Wicked Wonderland (16 page)

“Dr. Phil?”

“Yeah, you’re an enabler, like they talk about on Dr. Phil or one of those kinds of shows. I don’t mean to be cruel, baby, but I really think you’re enabling your mother’s gambling.”

Lilly’s mouth opened and then closed. She looked to Kris for help.

“I think he’s right, Lilly.”

Anger made her ears hot, her teeth clench. “Neither of you has even seen me in the last ten years until yesterday. You really don’t know a thing about me or my life!”

Everything in Nick’s face seemed to chill in response to her anger. “I know you’re still spending your life paying for your selfish mother’s mistakes. That much is obvious. You could let us help you with that, you know.” Nick reached out and touched her shoulder. He almost distracted her from her anger.

But the need to defend herself from their accusations was stronger, especially when a little part of her suggested there was truth to their words. “I admit my mother is weak when it comes to gambling, and I’ve suffered for it. But you two don’t know her. You don’t know what a wonderful person she was before she became a gambling addict, what a wonderful mother she was to me when I was a little girl.

“My adoptive parents were there for me when I was a baby, when
no one
else wanted me. Then my dad decided Marion’s gambling was too rough on his fragile health, and he moved out. You know he was already in his fifties when they adopted me? He died of diabetes complications when I was eleven.”

Kris’s arm went around her waist. “I’m so sorry.”

Lilly gently shrugged off his embrace. Tears welled in her eyes, and she blinked them back, then lifted her chin, turning toward Nick to stare him down. “My mother’s all the family I’ve got, and I’m not going to let her down.”

Nick brushed a lock of hair back from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear. “I know, Lilly. You have a heart of gold.”

Her stomach dipped a little as she looked into his handsome face. The sincerity in his eyes made her irritation fade. She looked down to do up the last button on her blouse. When she glanced back up, Kris had his hand on Nick’s shoulder. It looked so natural there. The two of them were soul mates and magical beings. As much as they were obviously attracted to her, she didn’t see how she could ever really be a part of their world, and their comments about her being an enabler made her question their respect for her. Perhaps because they’d both spent time in the Fae Realm, she could never really understand them, and they could never really understand her.

That thought cut like a knife.

I need to focus. This fantastic experience is near an end.

“I need to go home now.”

“You can’t stay with us for the rest of the deliveries? Kris and I are going to have to go back and help Santa with the ordinary deliveries now. We’d love for you to come with us, though.” Nick’s grin made her grin back.

“No, I can’t. Tonight’s been amazing, but I have to get back to my real life now and let you two get back to yours.” She tried to give them both a brave and warm smile. “I’ll remember this night forever, and I’ll miss you both.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair. “Goddamn it, Lilly. I want to be with you. So does Kris.”

Her heart stuttered.

“I want to be with you.”
What did that really mean? It was the kind of vague love comment a woman could let circle in her head until it drove her mad, trying to read more into it than was really there.

She shook her head. “Seriously, I can’t get involved with one man, let alone two. I have to put all my energies, all my emotions into working out my financial problems.”

Kris raised an eyebrow. “You mean your mother’s financial problems.” She would have expected a comment like that from Nick, not Kris. It almost felt like a betrayal the way he was siding with Nick’s opinion of her mother instead of being his usual understanding self, and it just made her feel even more certain that the two of them had an inseparable bond she shouldn’t be part of.

She took two steps back.

Nick halted her retreat by grabbing her upper arms and pulling her toward his chest. Her heart was beating too fast. Emotionally, she didn’t want to leave either of them. The thought of never seeing them again made her stomach drop. Fear of the overwhelming loneliness that might consume her was like a hot ball lodged in her chest. She wanted to dissolve that ball, wanted to collapse into their arms and pour out all her longing for them, pour out all her adoration, tell them she was in love with both of them. And that would be crazy wrong.

She put her hands on Nick’s shoulders, trying to push him from her side even as her soul screamed “no”, even as her heart ached. Nick held her close for a moment and then eased away.

Dozens of thoughts and emotions drifted through her head in murky confusion until she finally alighted on one.

