Who We Were (7 page)

Ten

The next morning was like waking up after only two hours of sleep. I’d actually slept for more than twelve hours, but felt exhausted. I dreamt of Lily all night, her dying in the grass while Nash and Oliver laughed at her. I kept trying to save her, but I couldn’t. She kept dying over and over in my arms.

I showered and dressed, keeping my clothes simple today. I didn’t feel like impressing Nash, or anyone for that matter. I actually wanted to skip school today. If I didn’t need the credits, I’d quit the whole class altogether. But alas, I needed them. I wanted to graduate early, especially now that there was nothing at school worth staying for. The only reason I dressed, showered, and ate my measly breakfast was because I would only be at school a half day next year. If I quit now, I’d be there the whole day.
The thought that this was a means to an end fueled me. And I realized as I washed my bowl, this was the end of my need to be around Lily. I had relied on her for all of these years. Now, I would only rely on myself. Sure, I’d be friendless, but maybe that was how it was meant to be.

The more I thought about what she said, the more I realized she had been holding those thoughts inside of her for a long time. She meant what she said. She thought I was cold and that I was dragging her down. No need to worry about that any longer, I wouldn’t stand in her way, and she could go as high on the social ladder as she wanted.

I pulled into the school and realized that I was late. I must have really taken my time on the drive over because I left the house on time. I got out of my car and hauled butt to class. I pulled open the door and everyone’s eyes fell on me. It was ridiculous to think that they all knew about my fight with Lily, but I couldn’t help it.

“Are you okay today, Miss Peters?” Mrs. Bentley asked me, seeming concerned.
Did it really show that I wasn’t feeling myself?
I wondered.

“Uh … yeah. Sorry I’m late.”

I sat in my chair, and Kyleigh smiled at me. She knew why I looked the way I did; she witnessed it. I could tell by the sympathy in her eyes that she felt for me. I wished she didn’t see me fight with Lily, but was happy she was there afterwards. She’d hugged me and let me cry. Kyleigh was sweet and everything you look for in a friend, but I couldn’t get close to her. I couldn’t really trust anyone yet. If this was what a breakup was like, I didn’t ever want a boyfriend.

Mrs. Bentley went into her discussion with us about Dorian’s relationship with Sybil, and I zoned out. I stared at her and got lost in thought. I started thinking about all of my stuff that was still at Lily’s house. I had several outfits there and shoes, and even some of my favorite books I had lent her. I wanted it all back. She left a few things at my house too, but I’d pack it up and mail it to her. There would be no break. We were done.

“Hey.”

I looked up and was met with Nolan’s brown eyes. He looked at me with compassion, just like Kyleigh did. Did he know?

“Hey, back,” I said turning away from him.

“How come every time I see you, you’re sad?”

I looked back up at him and saw he was sincere.

“I’m not
always
sad. I’m not sad today either,” I whispered. Mrs. Bentley had left the classroom, and I didn’t even notice.

Nolan didn’t fall for my lie, instead he pursued. “You look sad … like your dog died.”

I didn’t mean to laugh, but I did. I know your dog dying wasn’t funny, but I wish that was my problem―at least I would know how to get over something like that. Breaking up with your lifelong friend was like a death in a way.

“My dog didn’t die ... I mean, I don’t have a dog.” I was rambling. “Look
, Nolan, I just am having a bad day. I’m not trying to be rude.”

He laughed and leaned back in his seat. He stuck his pen in his mouth and chewed on the tip … he had perfect teeth. I broke my stare and looked down at the blank desk.

“Hey,” he said tapping me on the shoulder. “You’re not rude. I’m sorry for what I said to you the other day.”

He was apologizing for his comment about Nash. I nodded not knowing what to say. Maybe I was wrong about Nolan. Maybe he was nice. He and Kyleigh were the only ones being nice to me so far, and I hadn’t heard from Nash since he showed up at my house. Sure he was practicing, but a text would be wonderful. I didn’t know what I was to him. He said he wanted to get to know me, but he was off to a bad start.

***

Lunch time came and Kyleigh walked with me to the lunchroom. We got our lunch, and I was happy she avoided the Lily talk. Instead, she told me about how she wanted to try out for cheerleading. I listened intently and told her she’d be great. We paid for our food and next came the decision as to where to sit. Did I sit with Nash at the football players table? If I did would Oliver start something? Or should I sit with Kyleigh?

