Who'll Kill Agnes? (22 page)

“Oh? And what might that be?” continued Audrey in the same tone.

“Do you think he’s got oldtimers’ disease?”

“What? Oh, do you mean Alzheimers?” said Penny.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“What put that idea into your little lame brain?” sneered Audrey.

“Well, because he’s always calling the cops by names that aren’t theirs. You know, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello. Then he thought they were twins. My gawd, Donovan is too old to be Metson’s twin.”

Audrey just gaped at her while Penny exploded with laughter. “Oh, Bernie,” she cried, “you’re delightful! Just what we need to lighten our moods.”

At that moment Lester stumbled into the room.

“Well, oldtimer, up and about, eh?” said Audrey.

“Audrey!” exclaimed both Penny, who was appalled at Audrey’s lack of compassion, and Bernie, who was shocked to think she would ridicule him, especially if he did have that disease.

“Lester, what are you doing here?” cried Penny. “You shouldn’t have come down.”

“I-I needed a drink,” he panted weakly as he sank into an easy chair.

“You mean you don’t have any alcohol in that suite of yours upstairs?” asked Audrey, incredulous.

“Naw, I did have some but I drank it the night after Agnes died. Thought I was celebrating,” he mumbled as tears rolled down his face. “Besides, with her gone I can come down here and drink any time I want, morning or night. No need to hide it in my room anymore.”

“Yes, but sometimes it’s convenient to have a bottle by the bedside. Sometimes I need a swallow or two just to go to sleep.”

“Oh lordy, Audrey, don’t go sounding uppity like your sister always did. It was okay for her to have a bottle of gin for medicinal purposes, as she called it, but not me. Of course I hid mine from her.”

“Oh, henpicked, henpicked!” shrilled Bernie, the new matriarch of Henley House.

Lester turned and glared at her, open-mouthed. Very seldom had there been conflict between father-in-law and daughter-in-law.

“Henpecked, you nitwit!” shouted Audrey.

“Whatever,” said Bernie, “all right, we’re all here, and I want to let you know that darling Kevin told me while ago that everyone is to stay on just as before. Everybody will be provided for.” To herself Bernie mused but not if she had anything to do with it. Well, maybe Lester could stay. After all, he was Kevin’s dad and now she could
henpick-peck him
.
Smiling at her thoughts, she said, “So, let’s drink to drinking whenever we want and to a future without Agnes.”

At which, inexplicably, Lester again burst into tears. Penny rushed to console him. Audrey and Bernie downed their drinks.

“What are you carrying on about?” said Audrey, as she gave him a napkin to blow his nose. “You wanted her dead.”

“I-I wanted a future without Agnes. But I-I also wanted a future full of security and self-respect. Now the whole town’s going to know that I’m dependent on my son.”

“How is anyone going to know what Agnes’ will said?” asked Audrey. “Now that Bernie has said that we’ll go on as before, no one else needs to know. Let’s make a pact. We’ll discuss this with Kevin and I’m sure my precious nephew will agree that no one is to reveal the contents of Agnes’ will. We’ll live as we always have and the rest of the town will never know.” She added to herself, until that damn will was challenged but in the meantime…She left the thought unfinished
.

As if reading her thoughts, Bernie exclaimed, “What are you talking about? Right after the reading of the will you said you were going to contest it, whatever that means, so you could get the family jewels. But a contest wouldn’t mean you’d win.”

“Oooh, you little idiot, no, no, I’m sorry Bernie, I-I’ve had time to calm down. Forget what I said. Right now we all have to go on as before and hold our heads high in front of the community.”

“Dammit, Audrey, you’re getting more like Agnes every minute,” complained her brother-in-law. “But you’re right. We should keep quiet about this. Everybody agree?”

Audrey and Penny quickly nodded yes. Lester turned to his daughter-in-law, “Bernie?”

“Sure, I won’t tell nobody,” she smiled complacently, remembering the phone call she had made to her mother while Kevin was tending to Lester.

“What about Mark?” asked Penny. “He sat through the reading of the will, remember? We’re so used to him now that nobody even thought to ask him to leave.”

“He belongs here as much as you do, Penny,” said Audrey caustically, “and he certainly makes more of a contribution to this household than you do.”

“Oh!” cried Penny, shooting Audrey a murderous look and wondering why she continued to turn against her so vehemently.

