Wish You Were Here (19 page)

‘How has my day been? All right . . . I suppose. Nothing special. It started pretty crappily but then—'

‘Why did it start crappily? Andy's not being a real pain is he?'

‘No,' I replied. ‘It's not Andy . . . it's just that . . . well last night I heard some bad news and it was pretty much the first thing on my mind when I woke up this morning—'

‘It was Sarah wasn't it?' said Lisa with genuine pity in her voice. ‘She's finally told you.'

‘Told me what?'

There was a long pause. I could feel Lisa panicking at the other end of the line.

‘It's . . . it's nothing . . .' she stammered. ‘I thought that . . . look, it doesn't matter.'

‘What do you know about Sarah that you're not telling me?' I demanded. ‘She sent me a text message on Sunday but I didn't reply. You know what she wants to talk to me about, don't you?'

‘Please, Charlie, don't make me say any more,' pleaded Lisa. ‘I'm begging you. I've said too much as it is. It's the sort of news that you need to hear straight from Sarah not me. Call her and I'm sure she'll tell you everything.'

‘Just tell me, Lisa,' I snapped. ‘Whatever it is I'm not going to blame you, okay? This is Sarah's fault. Not yours. So tell me what she wants and we can move on.'

‘I can't,' she said.

‘Just tell me.'

‘I can't,' she repeated.

‘Look, I'm not going to hang up until you do.'

‘She's pregnant,' she said finally. ‘Sarah's pregnant.'

There was a long silence.

‘I'm so sorry, Charlie.'

Silence.

‘Charlie, you have to forgive me. You should never have heard this from me.'

Silence.

‘I'm sorry.'

‘I know you are,' I said softly and then without saying goodbye I switched off the phone.

It was just after midnight. I was sitting on my own in a booth overlooking the strip in the McDonalds at the crossroads. In front of me were a cold cup of coffee (mine) and the remains of a Big Mac Meal (someone else's).

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and switched it on. Within seconds it beeped frantically to let me know that I had several voicemail messages. I dialled the mailbox and listened to the messages:

Message one:
‘Charlie, this is Lisa. Where are you? I'm so sorry for what happened. Please call back and let me know you're okay.'

Message two:
‘Charlie, it's Andy here. It's nearly half ten. Where are you, mate? I know I said talk to Lisa as long as you want but this is ridiculous. Come back quick. Nina's mate Hattie is definitely interested in you.'

Message three:
‘Charlie, Andy here again. It's half eleven. You've chickened out on me and gone back to the apartment haven't you? Is it because of Hattie? Well you've missed out there. She's pulled some Scottish guy with an armful of tattoos. Just come back okay? The night's still young and even Beth – the one I said you didn't stand a chance with – is looking a bit desperate. We're off to Bar Go-Go in a bit so look sharpish.'

Message four:
‘Charlie, whatever time you get this message please call me to let me know you're all right. I've tried calling Andy to find out where you are but his phone is switched off. I'm starting to get worried that something bad has happened. Please call.'

I put my phone down on the table and took a moment to look through the window in front of me. A large gang of lads in Newcastle United shirts were passing by the restaurant singing at the top of their voices. Sighing heavily, I picked up my phone again and typed out a text message for Lisa:

Message Charlie:
‘Hi, don't worry. I'm fine.'

As I switched off my phone and looked out of the window again a huge tidal wave of emotion crashed over me, threatening to engulf me completely. My heart began racing and I felt as though every last one of my internal organs was being slowly crushed inside.

The intensity of my reaction took me by surprise. I couldn't work out what it meant or why it was happening. Even after Sarah first left me I'd been more angry than upset. I'd been more interested in exacting revenge than in responding in any kind of emotional way to her actions. I almost took comfort from the fact that she simply didn't push the button. Yes, she had the power to make me depressed but
she
wasn't the trigger that opened up the flood gates. And for that small mercy, at the time at least, I was grateful because it made me feel as if I was superhuman. She had gone and wrecked my life in the process and yet I didn't feel a thing. I was bulletproof. I was invincible. I was Superman. But as I wiped the tears from my eyes in the crowded restaurant I realised that even Superman had his Kryptonite, and thanks to Lisa I'd now discovered mine.

I dumped my cold coffee in the bin by the exit and strode into the street outside with such purpose that I almost bumped into someone coming the other way.

It was only when I looked to apologise that I realised that the person standing in front of me was Donna. She was dressed in a white top and skirt with matching sandals. Her hair was tied back in a pony tail.

‘Charlie,' she said surprised. ‘Aren't you going the wrong way for Bar Go-Go or have I missed something?'

‘I'm not going,' I replied.

‘Are you all right?' asked Donna as though she had a sixth sense for troubled minds. ‘Has something happened?'

‘I'm just not in the right mood to be here tonight.'

‘You're not the only one,' said Donna. ‘I'm missing Sadie like crazy and on top of that I'm really getting sick of this place.' Donna paused and looked at me again as if trying to see inside my head. ‘I was only going to show my face at Bar Go-Go so that Nina wouldn't keep on about me being miserable,' she began. ‘Why don't you come too? We wouldn't have to stay long and if you came I'd at least have someone nice to talk to.'

‘Thanks,' I sighed. ‘But—'

‘Are you sure?'

‘Yeah, I'm sure.'

Donna nodded carefully. If she was offended by my sullen mood she did a good job of hiding it. ‘Okay, well I think I'll still pop in anyhow.' This was it. This was goodbye. ‘Well, it was nice to meet you anyway.'

‘Yeah,' I replied, willing myself to say something that would make her stay. ‘It was nice to meet you too. Hope everything goes well for you and Sadie back in north London.'