I looked toward the table and Nash looked my way; however instead of waving me over, he turned away from me. That settled that. I sat with Kyleigh, and I was glad I did too. We had a lot in common, and even though my warning to not get too close to a girl who I didn’t even go to school with sang in my head, I wanted to be friends with her.

“So what’s going on with you and Nash?” she inquired.

“I have no clue. He showed up at my house the other day to tell me he has practice every single day. Weird, right?” She nodded and stuck a fry in her mouth.

“Every day?” she asked as she put another one in.

“Yeah, that’s what he said. Why?” I could tell she was cooking something up in her head.

“It’s just that I don’t know where they could possibly practice every day. I watched the cheer squad last week after school as they practiced and the football team wasn’t there.” She paused. “And I asked the head cheer captain about the summer practice schedule, so I know what to expect next year, and she told me cheer has the field until next month. After that the football team has it.”

My food felt heavy in my stomach. I felt sick. Did he lie to me already? Did I fall for it like a dumbass?

“Oh.” It was all I could say. As I ate my salad, I wondered what reasons he had for making something like that up. I decided to stick up for myself once and for all. I wouldn’t let him or anyone get the better of me. Not anymore.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Kyleigh, and I walked over to Nash’s table. I stood tall and flipped my hair over my shoulder. I wouldn’t look weak anymore. He noticed I was coming over and stood up.

“Hey, why didn’t you sit with me?” he asked with his big puppy dog eyes.

“I wanted to sit with Kyleigh,” I said as I stood tall. “I wanted to ask you something real quick.”

“Sure, ask away.”

I bit my lip. Nerves were starting. My bravery was being washed away so fast, but I had to do it.

“When does practice start?” He looked to his friends and then back to me.

“Uh, next month?”

“Is that a question?” He looked confused. “Because you told me that it started this week and you would be
so
busy.”

“Yeah, it was supposed to be this week. But that’s just my routine with Oli,” he said with a sweet buttery smile. “Not for the whole team. Right, Oliver?”

Oliver’s wicked ugly grin shot up higher. “Yeah! Me and Nash, you know, we like to be ready.”

They were lying right to my face, at least I thought so. He hadn’t said the whole team was practicing. He just said
we
, and that could have been him and Oliver. Yet, something about it seemed off.
What was he hiding?

If he didn’t want to hang out with me, fine, just say so. Don’t blow me off with a well thought out lie.

“You know what, Nash? You go ahead and practice with Oliver. I’m busy this whole week now. So it kind of works out,” I said. “I’ve got plans with … with …”

“Me. She’s got plans with me,” Nolan lied, saving me from total embarrassment. “We’re studying for the big test. Right, Sadie?”

I nodded dumbly. “Yep. Big test next week and presentation is due soon.”

I tried to make it sound believable. There was a presentation and a test, but we still had three weeks. Nash didn’t need to know that.

Nash eyed me and then his brother and said, “I hope it’s not at the house, Nolan. You know I have
practice
there.” It came out forced and almost threatened.

“Yeah, I know. That’s why we’re doing it up at the cottage instead,” Nolan said.
The cottage?

I didn’t question it, I just nodded again. I acted like I knew what he was referring to, although in my head, I was really confused. Nash said, “Good. The cottage works.” He then stood and pulled me alongside him and outside. I watched Nolan’s face as I left the room; he looked almost disappointed. Once outside I pulled my arm out of his grip and said, “What the hell? You couldn’t talk to me in there?”

He laughed at me like I was a child throwing a temper tantrum.

“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry I wasn’t clear with you about practice and to also invite you to Friday night’s party. This time it’s at Clear, that new club outside of town.” I knew where Clear was and that they had Teen Night every Friday night until
ten o’clock. I wanted to go so badly with Lily, but she always told me no. She said that place was for the
status monsters
and we weren’t like them. But now that Nash asked me, I knew all along, no matter what she said about it, I wanted to go there. I wanted to experience it on my own, to make my own opinion of the place.

I didn’t necessarily trust Nash, but my distrust in him was due to my assumptions. I only
thought
he was lying to me. I had no hard evidence yet. Besides the way he looked at me right then, I wanted to go with him more than anything else.

“Sure,” I told him. “Will it only be you and me?”

Once again he smiled at me while tracing my jaw with his finger tip. “If that’s what you want, then yeah. You and me. Sadie, I really, really like you. Just don’t give up on me, ‘kay?”

