With All My Love (54 page)

Tessa put her hand in her coat pocket and pulled out a small gift bag. ‘I think this was meant for you. I found it in Jeff’s kitbag after the funeral.’

Valerie could see the name of a well-known jewellers engraved on the small square box. Her fingers shook as she opened it. ‘Oh my God!’ she breathed when she saw the sparkling solitaire engagement ring. Jeff was going to propose! ‘He
did
love me, he did love me,’ she whispered, and burst into tears. ‘He must have been going to propose on my birthday. Did you know he was going to propose?’ She turned to Tessa.

‘No! He hadn’t said anything to me.’

‘And you never gave this to me. How could you do that to me, Tessa?’ she said, aghast.

‘You were gone to Dublin, I had no address,’ Tessa reminded her.

‘It didn’t stop you from doorstepping me at work,’ Valerie reminded her.

‘I was mad with you then,’ Tessa scowled.

‘You knew where Mam lived. You left the letter for Briony there. You could have given it to her to give to me,’ Valerie said heatedly.

‘You kept something from me. I kept something from you. If we hadn’t behaved so badly towards each other we would at least have had peace of mind since Jeff died,’ Tessa said sadly.

‘That’s true,’ Valerie conceded.

‘We have behaved so badly some might say we got our just deserts. You know the old saying, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”’

‘Oh!’ Valerie grimaced. ‘That’s rather apt, I suppose. Who said that?’

‘My grandmother used to say it but I think she borrowed it from Confucius.’ Tessa gave a wry smile, watching the diamond glinting where a shaft of sunlight caught it as Valerie gazed at, what was to her, a priceless jewel.

‘Put it on and see if it fits,’ Jeff’s mother suggested kindly.

Valerie slipped the ring onto the third finger of her left hand. It fitted perfectly. A shower of pink rose petals floated down over her head and shoulders from one of the blooms of a climbing rose tree that grew high against the wall above her.

‘Did you see that?’ she exclaimed. ‘Just when I put the ring on my finger. He is here. Jeff’s still around us, Tessa. Things are always happening that you wouldn’t believe.’ Valerie’s eyes were shining.

‘Things happen to Lorcan and me too,’ Tessa said eagerly. ‘Wait until I tell him this.’ She shook her head. ‘Are we foolish, do you think, looking for signs? Are we just trying to delude ourselves and grasp at straws?’

Another petal drifted down between them.

Valerie and Tessa looked at each other and burst out laughing, and in that moment of delighted laughter, reconciliation was born and they reached out and hugged each other tightly just as the sun came out fully from behind a cloud, showering them with a multitude of sparkling sunbeams.

C
HAPTER
F
ORTY
-S
EVEN

Valerie kissed her mother tenderly as she prepared to leave the nursing home. Carmel sat in her chair, staring out into the garden. She was wearing a beautiful mauve silk blouse and pearls that Briony had bought for her. She looked very well cared for and content, Valerie thought. There had been no recognition when she had walked through the conservatory to where she was sitting. There had been little conversation.

‘I’m just watching Terence out doing the garden,’ she’d said at one stage, and then drifted off into her own little world.

‘I’ll see you again in a few weeks, and Briony will be down to visit,’ Valerie said, taking Carmel’s frail hand in hers.

‘Briony?’ Carmel raised her head. ‘Is she well? And how is Katie?’ Valerie’s heart lifted. ‘She’s very well, Mam. The two of them are very well,’ she said excitedly.

‘Tell them I was asking for them.’

‘I will. She had a new baby. A little boy.’

‘A little boy! Terence would have liked a boy, I think.’ Carmel’s tired faded eyes studied Valerie intently. ‘But I was so glad I had you.’

‘Oh, Mam.’ Tears filled Valerie’s eyes. ‘I love you very much.’

‘I love you too, Valerie.’ They held each other’s hands joyfully and then, a few moments later the shadow came between them. ‘I must go out and help Terence now. We’re going to plant potatoes and peas and beans.’

‘You do that, Mam,’ Valerie said, kissing her soft cheek. ‘But have a little rest first.’

‘I think I will.’ Carmel smiled, and Valerie laid the soft throw over her and watched as her mother’s eyes closed and she nodded off to sleep.

