Without a Mother's Love (43 page)

‘Who will believe an adulteress and bigamist?’

‘Does it matter if they don’t? The town matrons will ask questions and I have no reputation to lose.’

After a short silence he asked, ‘What more do you want?’

‘I need your help before the magistrate, sir.’

‘You are guilty, madam. You will go to gaol.’

‘But you would not wish me to be there for a long time?’

‘Why not?’

She inhaled steadily to slow her hammering heart as she unhooked the fastenings that held her skirt in place and it slipped down over her full petticoats. ‘Tonight will be only the beginning.’ Her hands moved to the buttons on her bodice. ‘So many of these, sir. Will you help me?’

His fingers fiddled feverishly and she could feel his breath fanning her face.‘You are offering to become my mistress when you are free again?’

‘If you will speak to the magistrate on my behalf. Quietly, beforehand.’

‘That will not keep you out of gaol.’

‘But my stay need not be so long. And when my sentence is over I shall be available for you.’

Surely he could hear how loudly her heart was beating as he loosened her bodice. She faced him in the lamplight, noticing the darkened gleam in his eyes as he contemplated her body. She wriggled her hips and her overskirt slipped to the floor. ‘Is there . . . somewhere more comfortable?’ she murmured.

‘The supper rooms upstairs, where the courts are held.’

‘How perfect! During my trial we shall be reminded of the pleasures to come.’ She paused. ‘When I am free.’

She took a backward glance at the book on his desk, at her cloak, skirt and bodice lying abandoned on the floor. Her mind was in turmoil but she noted that he locked the door after him. She saw also that he needed a key for the upstairs room, which he left in the lock. He had hung his office key on a hook by the door. He carried a lamp up the stairs, went into the chamber and placed it on the large, polished oblong table. There were chairs around the table and couches against the walls.

‘Close the shutters,’ she asked, and as he did so, she took her chance.

Swiftly she retreated, locking the door behind her and retrieving the office key from its hook. She sped downstairs with both keys in her hand. She heard him shout and thump on the door and knew it would not be long before someone else heard him and investigated. In her haste she fumbled with the office lock, losing precious seconds.

The room was darker than the stairs had been. She focused her eyes as best she could, found her cloak, wrapped it round herself and rammed her bonnet over her hair. Swiftly, she crossed to the desk, closed the book, wrapped it in her bodice, then her overskirt, and fled out of the building, locking the front door behind her and clasping three heavy keys in her hand.

Jessup had already opened the shutters and was wrenching at the windows. She ran for the shadows of an alley and melted into a doorway to pull on her skirt and bodice, leaving many buttons unfastened. Quickly she made her way to the canal and, with all her strength, flung in the keys and the book. The keys plopped and disappeared quickly.The book gave a satisfying slap as it hit the water, causing ripples to spread around it.

She panicked as it seemed to float, but, slowly, it sank beneath the oily black surface. She felt a pang of guilt for those couples whose entries she had destroyed. But she was desperate and hoped they would forgive her. Without the book how could anyone prove there had been a marriage? There had been no other witnesses. No one, she hoped, who would speak against her in favour of Jessup.

There was no evidence for a trial.

Chapter 33

‘What were you thinking? Taking Toby’s trap into town on your own!’

Livvy was sitting by the fire, reading a news-sheet that Anna had brought. She called regularly, returning Harriet’s visits to the farmhouse. Livvy did not join them there. She respected Toby’s wish not to see her again and welcomed this time to herself, to read and to think. And, on this occasion, to go into town.

She had fretted all the way back to Mexton about the repercussions of her visit to Jessup’s office. Perhaps she had made the situation worse for herself. But word was out in the town about Hesley’s state of mind and of how Jessup had neglected his affairs while he was supposedly looking after them. She guessed he had a reputation to salvage.

Jared came to see her on his way home from the pit. He called when he was able to get away early enough, bringing her small luxuries. A book, a piece of lace or a length of ribbon and, once, a tiny porcelain pot of the lightest salve she had ever used. He said it came from London and Adam Harvey had recommended it for ladies’ complexions in the colder months. He was waiting anxiously when she got back from town and came outside with a lantern to take the horse.

