Wisdom Seeds (32 page)

He was the next person I called. He didn't answer the hotel phone so I left him a message. It was a little after three in the morning when the buzz of the television woke me. My body rebelled at the thought of going upstairs and I gave in to sleeping on the couch.

The principal, Dr. Fleming, circled the article about the governor's position on charter schools and left it on my desk. Andrea called while I was reading it and suggested we attend the conference on writing proposals for charter schools. Isaac called hoping to catch me before I got busy and the secretary, Ms. White, slipped me a note about meeting with Dr. Fleming at ten o'clock. I had only been in
the building for twenty minutes. Just as I predicted, the start of my day indicated how the rest of the day was going to go. By four-thirty I was glad to be going home. I was mentally exhausted.

The Snow Ball was two weeks away and Josh was excited about driving my new Jeep. The weather hadn't been too bad and I hoped it wouldn't snow again, at least not until after the dance. Josh continued to mature into a gentleman and had taken care of ordering his tux and a corsage for Sydney without any prompting from me. I was grateful because I had forgotten about it.

“He's really graduating,” I said out loud as I stirred the spaghetti sauce. It didn't seem like it had been that long. I still remembered dreading having to tell my mother I was pregnant.

The ringing phone interrupted my thoughts. It was Isaac. His flight would be in at six-forty Friday evening. In spite of the rush hour traffic, I agreed to pick him up. On Saturday, his parents were having a Dr. King celebration at their church and he wanted us to go with him to meet them. His dad was one of the speakers.

“So what does Saturday look like?”

“Good,” I said slowly. “I'm not sure if Josh is free.”

“If I have to settle for just one, I'm okay with it being you.” He knew what to say to make me smile.

“So what have you told your parents about me?”

“Just that you are their future daughter-in-law.”

“What did you say?”

“I'm kidding, just kidding,” he tried to reassure me. “I told them you were a good friend.”

Isaac's parents were pleasant. They didn't make me feel on the spot or like I was being inspected. I liked them.
The King Memorial program was also nice and I wished Josh had come. Isaac's dad marched with Dr. King in Washington and was able to tell firsthand about the events of that day. It was a moving historical account of a time when African Americans were bound together by the hopes and dreams of a brighter future. It made me more aware of making sure Josh was knowledgeable about the impact of our history on America.

“I imagine I'll be seeing you again.” Mrs. Turner smiled as she hugged me.

“Thank you so much for dinner.” I hugged her back, ignoring her comment. “Very nice meeting you,” I said hugging Mr. Turner.

Isaac and I rode in silence for about ten minutes.

“That wasn't so bad,” he finally said.

“No.” I smiled at him. “It actually wasn't and I had a nice time.”

“I'm glad.” He took my hand. “I wanted you to have a nice time.”

“And to meet your parents,” I stated sarcastically.

“I knew they'd like you.”

Isaac proceeded to tell me about Tina, the girlfriend he lived with for eight years. They moved in with each other after graduating from the University of Dayton and rationalized they could save money by sharing expenses. After about a year they talked about getting married, but never made definitive plans. Three years into the arrangement, Tina had an abortion because she didn't want to have a baby before getting married. Four years later, she was pregnant again and they planned a Christmas wedding after the baby was born. Isaiah was born June 24, 1988 at 5:03 a.m. He lived for seven weeks and died of SIDS. Six months later Isaac came home to a note from Tina stating that she needed a change. Isaac regretted never marrying her.
He said he really loved her and believed they could have worked through the pain of losing the baby.

Isaac moved back to New Kensington before he met Harvey at a job fair. After scheduling an interview, Harvey invited him to the Men's Bible Study at The Sanctuary. Ten years had passed since Isaac started working at Mellon Bank, moved to Pittsburgh and joined The Sanctuary. He admitted that giving his life to Christ literally saved him. He was desperate and very angry after his break up with Tina and had started going to the bar after work to drown his sorrow.

Isaac hadn't seen Tina since the day she left him. However, last Thanksgiving he saw her cousin who told him that Tina was married and living in New Orleans.

I felt compelled to share something about my past with Isaac, but I kept it brief. Jason and I went to graduate school together, fell in love and married after I graduated. We shared a wonderful marriage and I only moved to Pittsburgh because Columbus didn't feel like home anymore. I also admitted feeling guilty about going out with him because it had only been two years since Jason died.

“How long do you think you should be the grieving widow?”

“I don't know.”

“Do you think Jason would have wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life?”

“No.” I answered honestly. “He loved me too much for that.”

“I can see why.” Isaac put his fingers between mine and we held hands the rest of the way home.

Nineteen ninety-nine started well and I finally believed that I was going to be okay. I thought about Nana and her wisdom seeds. Joy, love, happiness and peace – I had experienced all of them, but they weren't mine. Life kept
snatching them away from me. I believed God kept me and provided for me and I wanted to learn to trust Him for everything, just like Nana talked about. The guest soloist on Sunday sang I Won't Complain and it brought tears to my eyes because that was my song. I had had some weary days and sleepless nights, but when I thought about it, really thought about it, all of my good days truly outweighed the bad ones.

