William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (268 page)
Read William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition Online
Authors: William Shakespeare
Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare
BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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BEATRICE Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife’s point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signor? Fare you well. Exit
BENEDICK Ha! ‘Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.’ There’s a double meaning in that. ‘I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me.’ That’s as much as to say ‘Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.’—If I do not take pity of her I am a villain. If I do not love her I am a Jew. I will go get her picture. Exit
3.1Enter Hero and two gentlewomen, Margaret and Ursula
HERO
Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour.
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
Proposing with the Prince and Claudio.
Whisper her ear, and tell her I and Ursula
Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse
Is all of her. Say that thou overheard’st us,
And bid her steal into the pleachèd bower
Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun,
Forbid the sun to enter—like favourites
Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her
To listen our propose. This is thy office.
Bear thee well in it, and leave us alone.
There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice
Proposing with the Prince and Claudio.
Whisper her ear, and tell her I and Ursula
Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse
Is all of her. Say that thou overheard’st us,
And bid her steal into the pleachèd bower
Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun,
Forbid the sun to enter—like favourites
Made proud by princes, that advance their pride
Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her
To listen our propose. This is thy office.
Bear thee well in it, and leave us alone.
MARGARET
I’ll make her come, I warrant you, presently.
Exit
HERO
Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come,
As we do trace this alley up and down
Our talk must only be of Benedick.
When I do name him, let it be thy part
To praise him more than ever man did merit.
My talk to thee must be how Benedick
Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,
That only wounds by hearsay.
For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runs
Close by the ground to hear our conference.
As we do trace this alley up and down
Our talk must only be of Benedick.
When I do name him, let it be thy part
To praise him more than ever man did merit.
My talk to thee must be how Benedick
Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter
Is little Cupid’s crafty arrow made,
That only wounds by hearsay.
Enter Beatrice
Now begin,
Close by the ground to hear our conference.
URSULA
The pleasant’st angling is to see the fish
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream
And greedily devour the treacherous bait.
So angle we for Beatrice, who even now
Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
Cut with her golden oars the silver stream
And greedily devour the treacherous bait.
So angle we for Beatrice, who even now
Is couched in the woodbine coverture.
Fear you not my part of the dialogue.
HERO
Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing
Of the false-sweet bait that we lay for it.—
Of the false-sweet bait that we lay for it.—
They approach Beatrice’s hiding-place
No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful.
I know her spirits are as coy and wild
As haggards of the rock.
I know her spirits are as coy and wild
As haggards of the rock.
URSULA
But are you sure
That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely?
HERO
So says the Prince and my new trothèd lord.
URSULA
And did they bid you tell her of it, madam?
HERO
They did entreat me to acquaint her of it,
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him wrestle with affection
And never to let Beatrice know of it.
But I persuaded them, if they loved Benedick,
To wish him wrestle with affection
And never to let Beatrice know of it.
URSULA
Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
Deserve as full as fortunate a bed
As ever Beatrice shall couch upon?
HERO
O god of love! I know he doth deserve
As much as may be yielded to a man.
But nature never framed a woman’s heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising what they look on, and her wit
Values itself so highly that to her
All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
She is so self-endearèd.
As much as may be yielded to a man.
But nature never framed a woman’s heart
Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice.
Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes,
Misprising what they look on, and her wit
Values itself so highly that to her
All matter else seems weak. She cannot love,
Nor take no shape nor project of affection,
She is so self-endearèd.
URSULA Sure, I think so.
And therefore certainly it were not good
She knew his love, lest she’ll make sport at it.
She knew his love, lest she’ll make sport at it.
HERO
Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister.
If black, why nature, drawing of an antic,
Made a foul blot. If tall, a lance ill headed;
If low, an agate very vilely cut;
If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
If silent, why, a block moved with none.
So turns she every man the wrong side out,
And never gives to truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,
But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced,
She would swear the gentleman should be her sister.
If black, why nature, drawing of an antic,
Made a foul blot. If tall, a lance ill headed;
If low, an agate very vilely cut;
If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;
If silent, why, a block moved with none.
So turns she every man the wrong side out,
And never gives to truth and virtue that
Which simpleness and merit purchaseth.
URSULA
Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable.
HERO
No, not to be so odd and from all fashions
As Beatrice is cannot be commendable.
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak
She would mock me into air, O, she would laugh me
Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
Therefore let Benedick, like covered fire,
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.
It were a better death than die with mocks,
Which is as bad as die with tickling.
As Beatrice is cannot be commendable.
But who dare tell her so? If I should speak
She would mock me into air, O, she would laugh me
Out of myself, press me to death with wit.
Therefore let Benedick, like covered fire,
Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly.
It were a better death than die with mocks,
Which is as bad as die with tickling.
URSULA
Yet tell her of it, hear what she will say.
HERO
No. Rather I will go to Benedick And counsel him to fight against his passion. And truly, I’ll devise some honest slanders To stain my cousin with. One doth not know How much an ill word may empoison liking.
URSULA
O, do not do your cousin such a wrong.
She cannot be so much without true judgement,
Having so swift and excellent a wit
As she is prized to have, as to refuse
So rare a gentleman as Signor Benedick.
She cannot be so much without true judgement,
Having so swift and excellent a wit
As she is prized to have, as to refuse
So rare a gentleman as Signor Benedick.
HERO
He is the only man of Italy,
Always excepted my dear Claudio.
