Wolf’s Empire: Gladiator (71 page)

“What's wrong?” Julia whispered.

“The enemy is near,” I said as quietly as I could.

“Then lead us away from them,” she said.

“I can't. I can't hear the song anymore. I can't find Lumen.”

“We're lost?” Julia spat. “You're joking. What happened to our ironclad barbarian allies?”

“I don't know. I think it might be my fault.”

“Really?” Julia asked. “I'd never have guessed. We've got to find him. If what you've said is true, he can't be allowed to fall into Aquilinus' hands.”

Exhaustion. Tiredness. Suddenly any strength animating my newly re-bound body failed, and I nearly collapsed. Julia fumbled and managed to grab me before I fell. I needed to stay driven, the worst thing to do in a crisis was panic, but I was drained. My limbs felt like limp spaghetti. I didn't know how I could move forward. In a matter of minutes, everything had changed again, just when I felt like we were on the right track.

“We're at a crossroads,” Crassus said.

“You think?” Julia snapped.

“No, an actual crossroads,” Crassus said. “And you're about to take the wrong path. We have to head right.”

“How do you know?” I snapped at the Sertorian.

“I can hear the song. Can't you?”

“This is where it starts,” Julia hissed. “His lies and the treachery that follows. He's probably done something to sever us from the Hyperboreans. This is the moment. We're stumbling around in the dark, and now we've lost our best bet of getting out of here. We need to move fast to try to pick up Lumen's trail. We can't be carrying deadweight.”

She squeezed my arm so hard that I nearly cried out in pain. My body was still so sensitive. It seemed to have lost all the years of conditioning I'd put into it.

“Now, Accala!” Julia whispered hoarsely. “Now is the time; there are no barbarians to stop us.”

She wanted him dead, and without Lumen there to counsel me otherwise, suddenly all the wrongs I'd suffered at his hands sprang to mind. It would be so easy, and the gods knew Crassus deserved it. The tunnels of this mountain as his tomb, his body pored over by the arachnoraptors when they found him, dragging his corpse back to his old master. I wanted to straddle Crassus and choke the life from him, to watch the light fade from his eyes as his soul fell down into the depths of the underworld—to Tartarus, the darkest level of the house of Hades where Jupiter imprisoned his enemies. I could taste it. I thought that Lumen's clear light had banished my dark desires, but I felt them stirring up again a red rage inside of me.

But why didn't Julia kill him herself? Perhaps she looked to me for leadership, testing whether my resolve to spare Crassus' life would waver. But Crassus may actually have told the truth. What if he could hear the song?

“I can't,” I said.

“Kill him now, or I will,” Julia said. “I won't come unless he's dead. We're alone now, no Hyperboreans to protect us if Crassus turns on us.”

I couldn't see Crassus, but I could hear his ragged breath. He said nothing, made no plea for his life.

“We're working with the Hyperboreans,” I said, “and they saved Crassus, and you, for a reason. I'm certain of it.”

“Tell me you don't believe all this crap about the gods?”

“I don't know what I believe right now except that when I followed the same feelings that are coursing through me right now, I destroyed a city, betrayed you and my house, and nearly ended my own life. This new Accala has to make different choices.”

“You're as deranged as Crassus,” she muttered to herself, but the fight was gone from her voice.

I found Crassus' hand in the dark and pulled him to his feet, surprised to find that a small portion of my strength had returned.

“You said you can hear the song?” I asked Crassus, ignoring Julia. “So tell us. Which way?”

“You'd better know what you're doing,” Julia said, and I wasn't sure, in the darkness, whether she was talking to Crassus or me.

His hand closed about mine, and I suffered the contact while he pulled ahead. It seemed that he too had found some new strength. He led us through the darkness for what felt like hours, taking twists and turns, occasionally pausing to listen, and then a light appeared in the distance, dull and gray.

“The surface,” Crassus said.

“It's dusk,” Julia confirmed. “Night is about to fall.”