‘Toby said I might use his pony and trap when I was well again,’ she replied. ‘He brought it over himself.’

‘You have spoken with him?’

‘No. He did not come into the house.’

‘I was worried about you, Livvy. It is well past dark.’

‘It is not late. Night falls early at this time of year.’

‘All the more reason for you to make haste.’

‘I am home and safe now, am I not?’

‘Where is Harriet? She should have gone with you.’

‘She’s at the old farmhouse with Anna and Toby. She visits them often and helps them in the mission.’ She paused. ‘As I used to.’

Jared handed her the lantern and she watched him secure the horse beside his own. She didn’t want him to be angry with her. She wanted him to take her in his arms. But since Toby had returned and uncovered her disgrace, Jared had seemed distant. She hoped he would not start giving her orders, as Hesley had done. When she handed back the lantern and he had helped her down, he said, ‘I’ll return the pony and trap for you.’

‘There is no need. Toby will walk back with Harriet and collect it.’

‘He is a good man, Livvy.’

‘I know.’

‘You used him badly.’

‘I know.’

‘Will you not think again about leaving the country? I could arrange to go with you. Until you are settled.’

She would have liked that more than anything in the world. But she shook her head and said, ‘You’re needed at Mexton Pit.’

‘Perhaps Harriet will travel with you.’

‘I would not ask her to leave Anna and Toby. Anna has passed on her asylum mission to others and they are talking of a new venture at the old farmhouse.’

‘I cannot bear to think of you in gaol.’ She detected anguish in his voice and realized he knew the conditions she would have to endure.

She had caused him too much distress. ‘It will not be for long.’ But as she spoke she thought of how she had stolen and destroyed the record book, and that if Jessup got her before the magistrate he would now be her enemy. He would be vengeful, she was sure. ‘They will not hang me, will they?’

‘Not for bigamy.’

‘Or transport me to the colonies?’

‘You will be locked up, I am afraid. The magistrate is harder on women than men in these matters. More so, if a husband is obliged to cast aside his wife, as Hesley is.’

Livvy stood by the gate that led to the cottage’s back yard and kicked restlessly against its wooden post. She wanted to take his hand and hold it, draw strength from it. But she feared he would push her away. In the yellow glow from the lantern she noticed Jared’s riding boots, scuffed and dusty from his long day’s work at the pit. His head was bare and his hair was long, curling over his collar. He must be exhausted, waiting for her to return before he rode home. But she was pleased that he had, and responded brightly, ‘The constable has not come for me yet.’

He raised the light and peered closely at her face. ‘Do not treat this matter lightly, Olivia. Mr Withers says that if criminals are repentant for their actions they find favour with the magistrate.’

‘Of course I am repentant! It was wrong of me to marry Toby. I did not wish it and I told him so. I offered to live with him as his wife without a ceremony.’

The horror on Jared’s features silenced her. What would he think of her after such an admission? But it was the truth and she could not hide it from him.

‘You must not say that in front of the magistrate,’ he replied. ‘It will make matters worse for you. And it will ruin your character for ever.’

‘Oh, I see. It was all right for Uncle Hesley to keep a mistress in town, but not for me live as one?’

‘It is the way things are.You must see that too.’

‘Oh, yes. I see that very well.’

‘Please try to be calm. I have a solution that may help you.’

‘What is it?’

‘You must demonstrate your repentance.’

‘You sound like Harriet.’

‘Be sensible, for Heaven’s sake! Hesley is your lawful husband. You must return to him and live in his house.’

‘Never.’

‘Where is your reason? If you show the town that you have mended your ways, you have a chance of a more lenient sentence.’

‘I cannot live with Hesley. Or, indeed, in that house. It will destroy me. My memories of it are all bad.’

‘All?’

There was such kindness in his tired eyes, and such gentleness in his voice, that a sharp response died on her lips.