She walked out of the nursing home swamped in a myriad of emotions: relief that her mother was so well cared for, sadness that her mind was far away in another realm, but mostly utterly grateful for that treasured moment of recognition, so rare now, when Carmel had been lucid and they could tell each other of their love.

At least she and her mother had always had that gift, Valerie reflected, driving towards the exit. It had been so different with her father. She glanced over at the pot of pansies and forget-me-nots that lay on the floor of the car. There were three more pots in the boot. Two of them for Terence. It would be the first time she had ever laid flowers on her father’s grave. Valerie pressed down on the accelerator and headed south for Rockland’s.

The sun was shining, having burned through the fog that had rolled in off the sea, when she got to the graveyard. The trees were leafing up, all vibrant and fresh in their spring glory. A late-blooming cherry tree bursting with pink and white blossoms was surrounded by clusters of bluebells. It was so nice to visit this place again, Valerie thought. She could understand now how Tessa found such comfort at Jeff’s grave. It was very soothing to the spirit, arranging her flowers and talking to him.

He must be so pleased, she reflected a little while later, pulling a small weed that had dared to raise its head along the edging stone. Briony had given birth to the most beautiful baby boy a month ago and Lisa was having a party in Rockland’s for him. Something like the party Tessa and Lorcan had hosted for Jeff and Valerie all those years ago. Tessa and Lorcan would be there when she arrived. They were travelling from Dublin today too. It was a party she was looking forward to very much. Lizzie and Dara were coming over from England. It was almost like the closing of the circle.

Valerie stood up, lifted the two remaining pots and made her way along the cemetery path. She took a left a few rows down and walked between two lines of graves until she reached Terence’s plot. The original grey and white stones had been recently supplemented with two more sackloads, and the headstone was gleaming. She was glad she’d phoned the stonemason she’d bought the headstone from and got him to refresh the grave. She had let it go to rack and ruin for too long. She studied the grave critically. It was clean now and well kept, but very bare compared to most of the graves surrounding it. No colourful flowers or ornaments to indicate that its owner had someone who cared enough to place something there.

‘Better late than never, Dad,’ Valerie said, bending down to place the plant-filled pots on the stones. It was amazing the difference they made. They lifted the energy immediately and the plot took on a different hue, no longer forlornly barren.

‘I hope you’re resting in peace,’ she murmured. ‘And thanks for that money.’ A car drove past, indicating to turn into the entrance, and she glanced over the wall and smiled. She should have known they’d be here too.

‘Come to the party, Dad, if you’re around,’ she said, and edged her way back through the graves to the path just as Lorcan and Tessa came through the gate carrying pots of beautifully blooming spring plants.

‘Let me carry it for you. I have forget-me-nots too,’ she said, taking the pot from Tessa.

‘Thank you, Valerie. I won’t say no. They’re heavy enough.’ Tessa handed over her pot gratefully.

‘Isn’t it a cracker of a day?’ Lorcan declared, limping slightly, stiff after the drive down.

‘Peachy,’ she agreed.

‘And a happy day for us.’ Tessa smiled at Valerie as she placed the pot in front of her own and took Lorcan’s from him to place it on the grave.

‘Put that one on the right-hand corner and move this one here,’ Tessa ordered, pointing to one of Valerie’s offerings.

Bossy as ever, Valerie thought fondly, but she did as she was told. In the months that had followed their reconciliation they had kept in touch and had slowly come to appreciate each other. Tessa had invited her and Briony, Finn and Katie to tea over the Christmas season, and Lorcan had opened the door, held out his arms to her and said, ‘Welcome home, Valerie.’ And it
was
like a homecoming she had realized, as they had listened to Katie singing ‘Away in a Manger’ for them after tea.

When Briony had given birth in April, they had met in the Rotunda – so different from when Valerie had given birth – and had cried together, remembering Briony’s birth when Jeff had been with them.

Letting go of the past had been a relief for both of them. Tessa had told her that there were times now that she felt quite light-hearted, something she hadn’t been since Jeff had died. They all adored Katie, and this new baby had drawn them all even closer. For the first time in her life Valerie felt she was part of a big, extended, loving family and it gave her a real sense of belonging.

‘Did you ever think you’d see a day like this after all that’s happened?’ Lizzie asked, tucking into a bowl of Tessa’s famous chowder, a few hours later. The sounds of children playing drifted in through the French doors. Valerie could see Katie playing Ring a Rosie with a couple of little girls, as happy as a lark, while Briony sat on a bench, chatting away with her aunt Lisa.