I fell into his open arms and nodded against his hard chest. I could have stayed there all day wrapped in his warm embrace. Then it was ruined by Oliver’s snarky mouth.

“Aww, how cute. The town’s newest couple snuggling up on each other.” I pulled away and gave him the evil eye I was so good at giving. My sister always told me I gave a good dirty look. I was sure to use it then.

“Oh, Sadie, if looks could kill, I’d be dead right here and now. But that’d make Lily so sad because that girl’s got it so bad for Oli. She must really like what I’m giving her,” he whispered the last part like devil in disguise.

“You’re a dickhead,” I spat. “I don’t know what you’re all about, but I promise you I’ll find out and I’ll tell Lily.” I pulled away from Nash’s arms and stood tall acting brave. Suddenly Nash’s hug felt wrong, and I felt cold.

Oliver puffed his chest out like he was getting ready to fight me, so I stepped back. He was almost scary. The look on his face was none I’d ever seen from a boy before.

“You go ahead and do that, but Lily’s mine now. You see, she want’s nothing to do with you, and I can tell that’s killing you, isn’t it?”

My mouth fell open. I had nothing to say; no comeback.

“That’s enough, Oliver,” Nash said as he pulled me back into the lunchroom. “Don’t let him get to you. I don’t know what happened with you and your friend, but he’s harmless.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, I’m not convinced. Lily and I never fought until she hooked up with Oliver.” I left Nash and went back to my table with Kyleigh. Tons of thoughts filled my head in the small walk to grab my stuff. Once I reached my bag, I had placed those thoughts into a neat little file called,
It’s my fault she’s with him.

*
**

I finished my Monday at school, and Kyleigh promised to text me later about hanging out at the mall. I said goodbye to her and walked to my car. Once I got to the parking lot, I saw Nolan leaning on it. His tan slacks still nice and pressed and his polo shirt looking clean and crisp. He was so opposite of his brother, or any other guy I’d seen at Alcott so far. Sure it was a rich-kid school, but only
he
dressed the part.

“Hey, study partner,” he mused.

“Yeah, about that, you know I’m not studying with you, right?” I pulled my keys out and unlocked the doors, but Nolan blocked my door.

“What! Of course we are. I told my brother I’m studying with you. I can’t be sitting at home watching him with … Oliver, when I’m supposed to be with you.” I wondered why the pause before Oliver’s name came up. Did he know something I didn’t? He made a solid point, so I knew I was going to hang out with him today.

“And I can’t be at my house because he knows where I live
, somehow
. So, then, tell me about this cottage.”

He opened the door for me and waved his hand. “On the drive I’ll tell you all about it
and
show it to you.”

Eleven

The drive to Nolan’s family cottage was a scenic
fifteen minute drive up one of the many mountain’s that surrounded our small town. I couldn’t help but picture a small cottage nestled in a mountain side with a stream running through it. When he told me we had arrived, I did a double take. My idea of the cottage was way off. I wanted to pull out a dictionary and show Nolan the definition of cottage because what was in front of me was a glass house, triple the size of my own.

Nolan got out of the car and waved his hand for me to follow. Speechless, I got out and followed him up the cobbled-stone driveway. He pulled up a small box beside the doorframe and revealed a keypad. He pressed a few numbers and the door unlocked with a small click. I walked in after him and felt the air-conditioning hit me in the face. I was hot and sweaty from the car ride, but the cool house was perfect. I was still confused to why I was here exactly.

He’d told me that his parents bought this house for getaways when they needed one; although why you’d need to get away from your place by driving only fifteen minutes away didn’t make sense. How were they
getting away
exactly?

“Want something to drink?” he asked as he pulled open a huge stocked fridge. One whole shelf held every single soda known to man.

“Whatever you’re gonna have is fine.”

“Mountain Dew it is.” He handed me a freezing cold can, and I popped it open. “So I’ll give you the grand tour.” I followed him around the main floor. The kitchen was actually pretty basic and so was the dining room. Once we reached the living room, I started to notice when basic ended and extravagant began.

The whole north wall was a huge sixty inch flat screen TV. Instead of a couch, there were four leather lazy chairs backed up to the wall―perfect for watching a movie.

“This is just the living room, it’s boring. Let me show you the best part of the whole cottage,” Nolan said pulling me behind him.
Boring, was he serious?