‘Look after yourself, Charlie.' She reached up and kissed me on the cheek. ‘And make sure you have a great life.' With that she turned and walked away in the direction of Bar Go-Go and for a few moments I stood rooted to the spot, unsure of what I should do next. That was the moment I realised that I couldn't let her walk away without at the very least explaining my behaviour. I ran after her, calling out her name until she stopped and turned around.

‘Listen, Donna,' I said unable to take my eyes off her. ‘I'm sorry for what just happened. I know it's no excuse but the thing is I've just had a bit of bad news that's sort of turned my whole world upside down.'

‘Was it about your ex?'

‘Is it that obvious?'

Donna smiled and shook her head. ‘Do you want to talk about it?'

‘I don't know,' I replied. ‘Do you want to listen?'

‘How about we take it in turns to do both?' said Donna smiling.

‘Now that,' I began as she took my hand in her own, ‘sounds like a good idea.'

At Donna's suggestion, we made our way back up to the strip in the direction of all the main bars and clubs, but as we passed the Camelot club we turned right up a street with a slight incline that I'd failed to notice on my previous visits. The early part of the street consisted mainly of fast-food outlets and amusement arcades but those died out the further we walked along and were gradually replaced by small grocery shops and bakeries. Near the end of the street, opposite a taxi rank, was a small bar called Mythos. As we walked in it was obvious that Mythos didn't cater for the tourist crowd: the décor was that of a traditional taverna, the music on in the background was Greek and with the exception of a couple of middle-aged locals the entire bar was empty.

Donna and I sat down at a table near the door and when a waiter came over to us we ordered two beers which he brought to us straight away.

‘So how did you find this place?' I asked.

‘On my travels,' replied Donna. ‘One afternoon when the girls were all down at the beach I took myself off for a walk. I spotted the bakery next door first and bought a few pastries and then saw this place. It just seemed really nice and quiet so whenever I could get away during the day for a little while I'd nip up here and have a drink and write a postcard to Sadie.'

‘You wrote more than one?'

‘Two a day for every day that we've been here,' she laughed. ‘I told you I was missing her.'

There was a long silence.

‘Heads or tails?' said Donna after a few moments.

‘What do you mean?'

Donna laughed. ‘I thought it might make it easier to work out which one of us would be talking first.'

‘Heads you go first,' I replied.

‘Okay,' said Donna handing me a one-Euro coin. ‘But you'll have to be the one to flip it because I'm rubbish at that kind of thing.'

I flipped the coin and caught it moments later in midair, wrapping my fingers around it tightly. Donna and I stared expectantly at my clenched fist. I opened my hand and Donna laughed, clearly delighted with the result.

‘Over to you then.'

‘Fine,' I replied, ‘but I'll keep the coin.'

With that I took a long sip of my beer and told Donna everything about my break-up with Sarah, beginning with the day she left and finishing with Lisa's phone call less than a couple of hours ago.

‘No wonder you looked so shell-shocked when I bumped into you,' said Donna. ‘I'm surprised you're still standing at all after what you've been through.'

‘Maybe,' I replied. ‘I think the real killer is that I didn't even see it coming.'

‘There's no reason you should have done, Charlie. I think it's just one of those things. The important thing is what you do next.'

‘There is no next,' I replied. ‘That's it. It's all over.'

‘But what about the baby?'

‘It's not mine. It's his. Oliver's.' I caught Donna's eye and could see that she was curious how I could be so sure. ‘We hadn't touched each other in months,' I explained. ‘I assumed it was just a phase, but we never seemed to come out the other side.'

‘For a long time after Sadie's dad left I thought about taking an overdose,' said Donna.

‘You're joking?'

Donna shook her head. ‘I wish I was.'

‘But you didn't do anything did you?'

She shook her head, scanning my face for a reaction. ‘I think it was just me not thinking straight, that's all. My GP had prescribed me antidepressants and I wasn't coping very well.' She paused and looked at me. ‘You don't think I'm weird do you?'

‘No, of course not.'

‘I don't think I was serious about it,' she continued. ‘I know I'd never willingly leave Sadie in a million years. But there were times after he'd gone when I didn't know how I'd make it through the next minute, let alone the next day. I missed Ed so much I didn't know how to cope. In the end my mum and dad had to come and stay with me to help out with Sadie. Ed walked out because he said he couldn't cope with being tied down. He said that I wanted more from him than he had to give and that he needed his own space.' She paused and laughed. ‘He said a lot of things actually. But none of them ever made sense.' She took a sip of her lager. ‘It's been two years since it happened and I get on with him now for Sadie's sake rather than my own. If I didn't think that she would hold it against me, I'd never have anything to do with him again. He's okay now that he's managed to get over his mini-life crisis, find himself a new girlfriend, and finally get his head around the idea of being a parent. But I just can't find it in my heart to forgive him for what he did. He broke my heart, Charlie. Smashed it in two and I never thought that I'd recover.'

‘What's the single thing you miss most about Sarah?' asked Donna.

‘Just one thing? Her not being around,' I answered. ‘Until she left I don't think I was ever quite aware just how much space she filled in my life.'

Donna nodded. ‘No one ever tells you what a lonely place the world can be when you go from being two to one, do they? I think the only reason I managed to cope with the situation was because I had Sadie to look after.'

‘I suppose Andy and Tom are my way of coping,' I said, avoiding Donna's gaze. ‘It's not so much that they've said or done anything special since I split up with Sarah – I didn't even tell Tom that Sarah had gone until he arrived at my flat the day before we flew here.'

‘So what is it they give you?' asked Donna. ‘How did they help you to cope when Sarah left?'

I paused and thought for a moment. ‘They gave me somewhere to belong,' I replied eventually. ‘And I think that's pretty much all I needed.'

‘Where do you think you'll be this time next year?' asked Donna.