They’re the perfect happy couple, and there’s no way I’m going to get in the way of that.

“It won’t work, Nick. The three of us, it can never work. Not ever.”

Kris looked startled. Nick seemed seriously pissed off. Everything in his face seemed to tighten and go hard. It made a chill go through her. She sought for words to placate him. “Um…look, Nick, you’re right. I’ll call the police about the message as soon as I get home. I’ll get them to check it out. I need to get home. People are counting on me. The concert tonight is for a charity I’m involved with, Music and Dance for Miracles. The ballet will raise money for TONTA, the Orphans’ National Trust of America.”

A glint of hurt still shone in Kris’s eyes, but he was being rational, reasonable, as ever. “You were always so clever about finding ways to raise money for that charity. I always admired you for that.”

She smiled back at him, pulling her coat closed around her. “You gave a fair amount of money to the cause too, as I remember.”

Nick still scowled. “Give me your cell phone, Lilly.”

“Why?”

“Just do it.” The dark timbre of his tone and the fury in his eyes made her shiver.

Reluctantly, she unzipped her bag, pulled out her phone and handed it over to him. She watched him tap into it.

“I’m putting my number and Kris’s on here. You’re to ring us immediately if there’s any trouble after we leave you at home.”

Temper prickled at her throat and put her teeth on edge. “I don’t like being told what to do, Nick. I don’t let men boss me around.”

Not outside the bedroom, anyway.

He only lifted an eyebrow in response.

Kris’s concerned expression told a different story. “Nick and I just want to protect you.” He angled his head toward her. His kiss wasn’t slow and gentle this time. She could taste that he had temper in him too, in the way his mouth crushed hers and the way he fisted the back of her outfit.

The vicious heat that burst in her blood demanded she give way to the kiss. With both these men, she felt insatiable, and it scared her. It was a magic kind of lust, otherworldly. Surely such intense desire wasn’t real; it wasn’t mortal. She broke the kiss and pulled back in a deliberate gesture. She looked into his eyes, flinching a little at the hurt she saw there.

Kris hesitated for just a moment, then put his arm around her, his thumb skimming her back in a soft caress. “Lilly, can’t you understand that we want to be with you?”

“You scare me.”

Kris’s eyes twinkled in a friendly but somehow otherworldly way, and when he grinned, it showed the dimple in his cheek. “I’m not scary. No one’s scared of me. I’m not a dark fae.”

Lilly touched his arm fondly; he was so adorable. But she still felt the need to hold them off. This wasn’t reality and if she’d ever had any fae powers it was too late to explore them now. She had her own real life to deal with, and she had to separate herself from Kris and Nick before she got her heart completely broken by the couple for a second time.

“What I mean is, the way you make me feel scares me. You two are sylphs. You’re not of this world. You’ve spent most of your adult lives in this Fae Realm you’ve talked about, right? And at the North Pole with Santa Claus? I don’t think you can really understand what mortal love means. And however tempted I am to hide out with the two of you, I can’t. I have obligations and responsibilities in the real…I mean the ‘mortal world’. This has been the most wonderful experience of my life, an incredible sensual experience…but I think…it’s at an end now. I’m sure you two want to get on with your lives, and I need to get on with mine.”

Nick blew out a breath. “You’re insulting yourself and us.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t find it insulting. Look, why clutter up healthy animal instincts with emotions and excuses? Whatever otherworldly genetic makeup the three of us may have, we all enjoy sex, and we’ve had a fantastic night. We don’t need to tangle it up with a bunch of complicated pretenses. Let’s get back in the sleigh now and get me home.”

Nick’s dark hazel gaze moved possessively over her face. A flicker of menace crossed his brooding features for a second and then softened to compassion. “I’d say too many people in your life have forced you to keep your expectations low.”

She bowed her head, embarrassed for a moment. Neither Nick nor Kris could ever truly understand what she’d been through since the stalker had entered her life, since her adoptive dad had left home, since her mother had started gambling. No one could really understand it without having lived through it all. There was no one she could count on but herself. Inside, she yearned to reach out to them both and hold on tight forever; inside, she wailed and thrashed, but she knew,
knew
that this situation was too abnormal to ever work out.