Josh wasn't accepted at USC and realized his sophomore grades probably did him in. My therapeutic mom-talk was prepared when he announced his decision to attend Johnson C. Smith. I was excited for him and glad his senior year was going to be a memorable one. His senior Snow Ball was on the Gateway Clipper and, in spite of the cold, Josh said he enjoyed it better than the first one. He was serving on the Yearbook committee and looking forward to having the pictures he had taken included – or published, as he called it.

His basketball team was in first place in their division. Josh was excited about the Senior Recognition Day game and invited the Salvation Soldiers. Andrea, Sheila and I sat in front of them and made them promise to cheer along with us. Josh's team was playing to keep their first place title and the game was intense from the jump ball.

At the start of the third quarter, Josh went up for a rebound and came down crooked. His expression confirmed that he was in pain and Isaac held my arm to keep me from running onto the court. Time seemed to stand still and I could feel my heart beating. The coach sauntered over to Josh and then motioned for the referee. It seemed like forever before they carried him off the court. Mr. Frazier, the Assistant Coach, motioned for me to come down on the floor. He suspected Josh's ankle might be fractured and paramedics were taking him to the hospital.

The team made the playoffs – Josh would be a spectator. The fracture to his ankle would keep him on the bench for the rest of the season. This would have been Josh's first time playing in a championship game. He would have to watch from the bench wearing his warm-up.

Sydney was selected to play the witch in Into The Woods and she was ecstatic. She was hoping to add another Adam Wade Award, this time for Best Actress in a Lead Role. The Youth Leadership Team was very supportive and planned to attend her opening night performance. Josh dreaded having to go wearing his cast.

Shae received the MVP Award in the High School All Star Tournament and was featured on the front cover of the February Community Digest. Shae was only in the ninth grade and colleges were already interested. The Girls High team reigned as state champs for the third consecutive year and Shae was the only starter that wasn't graduating. This was her shining moment. She had felt like she was in Sydney's shadow for so long but had found her niche. Sheila mailed a copy of the magazine to Sylvester hoping he would, at least, send flowers. He sent carnations. Doug gave her roses.

March was a mixed bag of emotions. Two years had passed since Jason's untimely death. Doug surprised Sheila by asking to marry her at the Single's Fellowship. Sydney was very happy, but Shae remained somewhat somber. I suspected it might be more of losing the spotlight rather than her disapproval. Doug was particularly fond of Shae and it made her happy that he attended all of her games.

The following Saturday we went bowling to celebrate
Sheila and Doug's engagement. Isaac was noticeably quiet and not his usual self.

“What's the matter?” I asked as we were driving back to my house. “Is everything okay?”

He wouldn't look at me. “It's complicated.”

“What's complicated?” I hated that word. It always indicated a problem.

“They offered me the VP position at the bank,” he said without smiling.

“Well, that's great.” I was hesitant because he didn't seem happy.

“The position is in Atlanta.” His response echoed in my head.

“Atlanta?”

He replied without looking at me. “Yeah, Atlanta.”

I wanted to tell him I was happy for him – the words wouldn't come. We rode in silence until he turned onto Sonny Street.

He pulled into my driveway. “It's an opportunity of a life time. I wish it would have come six months ago, then this wouldn't be so hard.”

He took my hand. I couldn't look at him. Tears were swelling in my eyes and I didn't want to cry. I had that suffocating feeling again. There was no air and I couldn't move to open the door.

He turned my face towards his. “Please say something.”

“I'm happy for you,” I managed to say before the tears began to flow. “Really, I am. I know this is something you've wanted.”

We sat in the car for what seemed like an hour and I listened to him talk. I searched my mind to remember some of the wisdom seeds, but drew blanks. One thing was for sure, my heart was breaking – again.

Two weeks later I threw a going away party for Isaac at my house. Sheila and Andrea helped me get through the evening – I was fine until after everyone left. Isaac was in the living room with Josh and I was putting the last of the dishes away when the reality of him leaving the next day hit. Had I brought this on myself? Would he have stayed if I had been honest about my feelings? “God,” I sighed out loud, “does life ever get easy?”

Isaac came in the kitchen and stood behind me. “Thank you.”

“It's the least I could do.”

“I've avoided talking about us over this past week.” He took the dishtowel from me. “I was never sure of the possibilities. I know you need time, what I don't know is how much.”

“I don't either.”

Isaac pulled me into his arms and hugged me. Hard as I tried not to cry, the tears came. I had no words.

Monday morning was hard. There would be no call from Isaac. I forced myself to get out of bed and go to work. Staying at home would have been counter-productive and I was tired of crying. It was a little late to be thinking about admitting my feelings for Isaac, he was gone.

Andrea's advice was to depend on God, grow spiritually, focus on myself and my own spiritual development. It sounded good, but my heart wasn't listening. Sheila's advice was to keep hope alive.

“It's not over till the fat lady sings,” was her favorite cliché.