Wildcat (13 page)

“I’m not lying. I’m perfectly serious.”

“I know. I mean
ever
.”

So, trust
is
the
issue.
“I won’t lie.”
Starting
right
now…
“But I do have two requests. Physical contact is not only natural for Zetithians, it’s essential to our well-being. I need to be able to touch you, hold you, even kiss you. Yesterday, when I picked you up and carried you into the house, I realized that, along with something else.” Pausing for a deep breath, he took the plunge. “I’ve never loved anyone and no one has ever loved me. I want to experience that before I die. Don’t refuse to let it happen between us.”

She chewed her lip thoughtfully, then shook her head. “That doesn’t sound like a marriage of convenience.”

“Actually, it’s the most convenient marriage of all. If and when we do fall in love—or even
make
love—we’ll already be married.”

“But what if only
one
of us falls in love? That would be worse than never loving each other at all.”

Jerden knew he was the only one who would suffer in that event. But if he told her now, she’d never believe him. “That’s the chance we have to take.”

She nodded. “True. We could be making a terrible mistake, though.”

“It doesn’t have to be permanent, Sara. If it becomes unbearable, we can end it.” He nudged Danuban and the stallion obligingly stepped sideways, moving close enough to Sara that their knees touched. Reaching out, he placed his hand over hers, surprised at how cold it felt. “But I don’t think that’s how this will turn out. Promise me you’ll at least think about it.”

Sara snorted a laugh. “How could I
not
think about it? It’s not like I get proposed to every day of the week.”

He couldn’t help smiling at her jest, although, in his opinion, it ought to have been the truth. “Is that what it’ll take? Proposing to you every day? If so, I think I can handle that.”

She shot him an exasperated look. “No need for that. I do appreciate the offer, and I have to admit, I thought pretending to be interested in each other was a good idea—at least until I talked to Bonnie this morning. She didn’t believe a word of it.”

“I wondered about that. She never admitted it, but I had my suspicions.”

“She said she wanted to hear my side of the story before she said anything to you, especially since
I
was the one who was acting so out of character.” She shook her head. “I don’t know about getting married, though. Seems kinda drastic.”

“It might take something drastic to eliminate both of our problems, especially yours. I doubt if Salan would be as persistent as Nate, but if you like, we could just keep on saying we were dating.”

“Which means we’d actually have to go on a date.” She paused chewing on the thumb of her riding glove. “Somewhere public…”

Jerden chuckled as he thought of all the women who’d begged to go out to dinner with him, and here Sara was acting as though it was some kind of penance. “You don’t have to make it sound like such a
chore
.”

This time she actually seemed amused when she laughed. “It’s not a chore. I’m just trying to decide what sort of date it should be. I…” She broke off there, her expression one of confusion mixed with a trace of embarrassment. She drew in a deep breath as though about to make a confession—and a painful one, at that. “I’ve never been on a date, Jerden—except one that I’d prefer to forget—and it was a
very
long time ago. I wouldn’t know what to do—how to act… where to go… or anything.”

“How about we go to dinner at Tarq and Lucy’s restaurant? That’s public enough, and they’re bound to see it for what it is and spread the word.”

“As long as Nate gets wind of it, we’ll have accomplished our goal.”

Jerden had an idea that his friend Tarq would be so glad to see him out with a woman, he’d probably alert the media. “I don’t believe that’ll be a problem.”

She gave him a rueful smile. “You’re right about that. Don’t know what I was thinking, especially since everybody seems to know everything about everybody around here. It’s more of an accomplishment to keep something quiet.”

“True. And the more I’m seen out in public behaving like a rational person, the better. I’d like to put those ‘insane wildcat’ rumors to rest once and for all.”

“Okay then,” she said with a decisive nod. “I’ll do it.”

Jerden rolled his eyes. “Thank the gods above.” He’d never had to work so hard to get a woman to agree to a date in his life.

First
time
for
everything…

***

Sara hadn’t been kidding about not knowing what to do on a date. Should they hold hands? Gaze longingly into each other’s eyes? Sit in a dark corner and kiss every time they thought no one was looking? The whole idea was as foreign to her as ballet dancing or flying a starship. She’d have to rely on him to take the lead.

