Wolfsbane (19 page)

He was a true warrior. My equal. Perhaps more. My lips curved in a smile when I realized that Shay’s vulnerability, which had first provoked me to save his life, had ebbed away and was replaced by iron strength that matched his fierce, unrepentant wil . He no longer needed me to be his protector, but he stil wanted me. The expression etched on his face was hungry, ful of the need to know that I wanted him too.

And I did.

I’m free now. I love him. There isn’t any reason to
stop.

He released my wrists, waiting, watching me. I didn’t push him away but let my hands rest against the hard muscles of his chest. He bent toward me and I slid my arms around his neck, my fingers twining in the soft curls of his hair. Then his lips were on mine, parting them gently.

Shay’s kiss held the promise of that freedom I’d longed for. Sweet and tender like the first green shoots that push up to find the spring sun. I closed my eyes and let pure sensation wash over me.

Honey and clover. Soft, warm rain fil ing my mouth, pouring over my body. He was bril iant sunlight that drove away winter’s chil .

His body pressed harder into mine, and I wrapped my legs around him. A low sound somewhere between a groan and a growl slipped from his throat.

His kisses lingered, exploring my mouth, each caress drawing more desire from deep inside me.

My hands moved along his back, feeling the strength in his shoulders, wanting to know more of him. He slid his hands beneath my shirt, stroking the bare skin of my stomach, and began to move up slowly.

My blood was on fire.

I pul ed my shirt up over my shoulders and tossed it away. I felt every inch of Shay’s body suddenly tighten as his eyes took me in. I slipped my own hands under his shirt, my fingers moving not up but down, finding the buttons of his jeans, toying with them, wanting to go further but not certain I should.

He leaned down, kissing me hard. I moved against him, needing to be closer to him, hating the remaining clothing that separated us. My fingers undid the first button of his jeans and slipped down to the next. My breath came in gasps at the scorching trail his hands made as they slid over my skin.

“Cal a,” he murmured against my lips. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

Something about his words made me falter, like I’d tripped in the darkness and was suddenly fal ing, fal ing. And then it wasn’t Shay above me, but Ren.

His dark eyes gleamed in the dim light of the room, his hands slipping over my skin.
Just let me kiss
you, Calla. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to.

It was as though an icy wind swept through the room. The fire licking my skin was smothered, replaced by hol ow cold. I shuddered and my stomach lurched. I began to shake my head.

“What’s wrong?” Shay’s hands paused.

“Stop.” My fists came up to his chest, and this time I pushed him away hard enough that he backed off, startled. I closed my eyes, grabbing my shirt off the floor, no longer able to look at him. “I can’t.”

My entire body shook so violently I could barely pul my shirt back on. The dark chasm that resided in my chest roared to life, sucking my brief calm into its yawning oblivion. I hated myself for pul ing away from him, knowing I wanted Shay, loved him.
Why can’t I
let go of the past? What is wrong with me?

Alarm fil ed his voice. “What happened? You’ve gone white.” He tried to pul me into his arms, but I scrambled from the bed.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, unable to further vocalize the sudden conflict of impulses that tore through me.

I clasped my hands against my chest. Unbidden but instinctively my fingers traced the surface of Ren’s ring.

Ren’s voice fil ed my ears.
Tell me you’ll come
back for the pack. For me.

It felt like the room was spinning. I’d left him behind. He’d risked everything for me, and this was how I was repaying him. By giving myself to someone else when I was promised to him.
What
am I doing here? With people who have always
been my enemies? I belong with my pack.
The fire in my veins turned to ice as I realized I wasn’t free. I wouldn’t be free until my pack was safe. A part of me was a prisoner to the fear that I’d sentenced them to a terrible fate.

“Cal a, what is it?” Shay stepped toward me, but both our heads snapped around at the sudden banging on the door. In the next moment, it flew open and Adne burst in.

“Cal a!” Her eyes were wild. “We have to go back to Denver now!”

“What’s wrong, Adne?” Shay rushed to her side.

“An attack? The Keepers?”

“No.” She stared at him for a moment as if shocked to find him in my room. She shook off her surprise, turning back to me. “Ethan took down a Guardian out on patrol.”

“A Guardian?” My heart began to pound as I saw the terrified sparks in her gaze.

Her voice trembled. “He says he’s your brother.”

PART II

INFERNO

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.

Dante, Inferno

TWELVE

“WHAT?” MY QUESTION
emerged as a hoarse whisper.

“Her brother?” Shay gaped. “You mean Ansel?”

“I didn’t get a name,” Adne said. “Why are you stil standing there? Come on!”

I snapped out of my shock and bolted for the door.

Adne was already running down the hal . I could hear Shay’s feet pounding just behind me.

Ethan took down a Guardian.
Took down?
The electric adrenaline that pul ed me after Adne transformed into a numbing dread. Fear’s icy tendrils turned into sharp spikes of terror when I caught sight of the glimmering open door.

I stopped, not recognizing the man who stood alongside it. “Good, you’ve found them,” he said.

“Everyone else has gone through.”

“That’s just Jerome, Cal a. Go on.” Adne pushed me into the portal.

I stumbled forward, landing on my hands and knees in Purgatory’s training room.

“What were you thinking?!” Monroe roared. “He’s a child!”

I was afraid of what possibly could have made Monroe so angry.

“He was running at me, Monroe. Screaming like a banshee, I swear,” Ethan yel ed, his voice choked and ful of strain. “He yel ed, ‘I’m a Guardian, I’m a Guardian,’ over and over. What was I supposed to do?”

Isaac, Connor, and Silas were staring at something on the floor in front of them, their faces ashen. That was when I saw the blood pooling at their feet.

Monroe tore his raging eyes from Ethan at the sound of our approach. His anger gave way to fear when he saw me.

