Wilde's Army (9 page)

“I had a feeling you’d ask me that first. We all die at some point in our lives.” Her response is almost exactly what she gave me when I asked about Arland.

“Saraid, please, I must know she will survive this war.” Mom’s half-truth answers are infuriating; Arland’s agitation makes his voice an octave deeper.

“
She
will not die in this war, but I do not know about you—or anyone else for that matter. Let me tell you a few things. Kate will possess knowledge—a knowledge not even I have—regarding why Darkness is here. She might already know, but I’m not sure where she learns it. When the Seer envisioned Kate’s future, an obscure scene played in her mind which she could not translate the details of—”

“Kate met Griandor.” He sighs.

“She only told me after she rescued
us
. She said she knows why we fight and what she must do, but she has been too busy saving our lives for me to be able to obtain the information from her.” The layers of sadness in his voice leave me feeling as bleak as his words.

“Arland, do you feel you have let her down in some way?” She sounds more like my mom now—ready to give advice.

He takes a deep breath, then releases. “I have let her down in every way.”

What
? How can he possibly think this? If I didn’t want to hear where their conversation is going, I’d sit up and protest.

“Explain to me how that’s so. What I see is my daughter in love, alive, knowing full well who she is, controlling her abilities, and making friends with enemies. How do you suppose you’ve failed her?”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

“Perth knows who she is, Brad is dead, and we are stranded in a cave … weaponless. Well, weaponless except for her.”

How can he take fault for any of these things? Perth has always known who I am. Brad died—well he’s not actually dead; Arland doesn’t know this though—because I didn’t pay attention to my visions. And we’re in a cave because, well, because Dughbal needs to die.
Not
because Arland has failed me. My head spins, my pulse pounds in my ears. I’m going to get up and set the record straight—

“None of which were things you had control over. What are you truly afraid of, Arland Maher?”

He returns to caressing my arm and run his hands up to my shoulder. “That she will never live a normal life. I want Kate to be happy and to experience Encardia for what it truly is. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. And I am afraid if I continue to fail—or things continue to happen outside my control—that no matter what I want, or what she wants … none of it will ever be true.”

I squeeze his calf. I want him to know I’m listening. Of course, he does know, but I hope the gesture makes him realize I don’t like what he’s saying. I don’t want him to think there’s no future. I want him to have hope;
I
want to have hope.

“If I told you, in the end, you will both be happy, would you believe me?” There’s a slight edge in Mom’s tone.

“No, Saraid, you have made it quite clear my father has been giving me half-truths my entire life. Why should I expect anything more from you?” He slides my hair from my face then runs his fingers through, playing with each knot until it’s smooth.

Mom sighs again. “I deserve that. It is not easy learning of your children’s future before they are born.”

There’s a long pause.

The sun moves through the sky in my mind while fifteen, twenty, maybe even thirty minutes pass. Water trickles into a puddle somewhere in the cave. Deep sighs and light snores come from the soldiers and children.

The silence is unbearable. He has to have more questions for her because
I
have more questions … .

“You know,” Mom says, breaking the silence, “Kate has the power to do anything. If she wants to spend the rest of her life with you, she will. I do not doubt that for one moment. In case I am killed before that day comes, I want you to know you have mine and her father’s blessing. Here, I have something for you. Give me your hand.”

Arland removes his right hand from my hair.

“Ceangal Katriona agus Arland le grá.”

The only thing I take from Mom’s strange words is mine and Arland’s names.

His body shakes. “What are you doing? You will be punished if you Bind us.”

She was going to marry us
?

“My father will not go back on the trade made between the Ground Dwellers and our old High Leader. You think just because our love is Bound they will not want someone as powerful as Kate connected to their side?” Arland asks.

“Will you ever love another?” Her voice is soft and firm all at once.

“No,” he says with finality. “But—”

“Kate, will you ever love another?”

I’m frozen.