She almost laughed out loud. Allowing a man to take the lead? The last time she’d done that had turned out to be the worst mistake she’d ever made. She doubted this date would turn out to be anything like that one, but as always, the fear that it might haunted her.

But
this
is
Jerden.
She had to remind herself of that. He wasn’t like the others. She was slowly realizing that he was a man she could actually trust—trust not to hurt her, belittle her, or try to dominate her…

She glanced at Danuban. Walking placidly alongside Akira, he displayed no trace of the wild, vicious stallion that the spaceport officials had described to her
. If only you’d been a good boy and waited for me, none of this would’ve happened.
Yet it had. She could see the chain of events clearly now. The stallion’s escape, Nate’s renewed insistence that she breed her mares to his stallion, Jerden’s entry into her life astride that missing horse, and the horse somehow determined to remain with Jerden, inadvertently bringing them together.

Or had it been intentional? A matchmaking stallion?
Highly
unlikely.
He only appeared that way in retrospect. Thinking of him as anything other than an animal and therefore completely lacking in the devious nature required for such a plan was ridiculous. Only people and other so-called intelligent life forms were capable of that level of manipulation, which was yet another reason why Sara preferred horses over people. They were nothing if not honest.

These thoughts had been rattling around in her head for some time when she finally realized that Jerden was watching her, an amused half smile on his lips. “Planning on sharing any of those thoughts? They look mighty deep.”

Sara shook her head. “Not that deep.” A ragged sigh escaped her. “Still want to come over after dinner?”

“Sure.” His gaze swept the entire length of her body, triggering a tingling warmth as if he’d actually touched her. “Unless you want me there sooner.”

His inflection made it sound like a challenge—and a suggestive one at that.
Did
she want him sooner, or did she want him at all? Might be best to ease into it when they wouldn’t be alone together. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that. “Why don’t you have dinner with me and the gang? If nothing else, you’d get the chance to sample more of my cooking. And if you don’t like it, you can still back out of that…
other
offer.”

“Trying to get rid of me already?” he said with a mocking smile. “I doubt if your cooking ability would change my mind. Besides, I’m not such a bad cook myself. I could take over if you like.”

“It
would
be nice to have a break now and then.” She frowned, recalling the kitchen disasters that had occurred when Drania volunteered—though they were nothing compared with Reutal’s fiascoes. Zatlen had never even made the attempt. “The others can’t cook at all.”

“I think you have them spoiled. They’d figure it out if they got hungry enough.”

“Maybe. I like cooking for them, though. They… appreciate it.”

“What, you mean there are people who
don’t
appreciate having someone to cook for them?” He paused as the possibilities sank in. “Unless it was really terrible.”

She tried not to let it show, but the hurt came through anyway. “There are some people who don’t appreciate
anything
you do for them.” She glanced at her watch. “Speaking of which, we’d better get a move on or lunch is going to be late.”

Leaving Jerden to make whatever he wanted of that, she urged Akira into a canter, focusing her eyes on the road ahead to avoid his questioning gaze. That wound was an old one, but it was still too deep, too raw to discuss with Jerden or anyone else. At least, not yet.

Jerden didn’t ask Sara to explain her comment, merely promising to see her at dinner when they parted ways at the turnoff to her farm. Thankful for this reprieve, she rode into the stable yard alone and dismounted, still trying to figure out how she would feel once the news that she and Jerden were an item became common knowledge. Salan wasn’t the type to nurse a broken heart in silence, which meant that Nate had surely heard about it by now. Sara had a feeling the previous night’s visit from him wouldn’t be the last.

Sara didn’t share Jerden’s optimism that her sentiments might change, even though her feelings toward him were already different than they’d been for any other man. Like his proposal, Jerden’s revelation had taken her by surprise. The idea that such a man had never been loved or been in love was ludicrous, though it did make sense in some ways. A man in love wouldn’t sell his body to any woman with a thousand credits to spare, just as a man who’d never been loved wouldn’t see any point in saving himself for the one woman who did.

These thoughts were still in her mind as led Akira into the barn just as Reutal came dancing down the aisle.

“You look awfully happy,” she remarked.