Always excepted my dear Claudio.
URSULA
I pray you be not angry with me, madam,
Speaking my fancy. Signor Benedick,
For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour
Goes foremost in report through Italy.
Speaking my fancy. Signor Benedick,
For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour
Goes foremost in report through Italy.
HERO
Indeed, he hath an excellent good name.
URSULA
His excellence did earn it ere he had it.
When are you married, madam?
When are you married, madam?
HERO
Why, every day, tomorrow. Come, go in.
I’ll show thee some attires and have thy counsel
Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.
I’ll show thee some attires and have thy counsel
Which is the best to furnish me tomorrow.
URSULA (
aside
)
aside
)
She’s limed, I warrant you. We have caught her,
madam.
madam.
HERO (
aside
)
aside
)
If it prove so, then loving goes by haps.
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps.
Exeunt Hero and Ursula
BEATRICE (
coming forward
)
coming forward
)
What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true?
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much ?
Contempt, farewell; and maiden pride, adieu.
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band.
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.
Stand I condemned for pride and scorn so much ?
Contempt, farewell; and maiden pride, adieu.
No glory lives behind the back of such.
And, Benedick, love on. I will requite thee,
Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand.
If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee
To bind our loves up in a holy band.
For others say thou dost deserve, and I
Believe it better than reportingly.
Exit
3.2Enter Don Pedro the Prince, Claudio
,
Benedick, and Leonato
DON PEDRO I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Aragon.
CLAUDIO I’ll bring you thither, my lord, if you’ll vouchsafe me.
DON PEDRO Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new
gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with
Benedick for his company, for from the crown of his
head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth. He hath
twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string, and the little
hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as
sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for what
his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat
and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with
Benedick for his company, for from the crown of his
head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth. He hath
twice or thrice cut Cupid’s bow-string, and the little
hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as
sound as a bell, and his tongue is the clapper, for what
his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
BENEDICK Gallants, I am not as I have been.
LEONATO So say I. Methinks you are sadder.
CLAUDIO I hope he be in love.
DON PEDRO Hang him, truant! There’s no true drop of blood in him to be truly touched with love. If he be sad, he wants money.
BENEDICK I have the toothache.
DON PEDRO Draw it.
BENEDICK Hang it.
CLAUDIO You must hang it first and draw it afterwards.
DON PEDRO What? Sigh for the toothache?
LEONATO Where is but a humour or a worm.
BENEDICK Well, everyone can master a grief but he that has it.
CLAUDIO Yet say I he is in love.
DON PEDRO There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises, as to be a Dutchman today, a Frenchman tomorrow, or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is.
CLAUDIO If he be not in love with some woman there is no believing old signs. A brushes his hat o’ mornings, what should that bode?
DON PEDRO Hath any man seen him at the barber’s?
CLAUDIO No, but the barber’s man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuffed tennis balls.
LEONATO Indeed, he looks younger than he did by the loss of a beard.
DON PEDRO Nay, a rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him out by that?
CLAUDIO That’s as much as to say the sweet youth’s in love.
DON PEDRO The greatest note of it is his melancholy.
CLAUDIO And when was he wont to wash his face?
DON PEDRO Yea, or to paint himself?—for the which I hear what they say of him.
CLAUDIO Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is now crept into a lute-string, and now governed by stops.
DON PEDRO Indeed, that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, conclude, he is in love.
CLAUDIO Nay, but I know who loves him.
DON PEDRO That would I know, too. I warrant, one that knows him not.
CLAUDIO Yes, and his ill conditions, and in despite of all, dies for him.
DON PEDRO She shall be buried with her face upwards.
BENEDICK Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signor, walk aside with me. I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you which these hobby-horses must not hear.
Exeunt Benedick and Leonato
Exeunt Benedick and Leonato
DON PEDRO For my life, to break with him about Beatrice.
CLAUDIO ’Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet.
Enter Don John the bastard
DON JOHN My lord, and brother, God save you.
DON PEDRO Good-e’en, brother.
DON JOHN If your leisure served I would speak with you.
DON PEDRO In private?
DON JOHN If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I would speak of concerns him.
DON PEDRO What’s the matter?
DON JOHN (
to Claudio
) Means your lordship to be married tomorrow ?
to Claudio
) Means your lordship to be married tomorrow ?
DON PEDRO You know he does.
DON JOHN I know not that when he knows what I know.
CLAUDIO If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it.
DON JOHN You may think I love you not. Let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage—surely suit ill spent, and labour ill bestowed.
DON PEDRO Why, what’s the matter?
DON JOHN I came hither to tell you, and, circumstances shortened—for she has been too long a-talking of—the lady is disloyal.
CLAUDIO Who, Hero?
DON JOHN Even she. Leonato’s Hero, your Hero, every man’s Hero.
CLAUDIO Disloyal?
DON JOHN The word is too good to paint out her wickedness. I could say she were worse. Think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant. Go but with me tonight, you shall see her chamber window entered, even the night before her wedding day. If you love her then, tomorrow wed her. But it would better fit your honour to change your mind.
CLAUDIO May this be so?
DON PEDRO I will not think it.
DON JOHN If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know. If you will follow me I will show you enough, and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly.
CLAUDIO If I see anything tonight why I should not marry her, tomorrow, in the congregation where I should wed, there will I shame her.
DON PEDRO And as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her.
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