“Kate, I know you are awake. It’s okay. I am glad you have heard everything, and I am glad you will be awake for the remainder of the conversation; there are many things you need to hear.”

Pushing myself up, I turn around and face Arland and my mom. They’re barely distinguishable; the glow of a small fire burning at the mouth of the cave is the only light I see. Soldiers and children lie on their sides, sprinkled around the floor like refugees in a shelter, identities hidden by the dim light.

She smiles. “Do you have an answer for my question?”

Arland and I meet eyes; I hold his gaze as I deliver my answer. “No, I will never love another.”

He straightens and takes me by the arms, panic in his wide-eyed expression. “Kate, we cannot do this. Your mother will be punished, and if we cannot be together, we will be miserable.”

“Arland, my mom is a grown woman and can make her own choices. And I would be miserable without you whether we were Bound or not.”

I look at Mom. “Now explain what you were about to do, and what it all means.”

“During
normal
circumstances, Draíochtans choose love freely. We do not have big ceremonies, but when a couple wishes to marry, they go to the woman’s parents and ask permission. If permission is granted, a Binding spell is cast—”

“A spell leaving a touch of magic—that can be seen by all—on the hands of the couple until the marriage has taken place. The spell serves as a tool, to show the world the two are committed.” Arland narrows his eyes at Mom, then turns back to me.

All his anger fades. “Kate, if this is done, and we are Bound but in the end cannot be together and you are with someone else, the mark will reappear and burn you forever. The burn will serve as a punishment of sorts. Do you see the problem with this?”

At some point over the last few weeks, Arland lost his confidence for our positive future. He’s so concerned with who I will end up with, he has forgotten there is no one else for me. Not Brad, and in no way Perth. I cannot imagine another soul in Encardia bringing me as much happiness as Arland. I look between him and Mom. “You do not want to do this because you think the only way for me to unite us with the Ground Dwellers is for me to marry Perth?”

His gaze falls to something on the floor. “Yes.”

“Arland, is there something else you aren’t telling me? You promised you would never allow that marriage to happen, and I swore to you I wouldn’t go through with it. Even with Griandor’s advice that I must do anything, I will not do
that
. You said you wanted the things happening between us to be accepted; and here acceptance is being offered, and you refuse.” Keeping my voice down proves to be impossible; I’ve never been angry with Arland.

Mom places her hand on my forearm. “Kate, I think Arland is—”

He brushes her hand from my arm. “I know you are tired, but do you feel like taking a walk with me?”

I don’t like where this is going. “I can walk, but there are other things I want to talk about with my mom.”

She smiles reassuringly and nods. “I will be here when you get back. You should talk to Arland.”

Defeated, I sigh. “Okay, let’s go.”

He stands then takes my hand—and with it, my confidence.

My legs are a little wobbly, and my side is numb from being on the ground so long, but strength returns the more I move. We leave the cave and walk to the left, down the same path I followed to get here when I was afraid for Brit, where I left the horses.

The horses
!

“Arland, I forgot all about the horses—”

I run toward the trees where I left Mirain, but Arland yanks my hand, pulling me back to him.

He laughs. “They are fine. After you fell asleep, Perth returned and told Cadman about them. They rode Bowen and Euraid to Watchers Hall.”

Arland stops at the edge of the rock formation. “This is where the protections end. We should not go any further than this. Sit next to me?”

“Of course.”

He takes a seat then rests his back along the stone. When I do the same, he puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.

“So, what did you bring me out here for?” I ask, staring at the blisters on his palm, praying this conversation does not end with my heart crushed.

“Kate, there is nothing in this world, or any of the others, that could make me happier than spending the rest of my life with you, but there are many dangers associated with your mother casting her spell. If we walk into Willow Falls with a visible Binding on our hands, we will be obvious deviants from a High Leader’s ruling—and one which will affect the Ground Dwellers to the core—and become targets for any of them to attack.”