‘I believe you were happy there once,’ he murmured.

‘Before my marriage. When Harriet was my governess. And - and you were my friend.’

‘I am still your friend.’

She did not doubt it, and loved him even more for not deserting her now. But was that all he was to her? She wished so desperately that he was more than a friend, that they were lovers and could run away together to France, to live as husband and wife, and never return to her terrible memories at Hill Top House.

She wondered if she could persuade him to take her abroad. She believed he would if she insisted. But as the notion flitted through her mind she knew it could never be. She could not ask him to abandon his responsibilities at the pit. The livelihood of too many folk depended on him.The Mexton colliers respected him and, in time, he would take over his father’s forge as well. The South Riding needed him as much as she did. She must stay and take her punishment. ‘I’m frightened, Jared. I’ve done a wicked thing.’

She was thinking also of Jessup’s book at the bottom of the canal. Her impulsive gesture had compounded her already uncertain situation.

‘Try not to worry,’ Jared said quietly. ‘Mr Withers says he will speak for you at the court.’

‘You have told him I am here?’

‘He guessed. He had heard the rumour and I - I have been seeking his advice.’

She pulled her cloak closer around herself. ‘He is a law-abiding gentleman. He will have to tell the magistrate.’

She was right. Jared knew he had to persuade her to return to Hesley, no matter the cost to himself. His hand moved of its own accord to hers and she clasped it tightly, causing his pulses to race. He breathed deeply to quell his pounding heart. ‘Let us go inside to the warmth. There is something else we must talk about.’

They went into the kitchen of the Wiltons’ terraced cottage. The fire burned brightly and she lit a candle. In the increased light she saw that not only were Jared’s boots dusty, but his jacket and trousers rumpled and greasy. She took off her cloak and bonnet and hung them behind the door, realizing that her own appearance was dishevelled and grubby. Hastily she took down a large apron, tied it over her bodice and skirt, then pulled on a cotton cap.

Jared drew two chairs closer to the fire ‘Hesley is still your husband and there are decisions to be made about his - er - future.’

‘Not by me, surely? You and Adam Harvey can do that.’

‘You are his wife.’

‘But he has disowned me! No one will listen to me so why do you ask?’

‘Hill Top House needs you too. It is your home, where you belong. If you return to Hesley and show you have reformed, it will help Mr Withers to plead your case at the trial. You might find a little happiness there. Somewhere.’

If you were there I should, Livvy thought. She had been truly happy there for such a short time, from the Christmas when she had met Jared and sat in her grandfather’s coach with him, then on the slopes beyond the little church until he had ordered her not to think of him as more than a friend. She would willingly have given him all her love, all of herself. She would do it now if she had thought he would accept it.

She thought he might have loved her before Toby had found them together. But he had a position to uphold in the Riding and he would suffer if he was associated with her in that way. He would seek companionship and love from a genteel, respectable lady, like his mother or sisters, not from a bigamist adulteress who was now also a thief. Lord, what had she become? She was lucky to have a friend like Jared, who would not snub her in the roadway. She wondered how much longer she could suffer the frustration of having only his friendship.

‘And you were, at least, content with Harriet at Hill Top House?’ he continued.

‘Perhaps,’ she said. ‘I enjoyed learning.’

‘You have a right to return.You are Hesley’s legal wife.’

‘Surely he will not have me over the threshold?’

‘He is mad, Livvy. Insane. I am his legal attorney.’

‘You? I thought that was Jessup.’

For the first time that evening she detected a smile on his lips. ‘I have the power to make Hesley’s decisions for him.That is why I am running the mine.’

‘Do you own Mexton Pit? And Hill Top House?’

He gave a soft laugh. ‘I do not
own
any of it. I am simply responsible for it.’ He stopped smiling and added, ‘And you.’

‘So that is why you visit me here? Because I am your responsibility? ’

‘Is that what you think? You are a suspicious woman.’

‘You would be suspicious if you’d been through what I’ve been through.’