Without You: Book 1 of the Changing Hearts Series (19 page)

Her heart was pounding, and she was breathing like she had just run a marathon.

She heard shuffling and other noises from Mayra’s end of the conversation. “Be right there!” Mayra hung up.

Jimmy jumped and landed sideways on top of her.
 

Ariana struggled to get up.

Her mom appeared in the doorway and came in for a long hug. “I’m calling everyone right now. And as soon as your father gets home, we’re taking you out to eat,” she said with a smile, leaving the room again.

She looked at the words on the screen again.

Accepted.

Mayra stared at the screen as she sat in Ariana’s desk chair.

The news had sunk in, and Ariana was sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, and her knees to her chest.
 

She had to tell Lucas.

“So when do you start packing?” Mayra smiled as she turned to look at her. “You better invite me to some of those parties in Athens. I hear they’re freakin’ amazing.”

Ariana slowly looked at her. It had just hit her that in a matter of months she wouldn’t be living here anymore. She’d be in an entirely new place. Alone. No Lucas. No Mayra. No Jimmy. No Mom and Dad.
 

She took a deep breath and tried not to let that thought paralyze her.

Mayra sat next to her. “You don’t look so excited. What’s wrong?”

“Yeah, what’s up? You look like you’re going to a funeral or something,” Jimmy said as he went to sit in the desk chair.
 

“I don’t know if I can do this,” she whispered.

She looked down. Maybe that way Jimmy and Mayra wouldn’t see the tears that had pooled in her eyes.
 

She took another deep breath and willed the tears to go back inside her.
 

“Of course you can do this.” Mayra put her arm around her. Jimmy just looked on, kinda sad. It reminded her of last year when Mayra had been the one crying. Except she had shut herself in the bathroom and was on the floor crying when she and Jimmy found her.
 

“It’s gonna suck if I go,” she said a minute later.

“When you go. Not if,” Mayra said. “And it’s not gonna suck. There’s this thing called Skype that we can use to communicate. You and Lucas are gonna be fine. Won’t be easy, but you’ll get through it.”

“Seriously, though,” she asked, mostly because she didn’t want to talk about Lucas right now. She could feel the tears coming on at the thought of not being close to Lucas anymore. “You two give yourselves a chance already. You’re gonna be here next year, Mayra. You already decided that. What’s holding you back?”

Mayra took her arm off of her shoulder and glanced at Jimmy. There were several seconds of silence.

Jimmy got up before she was even done talking. They all squeezed onto her bed, and Jimmy put his long arm around Mayra and kissed her on top of her head.
 

“We’re not in a rush,” he said. “We have the rest of our lives to be together.”

Ariana looked at Mayra, who was staring straight ahead. “You don’t know that,” Mayra responded.

“I’ll be right back. Just gonna go to the bathroom,” Ariana said, getting off the bed and standing up.
 

She went in to the hall bathroom and shut the door quietly behind her. She could hear her mom talking on the phone in the kitchen.

She could tell Mayra and Jimmy were having a moment. If anything good came out of all of this, at least it should be that. If she and Lucas didn’t end up together next year, somehow she’d find a way to deal with it, even if it felt like she being eaten alive from the inside out. But seeing Jimmy and Mayra together, happy, that would be amazing.

She stared in the mirror at herself. Her eyes were slightly red, but she couldn’t bring herself to look herself in the eye.

She grabbed some toilet paper to wipe her nose. Her phone was in her pocket, so she took it out and texted Lucas. He was still at work and wouldn’t be able to go out to eat with them.

She texted him.

I miss you.

Already, she missed him so bad. Her heart tugged at her inside her chest. She closed her eyes and pictured his smile and the feel of his warm skin against hers, the slight stubble on his face.
 

She hugged herself instead.

###

Ariana walked back into her room. As she did, she saw Jimmy and Mayra pull apart. Their faces had been really close. She smiled a small smile and sat in her chair.

There was a link for the next steps she had to take to go to UGA. She hovered over it but decided to look at it later.

“So you’re coming with us to eat, right? My dad should be here soon,” she said to Mayra.