“Oh, I am,” he said with a big, lopsided grin. “Happier than I’ve been in ages!” He sighed with what she could only assume was ecstatic bliss. “So tell me, Sara. When’s the big cat moving in?”

Jerden’s only misgivings were that while a relationship with him might save Sara from being hassled by Nate, it could put her in danger in other ways. Seeing that Davordian woman in Nimbaza had served as a reminder that jealousy wasn’t exclusive to Rhylos. Even though nothing of the sort had ever happened on Terra Minor, a repeat of what happened to Audrey wasn’t beyond the realm of possibility. He reminded himself that the type of insanity Audrey’s murderer suffered from wasn’t common, and the fact that he was no longer available to any woman willing to pay for his services made the risk negligible. Since being designated as the Zetithian homeworld, more single women had immigrated to Terra Minor than ever before, but the odds that any of them were crazy enough to kill a Zetithian man’s mate were slim—the screening process was very strict. So strict, in fact, that if Jerden hadn’t been a Zetithian, the authorities might not have allowed
him
to remain on the planet.

There were exceptions to every rule—case in point, Bonnie’s first husband, who’d been a criminal with forged identity documents—but fortunately, those were rare. And even though she clearly wanted a Zetithian husband rather badly, Jerden didn’t see Salan as a potential murderess.

He looked down at Cria walking alongside the stallion. “What about you? Do
you
think there’s any danger?”

Cria replied with a sidelong glance that clearly said
Not
with
me
around.

“You’re probably right about that. I forgot to mention that I came with a built-in bodyguard myself. I’ll have to remember to tell her tonight.”

Tonight.

They had a lot to talk about and it might be quite late before he headed for home. After his wild, nocturnal rides through the mountains, crossing the fields from Sara’s house after dark posed no problems. However, if she were to insist that he stay the night, he wouldn’t say no.

He hadn’t been joking when he’d said he’d never leave her side. Parting with her for the few hours until dinner had taken a tremendous amount of resolve, and right now, the need to turn the horse around and gallop back to her was so strong he could barely withstand it. He hoped she wouldn’t mind if he got there a little early, because he intended to arrive before she’d even
started
fixing dinner.

The reason was simple.

I’ve asked Sara to be my mate, and I’m not with her.

Zetithians didn’t need a ceremony; the bond between mates was physical as well as mental and incredibly strong. Sara might not have accepted him yet, but she
had
acknowledged the advantages. Given the way she seemed to feel about men, the fact that she’d agreed to dinner that night and a date at some unspecified time in the future was nothing short of miraculous. He knew exactly what he was doing and welcomed the consequences. Unfortunately, it might take a while before Sara felt the same way.

She wasn’t heartless. There was plenty of love in her; she simply spread it around in other areas—horses, dogs, cats, roses, Bonnie’s children. He even suspected she was fond of Reutal, though in a completely asexual manner.
Something
had happened to her—whether one single, horrific episode or many—and that something had shut off her desire for men entirely. He could understand how it might happen—a series of events compelling her to form a pattern of behavior that was reinforced until it became self-perpetuating. His task would be to break that pattern and establish a new one.

He knew what he was up against. Incidents of rape, abuse—both physical and mental—domination, and cruelty were scattered throughout human history. So much so that a fear of men had become ingrained in the women and very little was required to bring it to the surface. As a member of a species whose females were among the most independent and difficult to entice in the galaxy, a Zetithian man simply couldn’t afford to do any of those things if he ever expected to find a mate. And because the scent of a woman’s desire was necessary for a Zetithian man to get an erection, rape was impossible.

It didn’t take a specialist in mental disorders to figure out that Sara was probably a rape victim, but she’d mentioned that there were other things she didn’t even like to think about.

Jerden knew he wasn’t perfect. He had flaws—arrogance being chief among them—and had been known to do some pretty stupid things in his time. He’d learned the hard way not to take a woman’s affection for granted or to assume that his sexual ability could solve any problems that might arise between them.