‘It’s a bit surreal, to be honest,’ Valerie murmured. ‘Did you ever think I’d put flowers on Da’s grave?’

‘Are you glad you did?’ Lizzie studied her.

‘Yes I am. And you’ll never guess what came on the car radio when I turned on the engine.’

‘What?’ Lizzie grinned.

‘Crystal Gayle singing “Somebody Loves You”! It was weird, but nice,’ Valerie admitted.

‘Tessa hasn’t changed; still laying down the law,’ Lizzie grinned as Jeff’s mother ordered one of her grandchildren to circulate with a plate of crispy cocktail sausages.

‘She was telling me where to put the flower pots on the grave earlier,’ Valerie chuckled. ‘So I put them where I was bid.’

‘The difference in you,’ Lizzie smiled. ‘The old Valerie would have bristled with indignation and told her where to put her pots.’

‘I know. But it doesn’t matter now. We really were our own worst enemies. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m glad we’ve made our peace.’

‘YOLO,’ said Lizzie.

‘What?’

‘YOLO! You only live once,’ smirked Lizzie. ‘Cool and hip, aren’t I? Mind you, technically speaking, if you believe in reincarnation like I do, YOLO doesn’t apply at all.’

‘The next time I come back, I hope Jeff comes back with me and
stays
with me,’ Valerie said, observing Lorcan deep in conversation with Finn and Dara, down by the gate that led to the beach. The rhododendrons and camellias were out and great splashes of red and pink blooms were a vibrant contrast to the dark blue sea. It was a warm May evening, and the sun was beginning to set, casting a pearly glow over the western sky. Valerie sighed. The view brought back memories.

‘He’s here, don’t you worry,’ Lizzie said kindly, knowing straight away the reason for the flicker of sadness that crossed her friend’s eyes.

‘I know, I just miss him,’ she said, stroking the diamond in her engagement ring.

‘Of course you do, why wouldn’t you?’ Lizzie said.

‘But now, at least, I know that he
wanted
to marry me, and that means more to me than anything.’

‘How is my son doing?’ Briony appeared at the door and glanced over to the corner of the room where her baby boy lay gurgling happily in the Moses basket Valerie had passed on to Briony. Tessa came to join them and the four of them went over to admire the baby.

‘Imagine, your granddaddy slept in that basket, and so did your mammy.’ Tessa stroked her great-grandson’s cheek.

The baby waved his small fists and gooed at them and they laughed.

‘Are you going to be a boxer, Master Jeff?’ Valerie slid her finger into his small hand and he grasped it tightly.

‘No, my son is going to be an artist,’ Briony declared.

‘Let me take a photo of three generations of women for him to look back on,’ Lizzie suggested, rooting for her new BlackBerry.

‘Great idea,’ exclaimed Valerie, slipping her arms around Tessa and Briony as they stood beside baby Jeff’s basket.

‘Smile,’ Lizzie ordered and clicked.

‘Aahh it’s lovely,’ Tessa said approvingly when Lizzie held it out for inspection. ‘Perfect.’

‘Wouldn’t you wonder what has the baby so engrossed?’ Briony said, studying her son intently, his gaze focused on something in the distance.

Tessa and Valerie looked at each other and smiled conspiratorially. They knew
exactly
who baby Jeff was looking at.

E
PILOGUE

He studies the tableau in front of him. His Valerie with her arms around Tessa and Briony, laughing at one of Lizzie’s witty remarks, all gathered around the baby. Lorcan watches from the garden, a smile of contentment crossing his features. Happy for his wife that she has found peace at last.

And then the joyful soul they have named after him, who has brought his loved ones such happiness, sees that he is there and greets him warmly. ‘Hello. I knew you would come.’

‘I wouldn’t miss it. Well done you for going back. You’re doing what you’re meant to do already. Look at the happiness your arrival has brought. Look how you have united them. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift to bring.’

‘Thank you for preparing the way for me.’

‘I’ll always be here if you need me.’

‘I hope I won’t forget.’

‘Don’t worry, I’ll send you signs. Just look out for them and you’ll remember.’

Someone else joins them. Great joy fills the air.

‘Valerie invited you, how wonderful. And you have taught her what you promised and she has learned the lesson well. We all learn eventually that love and forgiveness are all that matter.’