With Every Breath (8 page)

No. She let the word echo in her mind. Their worlds were light years apart, and her dreams resided elsewhere. Six years ago, when she was a wanderer, bartending to pay her way around the world to any place she wanted, the idea of pursuing a childhood love—no, a childhood crush—was conceivable. Now, she was a woman with a career, a purpose, and an almost-home in Seattle. She hadn’t yet settled into her new apartment. The place still lacked a personal touch, and the décor had more of a hotel feel to it. It was hers, though, and thousands of miles from this town, and Cole.

Still, she couldn’t help but wonder...

“When is his divorce?” She gave a mental groan.

“Next month is the final hearing.

“Oh.” What she needed was a nap. Or maybe she’d sleep until tomorrow and pretend the awkward car ride with Cole never happened.

“Oh, as in you like him. You want to marry him,” Mia sing-songed and nudged Jaden in the side.

Jaden closed her eyes and smiled. “Knock it off. You sound like a ten-year-old.”

“Cole isn’t seeing anyone at all. He hasn’t dated since Kensie left.”

There were so many more questions she wanted to ask, like why Kensie left, and was Cole still in love with her. Not your business! She needed to write it on a sticky note and superglue it to her forehead.

“Are you trying to set us up?” It was a pointless question, because she already knew the answer, and it was a very Mia thing to do.

“Yes, I think I am.”

She peeked an eye open. “I just came to check on you, not hook up with your brother.” Then she closed her eye and added. “Which will never happen, by the way.”

“Anything is possible if you just believe.”

Jaden laughed. “Okay, Tinkerbell.”

“I’m just saying, I wouldn’t mind if my two favorite people in the world hooked up, got married, and made a million babies.”

Jaden sniffed. “Have you been doing drugs since the last time I saw you?”

“Not drugs, but I’ve been binge watching romantic comedies.”

Jaden nudged Mia’s ankle with her toe. “Those are bad for your health. I’m going to take a nap and when I wake up, we’re not going to discuss you pushing me at your brother. Got it?”

Mia rolled out of the bed and walked to the door. With a hand on the knob, she said, “I make no promises. See you when you wake up, Jay.”

When Mia shut the door behind her, Jaden rolled onto her back to stare at the ceiling. Whether she planned to avoid him for the rest of her visit or not, she owed Cole an apology.

Tossing his keys on the kitchen counter, the quiet of the house hit him as it always did when he returned home. Empty. He pulled a glass out of the cabinet then crossed the kitchen to fill it at the sink.

Even with all the yelling between him and Kensie, the house had felt more like a home. He didn’t miss her; he missed the idea of their family. He missed Micky.

Thinking of his son made it hard to swallow. Life was so damn hard. He missed out on too many firsts.

His old man once told him marriage was a work in progress; with the right woman it was all worth it. Kensie hadn’t been the right woman. He had a feeling she never wanted to be. She used to scream he ruined her life, which was something he couldn’t understand—together they made the perfect little boy. Maybe their marriage had been a mistake, but Micky wasn’t. That boy was the best thing that had ever happened to Cole.

Their life together started off rocky. There hadn’t been a lot of money between them, so they moved into the house Cole grew up in. It was paid for, and he made do working side jobs out of the little detached garage out back. All the hours he put in at a full time job and then moonlighting bodywork on the side paid off. After three years, he finally reached the point where a bank would finance his dream. He was proud of the business he built, and imagined his dad smiling down at him from heaven—it was something they had talked about often before his dad lost his battle with cancer. Brooks Customs wasn’t enough for Kensie, though. He thought if he made a lot of money, if financially he could give her everything she wanted, things would be better for her, for their marriage. Only, nothing ever made her happy.

She hadn't finished college—his fault, Cole supposed. But then again, he didn’t ask her to quit. Her pregnancy had been difficult, and the forty-minute drive to and from nursing school had been too far. The circumstances were something he couldn’t change, but she blamed him all the same.

It didn’t matter anymore—their marriage was over. All he needed to concentrate on was being the kind of man Micky would be proud to call his dad. He’d figure out the rest later.

He tugged the cut-off shirt over his head and tossed it into the basket in the laundry room on the way to the stairs. The wood staircase creaked with each step. He was halfway up when his cellphone rang from inside his jeans pocket. He dug it out to look at the display, but didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?”

“Cole?”

He sucked in a breath.

“It’s Jaden.”

“Hey.” He couldn’t think of anything better to say, because the sound of her voice made him breathless. “How’s it going?”

“Better after a shower,” she said.

“I bet. I’m about to do the same.”

“I owe you an apology.” She sounded embarrassed.

“You do?” He paused at the top of the stairs. “For?”

“I, uh...” She cleared her throat. “I apologize for this afternoon. You were kind enough to come get me, and I pretty much accused you of—”

“Being a cheating asshole? I get it.” He chuckled and headed down the hall toward the bathroom.

“I thought you were married. I mean, I know you’re still married,” she blurted. “But I didn’t realize you’re getting divorced.”

“In your defense, I’m not actually divorced yet. We still have to sign the papers.” He winced and flipped the bathroom light on. “I guess to some people’s morals, it’d still be cheating for me to date right now.”

“There’s no high horse for me.” Her soft laughter vibrated through him like the strings of a cello. He pictured her smile, and a familiar pang of yearning hit his chest.

“That’s good. I’m glad.”