She’d asked him not to lie to her. No problems there—deceit was something Zetithians weren’t particularly good at anyway. She wanted her efforts to be appreciated. That was easy enough. The trick would be in doing it so subtly that it didn’t seem rehearsed. She probably wouldn’t like him to flirt openly with other women, either—yet another thing he didn’t want to do anymore. He wanted to spend time with
her
, discovering as much as he could about who she was, but it worked both ways. He’d have to be more forthcoming about himself. He’d promised not to hurt her, and he wouldn’t—not with words or actions. Most women liked receiving gifts as well as compliments—the more thoughtful, the better—and he’d detected a hint of relief when he’d offered to help her with the cooking.

It might take months—years, even—but he would figure out the ways in which she wanted to be loved, and in so doing, he might even discover the key to his own heart.

***

Sara wasn’t able to answer Reutal’s question regarding Jerden’s plans immediately, partly because she’d been slightly stunned by it, and partly because she just plain didn’t know the answer. “Moving in?” she echoed. “What makes you think he’s moving in?”

He turned his bulbous eyes on her and blinked. “What makes you think he’s not?”

Sara threw up her hands in surrender. “Okay. I give up. What have you heard?”

“Salan called while you were gone, wanting to know if it was really true that you and the cat were sleeping together.”

“Holy
shit
…”

“I told her you’d already slept with him twice.”

“You
didn’t
.”

“Oh, but I did. I also told her that he probably won’t ever leave you here alone again—especially after that idiot Nate was out here pounding on your door last night.”

“You heard that?”

“I have excellent hearing, although the fact that he was shouting helped. I believe I heard every bit of that conversation—his side of it, anyway—and some of yours.” Which was odd considering he hadn’t been anywhere in sight. Though relatively small, Norludian ears obviously worked better than hers did. She’d have to remember that.

“Oh, really? Mind telling me why you chose not to intervene?”

“You seemed to be doing fine without me—at least you didn’t faint this time—which is something I might’ve already told you about if you hadn’t gone tearing out of the barn this morning
without
fixing
breakfast
.”

“Sorry about that,” Sara said meekly.

“Ha! You think you’re sorry
now
. Wait’ll you see what a mess we left in the kitchen! But as I was about to say, what
really
pissed me off was him calling the cat an alien bastard and a man-whore.” Pursing his lips, he shook his head angrily. “Not nice.”

Sara chuckled. “But it’s okay if you refer to him as ‘the cat’?”

Reutal flapped his hand dismissively. “Term of endearment.”

Endearment?
That sounded promising. “So, you don’t
mind
that I’m going to—Wait a minute. Just what
is
it you think I’m going to do with him, anyway?”

He threw up his hands, his eyes agog with disbelief. “What any woman does with a hot hunk like that. Sleep with him. Go out on the town with him. Hell,
marry
him—that is, if you have any sense at all.”

“And you’re okay with all that?” Sara had an idea that similar news involving Nate wouldn’t have met with any enthusiasm whatsoever.

“Absolutely! I like him—and you should’ve
seen
him riding to your rescue yesterday! Came galloping into the yard, swept you up in his arms, knocked Nate on his ass and told him to leave you the fuck alone, then carried you into the house.” He gave his lips a lascivious lick. “
Totally
hot, heroic stuff. Made my tongue hard just watching it—Drania even had an orgasm.”

Not wanting to hear any further details, Sara passed over these revelations with a slight gulp. “Told Nate to leave me the fuck alone, did he? Somehow I doubt that’s how he would’ve phrased it.”

Reutal blew out an exasperated breath. “Maybe those weren’t his exact words, but it’s what he
should
have said. My only complaint was that he didn’t hit the sonofabitch hard enough to draw blood. Aside from that, he was fuckin’ awesome.” Grinning from ear to tiny ear, he added fervently, “Good choice, Sara.”

She arched an eyebrow. “I’m
so
glad you approve.”

“Not that it was difficult,” he went on, blithely ignoring her sarcasm. “Choosing between Nate and Jerden is a no-brainer. Just ask Drania.”

“I don’t believe that’s necessary. She’s made that very plain.” She smiled as another thought occurred to her. “Drania’s boyfriend will be pleased that I’ve, um, eliminated that source of temptation.”

Reutal shivered with delight. “Maybe, but having the cat around will certainly liven things up—especially when you start fucking him.”

