Whisky State of Mind (20 page)

“I don’t want to love you,” she whispered drowsily.

There was no doubting what she said this time, and her words cut him deeper than the things she’d flung at him in the kitchen. She loved him. But she didn’t want to. It tore his fuckin’ heart out to hear it.

“I know, baby. Just get some sleep. I’ll be right outside. Nothing’s going to hurt you.” He stroked her hair gently until she fell back to sleep, then dropped his head, summoning the strength to leave her when all he wanted to do was climb in there and hold her all night. Instead he went back out to the sofa and took out his phone.

“It’s me. Any luck finding Razor yet?” He frowned at the negative reply but Shaggy was still looking. It was only a matter of time. “I want those Switchblades found and brought to the club house…alive,” he reminded him. His gut burned at the thought of what could have happened had Shaggy not intervened when he had. He disconnected the call and closed his eyes. Whisky had been right about one thing—there
was
a code and even if the Black Mustangs had cleaned up their act in the last few years, they still lived by it. There were some things that you just couldn’t ignore. Johnny wasn’t in a position to do anything about the Switchblade threat, and as the club’s second in command it fell on Sawyer to put things right.

No one made the mistake of messin’ with his family. It was time to deal with this Switchblade thing once and for all.

****

When Sky woke up it was daylight and everything hurt. She flinched as her hand brushed against her cheek, and her head throbbed in time with her pulse. She was so not a drinker.

After a shower she felt marginally better, and by the time she’d ran a comb through her hair and pulled on clean jeans and a t-shirt, she felt almost human once more.

She stopped in the hallway as she spotted Sawyer sitting on the edge of the sofa.

“You stayed all night?” she asked, surprised.

“I told you I would,” he said with a shrug.

“Did you get much sleep?” Despite wanting to hold on to her anger, his red-rimmed eyes and tussled hair brought out a little of her sympathy. Knowing he was here made her feel a lot safer.

“Not a lot. How about you?”

“I guess the scotch worked a treat,” she said with a small grimace.

She sat down next to him on the sofa and stared out the window. It had taken a little while to sort through the memories of last night. Under the shower she’d given in to more tears. The fright from last night’s attack had gone, but a burning anger remained. They may not have raped her, but they’d taken something from her—her ability to believe she could take care of herself, and she wanted it back. Then Sayer
’s news that her father was dying hit her and she’d braced her hands against the shower wall and sobbed. Damn him. Damn all of them for making her care about them.

“After I take a shower, I’ll drop you off at the hospital…if you like,” he added.

It was the first time she’d heard him change an order to a semi-polite offer.

“Does dad know about the guns?” she asked, her voice sounding as weary as he looked.

“No.”

“How can he not know? It’s his club. He knows everything that goes on.”

“Look, this isn’t club business. It’s a one-time thing—something I have to do,” he gave a small growl of frustration as he rubbed his hands across his face. “It’s complicated.”

“Well uncomplicated it,” she suggested.

“I’m not going to get into it with you. I’ll deal with it and it’ll be over. Johnny doesn’t need this now…you
can’t
tell him. Just let me deal with it. I swear to you, this won’t come back on the club or on Johnny. You just gotta’ trust me.”

Sky gave a snort of laughter. “Trust you? Johnny
trusted
you and now look what’s happened. You’re mixed up in guns on the side…behind his back!”

“Who the hell are you to stand there and judge me? You have no idea what it takes to run this club…to keep this club working inside the damn law. Do you have
any idea
what it’s like keeping clubs like the Switchblades at bay? They’re not the first club to try and claim our territory. It’s a constant struggle to stay one step ahead of our enemies. But we do it…’cause that was
Johnny’s
dream,” Sawyer said, pointing a finger toward the window, his voice low and angry. “We do it
for him
.”

Sky stared at him, his face
taut with anger as he glared at her. “Fine. I won’t say anything to him about it…but you make sure you
fix
whatever the hell it is you’ve got yourself involved in.”

“I said, I’ll handle it,” he snapped, standing up and leaving the room. She stared at his broad back as he headed toward the bathroom, his big boots echoing down the hall behind him.

She hoped to God he knew what he was doing. Everything seemed to be falling apart and she was left floundering in the midst of it all.

Chapter
20

Sky slipped quietly into the hospital room, noticing Brick sitting in a hard plastic chair at her father’s side. He looked up as she closed the door behind her and stood, offering her the chair.

“Hey there sweet thing,” he said wrapping her in a tight hug. “He’s been asleep…the Doc said he’d be back to check on him in a little while.”

Sky smiled up at the big biker and squeezed his arm gratefully.

“I’ll be right outside. You need anything—you let me know, okay?”

She managed a nod, her gaze falling on the figure in the bed. How was it possible that he could look this sick in such a short time? He’d been large as life only a few short days ago.

Sitting on the chair, Sky let her gaze skim around the room briefly. The crackling sound of her father breathing sounded loud in the small, cold room.

A movement caught her eye and she glanced over to see her father’s hand move. When she glanced up he was watching her silently, a tired smile tugging at his mouth. “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey. You look like crap.”

He chuckled slightly, but it was not his normal, deep, booming laugh. “You don’t look too great yourself. You okay?” he asked.

“I’m not the one
lying in a hospital bed,” she said, deflecting any more questions before he could ask about the still tender redness on her cheek. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I guess I thought we’d have more time…guess someone else has other ideas.”

“You should have told me…
Sawyer
should have told me.”