The surface. I couldn't believe it was this near. So close, and I had nearly lost it. I would have run us right into the arms of the enemy.

“It would be suicide to wander out there in the dark, especially with Aquilinus in the orbital stadium watching over the course,” Julia said.

“I'm not sure what choice we have if Lumen is out there,” I said. “If the arachnoraptors have him, we must get him back before they can get him to Aquilinus.”

“Here,” Crassus said, pointing down a tunnel running off to the right. “The song is coming from this direction.”

He was right. I could suddenly hear it again. So faint that until he mentioned it I wasn't even aware of it.

I took the lead now, pulling Crassus and Julia along behind me, taking turn after turn following the song, which grew louder and louder until we passed through a high arch leading into a vast cavern.

There I saw Lumen, faintly glowing, Concretus behind him.

“What happened!” I hissed as we approached. “We thought we'd lost you.”

The raptors surprised me,
Lumen said.
Concretus pulled me in here to protect me. We hoped you would follow the song.
I translated Lumen's words to the others.

“You,” Julia said to the large Hyperborean warrior, poking at his chest with her index finger. “You're not going to do that again. We're a team. If you want us to look after you, you stay and look after us.”

We will,
Lumen said.
Concretus understands now. We both understand, but it was not I who left you.

Lumen was not telling the truth. I could sense that much, though I didn't want to press him with Julia here. I translated Lumen's words for her.

“He's right,” I said. “I was nervous, I lost track of his song.”

This alliance was too fragile to dig any deeper than that, and I was exhausted, we all were. Lumen assured us that we were in a safe place and that the arachnoraptors were moving far away to the west of the mountain, and by the time they worked out that they'd gone the wrong way and headed back, we'd have at least a day's lead. Time enough to sleep before venturing out into the tournament field and encountering whatever games Aquilinus had orchestrated.

Lumen had already laid out some old robes and legion cots—steel base with a thermal mattress that generated its own heat. The cots and the robes smelled of mold, but Julia confirmed that the power cells in the cots were functional and able to warm us through the night. We set Crassus' cot away from us, near the edge of Lumen's glow, where Concretus stood guard.

“Before. In the tunnels,” Julia said to me when we were alone. “You don't owe Crassus anything except a horrible and violent death. If you wanted to be merciful, you should have just walked away in place of beating him to death with your bare hands. That's more mercy than he ever showed you. I was there. I saw what you went through.”

“It's not that.”

“Then what?”

“I went off the plan. I disobeyed my orders. I betrayed you because I needed revenge. I tried to kill my enemies, and all that came of it was death and destruction. I was supposed to die, and I didn't. The very same beings that I abused gave me life back. They gave me another chance.”

“But what you did and what Crassus did are two different situations. You were half mad with addiction.”

“How do I know he wasn't? You saw how he was controlled, conditioned. Besides, I'm done making excuses. Whatever drove me to act as I did, I own it, I'm the only one responsible. Crassus needs to be spared, or my salvation isn't worth a damn, and I need it to be. I need to know I can really come back from the place I was in, or there's no hope for me. I know it seems crazy that I'm fighting to keep Crassus alive, but if you can't accept my reasoning, then at least accept my intuition.”

Julia snorted in frustration and turned to make the best bed she could with the little we had. It was dark and we were tired. We fell into our cots.

I closed my eyes, and my head swam with all that had happened since I was reborn at the heart of this mountain. Since the great city-hive fell. When I was sure the others were asleep, I slowly rose from my cot. Lumen was still faintly glowing, sitting patiently, waiting for me. There was no sign of Concretus.

“The giant?” I asked.

He's standing guard outside the cavern. He doesn't need sleep, none of us does.

“Back there, with Crassus. That was a test, wasn't it?” I asked. “You left me on purpose to see what I would do.”

In a sense, although it was you that turned from me. When you thought of killing Crassus, you turned away from the song and our shared connection. It was then that Concretus reacted. The song shows the right way. I followed it when I saved Crassus. He is an important part of what will follow.