“Yeah, I’m so over this normal living room,” I joked.
He shook his head and laughed at me.

We went down a hallway where he opened a door that led to a staircase. We walked the stairs, and above the staircase was a room surrounded by glass walls. The plush white carpet felt like heaven under my feet. It was the most perfect room I’d ever seen.

Nolan opened a doorway that led out to a small balcony that overlooked our small town. I suddenly realized why his family thought this was escaping; I felt like I was in a tower of a castle, and I got a certain thrill from it.

“This is amazing. I’ve never seen a view like this before,” I admitted. “How the hell did you get this room?”

He sat behind me in a corner where the bookshelf of my dreams sat. I left the balcony and got lost in the many titles it held on the shelves. I turned to look at him as he lazed back in his big comfy reading chair. “You’re spoiled.”

“I got this room because I was sick last year. My parents thought this room would cheer me up. It did,” he laughed. “My mom says that it’s too exposed for her taste. They have the room downstairs, less windows.”

His mom?
His mom was dead. Nash told me she died of cancer. So why did Nolan refer to her in the present tense?

“Does she come up here much?” I decided to just dance around the subject instead of asking head on. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by asking right out.

“Yeah. She writes music. This place is awesome for inspiration. I come up here to read and to write too.” He looked away like he just gave away a secret he’d been holding in forever. I, on the other hand, was confused to how his mom could be alive when Nash told me the opposite. Instead of asking Nolan why Nash would say such a thing, I decided to explore his comment about writing. I would ask Nash about his mom on my own.

“Is that what you want to do, then? Write?”

I fidgeted with my dress. I wanted to write too and to meet another person with the same interest made me delighted, yet nervous. I wasn’t sure where the nerves came from though.

He laughed then said, “There’s no money in writing novels unless you write the perfect American novel. I’d love to be a writer anyway. There is something so magical about putting your ideas out there in the world. Please don’t tell anyone I said that, especially Nash. He teases me constantly.”

I didn’t know what it was like to have a brother, but I did have an older sister who did the same. Cara teased me constantly about the way I dressed, books I read, and other non-important stuff. So I nodded so Nolan knew I understood.

I pulled out a book and lay back on the carpet flipping through its pages. I wasn’t reading it. I was more thinking about what I was doing here with Nolan, why he even brought me here and why he was covering for me. I didn’t know Nolan well, and I didn’t know anyone from Alcott well, not even Nash, as much as I hated to admit it. But in all the people from Alcott that I’ve met, Kyleigh and Nolan proved to be most trustworthy. I’d lost my best friend and gained two new ones in the process.

“So what really happened with you and your friend?” Nolan asked me, catching me by surprise. I pulled the book away from my face and stared at him. “Come on. I know all about the big fight. Oliver was talking about it, but I don’t know why.”

I sat up and put his book down, careful with the fragile pages.

“All I know is we’ve been best friends since we were little kids, doing everything together every single day and especially every summer. Then Oliver comes in the picture, and Lily wants nothing to do with me.” I paused. “Well, I guess that’s not entirely true. I did say he was a loser for leaving her there on the ground at the party.” I had to admit my part in the fight.

Nolan leaned forward and folded his hands together in front of him. A smile crept up on his face.

“There is no doubt about Oliver being a jerk, but it seems to me that your friend is upset that you don’t like her new boyfriend. I’m no expert,” he said waving his hand. “But it’s like you are mad she gained a boyfriend like Oliver.”

“Yeah, I’m a little disappointed that she chose such an ass.” He was right about that. “She said some nasty things to me though.”

“Like?”

I didn’t even hesitate in answering Nolan. I felt like I could really open up and talk to him.

“She said I drag her down and that I’m always trying to be someone I’m not. It’s like she’s mad that I started summer school at Alcott. Am I not allowed to go to a new school and meet new friends?”

Nolan nodded and then said, “Is she not allowed to have a boyfriend, whether you approve of him or not?”

At first I felt the heat of anger flow through me, but the more I thought about his question I felt the heat of shame instead. She
was
allowed a boyfriend just like I was allowed to do as I pleased. Being a friend meant being supportive no matter what. But that still didn’t mean she could put me down like she did, and it didn’t mean I had to be on good terms with Oliver. She was my friend, not him.

