandfather gave me a home and took care of me when Dad couldn’t, and Dad’s really tried hard to get things on track—”

“I don’t know why you’d think I was the least bit interested in what your father’s been doing
.”

“You’re all the family I have…I just don’t want to be stuck in the middle any more. I guess I’m just hoping that you can all put your differences behind us and get along.”

“That man killed my daughter,” she said, carefully replacing her teacup on the table.

“Dad didn’t do that. My mother died because she was addicted to drugs, Gran. She chose to take them—no one forced her to do that. Dad loved her
; I don’t think he’s ever gotten over losing her.”

“Pardon me if I don’t find anything remotely romantic about their love story. That girl had the world at her feet…she could have done anything, and she threw it all away to run off and sleep with some filthy biker who got her pregnant and hooked on drugs.”

“That’s not true.”

“It is true, and I’ll never forgive either of them for what they did to this family.”

“Maybe if she thought she could come back, she wouldn’t have felt so hopeless. Maybe your attitude made her believe she had nowhere else to go?”

“She made her choice.”

Sky stared at her grandmother and felt…nothing. She wanted to feel angry and outraged on her mother’s behalf for the cold way she could dismiss her daughter’s death, but she found she couldn’t. Bitterness seemed to have eaten this woman alive and there was nothing left of her soul to find any form of forgiveness.

“Did you threaten my father with lawyers if he tried to take me back?”

Her grandmother gave a small, dainty snort. “Your father never planned to come back for you, dear. I tried to tell you that before, but you foolishly believed he would.”

Sky narrowed her eyes at the dismissal of her question. “Did you,” she asked again, “threaten my father if he tried to come back and get me?”

“Are you not listening to me?”

“DID YOU THREATEN MY FATHER?” she yelled, tired of the woman’s haughty attitude and bitterness.

Her grandmother lifted a hand to her throat in surprise. “How dare you raise your voice like that at me,” she stammered.

“How dare you try to keep my father away from me,” Sky answered, standing up. She’d had enough, heard enough of this and knew that she’d never be able to get what she truly needed from this woman
, her approval, no matter how hard she tried. “Goodbye, Gran,” she said over her shoulder.

“You’ll fail just like she did. That life will suck you in and kill you, just like it killed her. Your father kills everything he touches. ”

Sky was too angry to even bother replying to her grandmother’s ridiculous comment, and she slammed the front door on her way out. Walking aimlessly along her grandparents’ street, she found herself looking at the beautiful houses and fancy cars in the driveways she passed by. Were these people any happier than anyone else, with their manicured lawns and expensive addresses? Did having stuff mean you’d made it? What if once you acquired all the things you were led to believe were necessary meant you turned out like her grandmother? Nothing made sense anymore. Had it always been
her
dream to have this stable, normal life? Or had it been influenced by a manipulative woman who would do anything she could to keep Sky away from a father who loved her? Her head began to ache and her feet were tired from walking when she finally found a cab. Climbing into the back, she gave the address and stared out the window. Who was she and whose life had she been living all this time?

****

Sawyer had been doing exactly what she’d asked him to do and stayed away from her for the last two days. He didn’t stop looking at her though, in a way that instantly made her think of the last time she’d seen him…naked…in her bed. And that
wasn’t
helping at
all
.

She’d wanted to talk to her father about the visit to see her grandmother, but he was rarely around. The last few times she’d dropped by his office, he hadn’t been there and his phone
just went to voicemail. She decided to go and see Sawyer and find out what was going on there, because something definitely felt like it was up. She had a legitimate excuse to be seeing him, she needed to hand in her time sheet, but she still felt guilty approaching him alone.

Sawyer wasn’t in his office when she popped her head in the door after her shift
; that bugged her, too.
Why was it so hard to pin anyone down these days?
she thought irritably. She crossed the office and tossed her paperwork onto the desk, letting out a startled yelp as it skidded across the table and caused the small mountain of paperwork beneath to topple and cascade over the back of the desk like a mini avalanche. 

Fantastic,
she muttered with an irritated sigh. She circled the table and dropped to her knees, reaching under the desk to gather the mess of paper and folders that had scattered across the floor. She heard the office door open and a familiar deep voice reached her as Sawyer walked purposefully into the office.