“You're telling me you can see the future now? What will follow then?”

I can only see ripples, glimpses of the song, Mother sees more clearly than I can, but I can barely hear her now. All her energies are devoted to keeping the poisoning of the ichor at bay. But I do know that you will need both of your allies to get through the challenges ahead.

“Listen. The gods don't care about what I do or don't do. I'm just a person, one of many trillions spread throughout the galaxy. I make my own choices.”

The path the gods have laid out for you, for all of us, is not about overpowering your will or forcing you to do something you don't want to do. It is the ideal path of your life. It's laid out for everyone. After that, we have the will to mess it up. We are the ones who turn off it and get lost and end up in shadow versions of the lives we were meant to live. The path of the gods is about life, it's about choosing the right action, in the right direction, at the right time.

“That's not easy,” I said, “not by a long shot.”

It's not easy to walk and it's easy to get lost, but if you want to see real justice carried out, if you want to be the best Accala you can be, then you have to get back on it. For you it is the path of justice, of duty. The stakes are high, and nothing less than your best will do. You can't afford to indulge in self-pity. The answer is not revenge, not to steal lives in exchange for those lives that were taken. You have to give up your anger and need for revenge. It must not fuel your actions. You have to embrace your duty if you want to redeem yourself and find who you are meant to be.

“Then what? What will drive me? What will put the fire back into my bones, make the blood course through my veins? My anger has always given me my drive. Right now I feel like a ghost! Worse, soggy pasta,” I said, frustrated.

Justice. You know her.

“Minerva.”

She was always your goddess, I remember.

“We've had some disagreements of late, she and I,” I said.

I understand, but you should have faith, trust in the path. The gods test those destined for high office. You say you want to save the galaxy, so they drop a mountain of responsibility on your shoulders to see if you can stand the strain, to see if you're up for the task.
He reached out; a sharp crystalline hand touched mine.
And I know you are, Sister.

I didn't pull away. I kept the contact until I couldn't bear it anymore. The conflict I still felt, the part of me that wanted to accept him as my brother, was matched by another that found the notion impossible, repulsive.

“And Father?” I asked. “He's dead?”

No, he lives but is far from the song. He's lost, confused. When you fight, you do not fight for him, or your mother, or me. Not even for your house.

“The empire?”

No. Fight for yourself. Save yourself, find your path, and the rest will follow.

I nodded and returned to my cot.

I didn't know whom to trust and I was so tired, but I felt sure of one thing—that in choosing to spare Crassus, things had turned within me.

I had never truly served Minerva. I saw that now. You couldn't serve two masters. Since the war began I had been a slave to the chthonic Furies.

Lumen's song was growing stronger inside me now. The gods only knew that I wanted to kill Crassus, but I didn't follow the dark fire, I didn't pursue revenge. I must follow my duty, not my personal feelings, and now I could feel my inner fire returning. It wasn't the heat from the cot beneath me; it was something on the inside wanting to come out. A small flame burned—a blessing from the divine lady of wisdom—and, although weak, it did not flicker but burned with true spirit. I clung to that, wrapping myself in its small heat as I fell into a dark sleep.

*   *   *

W
HEN
I
DREAMED, IT
was of Rome. Of my father. We were standing in an old shop that my family used to visit. A used armory and provisions supplier in the agora. I dreamed the store was being closed down. I saw Crassus and Marcus there. I was trying to talk to them, but they were distant, always moving away to look at the weapons and armor. As I left the store I passed people in all the different house robes fighting over the last few items on sale. Whatever was so precious to them bore no interest to me. I closed the heavy door behind me. As I walked onto the street I realized I'd left Father behind, back in the shop, but when I went back to get him, I couldn't find the place again.

When I awoke, there were tears streaming down my cheeks. I reached up to touch them and found that while I still didn't feel the cold, my tears did. They'd been transformed into tiny crystals. My father was a prisoner and my brother was little more than a ghost in a shell, a walking crystal mausoleum.