William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition (330 page)

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Authors: William Shakespeare

Tags: #Drama, #Literary Criticism, #Shakespeare

BOOK: William Shakespeare: The Complete Works 2nd Edition
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⌈
Sir
Andrew
capers
⌉
 
Ha, higher! Ha ha, excellent.
Exeunt
1.4
Enter Valentine, and Viola (as Cesario) in man’s attire
 
VALENTINE If the Duke continue these favours towards you, Cesario, you are like to be much advanced. He hath known you but three days, and already you are no stranger.
VIOLA You either fear his humour or my negligence, that you call in question the continuance of his love. Is he inconstant, sir, in his favours?
VALENTINE No, believe me.
Enter the Duke, Curio, and attendants
 
VIOLA I thank you. Here comes the Count.
ORSINO Who saw Cesario, ho?
VIOLA On your attendance, my lord, here.
ORSINO (to Curio and attendants)
Stand you a while aloof. (To Viola) Cesario,
Thou know’st no less but all. I have unclasped
To thee the book even of my secret soul.
Therefore, good youth, address thy gait unto her,
Be not denied access, stand at her doors,
And tell them there thy fixed foot shall grow
Till thou have audience.
VIOLA
Sure, my noble lord,
If she be so abandoned to her sorrow
As it is spoke, she never will admit me.
ORSINO
Be clamorous, and leap all civil bounds,
Rather than make unprofited return.
VIOLA
Say I do speak with her, my lord, what then?
ORSINO
O then unfold the passion of my love,
Surprise her with discourse of my dear faith.
It shall become thee well to act my woes—
She will attend it better in thy youth
Than in a nuncio’s of more grave aspect.
VIOLA
I think not so, my lord.
ORSINO
Dear lad, believe it;
For they shall yet belie thy happy years
That say thou art a man. Diana’s lip
Is not more smooth and rubious; thy small pipe
Is as the maiden’s organ, shrill and sound,
And all is semblative a woman’s part.
I know thy constellation is right apt
For this affair. (To Curio and attendants) Some four or
five attend him.
All if you will, for I myself am best
When least in company. (To Viola) Prosper well in this
And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord,
To call his fortunes thine.
VIOLA
I’ll do my best
To woo your lady—
⌈
aside
⌉
yet a barful strife—
Whoe’er I woo, myself would be his wife.
Exeunt
1.5
Enter Maria, and Feste, the clown
 
MARIA Nay, either tell me where thou hast been or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.
FESTE Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this world needs to fear no colours.
MARIA Make that good.
FESTE He shall see none to fear.
MARIA A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was born, of ‘I fear no colours’.
FESTE Where, good Mistress Mary?
MARIA In the wars, and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
FESTE Well, God give them wisdom that have it; and those that are fools, let them use their talents.
MARIA Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent, or to be turned away—is not that as good as a hanging to you?
FESTE Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage; and for turning away, let summer bear it out.
MARIA You are resolute then?
FESTE Not so neither, but I am resolved on two points.
MARIA That if one break, the other will hold; or if both break, your gaskins fall.
FESTE Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir Toby would leave drinking thou wert as witty a piece of Eve’s flesh as any in lllyria.
MARIA Peace, you rogue, no more o’ that. Here comes my lady. Make your excuse wisely, you were best.
Exit
Enter
Olivia,
with
Malvolio
and attendants
 
FESTE ⌈
aside
⌉ Wit, an’t be thy will, put me into good footing! Those wits that think they have thee do very oft prove fools, and I that am sure I lack thee may pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus?—‘Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.’ (To
Olivia
) God bless thee, lady.
OLIVIA (to attendants) Take the fool away.
FESTE Do you not hear, fellows? Take away the lady.
OLIVIA Go to, you’re a dry fool. I’ll no more of you. Besides, you grow dishonest.
FESTE Two faults, madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend, for give the dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry; bid the dishonest man mend himself: if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the botcher mend him. Anything that’s mended is but patched. Virtue that transgresses is but patched with sin, and sin that amends is but patched with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so. If it will not, what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty’s a flower. The lady bade take away the fool, therefore I say again, take her away.
OLIVIA Sir, I bade them take away you.
FESTE Misprision in the highest degree! Lady, ‘
Cucullus
non facit
monachum’—
that’s as much to say as I wear not motley in my brain. Good madonna, give me leave to prove you a fool.
OLIVIA Can you do it?
FESTE Dexteriously, good madonna.
OLIVIA Make your proof.
FESTE I must catechize you for it, madonna. Good my mouse of virtue, answer me.
OLIVIA Well, sir, for want of other idleness I’ll bide your proof.
FESTE Good madonna, why mournest thou?
OLIVIA Good fool, for my brother’s death.
FESTE I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
FESTE The more fool, madonna, to mourn for your brother’s soul, being in heaven. Take away the fool, gentlemen.
OLIVIA What think you of this fool, Malvolio? Doth he not mend?
MALVOLIO Yes, and shall do till the pangs of death shake him. Infirmity, that decays the wise, doth ever make the better fool.
FESTE God send you, sir, a speedy infirmity for the better increasing your folly. Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox, but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool.
OLIVIA How say you to that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal. I saw him put down the other day with an ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone. Look you now, he’s out of his guard already. Unless you laugh and minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest I take these wise men that crow so at these set kind of fools no better than the fools’ zanies.
OLIVIA O, you are sick of self-love, Malvolio, and taste with a distempered appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free disposition is to take those things for birdbolts that you deem cannon bullets. There is no slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing in a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.
FESTE Now Mercury indue thee with leasing, for thou speakest well of fools.
Enter Maria
 