“She hurt me, Nolan. She said some pretty unforgiving thing to me, and that’s not cool,” I admitted to Nolan. “I guess I don’t know who I am anymore. I mean what am I even doing here?” I stood up and Nolan stood as well. He looked me in the eye and shrugged.

“You’re here because you wanted my brother to think that you weren’t sitting at home alone with nothing to do. You’re here because you needed a friend.” Then he took my hand, and I felt the sureness in his grip. He
was
my friend. He had given up his plans for the day, whatever they were, to bring me up here to keep up my ruse. I was lying to Nash about where I was because, like Nolan said, I didn’t want him to think I was sitting at home pining for him, waiting for his call or his attention. I had become a pathetic mess.
Good job reinventing yourself, Sadie.

“Come on,” I told him breaking our hands apart. “I have to go talk to Lily.”

***

I dropped Nolan off at his car, which was still sitting in the school lot. To my surprise his small black two-door BMW was not what I pictured him driving. Nash’s truck was huge and fit his big personality, but I didn’t see quiet Nolan in this car. Maybe I was jealous perhaps?
Probably.

“Well, it’s been super fun,” he joked. I picked up a soda can and threw it at him.

“Be nice!” I demanded. He dodged the can swiftly.

“Okay, sorry. I promise I’ll be nice. Just keep your trash in your car for God sakes,” he teased. “So, same time tomorrow? I promise to make it more interesting and less depressing.”

I thought about it for a second. It sounded fun, and I didn’t have anything else to do besides read for class. So I nodded my head and Nolan closed the door. He waved at me and got into his car. As I drove away, I couldn’t stop smiling. For some reason Nolan made me happy; happier than I had been in a long time. He was infectious and not in a bad way, more so in a way where you always wanted him around.

I left the school and got to Scoop’s in record time. My plan was to talk to Lily at work, where she couldn’t run off and avoid me. It was a stupid plan, but it was all I had.

The parking lot was nearly empty and that made me happy. That meant no one to overhear us and no pressure.

She was working the counter like I had hoped, cleaning off the glass Ice Cream case. She looked up and frowned. Her usual delighted smile to see me was gone.

“What are you doing here, Sadie? I told you I need a break. It’s been one day!” she huffed.

I put my hands up in surrender and walked slowly toward her like she was an angry animal.

“Look, I only came to talk, not to yell,” I told her. I had practiced my speech on the way over. I didn’t know how it would play out, but I didn’t expect her to still be so angry and hurtful.

“You mean to apologize?” she snapped putting her hands on her hips.

I swallowed then replied, “I’ll admit I judged Oliver a bit too harshly, but you and I have been best friends since first grade. I can’t help it if I’m protective of you. It’s who I am; it’s what I’ve always done, protect you.”

“Whoa,” she interrupted. “You protect me when I need it, not when I have a boyfriend before you do. To me that just screams jealously, Sadie. I’m sorry but you need to go.” Apparently she was still pissed at me and not willing to listen. She still insisted I was jealous, when I wasn’t. I knew in my heart that it wasn’t envy driving me; it was my fear for her safety. I couldn’t pin point what it was that scared me, but I would be able to soon.

“Lily, honestly I’m not upset you have a boyfriend. I swear,” I said as I walked closer to her. I wanted to hug her and for her to tell me it would be okay. I had done a total one-eighty from this morning. Instead of being finished with her, I wanted to salvage what friendship we had left. Maybe it was Nolan’s advice or maybe it was seeing her, I wasn’t sure. One thing was crystal clear, she was done with me. I could see it on her face like it was written in black ink across her forehead. She was in love with Oliver and needed no one else in her life.

“Lies! Sadie, it’s all lies. You’re lying to yourself and to me. I’m done.” There it was. “I’m done with you and with all your crap. I’ll mail your shit to your house. Get out.”

She didn’t yell it; she just said it nicely, which was weird. I would have preferred yelling over her calm
goodbye
. I stepped back, nodding my head like a bobbing idiot. On my way out the door, I searched her face for some remnants of the friend I knew only days before. As I reached the doorway, I realized she was gone.

I found my car, got in and sat down. I was a mess, but I wouldn’t cry. Not now. Not where she could see me. I would cry when I got home, and I would let it all out. I wasn’t crying over the girl that I last spoke to, I would be crying for the girl I once knew. The Lily inside my heart was gone somehow, and I didn’t know who it was that took her place. I also made myself a promise that once I finished my crying, that would be the last I ever thought of Lily Chavez again.