Sky moved to stand up and hit her head. She bit down hard on her lip to keep from swearing as she
realized Sawyer was on the phone and didn’t want to interrupt. Rubbing her head, and still on all fours, she froze as she heard his next words.

“This wasn’t part of the deal! I agreed to get you the guns. I did my part.”

Guns?
What the hell?

He paused, obviously listening to whoever was on the other end of the conversation. “That isn’t my problem.”

Sky held her breath as she listened to the one-sided conversation, and was suddenly scared to be caught listening in.

“Are you
threatening
me? Do not. Ever. Underestimate how much of a problem I can be. We made a deal, now you honor your part or I’m walkin’.” A long, low string of cursing followed the beep of the phone call disconnecting on Sawyer’s end.

Sky clenched her hands into fists to stop them shaking and closed her eyes tightly, praying he wouldn’t come around this side of the desk.

As the door slammed shut, she leaned back against the desk and let out a shaky sigh.  A sick sensation swam in her stomach and she shut her eyes, squeezing them tightly. She should
never
have trusted him.
The Black Mustangs going straight...yeah right!
He lied to her! Her
father
lied to her.
God damn it!

Chapter
16

She ignored the phone ringing, the blast of blues music echoing on the bench. She knew it was Sawyer. He’d been calling for the last hour.

She took a sip of the coffee she’d made earlier—
instant
no less, and grimaced before putting it down on the coffee table. Lying in bed, wide awake for most of the night she’d tossed and turned and tried to work out what to do. She wanted to confront them—but after a while the anger which had propelled her for most of the previous evening had slowly faded and left her empty…disappointed. She’d scoffed at that. She shouldn’t have let her guard down—she should have known after everything she’d been through that her father, and Sawyer for that matter, couldn’t be trusted. If she’d just stayed angry at them…if she hadn’t let herself dare to believe she could trust them, then she wouldn’t be sitting here now, nursing a huge disappointment hangover.

She’d called in sick earlier. She hadn’t talked to Sawyer, but left a message instead with one of the bar staff. There was no way she could speak to him yet, not until she worked out what the hell she was going to do.

The phone rang again and she slumped back on the sofa, covering her head with a cushion. That’s it! She got up and grabbed her handbag and keys, leaving her phone on the counter as she walked from her apartment. She needed a decent cup of coffee for starters. A quick glance at her wrist showed her that it would be safe to go there. Caleb would be at work by now, so no risk of bumping into him, which was the main reason she’d been holed up in her apartment all morning. Guilt never did sit well with her and she would never make a pro poker player. While she wasn’t sure what she was going to do about this new information, she certainly wasn’t about to bring it up in conversation with Caleb while standing in line for coffee.

Could she turn her back on this though? If the Black Mustangs were dealing guns or doing business with people who were, could she simply ignore it? She was certainly not going back there to work…but could she just stand by and ignore the fact they were associated in some way with
gun dealers?
Could she turn in her father and people she’d known as a child…people who seemed to genuinely care about her?

And so she had to concede that once again, she was out of a job.

“Hi there. Your usual?”

Sky looked up and
realized the person in front of her was now gone. Wow, this sure was a better time to grab coffee. There was no one behind her and the place was almost empty now that the morning rush had gone.

“Yes
, please,” she smiled. “I don’t suppose you have any job vacancies?” she asked impulsively.

“You looking for a job?” the guy asked, eyeing her thoughtfully.

“Yeah. My last job didn’t work out…family…it’s true what they say; you shouldn’t work with them,” she tried to summon a smile, but feared it came off somewhat half-hearted.

“You have any experience?”

“I worked most of this year at a diner up the street.”

“Making coffee is a little bit different to waitressing,
” he told her doubtfully.

“I hadn’t waitressed before I started that job either. I’m a fast learner, and I love coffee…it’s like, my
favorite thing ever, and I know how to smile at customers and keep my cool when really, all you want to do is throw their food in their lap,” she told him with a hopeful smile.

He chuckled as he ground her coffee and Sky took a long deep draw of the fragrant air. She was almost certain you could get high on the smell of freshly ground coffee beans…it certainly made
her
feel high.