White Lilies (A Mitchell Sisters Novel) (24 page)

I hear her relief come through the phone. “Anytime, little sister.”

I head down the stairs and sit on the couch, staring up at the urn that resides on the mantle. I’m not sure why I decided to put it there. Maybe it’s the best place for her to watch over us. Until we decide where she truly belongs.

I sigh.
We
. There isn’t a
we
. There’s only a
me
. And somehow, someway, I’m going to make the most of it.

I look up at the urn. “Don’t worry, Erin. I got this.”

part two

griffin

chapter twenty-one

Loud voices wake me, pounding through my skull like a sledgehammer. I cover my head with a pillow to drown them out, along with the light that’s shining through the curtains.

Wait . . . voices?

I sit up, then immediately curse myself for moving too quickly, adding even more pain to my already piercing headache.

I glance around the now-familiar bedroom that is part of the suite I’ve been staying in for a while now. Something’s different. And who’s talking outside the door? I look around the room for answers. Unfortunately, I get them.

Shit. I finally did it.

I stare at the floor where there’s a heap of women’s clothing. A dress. A pair of high heels.

I lie back down, raising the sheet from my body.
Naked
. I shake my head. Is this rock bottom? First I leave my family. Well, my sort-of family. Then I lose myself in a bottle. And now—sleeping with a random stranger. Have I finally become my father?

My eyes search the floor for a telltale square wrapper.
Not there
. I slowly walk into the connecting bathroom and check the waste basket.
Nope
.

I lock eyes with myself in the mirror. I don’t even look like me anymore. “What the fuck did you do?”

I splash some water on my face and then hold my mouth under the faucet and gulp down a long drink.

Throwing on some clothes, I hesitate before opening the door to the other room, wondering what I’m going to find on the other side. I listen for a second. Then, hearing a familiar male voice, I throw the door open. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Mason eyes me from head to toe. I know I must be a sight. My hand comes up to run over the long scruff on my face. I can’t remember the last time I shaved. Hell, I’m not even sure I’ve showered lately. He shakes his head in disapproval. “Shouldn’t I be asking
you
that question, man?”

I ignore him and look at the woman. She’s wearing my shirt. It comes down to her knees and the collar is hanging off her bare shoulder. She looks like
her
. So much like her. Is that why I chose her?

She gives me a sympathetic look as she extends her hand. “Tammy. Nice to meet you, Griffin.”

I look between her and Mason, confused. “Uh, we didn’t make introductions last night?”

She just smiles, helping herself to a cup of coffee. “I hope you don’t mind me crashing here. I was in no condition to drive, and the rooms here are way out of this working girl’s budget.”

My eyes go wide and my blood pressure shoots through the roof.
I hired a hooker?

Fuck
. I have hit rock bottom.

I fall back onto the couch and put my head between my knees. I feel sick. I look up at her. She doesn’t look like a hooker. “Don’t you girls insist on using protection?”

She giggles. “Honey, you were so wasted last night, you couldn’t have hoisted it up with a sail. Hell, I thought your name was ‘Finn’ until Mason here set me straight.”

I blow out a relieved breath.
Thank God
. I didn’t know until this very second how bad I would have felt sleeping with someone else.

I hear Mason cracking up behind me. I’m about to ask him what his problem is when Tammy’s face breaks into a devious smile. She laughs out loud, turning to Mason. “I’m sorry, I never was a very good poker player.”

I look between them as they share some kind of private joke. “Wait, you’re not a hooker?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “Sorry, no. Just a pharmaceutical sales rep you met in the hotel bar last night.”

“Not a very good one if you can’t even afford a room of your own,” I spit out in misguided anger.

“Dude!” Mason chides me for my crassness.

Tammy holds up a hand. “It’s okay. I deserved that. An eye for an eye.”

“No, I’m sorry,” I tell her. I run my hands through my dirty hair. “Can I call down for some breakfast? It’s the least I can do.”

She waves me off, taking another sip of her coffee. “Nah. Coffee’s good. I have a meeting to run to. But I’ll use the shower if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” I watch her walk into the bedroom and shut the door.

Once I hear the water running, I turn to Mason. “Why are you here? And how did you even find me?”

“It took a while, brother. I’m not gonna lie.” He pulls a chair over from the small dining table and straddles it, resting his elbows on its back. “I found a girl at the post office who recognized me and she gave me the address where you were having your mail forwarded. I had to give her some tickets to next season’s opener because she said she could lose her job over it.”

Irritation pinches my brows. “Isn’t that some kind of federal offense?”

“That’s not the point,” he says.

“Well, what is the point exactly?”

“The point is, you ran away, Griffin.”

I get up from the couch and pour myself a cup of coffee. My head is pounding and I’m in no mood for a heart-to-heart with Mason Lawrence. Or with anyone, for that matter. I just want to be left the hell alone.

He nods his head towards the bedroom. “She said you were so drunk you kept telling her she had eyes as green as the sky.”

I stare at him blankly over the rim of my coffee cup.

“She looks like her,” he says. “She looks just like Skylar Mitchell. Is that what you’ve been doing down here? Picking up girls who look like Skylar and fucking them to assuage your guilt for sleeping with her?”

“What? How do you—”

“You’ve been gone a long time, my friend. Too long. Skylar and I have become friends. She needs as many as she can get. You know, to give her a little support after losing her best friend and then being hung out to dry by your sorry ass.”

“It’s not like I didn’t lose something, too, Dix.”

“Of course it’s not. We all know how much you loved Erin. Nobody is going to fault you for needing time to grieve your wife. But you have a kid to worry about now. Have you even stopped to think about that? Can you stop screwing your way around Miami Beach to give even a little thought as to how this might affect
him
?”

