Without Doubt (7 page)

I realize I should have explained Jax to
him, but explaining Jax would involve Harper and that isn’t
something I’m prepared to do.

Jax stayed with me until Sunday morning
before he drove back down to San Diego. He let me cry to him all
weekend over Declan. Jax is the only other guy I’ve ever cried over
so it seemed fitting that he got to sit on this side of it for
once. He sent me to the spa on Saturday as a birthday gift, where I
got the full work up. They even cut off all of my hair. It’s now
shaped in a slight A-line bob with a few new golden low-lights and
I absolutely love it. It makes me feel a little more adult, a
little more professional.

When I got home from the spa all I wanted to
do was call Declan and tell him all about it; I wanted to know what
he thought about my new look. I restrained myself from calling, but
I couldn’t help being curious about what Declan would have done for
my birthday had he known. I have a feeling he would have done
something special. Declan is a thoughtful man and I don’t think I
could possibly feel any worse than I do right now about the whole
situation. The whole misunderstanding was completely my fault.

I’m sitting at the bar on a day I’m not
working because I needed to get out of my apartment and Dustin
needed to pick up a shift. I got bored quickly at my apartment once
Harper and Marla went to Marla’s friend’s house for an early dinner
and ended up here. Dustin’s pretty busy right now, which is
actually fine, because I’m not in the mood to socialize. I miss
Declan. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. Against my
better judgment, I pull out my phone and text Declan before I can
change my mind.

Ava-
Hi

I figure it’s best not to say too much in
the initial text in case he won’t respond. This way I’m not too put
out by him ignoring me. I don’t have to ponder that thought for too
long though because he writes back quickly even if it doesn’t give
me any clue as to how receptive he’s going to be.

Declan-
Hey.

Short and sweet or still
madder than hell?
Ava-
Are you back in town?

Declan-
Yes.

He’s going to make this
impossible.
Ava-
Are you going to be mad at me forever?
His response takes longer than I would have liked. I’m just
about to put my phone away and go home to cry some more when it
finally comes through.

Declan-
I was never mad Ava.

Hurt? That’s even
worse.
Ava-
Are
you busy tonight?

Declan-
I can’t come to the bar, but I’m not busy. Do you
need something?

Ava-
I’m not working tonight and I was hoping I could see
you.

Declan-
5589 Rosewood Ct. come on over

I’ve never been to his house before. I know
he bought it last year as an investment when his grandma passed
away and left him a hefty inheritance, but that’s pretty much all I
know about it. Greyden is his roommate and for some reason I feel
even more anxious about seeing Greyden than Declan. I guess because
Greyden looked like he could murder Jax last week and Declan looked
bored.

Ava-
On my way.
I type my response
quickly as I wave bye to Dustin and head towards my car.

Declan-
2012 is the gate code. Use on both
gates.

Of course he has a damn gate code.

I pull up his address on my phone’s GPS and
head out of downtown. The further I get from the city, the closer I
get to the San Jose foothills. I’m trying to prepare myself for the
kind of lifestyle I’m about to discover, the lifestyle I can only
imagine, where their closets are larger than my shoebox sized
apartment and their jeans cost more than I spend on groceries in a
month, but the area is making me doubt my acceptance ability. After
about a twenty-minute drive, I find myself in front of an elaborate
gate with a keypad near my window. I punch in the code and begin
the drive through the hills and trees. I keep passing other gates
but the houses are set too far back for me to see.

“
5589 Rosewood” appears on
the final gate directly in front of me. It’s at the end of the road
and I can see the old streetlights lining the drive. I punch in the
code one more time; the gate slowly swings open and I pull my car
through. As I drive closer to Declan’s house I take in my
surroundings. There isn’t a plant or tree out of place—everything
is pristine, including the rocks and flowers and greenery on every
inch of the ground.

