Wild Summer (12 page)

If Summer wanted to know if Crash thought he was beautiful, he just needed to see the way Crash was looking at him. It was obvious.

“You never felt like a connection with someone, something you can’t quite explain, but that’s like finding the truth?”

Summer nodded. “Yeah, I had that once. I fucked it up, though. I pushed him away and however hard I searched, I couldn’t find him again. I never thought I’d have another chance.”

All the blood drained from Crash’s face, and his mouth opened to ask what happened, when Summer punched his arm and flicked water in his face.

“You,” he mouthed, his eyes burning like a setting sun with the glow of the horizon in them. “You—the insane kid who saved my life by pushing me out of the way of a truck. You, who then told me he was responsible for my life, but from that moment on, I didn’t want you to be responsible for it. I wanted to fucking
share it
with you. I just didn’t know how it could ever work. I’ve made such a fucking mess of everything.”

“No, I made a mess of everything. I didn’t understand, but I should have stood up to Ren. I should have been there for you,” Crash admitted helplessly. “Fought for you.”

Fight for me now
, Summer’s expression seemed to plead.

He inched closer and snaked a hand around Crash’s neck, fingers grasping the locks of wet hair that touched Crash’s shoulder.

“You were just a baby,” Summer mouthed. “I wish I’d known where you had gone that night. I wish I’d never pushed you away, but I never expected you to save me, Crash. You did nothing wrong. Please don’t feel guilty about that
. Please
. I needed to save myself.”

In a single movement, he crushed their lips together, pulling them both beneath the waves until neither of them could breathe, and Crash’s heart felt about to burst.

They’d gone too deep. The waves hit them in the face as they resurfaced, and the sea floor dropped away. Summer choked on seawater. Grabbing his arm, Crash pulled them toward the beach and into the shallows.

They were still submerged up to their shoulders, both of them shivering quite violently now as the water lapped around them.

With Summer so close to him, all Crash wanted to do was lose himself in his taste and warmth. The promise his words held still reverberated around Crash’s skull, keeping other thoughts at bay. Thoughts that Summer was already taken, that he wasn’t a free agent, that his relationship with Ren needed to be finished before anything could begin for them.

Crash looked around and realized they couldn’t stay here much longer. The tide was coming in, swallowing up the beach.

“What about Ren, your relationship with him?” Crash said in a rush, needing to get the words out, needing to
know
, and immediately regretting it.

Summer looked flattened. His lips trembled as he spoke, whether from cold or emotion, Crash didn’t know.

“It was never a relationship as such. He fucked me, and I let him. Sometimes he suggested other people fuck me and….”

Even though they were on solid ground and buoyed up by the water, Summer deflated, his knees gave way, and Crash put his arms out to catch him before he slipped beneath the waves. Now they were only inches apart, and the words began to spill out of Summer’s mouth so fast, Crash had to watch closely to keep up.

“I walked out and left him last night. Shortly after I texted you, we argued, and I told him I was leaving him. He dumped my phone in the fishbowl. He thought I was testing him, but I’m not. I’m gone. I need to be strong for Sky. I had to leave.

“You gave me the courage, Christopher. I was so scared I’d left it too late. It’s so messed up,” Summer choked, tears streaming down his face. “And now I don’t have any friends or anywhere to go. He doesn’t pay me enough to get a place of my own. In the beginning it was about security. Ren was Mum’s boyfriend when I came out of foster care. At first he used to make me do stuff just to see if he could—like stealing—and then he wanted to do stuff to me. The deal was he kept the rent paid on that house…. If Mum had lost that place, which she would have, Sky would have gone into care, and I couldn’t let that happen. Then Mum took the overdose, and they took Sky anyway. Ren went mad when I suggested we could take her in….”

Summer looked bleak.

But Crash understood. Finally, he understood. And he was horrified by the choices Summer had been forced to make. Summer would do anything he could for Sky. He’d just run out of options.

If Crash had known all this four years ago, perhaps things would have been different. But he didn’t, and they weren’t. All they had was right now, this moment. This was all they could change.