“Don’t blame him, he was only doing what I told him. He’s a good boy, Sky.”

Sky blinked rapidly, and lowered her head.
Oh Sawyer, what the hell have you done?
It was going to crush her father if he found out what his
good boy
had been doing.

“You look so much like your M
amma,” he said softly. “I loved that woman somethin’ fierce.” His face softened as he looked through her, obviously lost in his memories. “I let her down, Sky…I let both of you down, and I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know, baby girl.”

Sky shook her head, and covered her father’s hand with her own.

“I made a lot of mistakes in my life, Sky…a lot of bad choices…but I did my best to make them right.”

“You changed the club for the better, that’s a pretty big wrong to right.”

“Yeah, I’m proud of that one,” he said with a nod before his eyes grew serious. “But I’m most proud of you, baby. You are the best thing that has ever come out of my life.”

Sky cleared her throat quietly, and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you.”

“I don’t blame ya’ for that. You had a lot to handle.”

Sky looked down at their joined hands. She’d wasted so much time holding on to her anger. 

“I’ve been lying here thinking about all the things I wanted to tell you.” He shook his head when she went to protest. “I need to do this, baby. I’ve lived with too many regrets in my life.” He turned her hand over in his and smiled. “As a father, I probably should wish you a long, happy life with no pain…but I think that would be a cop out.”

She eyed him doubtfully.

“We both know I don’t fit normal real well.”

“I’d hate you to change now,” she said with a sniff.

“Instead, I hope you get a few struggles and a little bit of pain here and there.”

“Thanks.”
This really wasn’t going the way she’d imagined at all.

“A short life, lived to its fullest is worth a hundred long lives filled with mediocre. You need the hard times so you can appreciate the good. And you need a few struggles to value the things you’ve earned along the way.”

Sky watched her father silently.

“Don’t wait for perfect, baby. Perfect doesn’t exist. Never has. You can spend your whole life waiting for the perfect moment, the perfect person…the perfect life…only to look back and
realize it’s not as perfect as you’d imagined and then it’s too late.” He looked up at her then, and she saw the fierce glow in his eyes. “Promise me you won’t live with regrets, like I did.”

“Dad—”

“Just promise me, Sky…” he held her hands tightly.

“I promise,” she agreed softly, managing a wobbly smile. “
And it’s not Sky…my dad named me, Whisky.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand gently. “I love ya
’ kid.”

“I love you too Dad.”

****

Sky spent the rest of the week split between the hospital and her job. She hated leaving her father’s side for any length of time, but he had plenty of company and sadly, she
realized, plenty of goodbyes to say.

She’d just handed over a cup, waiting for the customer to count out her bill in dimes when she looked up at the television mounted on the wall across the room. From where she stood she couldn’t hear the newsreader
’s voice, but the teleprompt at the bottom of the screen pretty much relayed the news. Outlaw motorcycle gang, the Switchblades, were raided in a joint FBI and ATF taskforce operation to bust a large drug and gun running enterprise in the early hours of the morning. Fifteen members arrested. On the screen, Sky saw law enforcement officers hauling away men in black cut off jackets with the insignia of a switchblade dripping blood on the back.

“Excuse me, I’d like to order,” a nasally voice interrupted, dragging her attention away from the news broadcast.

It was too much of a coincidence not to have something to do with Sawyer…had he been arrested? Was he involved? The thoughts plagued her for the rest of the shift and she was almost a basket case by the time she reached the hospital that afternoon.

As she rounded the corner, she saw him, talking to Brick and Shaggy off to one side of her father’s room. She took a moment to compose herself before making her way toward them.

“Hey darlin’,” Brick said as she approached.

“Hi guys,” she smiled. “Sawyer, can I speak with you for a minute?”

“Sure. Let’s go for a walk outside,” he said, waiting for her to lead the way. “Are you okay?” he asked once they stepped out in to the gentle afternoon sunshine.

“Have you seen the news today? The Switchblades were raided.”

“Yeah, I saw that.”

Sky looked at him, expectantly.

“What?”

“Were you involved in that somehow? Were those the guns you were selling?”

“Sky, I told you not to worry about that.”

“Sawyer, are you about to be arrested? I’ve been out of
my head all day wondering if you were going to be here or stuck in some federal prison somewhere.”

“You were worried about me?” he grinned, but it lacked his usual impact. He looked like hell, and she noticed his knuckles were red and slightly swollen.

“What happened to you?” she asked, taking his hand in hers and inspecting the damage.

“I wasn’t involved with the Switchblades. It’s a long story, Sky.”

“Then condense it—‘cause you’re not going to pat me on the head and tell me it’s okay, this time.”

“You’re a pain in the ass when you’re pissed, you know that
, right?”

“This isn’t pissed—you haven’t seen me angry yet, so start talkin’,”
she snapped.

Chapter
21

Sawyer wished he wasn’t so damn tired so he could have enjoyed this assertive side of Whisky a little longer. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep for about a year. It had been a long few days. Crazy days, and knowing Johnny didn’t have much longer made it feel even harder.

“Long story short, the phone call you overheard was to an undercover cop.”

“Don’t condense it that much. How did you get involved with an undercover cop wanting guns?”

“I found out the ATF were trying to get Johnny to do them a favor.”

“What kind of favor?”

“They were going to use some bullshit stuff in his past to force him to assist in an undercover sting on the Switchblades. There was no way I was going to let that happen so I made a deal and told them I’d do it instead.”