Once I make my way around a small curve in
the road, the house comes into view. To say that I’m speechless
would be a massive understatement. The sun is mostly down and the
house is glowing like a Thomas Kinkade painting. It’s an older
Tuscan style home, so well maintained that if it weren’t for the
mature landscaping it’d be difficult to decipher how long it’s been
here. The browns and creams of the exterior and trim seem to have
been picked out to perfectly accentuate the forest it sits in. I
want to count the windows, but as I park my car in the circular
drive, Declan walks out of the double doors set in the middle of
the ground level entryway.

When my eyes find him, they instantly tear
up, the ache in my chest that I have been experiencing since last
Wednesday intensifying as he stands there waiting for me. I blink
away my tears the best I can and grab my purse off the passenger
seat before stepping out of the car.

I notice other cars stacked in on the side
of his driveway in front of the garage. I see Greyden and Macie’s
cars but I don’t recognize the other ones. He said he wasn’t busy,
but it sure looks like he is with the amount of guests I presume to
be inside.

Swiping at my eyes one more time, I walk
around the water fountain and right up to Declan, who’s standing
with his hands in his pockets. Pockets that belong to black slacks.
I would never have guessed that he owned a pair of dress slacks,
nor would I have suspected him to wear dress shoes, but here he is
looking all kinds of sexy. He’s also wearing a button down black
shirt, however he relaxed the look a bit with his signature belt
and by rolling up his sleeves to reveal his toned forearms. His
face metal is gone and there are stitches above his right eye. He
doesn’t smile or nod or shake my hand or anything. He just stands
there.

“
You should have told me
you were busy,” I announce quietly as I approach him, unsure of his
actual acceptance to my being here.

“
I’m not.” I can tell by
the way his features are set in stone and the words come out so
seriously that he’s still angry with me.

I wave my hand towards the cars to the right
of me and he just glances over real quick before turning his gaze
back on me. “Your guests’ cars contradict your statement,” I
comment.

He still just stands there and watches me.
This obviously was a bad idea. A couple tears escape my eyelids and
I bat them away quickly.

“
Never mind. I shouldn’t
have come.” I turn around but only take one step before I feel his
hand grasp my upper arm.

“
Why are you crying, Ava?”
he asks quietly.

I look down to the keys in my hand and
sniffle. I try to steady my voice but I’m feeling too many emotions
to make that happen. “Because this was a bad idea.”

I hear him drag in a deep breath. “Come
here, Sunshine.” He’s still speaking quietly and I kind of wish he
would just yell at me and get it over with. I hate that he could
easily pass this off as nothing and I can’t even keep my damn tears
from falling. Declan pulls me tightly into his arms and I actually
cry. He holds me until my sobs subside.

“
I’m so sorry. I never
meant for any of this to happen.” My breath hitches a couple times
by the time I’m able to get all of that out. “You weren’t supposed
to get this close to me, Dec. I warned you,” I offer
pathetically.

“
I know, Ava, it’s just
that, it’s just…” He lets out a deep breath and gently pushes away
from his chest so he can see my face. “Who is he to
you?”

“
He’s a big part of my
past and he’s been my best friend for a long time,” I answer as my
eyes plead with him to leave it at that.

“
Why haven’t you talked
about him to me?” Declan is being extremely patient, but I can see
in his eyes that he’s at his breaking point with me as far as this
subject goes.

“
Because when I explain
him I have to explain some other things that I haven’t wanted to
tell you about.”

“
Why won’t you tell me?
I’ve tried to be patient and I think I was doing a damn good job of
it until last week.” He brushes the hair out of my face and wipes
away the trickling tears.

“
Because like I said
before, it’s a deal breaker, which is precisely why I won’t date
you. I’m afraid that even if I tell you as friends, it’ll make you
run in the opposite direction. Once you know the other parts of my
life, it’ll change whatever dynamic we have.” I pause and look at
my feet. “Honestly, I don’t know how I could live with that, Dec;
without you in my life, I mean,” I add quietly.