Nick turned away from her and swore. He waved his hands and muttered some unintelligible words, then let loose a melodic humming from deep within his throat that made the mattress disappear.

She told herself it was just sex. It was important to believe it. And yet it had been beyond anything she’d ever experienced. Leaving aside all the magic, the sex itself had been dazzling, and beneath all the pleasure had grown unease. Because with Nick and Kris, she was swept up in a way that wasn’t even comparable to her sexual experiences with other men.

All her life, she’d been afraid to make a real emotional commitment to any man because that would give her stalker an edge over her. If she truly loved someone, her stalker might hurt him. She could never have children. It would be like putting a piece of her insides out there where her stalker could get it. The extra power he’d have over her if she had a child was unthinkable.

Kris must have sensed her despair, for he took her hand, stroked it gently and helped her back into the sleigh. The strength and power in his grip made her contemplate his magic. How amazing it must be to command material reality the way he could. Longing for the same skills gripped her in a sudden wave of envy and then was gone.

She watched Nick climb into the front seat and take hold of the reins. His dark voice commanded, “Now, Rudolph, now Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!”

Sydney Harbor below was pale blue in the afternoon sun, dotted with the white sails of dozens of yachts that mirrored the organic shape of the Opera House. Kris’s hand felt warm and secure in her own.

In no time, the sleigh was high in the clouds, and she clutched the handrail again, laughing with a combination of fear and delight. Once the steep climb into the air was over, she relaxed her grip. The sleigh moved slowly and smoothly now over the city. As the movement of the sleigh became soft and rhythmic, Lilly realized how exhausted she really was. She curled up against an emerald-colored satin pillow and closed her eyes, the rocking of the sleigh sending her gently to sleep.

The sun came out from behind a cloud, and sunshine streamed down on Lilly’s sleeping form. Kris sucked in his breath as he looked at her. Her skin glowed; her golden-red hair shone as it spread across an emerald-green pillow. Brown lashes with the barest hint of red rested against her pale cheeks. He could hardly hear her soft breathing. She was so deeply asleep he imagined she wouldn’t wake if he touched her. So he gave in to temptation, lightly brushing his finger against the bridge of her nose and smiling at the peppering of the palest of freckles. A fierce and sudden desire to protect her made his gut clench.

For as long as he’d known her, Lilly had amazed him. Her dedication to working for the rights of orphans, using her charm and musical talent to raise money, her passion to help those more unfortunate than herself had always inspired him.

When they’d been at college and she’d walked into a room, fireworks went off in his head. Her gorgeous hair set off sparks of gold and red like a halo. And of course there were her curves, those full breasts which even now made desire rise hot in his chest.

He could tell she loved Nick; he could see it in her eyes when she looked at him. Could she possibly love him the same way? Could she ever consent to a sylph ménage that went beyond casual sex?

He glanced over at Nick as his best friend and lover slowed the reindeer, beginning the descent onto a new rooftop.

“Enjoying a beautiful view?” Nick winked at him.

Kris put aside his anxious thoughts and gave his lover a smile. “Don’t you know it.”

Kris waited until Nick had completed the landing.

Kris gripped the side of the sleigh with one hand, his heart pounding. His gaze fell to Nick’s full lips. “Talk to me.”

Nick sighed and closed his eyes, then opened them again. “I’m not letting Lilly out of my life.”

Kris swallowed hard. The flare of jealousy that rose in his heart sickened him. He wouldn’t let Nick see it. He and Lilly deserved to have each other’s love. Kris forced a smile that probably didn’t reach his eyes. “Dude, if you want to be with Lilly, you’re gonna have to stop dissing her mother, for a start.”

Nick frowned. “Her mother is a very selfish woman. All she cares about is getting her emotional highs by gambling at the casino.”

“Like Lilly said, you really don’t know her.”

Nick waved his hand, muttering the ancient, musical language of the Fae, and conjured a beer. He handed it to Kris and, with a little hum, conjured a second, screwed off the top and took a sip. “I know enough.”