“I’m really sorry.” Her tone sobered. “About your divorce, I mean.”

“It’s okay. Really,” he said. She had no idea. Maybe she’d give him a chance to explain. He wanted that chance. “Your car’s settled at Joe’s Garage. I trailered it over and left the keys with him. He’ll call the rental place for you.”

“Thank you. By the time I called to tell them that their rental’s a pile of junk, someone from the mechanic shop already had. They told me they’d get a replacement out on Monday. Apparently they’re understaffed at the location in Sterling.”

“Well, if they try leaving you with another pile of junk, you can borrow something of mine. I’ve got the pickup and the Cutlass.”

“You’d let me drive the Cutlass?” She sounded shocked.

“No,” he said, and she laughed.

“Right. I didn’t think so.”

“I’d let you drive my pickup, though.”

“I’m sure whatever they bring me will be fine.”

“So are we...” He searched for the right word, but wasn’t sure there was one. “Good?”

She was quiet for a moment too long, and he hated the disappointment that balled up in his stomach. “We’re good. I’ll see you around. Good-bye, Cole.”

“Bye, Jelly Bean.” He hung up before she could respond, and then grinned as he imagined her narrowing her eyes in irritation at the nickname. Back when they were kids, he called her Jelly Bean to annoy her. She was cute all riled up and he wasn’t blind; he knew she had a crush on him. How to handle it had been the enigma. He ignored it until he couldn’t any longer. Now he needed to figure out a way to remind her of those old feelings and the connection they had.

Her life was so damn far from Cole’s, but he didn’t care about the details. A couple of weeks were better than the nothing he had with her the last six years. He would never forget the way she felt in his arms, the tinkling of her laughter when he spun her around the dance floor at Mia’s wedding reception. God, the taste of her lips.

He turned on the shower and stepped under the hot spray. Placing his hands against the wall, he let the water hit the top of his head, then trail down his skin like a caress. He remembered tugging her into the storage room at the reception hall and locking the door. They were bathed in darkness, feeling their way around each other’s bodies. God, the way she moaned in his ear when he lifted her dress to touch the moist panties between the legs she wrapped around his waist...

Fuck, he wanted her. He kept his eyes closed and reached down to grasp his cock. It didn’t take long to come, not with those memories in his head. He finished washing and stepped out of the shower.

This time there’d be nothing holding him back. Well, except the woman herself. He just had to convince her to give him one more shot.

CHAPTER FIVE

Mia’s client called the next day in a panic. Her flowers hadn’t arrived at the reception hall for her wedding that afternoon, and her hysteric tears could be heard from across the room through Mia’s cellphone speaker. Jaden supposed if a bride were to have a breakdown, missing flowers would be the perfect trigger. Mia left in a rush with a promise to check in later once she settled the bridal party in at the reception hall.

By noon, all of the photos taken during her time stranded yesterday were uploaded to her computer. She’d written and scheduled two blog posts, and had a video conference with the writers of The Road to Bliss.

By two, she was bored. She wasn’t great at sitting around. She spent a few minutes browsing Mia’s small collection of books—each emotional, tear-your-heart-out-through-your-chest-cavity-and-stomp-on-it novels—but she wasn’t interested in an emotional rollercoaster. There’d been enough of that in her lifetime. So she walked through the first floor of Mia’s house and browsed the photographs. When she found herself lingering in front of an image of her snuggled in Cole’s arms in what seemed like another lifetime, gazing up at him as if he were the only man—person—on Earth, she decided it was time for a walk.

River Bend was so different than she remembered, and it astounded her. Had she walked these streets with blinders on the entire time she lived here? Maybe it was the fact she was seeing the town through adult eyes, gazing at the sights fully instead of keeping her head down in case she ran into Ellie stumbling from one of the bars. As a teenager, she had always fought the fear of not belonging, and she worried about being strong enough to face the gossip Ellie drew like wildfire.

At first, her blog had been for herself. A place she could browse and remind herself how far she’d come from the teenager who counted down every single day until she could leave the trailer park and that life behind. Publishing her first post had been a high, and she’d discovered her purpose—to visit and see as many places as she could and share them with the world. There were little girls out there who had years ahead of them before they would taste the freedom Jaden had also yearned for. Her blog was her gift to them, her gift to herself. Jaden was a different person now as she walked her hometown streets. She wasn’t burdened with the self-conscious insecurity of an emotionally abused and neglected teenager.

She took her time strolling the sidewalks and window-browsing the shops downtown. Most of the businesses were familiar, but there were quite a few new ones. She stopped to admire an old brick warehouse, now the space for boutiques, a beauty salon, and what looked like a bookstore. There was a lease sign in the window of an empty space.

There was a buzz of excitement as business owners hung signs welcoming visitors. None of them noticed her as anything but an out-of-towner come early for the festival. The owners were quick with warm smiles through storefront windows or when they greeted her on the sidewalks. Downtown was busy, cars lined up at stop signs waiting to enter the main street. Some of them thrummed their fingers on their steering wheels, and a mom in a minivan full of fighting kids blew out an impatient huff before parking in front of the grocery store. Jaden smiled.

The streets were red and brown brick, and there was no litter discarded at the curbs, no homeless squatters in the alleys. It was almost as if River Bend were inside a little bubble, where real life burdens didn’t exist. A façade, of course, something she knew better than anyone. But today, she wanted to enjoy River Bend as a tourist.