Mayra looked up. “Yeah. Let me just go ask my mom. Want to walk with me?”

“Yeah,” she said. They both stood up.

“I’m gonna go shower,” Jimmy said, also getting up. She saw the way his hand was on Mayra’s back.
 

They walked out of the house and headed down the driveway.
 

“You okay?” she asked Mayra.

“Yeah,” she said. They walked slowly to her house and looked up at the sky. It was a fiery orange red, and there were some clouds scattered around. It was slightly chilly, but it felt good. Ariana made sure she didn’t forget this view, this feeling.

“How about you?” Mayra said.

“I’m good. We’ll figure it out,” she said. “If Lucas and I are meant to be, then we’ll be okay.” She looked at Mayra. “How about you two? Sorry if I was being intrusive. I just—”

“It’s okay. We all know it’s obvious. Except for our parents.”

They gave a small laugh.

“It’s just hard,” Mayra said.
 

“Can you imagine?” Ariana asked. “You think they’ll be cool about it?”

“I hope so. I know my mom probably won’t care, as long as I do good in school. I’m just not sure I want to tell anyone right away.”

“I think my parents would love it. They love you already.” She looked at Mayra again, who looked back and tried to smile. “What’s going on?”

“You know,” she said. “I don’t want to ruin the good thing we have. All of this. Our friendship. Mine and Jimmy’s friendship. The relationship I have with your entire family. I don’t deserve someone as good as you guys.”
 

And before Mayra had even finished her sentence, they were at Mayra’s driveway, and she had collapsed onto it, crying. With her knees pulled up and her head down and covered by her arms.

Ariana pushed back the tears in her own eyes and sat down next to her. She put her arm around her.
 

“What? Is that what you really think?” She looked around and behind them. They were alone. “Mayra, you are the coolest, nicest person I know. How could you think that? We’re all one family. You’re my sister.”

Mayra pulled her head up and hugged her, and Ariana hugged back, squeezing her best friend. Mayra gasped for air from how hard she was crying.

“Please don’t cry,” she whispered. “You deserve to be happy.”

Mayra kept crying but tried to talk. “My family is so messed up. I’m messed up,” she said in between sobs. “How can Jimmy love me?”

Ariana didn’t say anything. She had a feeling Mayra just needed to say some things out loud.

Mayra continued, her head on Ariana’s shoulder. “Jimmy is such a good guy, and I’ve slept with more guys than I can count on one hand. He’s never been with anyone. How can I—” She broke down crying again, and a few tears escaped from Ariana’s eyes.
 

“If being with Jimmy is what your heart wants and it feels right, then do it. Don’t worry about that other crap. It’s just not true.” Ariana didn’t know where the words came from, but she knew they needed to be said.

Mayra kept sniffling. Ariana squeezed her again.
 

“Come on. Let’s go get you all dressed up. Cuz my best friend is not going to be sad today. No one is.”

She pulled Mayra up, and they hugged before going inside.

###

About twenty minutes later, Mayra and Ariana were headed back to her house. Mayra’s mom had been more than okay with her daughter going out to dinner with them. And she had congratulated and hugged Ariana on her acceptance.

“I knew it,” Mayra’s mom said as she got ready to leave for work. “You’re going to do great things.” She looked at Mayra. “Both of you. Have a good time. I can’t wait until it’s Mayra too.” She hugged them again before they left and handed Mayra a twenty.

Now they were walking back up Ariana’s driveway. She noticed her dad’s work truck. Jimmy came out of the house. He was already dressed, his hair styled perfectly in place. She could smell the aftershave from here. When had he started using that?
 

Jimmy glanced at their dad’s truck before saying, “Dad’s almost out of the shower, and Mom’s changing. Then we’re leaving.” He walked towards them. “Ariana, what are you in the mood for? Pizza? Burgers? Italian? All you-can-eat, five-dollar Chinese buffet maybe?”

“No idea yet.” She was about to say she was gonna head inside to change really quick when she saw Mayra go straight up to Jimmy, put her arms around his neck, stand on her tiptoes, and kiss him hard on the mouth.
 