Sara nearly swallowed her tongue. Somehow she didn’t think that would happen anytime soon and couldn’t see how it would make any appreciable changes in Reutal’s life. “H-how so?”

“I’ll be able to see it in your eyes.” His own bulbous orbs gleamed with a carnal light. “We Norludians just like the idea that those around us are doing it, whether we’re getting any or not.” He smiled and patted her arm in a confiding manner. “We’re very sexual, you know.”

Sara snorted. “I hadn’t noticed.”

“You wouldn’t,” Reutal said bluntly, “because you’re not a very sexual being. I’ve noticed that about you. Watch.” He touched her hand with a sucker-tipped finger. Sara felt a subtle pull on her skin, but not much else. “If I were to do that with any other human female who was about to get all lovey-dovey with Jerden, my tongue would get so hard I wouldn’t be able to talk.” He shrugged and released the suction. “But, as you can see, it has no effect on me.” He let out a deep, regretful sigh. “So sad.” He paused as a wicked grin stole across his fishlike lips. “But the cat’s gonna change that. You wait and see if he doesn’t.”

Sara stared at him blankly. How in the world should she respond to that? Thankfully, she didn’t have to.

Reutal rubbed his hands together with greedy anticipation. “So, now that we’ve got that settled, what’s for lunch?”

Sara shook her head. “I have absolutely no idea.”

***

With Sara’s culinary imagination temporarily on hiatus, lunch wound up being leftover
onpulyo
soup and grilled cheese. Although the food might have been a bit boring, the conversation was not. Zatlen voiced his approval of the new liaison, Reutal snickered constantly—when he wasn’t making sexual remarks—and Drania giggled so much Sara was amazed she didn’t choke on her sandwich.

As she heated the soup, Sara recalled that she’d gotten the recipe for that traditional Davordian dish from Salan. Would Salan be a more frequent visitor if Jerden became a permanent resident? Or had she shared her last recipe? The two women had never been particularly close, but Sara hated to lose the dairymaid’s friendship, and she certainly didn’t want to make any enemies. When Jerden proposed, avoiding the advances of Salan and Nate had been the primary objective—which, now that she’d considered it more carefully, wasn’t much of a reason at all.

The funny thing was, she already missed him. Now that the gang was gathered around the lunch table, she felt his absence more acutely than she would if she’d suddenly lost an arm. In only a few days, he’d become a member of her little “family.” Reutal liked him, Drania thought he was a hunk, and though Zatlen’s reaction had been a bit more reserved, he’d voiced no objections. How had Jerden done it?

Must
be
a
Zetithian
thing
, Sara decided as she took a sip of her soup. Either you really liked them or you wanted to hunt them down and exterminate them the way Rutger Grekkor had evidently done. She couldn’t imagine anyone feeling that much hatred toward an entire race, but then, she wasn’t an insanely jealous man with money to burn. Actually, the more she thought about it, the more it became clear that as things now stood, the Terran mate of a Zetithian man was in far greater danger than her husband. Audrey’s death was proof of that.

Viewed in that light, even
dating
a Zetithian could be potentially deadly. The longer she sat there, the more restless Sara became—a restlessness that she suspected could only be relieved by one thing. Fortunately, he was coming over for dinner.

***

Sara spent the rest of the day working with the young horses and doing her best to put the morning’s events out of her mind. However, by late afternoon, her anxiety level had reached the point that her icy hands could barely hold the reins and her gaze had darted toward the southern horizon so often her neck ached. None of the horses were going well for her, either. When she finally spotted Jerden and Danuban trotting down the hill with Cria bounding alongside them and felt herself relax, she realized why she’d been having so much trouble—particularly with Yusuf, whom she’d regrettably chosen to ride last. Horses didn’t like tense, nervous riders and her rush of relief was so intense even Yusuf heaved a sigh.

Coming to a halt, Sara didn’t bother trying to be subtle and turned toward them, her eyes drinking in the vision of man, horse, and cat. Poetry in motion, animal magnetism, nature at its finest… It didn’t matter that she’d seen this sight before—the effect was even stronger now, making her scalp tighten as a thrill swept down her neck and shoulders. Captivating, entrancing, awe-inspiring, and just plain…
“Beautiful.”