“I’m not screwing anything down here. I thought Tammy was the first.”

“Well thank goodness for small favors.” He laughs. “And limp dicks.”

When Tammy comes out of the bedroom, I apologize to her while Mason orders breakfast. After he walks her out, he sits down again. He eyes my new tattoo that I’m staring at.

“New ink, huh?”

I nod.

“Listen. I know you need time to get over this. But you should come back to New York. You have to face your responsibilities. I understand you’re feeling guilty about sleeping with Skylar, it tore her apart, too.”

My eyes snap to his. Then my heart settles in my stomach, making me feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. She thought it was a mistake. “Shit, Dix, that’s not it at all.”

“You don’t feel guilty about sleeping with her?”

I shake my head. I’ve been over this a thousand times in my own mind. I don’t even understand it myself so how can I be expected to explain it to him?

“Whatever it is, you can tell me, G. We’ve been through a lot together, you and me. It’s okay, man. I won’t bail on you.”

How much worse can I make things if I tell him? I close my eyes so I don’t have to look at his reaction to my awful words. “I was relieved. All I felt was relief when Erin died.” I rub my fingers across my new tattoo. I don’t have to open my eyes to find it. I know exactly where it is on my arm.

“Of course you were relieved, Griffin. She was free of all the horrible things her body was putting her through those last months. It’s normal to feel that way.”

I shake my head. “It was more than that. Those first days after she died, when I locked myself in my bedroom. I wasn’t in there crying or grieving. I’d done all that before she died. I was hiding from her—from Skylar. From the way my body reacted to her when she was near me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to be around her without wanting her. I also knew how wrong it was. I knew what a douche of a husband it made me that two seconds after my sick wife died, all my body craved was getting into her best friend’s pants.

“Then after the funeral, I started drinking. And when Skylar found me in my studio, I couldn’t even help myself. I had to be with her. I didn’t even think of Erin. Not one time. Not until right after.” I pinch the bridge of my nose remembering that night. “It was awful, Dix.”

Mason nods as if understanding what I’m saying. “Bad sex, huh? Been there.”

“No. That’s not it at all. And that’s part of the problem. It was the best goddamn sex of my life. I had just buried my wife and I ran straight into Skylar’s arms and I loved every minute of it. Who does that? And worse, I’ve thought about it every day since. It’s been two months and I haven’t cried for my dead wife. Not since the night of her funeral.” I hit the couch cushion next to me. “I’m such a jackass.”

I blow a deep breath out. “I don’t feel guilty because I slept with her, man. But at the same time, I do. My wife fucking died and the first thing I do is forget about her to be with her best friend.”

He nods at my tattoo again. “But you haven’t forgotten about Erin. She’s right there on your arm. Just like your mom is. She’ll always be with you.” He laughs. “You’re beating yourself up over nothing. She wanted this. She
wants
this.”

He grabs his bag and sorts through some mail, pulling out an envelope and ripping off a sticky note that was attached to it. He walks over and shoves it in my face. “Here, you need to read this.”

I immediately recognize the handwriting as Erin’s.
Oh my God
. She did leave some final words for me. My throat becomes thick and my eyes sting.

Mason turns to leave. “Room service is taking too long. I’m going to head next door to that waffle place. You take some time to read that. And shower. You smell like a fucking pig, man.”

With that, he turns and exits the suite, leaving me staring at the envelope with my name on it.

I put it on the table in front of me. I can’t get myself to open it. Erin would be so disappointed in me if she could see me now. I decide to shower and shave before reading it. Maybe it’s strange, but I feel cleaning myself up will somehow make me more worthy of her last words.

When I emerge from the shower, the food has arrived. Doesn’t matter. I couldn’t eat now if it was my last meal. I sit down and tear open the envelope.

Griffin,

I’m not sure if this is the first letter you’ve been given, or one of the last. So if this is redundant, I apologize. Mason and Baylor have a series of letters written by me. They have been instructed to give them to you and/or Skylar in certain situations.

If you are reading this letter, you and Skylar have taken a step towards being together. You’ve made love. And I’m rejoicing whether I’m still alive or up in heaven. But if you are reading this letter, something’s gone wrong.

First, I need to apologize. Since the day you entered my life, you’ve been my caretaker. I’m sure it came from what happened to your mom, but I was all too willing to let you care for me over and beyond what any seventeen-year-old boy should have been responsible for.

You were my best friend. My lover. My husband. But I’m not naïve. No matter how much we both wanted it, we were never soul mates.

Despite that, I know you would have stayed with me forever. I know we would have loved each other the best we could. And I’ll always love you for that. Your loyalty is one of the most wonderful things about you.

I also know that if you’ve tried giving yourself to Skylar, you probably feel as if you’ve betrayed me. Well, listen closely, Griff. The only way you will betray me is by not following your heart. I’ve seen you and Skylar together. The way you look at her is how every woman should be seen. The way your face lights up when we talk about her and how your eyes follow her every movement—it’s how every woman should be revered.

I may have planted the seed, but you know as well as I do there is something between you two. Something wonderful. Something huge. Something I want more than anything for the two of you to accept and explore.

You were never my soul mate, Griff. But in some strange way, I think Skylar is. I think she’s both our soul mates. It’s as if the three of us together make the perfect couple. Fate brought her to us. Fate allowed her to carry your child. Fate had her fall in love with you.

You remember what I always said about fate, don’t you? DON’T MESS WITH IT!

Follow your heart, Griff. It will lead you in the right direction. Have faith. Let go of any guilt you may have over me. Go to her, go to your child. Be where love and life will surround you.

By taking care of them, you continue to take care of me. By loving them, you continue to love me.

So, please . . . love them.

Love them hard.

Love them forever.