He seems to be pondering my words before he
speaks. “Is this about Harper?”

In all the things in this
world that he could have said,
that
is not something I would have ever expected. My
breath whooshes out of my lungs and my stomach drops. How the hell?
“What?” I say with bated breath. I can’t believe he knows about
Harper.

“
I heard Dustin tell
Jackson that his mom was going to keep Harper for the night so you
could get some good sleep. Who’s Harper?” His expression is
quizzical and rightfully so.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m sort
of relieved that he knows about her now, but I just don’t have a
clue as to how to explain her. “She’s…” I can’t find the words and
I can’t look him in the eye, so I look around at the magnificent
scenery around us. “Declan, once I tell you, things are going to
change between us, which I completely understand,” I rush out
before drawing a long breath, “I just ask that before you de-friend
me, please consider at least staying in touch. This last week was
hell without talking to you.” I hear the weakness and vulnerability
in my voice, but there’s no preventing it. I’m kind of freaking out
right now.

“
Is she your daughter,
Ava?” he asks in a stern, controlled voice. He seems mad or
frustrated and hurt maybe? Probably a whole slew of things he has a
right to be feeling. He’s never going to speak to me
again.

I cross my arms in front of my chest
defensively. “Technically, yes she is.” I can’t look into those
beautiful eyes.

“
What the fuck does that
mean?” he asks impatiently.

“
Technically, in all the
ways that matter, she’s mine. Biologically, she’s my niece, but
according to her and the state of California, I am her
mother.”

“
You have custody of your
niece?” Now he’s confused and looking at me like I’m a crazy
person.

“
Yes.” My defense is
broken, I feel just as tired as he looks now.

He rubs his eyes with the palms of his
hands. “Why?” His voice comes out in a whisper.

“
Because as you already
know, I haven’t heard from my dad since I was a little girl and my
mom left me with my 15-year-old sister on my
18
^th
birthday. My sister got pregnant when she was 17 and refused
to give her up for adoption. When Harper was three months old, my
sister decided she wasn’t cut out to be a mom and went to Hollywood
to be an actress. That was nearly three years ago and I haven’t
heard from her since.” I’m ready to get in my car and leave. I
don’t think I can talk about this anymore, especially when he’s
looking at me that way…like I’m insane for taking on this
responsibility…

“
And Jackson?” He’s not
running, and a tiny bubble of hope pops up in my chest. I don’t
allow it to fully inflate just yet; we’re far from being
okay.

“
Jackson was my boyfriend
all through high school. He moved to San Diego to attend SDSU my
junior year. We did the long distance thing for a couple years,
then we decided that it wasn’t worth it anymore. We basically were
friends and I was keeping him from the dating scene so we removed
the titles and remained friends. He’s been there for me through the
whole thing with my sister and every one of Harper’s milestones and
mishaps. He means a lot to me, but I don’t have feelings of
anything more than friendship for him.”

Declan is staring me in the eye and when I
finish speaking he swiftly shakes his head and then walks right up
to me. He grabs my face in both of his hands and kisses me slowly.
His kiss is intoxicating. He tastes minty and cool, his lips soft
and lush. This is the kiss from all of the romance movies when the
girl finally gets her dream guy or the guy finally pulls his head
out of his ass and picks the real girl—their kiss is always
explosive, just like this one. I’m floating and I’m nowhere near
ready to come down. This is absolutely not what I was expecting. In
the back of my mind I’m secretly hoping that this is our first kiss
of many but the forefront of my mind is questioning whether or not
this is a sendoff kiss. I keep my hands to myself just in case it’s
the latter.

When we both need to take a breather, Declan
pulls back but continues to hold my face. “Ava Sterling, you are
the most incredible person I have ever or will ever know. I’m still
pissed that you’ve kept this from me for so long, but I guess I
understand where you were coming from.” He kisses me softly one
more time, letting his tongue part my lips. He glides around my
mouth like it’s nothing new to us. But it is, very much so.