“Is Sky okay with the social worker up there now?” Crash asked gently, thinking about how long they must have been gone.

“Yeah. I made the social worker woman promise to stay there with her and not wake her up until I got back. Sky will still be asleep.”

“We can go back if you want. We’ll need to before the tide takes the beach away anyway.”

Summer glanced back at the sea creeping up the shore. The waves were already dragging away their clothes as they drew down the beach with each pull of the tide.

“Wait.” Summer swallowed, bit his lip, cupped Crash’s cheek. “Ren thought I belonged to him, but I don’t, I never did. But I want to belong to you. If… if you want me?”

If Crash wanted him? How could Summer think Crash didn’t want him? He was all Crash had ever wanted, but….

“You don’t belong to anyone. No one should belong to anyone else,” he said gently, placing his hand over Summer’s, linking their fingers.

“Okay… if the semantics bother you, I want to belong
with
you.”

“Not just semantics. I want you to be free. I want you to choose to be with me because that’s what you want, and no other reason.”

Summer closed his eyes, squeezed Crash’s hand. “I’m scared.”

“Of Ren?” Because Crash was not going to let anything happen to Summer, not this time, not ever again. The fear was still there, but this time he would not cower. This time he would stand up despite it.

“Yes, but not like you think…. He didn’t mess up my face, Crash. I wasn’t lying to you. He’d never be that obvious. One of the punters at the club wouldn’t take no for an answer one night.”

Crash’s eyes went wide at the implication, and he gripped Summer’s arm, terrified of what
not taking no for an answer
might mean.

“No, he didn’t rape me. He just didn’t want anyone else to have me. Ren was furious. Mostly with me. It meant I couldn’t work. He told me I should have been more careful.

“I have a couple of thousand pounds saved from tips I never told Ren about. I’ve been building myself up to leaving him for years. I just… never had the guts to go through with it until now. I’ve never been on my own. I don’t know where I’m going to live or work or anything!”

“I’ll help you.”

“I want to get my stuff from the house tonight. I want him to know I’m not coming back. I want it to be
over
.”

“I’ll help you,” Crash repeated. He would do anything. His heart was soaring at the chance.

“Okay.” Summer nodded, shivering in his arms.

R
EN
’
S
HOUSE
was a lonely villa about ten minutes along the sunlit coast road out of town. No other properties lined this section of road. There was no room to build them, as most of the land on the right-hand side of the road was exposed cliff face that dropped away into the sea.

They got off the bus. The pavement was narrow, and the sharp, dull green sea grass nearly covered it completely.

Ren was at the club. Summer had called to check after he’d said a tearful good-bye to Sky and they’d watched her being driven away, back to her temporary home. Crash was determined to help Summer find his feet so he could take care of her.

They walked down a steep drive to what looked from the front like a modern square bungalow, but was in fact a huge two-story house built into the cliff face, overlooking the darkening blue-gray sea.

Once the front door was open, Summer darted into the hall to turn off the alarm he said was as loud as an air-raid siren, and Crash stared around at the pristine, empty shell the inside of the house presented. Two years into his architecture degree, he could appreciate the space and what the designer’s ethos might have been, but he didn’t like it. What furniture he could see was functional, the flooring all shiny white tiles. It was so soulless and cold, it was creepy. But the view! The view was absolutely breathtaking.

Drawn toward it as though it was a light in the dark, Crash walked through the kitchen and living area and stopped at the wall of glass that stretched across the back of the house. Summer stood beside him and reached out to slide open the glass door onto the balcony. He gestured that Crash go outside but didn’t follow him. The wind was brutal out there, and the air tasted entirely of seawater, but it was beautiful. Holding the handrail, Crash peered down. The balcony stuck out away from the cliff, and the drop went straight down to the sea-washed rocks about a hundred feet below. He turned, curious why Summer still stood inside, about two foot away from the doors.

You want to know how many times I’ve threatened to throw myself off there?
Summer signed, a strange look on his face.

You don’t mean that?

Summer shrugged, giving him a smile that went nowhere near his eyes.
I don’t like it here. I’ve cleaned those windows more times than I want to remember. I’m going to pack my stuff.