“Cal a—” He stepped over the rivulets of blood that moved out from the circle of Searchers and grabbed my arm.

I wrenched away from him and shoved aside Connor, who had stepped behind Monroe in a second attempt to shield whoever was on the floor from my view.

Ansel wasn’t moving. His clothes were dark with blood. I screamed and covered my mouth with my hands. Crossbow bolts protruded from his chest.

“Ansel! Ansel!!”

“I didn’t know who it was . . . ,” Ethan began, and stared at me with wild eyes. “He just threw himself at me. I thought he would claw my eyes out.”

I lunged at Ethan, but Connor’s arms wrapped around me from behind.

“Whoa, girl,” he said, trying to keep his voice even, but I could hear his anxiety. “Let’s not do anything hasty.”

“I wil kil you,” I growled, struggling against Connor.

“Oh God.” Shay was beside me, staring at Ansel.

He looked at me. “Can you help him?”

The red wave of rage had pushed al rational thought from my mind. I closed my eyes, trying to draw breath.

“If his heart is stil beating,” I murmured. “Maybe.”

“Okay, then let’s do that. I’l help you. You have to focus, Cal. Save Ansel.” Shay touched my arm. He looked at Connor. “Let her go.”

Connor glanced at Monroe, who had positioned himself between me and Ethan. Monroe gave a slight nod. Connor eased his grip on me, and Shay took both of my hands, pul ing me to Ansel’s side. I knelt in the blood and put my hands on Ansel’s chest.

I could hear his breath, wet and ragged. His pulse was there, but it was weak and slowing.

I choked on a sob. “Oh God, Ansel.”

“I’m sorry.” Ethan was staring at us, his face a mixture of grief and horror. “I didn’t know he was your brother.”

I glared at him, rage making every beat of my heart deafening.

“Stop talking, Ethan,” Monroe said, and moved to block my view of the Searcher.

“Cal a.” Shay’s voice brought me back to the task at hand. “Ansel needs help now. What can I do?”

I shook my head, trying to focus. “He needs blood, and the arrows have to come out.”

Shay nodded.

“When I tel you, pul the shafts as quickly as you can.”

“Al right.”

He moved to the other side of Ansel’s limp form and grasped a crossbow bolt. I raised my forearm to my lips and bit down. I slid my hand underneath Ansel’s head and tilted it up. I wedged my fingers between his lips, parting them. Then I leaned down and murmured in his ear as I pressed my bleeding arm against his mouth.

“Listen, baby brother. Please listen.” I was sobbing as I spoke. “I need you to hear me. You have to drink, Ansel. Please drink.”

My blood poured into his mouth. Down his throat. I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against his temple. The Searchers stared at us, silent and frozen in place. A mixture of horror and curiosity played across their faces.

Ansel didn’t move. My blood was fil ing his mouth; it began to trickle out one corner of his lips.

“Cal a?” Shay’s voice was edged with fear.

“Please, Ansel,” I whispered again. “Drink. I love you. Don’t do this. Drink.”

Ansel’s body jerked, a sharp shuddering movement. His jaw opened and he swal owed. His muscles convulsed and his head pul ed away from my arm.

“Adne, Connor, get over here,” I shouted. “He’s going to fight. I need you to hold him stil .”

They both came to my side and pinned his shoulders to the floor. He jerked again, and they had no trouble holding him stil . Even through my fear I frowned. His struggling was weak. Something was wrong. I put my bleeding arm back against his mouth.

“Come on, An,” I said. “You need this. Keep drinking. Don’t fight it.”

He swal owed again and then began to drink steadily.

“Keep him down,” I said, glancing at Adne and Connor.

They grimaced and nodded.

“Shay, start pul ing the arrows.”

“Okay.” Shay sucked in a quick breath. “Here goes nothing.” He jerked the first shaft out of Ansel’s chest.

Ansel’s eyes didn’t open, but he bucked up and snarled, spewing blood from his mouth. Adne grunted, but Connor just kept steady pressure against Ansel’s body.

“Hold him down!” I shouted, and pushed my arm back against his mouth.

My anxiety grew by the minute. Ansel was barely putting up a fight.
What if my blood came too late to
save him?

“Again, Shay,” I said, pushing back the sickening fear that crawled up my throat. “We have to get the arrows out as quickly as possible.”

Shay nodded and pul ed out two more arrows.

“That’s al of them,” he announced, tossing the crossbow bolts aside.

I kept my arm pressed to Ansel’s mouth. He stopped flailing and drank deeply, more steadily. I braced myself against the floor with my other hand.

He was taking a lot of blood.

“Cal a—” Shay moved to my side and put his arm around my waist.

“I’l be okay,” I said.

Ansel stopped drinking. I hesitantly pul ed my arm from his mouth and clamped my hand over the puncture wound. His eyes fluttered open.

“Cal a?”

I sobbed, pul ing him against me.

Monroe expel ed a shuddering sigh. “Thank God.”

“No wonder Strikers have such a hard time kil ing them,” Silas quipped. “Did you see how fast that was? I’l talk to the Academy about some new enchantments to counter that.”

“Not now, Silas,” Connor said through gritted teeth.

“It’s real y you,” Ansel said, blinking at me, his voice stil a bit unsteady. “I can’t believe I found you.”

“Ansel.” I buried my face in his matted hair. “Oh God, Ansel.”

His eyes remained slightly unfocused as they slid over the circled Searchers, final y resting on Ethan, who took a step back.

“He shot me.” Ansel sounded oddly amused.

“That’s the one who shot me.”

“Don’t worry—” I began. “It’s al going to be okay.

He didn’t know who you were, but you’re safe now.”

Ansel looked at me again. I didn’t recognize the empty smile that cut across his mouth.

“You should have let him kil me.”