Moving from his protective arms, I stare into his intense green eyes. “We both want the same thing, Arland. Why should we deny ourselves of that? I know this might make me seem as
forward
as Brit, but if my mom Binds us and there are no ceremonies, how do we go about the marriage?”

A wide smile stretches across his face. “Once there is a Binding, we must consummate the relationship to be Bound. Only then would the magic fade from our hands.”

I inhale a sharp breath. “All it takes is to do things we almost already did to be considered married here?”

He sits up and presses my face between his hands. “Well, yes, but if we had done those
things
we would not have officially been Bound without your mother’s spell. I am sorry, Kate. I should never have allowed us to come so close without you knowing our customs. My betrayal of your trust is just one more reason why I am failing you.”

Flashes of us in the straw, in our bed, and in the bathroom at Watchers Hall cross my mind, but I’m not angry with him for where we were going during those times. I’m upset Arland didn’t tell me about Draíochtan customs—and by his continuous thinking he’s failed me—but more than any of these things, I
want
the Binding. I want forever after with Arland. “I want the Binding with you, Arland.”

Arland moves his hands from my face then laces his fingers with mine. “We cannot do it now. We would be unable to hide our relationship until we were Bound. If we plan to unite the Ground Dwellers, they must at least believe you intend to be with Perth—and I do not like the idea of you being burned for any amount of affection you may have to show him in the process.”

Nerves course through me—Arland might be accepting this idea. I could be Katriona Maher. The vision I’ve had so many times of us with children in the meadow might be our future.

I shudder.

No, I will not wish for that exact vision … one where I wound up alone, Arland and our children dead next to me. My wish is for us to have those children, the rolling green meadows full of wildflowers and endless happiness, but not the death. “What if she Binds us at Willow Falls, and before anyone can see us, we sneak off to follow through with the marriage?”

A genuine, warm, melt-your-heart-kind-of-smile grows on his face. “You are sure I am who you wish to spend forever with?”

An uncharacteristic giggle erupts from my chest. “Do you even need to ask? I’m about to bully you into marrying me.”

“You will never have to bully me into anything.”

“Promise?” I bite my lower lip.

Arland’s eyes gleam. “Promise.”

He trails his fingertips up my arms, sending chills running down my back. His lips are parted. I imagine how soft they are, how warm. Closing my eyes, I lean into him and gently place my mouth on his.

We kiss, slow and sweet, but passion mixed with craving for more burns into me. My lips tingle, parts of me wake up that have been asleep forever. He grabs my waist and pulls me against him with such force, I gasp.

“Mmm. Sorry. I do not know what came over me.”

“Don’t be sorry for loving me, Arland.” I repeat words he spoke to me once, kiss his nose, then sit next to him. Leaning my head on his arm, I look toward the heavens and see something I’ve never seen in Encardia before … stars.

“Arland, look up.”

In a small patch above our heads, millions of white dots twinkle in the sky. The sight of them brings tears to my eyes.

He tightens his arm around my shoulder. “They are here because of you. Like the first time you awakened the magic when the sky opened up and revealed the sun to us. You have grown so strong, Kate. It appears you have brought permanent light to this spot.”

I cannot take my eyes off the sky. “No. They are here because of
us
. The magic wouldn’t have come to me if it hadn’t been for you.”

From the corner of my left eye, I see a look of wide-eyed wonder filling Arland’s face. We rest against the rocks, staring at the wonderful gift from above, watching shooting stars dart through the small open patch of Darkness.

“Should we tell the others?” I ask, even though company is the last thing I want.

He shakes his head. “Not yet. Let them rest. This is your moment. Besides, I imagine when they wake up to the sun shining down on us, it will be much more impressive to them than the stars.”

Tearing my gaze from the sky is painful, but seeing how much pride Arland wears makes it worthwhile. “I could stay out here all night with you, but we have to figure out what we’re going to tell my mom and what we’re going to do for the Binding.”

He laughs. “Maybe after we figure those things out, we can return to this spot and sleep under the stars.”

“Deal.”