The view had suddenly become a lot less enjoyable. Crash stepped back inside and shut the door. On the kitchen island, he noticed the fishbowl with Summer’s phone still inside it.

Upstairs he found Summer sitting on a bed in what was probably the main bedroom, his head in his hands, a plain black holdall Crash recognized at his feet.

There was a balcony outside this room too.

I still have all your clothes,
Summer signed as Crash continued to stare at the bag. It was the bag he’d left in Summer’s room that night four years ago. After what had happened at the club, Crash never went back for it.

I was going to use it as my excuse when I found you… but I never did find you, did I?

You’ve found me now.
Crash knelt and grasped Summer’s shoulder, needing to show him this was real, needing to feel it himself.

Summer shook his head.
It was you who found me after so long. The other morning, at the café, you were so disappointed when I told you I was living with Ren. I love that about you, by the way
—
that you’re so easy to read. The fact that you were so obviously attracted to me bypassed my defenses from the beginning.

Bowing forward, Summer touched their foreheads together.

Sitting with you in that café, it was as though I woke up. As though I could see us from the outside. Your life had moved on. You were at college, you’d grown up, and I was stuck in the same awful situation. I knew then I had to do something. I knew I really had to leave him, like I’d been telling myself for the past four years, or it would be too late.

Too late for what?

To have any chance at a life… a life with you.

Crash’s heart thumped in his ears, which was weird because all the blood in his body seemed to be channeled much farther south.

What if he comes after us, Crash?

Crash cocked his head.
Then we deal with it. You can’t live your life expecting the worst to happen.

One whole bedroom wall was lined with cupboards and drawers, but all Summer took came out of two narrow drawers in the middle.

They changed out of their wet clothes. Crash tried on the clothes he’d left behind four years ago. They were far too tight in lots of ways. So tight, in some places, that Summer fell back on the bed laughing. It was the first time Crash had seem him laugh in years, his eyes alight, the weight inside him appearing partially lifted. A million dark moments were suddenly lightened. In a flash, Crash joined him on the bed, and they wrestled playfully without really thinking—just happy to be with each other, falling into each other’s arms, testing their strengths, pressing close, kissing. They were gentle at first, teasing each other’s mouths open, tasting each other, pressing tongues, slowly becoming lost in the moment….

They could have been anywhere: back in Summer’s bedroom, on the beach, a hundred miles away… but they weren’t. They were in Ren’s house, on Ren’s bed. It was a stupid thing to do, and when Summer pulled away, a terrified look on his face, Crash realized just how stupid.

“Fuckfuckfuck. Ren’s here. Downstairs. The front door just opened.
Hide
.”

Summer ran over to a large cupboard, swung the door wide, and quickly shifting shirts and suits aside, gestured Crash to get in.

“No.” Crash shook his head, not moving from the bed.

There was no way he was hiding. Summer had invited him here. They’d done nothing wrong. Summer had been barely an adult when Ren had manipulated him into this fucked-up relationship. And now he had left him, finally. They would face Ren together. And maybe then Ren’s control over Summer’s life would be over.

Summer nodded, his expression bleak. Crash stood up and took his hand, and they walked from the room and made their way downstairs.

“—fuck have you been?” Ren called out angrily. Then he seemed to notice Crash and paled.

Crash had expected him to explode, but he just looked shocked. They reached the hallway, and Ren saw the bag in Summer’s hand.

“Where are you going?” he demanded.

Summer appeared to have frozen by Crash’s side. Stepping closer, Ren reached out a hand as if to touch him, but Crash let go of Summer’s hand and blocked the movement with his arm. It surprised Crash to realize he was taller than Ren, more solidly built too, and he met Ren’s icy gaze with a cold stare of his own. He was reminded of wild animals circling each other and vowed he would not be the one to duck his head and bow out of this. Now they were face-to-face, he wasn’t even as scared as he had once been. Ren was just a man, a bully, and Crash told himself he wasn’t a scared kid any longer—he was an adult and too sure of himself to be pushed around.