Startled by Penny’s expression, Audrey remembered that she couldn’t afford to lose her as an ally, not yet anyway. Besides, she had her own suspicions about Penny’s little innocent act. She may not have had a monetary motive to wish Agnes dead but she would have had a vengeful one.

“Now, cut it out you two!” shouted Lester, recovering some of his previous energy. “Penny’s right. We got to talk to Mark. Bernie, go see if he’s in the kitchen.”

After she had left, Audrey took a deep breath and smiled sweetly at Penny. “I-I guess the day’s events have caused emotions to overcome reason.”

“Oh,” said Penny, confused. She wondered if that was Audrey’s way of apologizing.

“Damn right,” said Lester. “We got to start thinking.”

Bernie quickly returned with Mark. Lester and Audrey explained the situation to him.

“Now, Mark,” asked Audrey confidently, “will you help us to maintain appearances and the confidentiality of the will?”

“Of course. No problem,” he responded affably, thinking of the phone call he had made to his father as soon as he had left Kevin in Lester’s room and returned to the kitchen.

“All right then. It’s all settled. Life goes on,” said Lester in a much-restored mood. “I’ll talk to Kevin, or better yet, Bernie, you handle him. He’s as much upset by this business as I am.”

“Don’t you worry. I’ll take care of my sweetie.”

Glancing out the window and gazing upon a peacefully dozing Kevin, who was lying in the fading sunlight, Audrey mused wryly that he didn’t look so upset, the little bastard!

Despite Audrey’s cynical appraisal of Kevin, dinner was again a rather melancholy affair due to his silence. Whether his deportment was the shocking result of being the immediate heir to his mother’s fortune or of still being in mourning for her, the others couldn’t decide. Something about the dinner hour produced a sadness quite uncharacteristic of him, or so perceived Lester, Audrey, and Penny.

Mark tread lightly around Kevin as he served a ridiculous concoction composed of ground beef, a can of pork and beans, a package of macaroni and cheese, and instant mashed potatoes, all mixed together with dollops of ketchup. The mess was accompanied by a traditional green salad.

“Damn, Mark,” complimented Lester, “this is the best dish you’ve cooked up yet.”

Audrey was too preoccupied to quip one of her usual caustic remarks. She ate her meal, not really tasting it. She wondered if Bernie had said anything to Kevin and if she had, what had he said? No matter what Lester’s opinion was, she knew they couldn’t leave their future to Bernie’s control of Kevin and why was Kevin so quiet?

Penny wondered if reminiscences of past family dinners when good-naturedly he teased his mother brought about Kevin’s mood. After all, Kevin was never irritated by his mother’s pomposity, she thought.

Although he was enjoying the meal, Lester worried about his son. Damn, he didn’t want the kid to be so sad. Who would have thought he’d mourn her like this? Ah well, Agnes had been dead only a few days. He would come out of it.

“Say, Penny,” addressed Bernie brightly, not in the least intimidated by her husband’s melancholy. “Why don’t you fix one of your Aunt Hazel pies? Give Mark some time off?”

All eyes suddenly riveted to Penny who could only blurt, “Huh?”

Mark came to her rescue. “Say, that’s an idea. I’d appreciate it. I could spend more time with my dad.”

“Oh, well,” sputtered Penny, “I didn’t know anyone knew about that.”

“Hell,” said Lester, “everybody in this town knew, I betcha, except Agnes. Damn, I remember those pies you used to make at the Southern-Star Restaurant in Connor’s Corner. Damn tasty!”

“Lester, I think Penny would prefer not to remember that,” Audrey quietly reprimanded him.

Glancing at his son, he mumbled, “Oh yeah. Sorry.”

Not understanding the undercurrent, Mark asked, “Well, would you Penny?”

“Oh sure, of course,” she replied doubtfully.

After dinner Bernie told everyone that she and Kevin were going to their room to watch television. As usual, Mark took care of the dishes and the cleaning in the kitchen. No one volunteered to help him. Penny and Audrey returned to the library, selected reading material, and went upstairs to read in their respective rooms. Lester entered the empty library, mixed a drink, turned on the TV, and sat down to watch ESPN.

Later that night when everyone was ensconced in his or her room, Lester, Audrey, and Penny pondered their own individual fates.

Although his scheme had worked perfectly, Lester was falling into a deep depression caused by the treachery of the will.