MARIA Madam, there is at the gate a young gentleman much desires to speak with you.
OLIVIA From the Count Orsino, is it?
MARIA I know not, madam. ’Tis a fair young man, and well attended.
OLIVIA Who of my people hold him in delay?
MARIA Sir Toby, madam, your kinsman.
OLIVIA Fetch him off, I pray you, he speaks nothing but madman. Fie on him. Go you, Malvolio. If it be a suit from the Count, I am sick, or not at home—what you will to dismiss it.
Exit Malvolio
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
FESTE Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool, whose skull Jove cram with brains, for—here he comes—
Enter Sir Toby
one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater.
OLIVIA By mine honour, half-drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?
SIR TOBY A gentleman.
OLIVIA A gentleman? What gentleman?
SIR TOBY ’Tis a gentleman here. (He belches) A plague o’ these pickle herring! (To Feste) How now, sot?
FESTE Good Sir Toby.
OLIVIA Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?
SIR TOBY Lechery? I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate. OLIVIA Ay, marry, what is he?
SIR TOBY Let him be the devil an he will, I care not. Give me faith, say I. Well, it’s all one.
Exit
OLIVIA What’s a drunken man like, fool?
FESTE Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman—one draught above heat makes him a fool, the second mads him, and a third drowns him.
OLIVIA Go thou and seek the coroner, and let him sit o’ my coz, for he’s in the third degree of drink, he’s drowned. Go look after him.
FESTE He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman.
Exit
Enter Malvolio
 
MALVOLIO Madam, yon young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were sick—he takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleep—he seems to have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? He’s fortified against any denial.
OLIVIA Tell him he shall not speak with me.
MALVOLIO He’s been told so, and he says he’ll stand at your door like a sheriff’s post, and be the supporter to a bench, but he’ll speak with you.
OLIVIA What kind o’ man is he?
MALVOCIO Why, of mankind.
OLIVIA What manner of man?
MALVOLIO Of very ill manner: he’ll speak with you, will you or no.
OLIVIA Of what personage and years is he?
MALVOLIO Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy; as a squash is before ‘tis a peascod, or a codling when ’tis almost an apple. ’Tis with him in standing water between boy and man. He is very well-favoured, and he speaks very shrewishly. One would think his mother’s milk were scarce out of him.
OLIVIA
Let him approach. Call in my gentlewoman.
MALVOLIO Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
Exit
Enter Maria
 
OLIVIA
Give me my veil. Come, throw it o’er my face.
We’ll once more hear Orsino’s embassy.
Enter Viola as Cesario
 
VIOLA The honourable lady of the house, which is she?
OLIVIA Speak to me, I shall answer for her. Your will.
VIOLA Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty. —I pray you, tell me if this be the lady of the house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast away my speech, for besides that it is excellently well penned, I have taken great pains to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very ’countable, even to the least sinister usage.
OLIVIA Whence came you, sir?
VIOLA I can say little more than I have studied, and that question’s out of my part. Good gentle one, give me modest assurance if you be the lady of the house, that I may proceed in my speech.
OLIVIA Are you a comedian?
VIOLA No, my profound heart; and yet—by the very fangs of malice I swear—I am not that I play. Are you the lady of the house?
OLIVIA If I do not usurp myself, I am.
VIOLA Most certain if you are she you do usurp yourself, for what is yours to bestow is not yours to reserve. But this is from my commission. I will on with my speech in your praise, and then show you the heart of my message.
OLIVIA Come to what is important in’t, I forgive you the praise.
VIOLA Alas, I took great pains to study it, and ’tis poetical.

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