Jimmy’s eyes stayed open for a split second while his arms hung at his side, paralyzed. Ariana’s mouth hung open, and she saw her brother realize what was happening as he closed his eyes, kissed Mayra back, and put his arms around her waist. Then somewhere below her waist.
 

“Uh, I’m gonna go change now,” Ariana said laughing. She walked off.
 

Mayra and Jimmy didn’t even look her way.

“I’m gonna be brave like your sister,” she heard Mayra say as she was about to close the front door behind her. “And go after what I want in my life.”

###

Ariana watched Jimmy and Mayra hold hands under the table at the restaurant and gaze at each other like no one else existed.
 

Her stomach fluttered from how happy she felt for them. Even her parents noticed something was different, and she caught them glancing at them and then each other once or twice.
 

Sooner or later, they’d find out. If they hadn’t already guessed.
 

She fidgeted with the gold bracelet on her wrist.

It was hard not to think about Lucas right now. She was supposed to be happy. And she was, but there was also a huge downside. The time had come to decide what she was going to do with the next four years of her life. What if she made the wrong choice? How was she supposed to know what the wrong choice was?

“So what do you do now that you’ve been accepted?” her dad asked as he cut up his steak.
 

She stammered as she processed his question. “Um, there’s a list of stuff I have to do. Confirm I’m going. Set up a student account. I have to go to orientation in Athens. A bunch of stuff.”

“And when do you have to confirm by?” her mom asked. She took a sip of her soda and studied Ariana’s face.

Ariana squinted as she tried to remember. “I think in like a month they have to have it. And I think there’s a deposit.”

“You’re set on going then?” her mom continued.
 

Mayra and Jimmy looked up from their silent conversation.

Ariana looked at all of them. “Yeah, pretty sure I’m going.”

Her dad nodded. “You’re an adult now. You get to decide. But we think it’s a good choice for your life. You can choose to be anything you want to be, and that school will help you do it.”

“Have you talked to Lucas about it? What does he say about all of this?” her mom asked.
 

Mayra gave her a small smile. Ariana put her hands in her lap and focused on the texture of the black cloth napkin.
 

“He’s supportive about it,” she said, not as loud as before. “He wants me to go.” She sighed and tried to look at her food.
 

“That’s good,” her dad said. “I had a feeling he would understand. He’s a smart guy.”

She nodded. “He’s a good person.”

She had no idea how she was going to tell him, but she knew sooner was better than later.
 

Everyone finished eating not long after and got ready to head home.
 

“No dessert?” her mom asked.
 

Ariana shook her head and got up from the table.
 

Once she got home, Ariana picked up her phone and dialed Lucas. While she heard it ring, she sat at her desk with the phone laying in front of her and her arms holding her head with her elbows on the table.

“Hey,” he replied. “What’s up?”

He sounded like Lucas. Always in a good mood. Always with a smile on his face. She hated being the reason that smile wouldn’t be there anymore, even if she wasn’t there to see it. It was just as bad.
 

Maybe she should wait to do this in person. She had to be there to hold him, so they could hold each other. Because she had no idea what was in store.

“You there?” Lucas asked.
 

“Yeah, sorry,” she replied, taking a deep breath.

“What’s wrong?”
 

“Nothing. I just… How was work?”

“Work was work. Same old, same old. How was your day?”

It was like he was in front of her, and she could see his eyebrows wrinkle from trying to figure out what was going on.

“My day was good.”

“Have you found out about UGA yet?”

“Mayra and Jimmy finally officially started going out I think,” she interrupted.

“Seriously? Good for them.”

“So have you showered yet?”

“Why?” He was back to smiling again.

And she couldn’t help but laugh. “Get those thoughts out of your head. Anyway, want to meet up tomorrow before school? A little early again?”

“Usual time? 7:40?”

“Yeah. Just want to hang out a little and then we can head to breakfast.”

Tomorrow she would tell Lucas about UGA, and hopefully, they would figure things out together. They had to.

Ariana saw that Lucas hadn’t gotten to school yet. It was already 7:42am. She was sure he’d be here by now. She parked and turned off her car. Mayra would be here later.