“I wonder which one of them did it. And it was all for nothing! Of course, Kevin ain’t going to throw me out. But damn! I got to know which one of those women killed Agnes. It could’ve been any one of them. They were all around here, more or less, during the critical time. I got the impression each didn’t really know what the others were doing, but yet, they were eager to cover for each other. Maybe that was because each one thought she’d be blamed because she’d drawn the X.”

He smiled ruefully. He’d certainly outsmarted himself. “Or was it the other way around? Did they do it together? Oh so kindly offering to fix Agnes’ salad and her so pleased at their concern? Oh what a funny thought! But no, Bernie couldn’t keep a secret like that, could she? But Audrey’s always snapping at her and Penny. And why would they conspire? Did they find out that they’d all drawn the X? Then why didn’t they get mad at me? Oh damn! I got to know. This is killing me.”

Audrey was overcome, not so much with panic, but with rage, rage at her sister and the injustice of losing her aunt’s jewelry to that piece of trailer trash who was Kevin’s wife. In a way, the turn of events was poetic justice. Agnes had finagled Aunt Hilda into leaving the jewelry to her, and then Agnes had unwittingly left the pieces to her detested daughter-in-law.

“If I weren’t the victim in all this, it would be funny.”

While rage was the superseding emotion, panic did linger beneath. “What will happen if my lawsuit doesn’t work? Will I be cast out? And Kevin? Maybe I won’t have to sue. If I play up to his sense of family responsibility, will he realize how much I deserve those jewels? Just how much does Kevin know anyway? Has Lester ever told him anything? I know Agnes never did.”

There was a knock at her door.

She opened it. “Lester, what the hell are you doing here at this hour?”

“Audrey, I got to talk to you. Can-can I come in?”

She opened the door wider and beckoned him to enter.

“What on earth is wrong with you?”

“Audrey, it’s killing me. I got to know which one of you killed her.”

Audrey stood silent for a few moments, and then indicated a chair for him to sit on. “I take it that that means you didn’t kill her?” She asked calmly.

“What? Gawd no!” Then, looking at her in a different light, “Or you either, huh?”

“No,” she laughed nervously, “I didn’t but I was worried sick that the focus would turn on me. You see, I drew the X.”

He didn’t respond but stared numbly at her.

Misinterpreting his silence as cowardice, she continued, “I’ve thought about this a lot, too, and I thought at first it was either you or Bernie.”

“Oh hell, yes. It had to be Bernie.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“But she gets everything!”

“She didn’t know that until this afternoon. Besides, Bernie’s a Tucker. She couldn’t keep a secret like that. She’d at least blab it to her family and the whole town would know.”

“Then-then it’s Penny?”

“Hmm. Quiet, shy, unassuming little Penny. She’s really put on quite a show, hasn’t she? So innocent like, always protesting it was an accident.”

“Damn! She came through for me. Penny, of all people.”

“But why? If she didn’t draw the X?” Luckily for Lester, she didn’t give him time to respond. “I guess she hated Agnes that much and used your scheme as an opportunity, figuring that the person who drew the X would be blamed.”

Lester knew that Penny couldn’t have reasoned that way. After all, Penny had drawn an X, too, but he agreed with the rest of Audrey’s explanation. It fit Penny to a T.

“But the little wimp has such a guilty conscience that she grasped the accident theory like a vise. And there’s something else that you’ve forgotten.”

“What’s that?” he asked.

“Penny didn’t have an alibi. Remember? Bernie and I included her in ours. Oh, it’s true that we got back from town earlier than we said but the house was extremely quiet and I think now that Agnes was already dead when we got home. Bernie and I went upstairs and I did doze off but I think I would have noticed if Bernie had gone back downstairs. Besides, Agnes wouldn’t have eaten a salad that Bernie had fixed for her. No, the timing was all wrong anyway. And you guys, you, Mark, and Kevin, were downtown.”

“Then where was Penny?”

“Outside, in the heat of the day, walking in the gardens. Lester, she was here the whole time.”

“Damn!”

“Exactly. Penny killed Agnes. Besides, I think she tried to confess to me in her own inept way but I dismissed it because I had drawn the X.”

Unaware of the accusations against her, Penny was nonetheless in anguish. Relieved that Agnes’ death had been ruled accidental and that she wasn’t going to be implicated after all, she worried how Kevin was going to treat her. She and Kevin had always been friends since he was a little boy and she was his babysitter. They had spent many evenings together playing harmoniously while Agnes, with or without Lester, had gone about town laying the groundwork for community involvement. Surely Kevin would not push her out into the world with no place to go.