Wolfsong (29 page)

And
Joe
, Joe was the brightest out of all of them, the strongest, and there was such
power
there that I could barely breathe.

And Thomas.

Thomas was there too.

But his was faded. The thread was thin.

Weaker than it had any right to be.

Like it was barely hanging on.

The barrier snapped back into place.

Thomas opened his eyes. They flashed orange and dull.

He sighed in such green relief.

He said, “Ox. A wolf is only as strong as its tether.”

His eyes closed.

He exhaled.

His chest did not rise again.

The thread snapped and disappeared.

Joe said, “
Dad
.”

Hair sprouted along his cheeks. His face began to stretch into his half shift. His lips curled. His teeth lengthened into spikes. He tilted his head back and
sang
the song of the Alpha, eyes wide and burning red.

open wounds/the way home

RICHARD WAS
gone.

Osmond was gone.

Robert Livingstone had never appeared.

Most of the Omegas were dead.

Those that lived had fled.

But, of course, I wouldn’t even think about that until later.

THEY KNEW.

The others.

Even before they found us under the oak trees, they knew.

They would have felt the moment he died just like I did. Probably even more so, given that I was still human.

It was Carter and Kelly who burst from the trees first, running on four legs, high-pitched whines pouring from them. They skittered to a stop once they saw us: Thomas, still against the grass. Joe, on his knees, head bowed over his father, claws at his sides. Gordo, leaning against a tree, face in his hands, his tattoos glowing brightly.

And myself, numb for my mother, now a body under a blanket.

For Thomas, body still warm, blood still leaking.

Carter unfroze first, coming over and running his nose up Joe’s arm. His neck. His hair. He breathed in and out in short little bursts, taking in the scent of his new Alpha. His coat was matted with blood, and he favored his right front leg, but he kept pressing against his brother.

Kelly finally moved toward them, his eyes wide, mouth open as he let out little yips, like soft barks over and over again. He left Carter and Joe alone and collapsed at his father’s feet, nosing against his toes. His calves. Eventually, he laid his head on his father’s legs and trembled.

Mark came then. In human form. While the other wolves were nude, he wore tattered pants, frayed and ripped and spattered with grime and gore. Open wounds were healing slowly, and he had a nasty-looking bite on his right shoulder where it looked like a large chunk had been torn away. He took a stuttering step toward Thomas and the others, but stopped, hands curling into fists at his side. Instead, he went to Gordo first, whispering something I couldn’t quite make out. Gordo didn’t look up, but shook his head. Mark’s eyes darted around the tree line, eyes hard and jaw set.

And then she came.

She moved slowly, whether from grief or injury, I couldn’t tell. A shattered heart can be heavier than a broken limb. She was a wolf, which I selfishly was thankful for. A wolf’s face can only move so much like a human’s. The sorrow that etched on her face as a wolf was nothing compared to what it would have been had she been human.

I didn’t think I would have been able to take it.

I was cold.

My teeth were starting to chatter.

Carter had stopped rubbing up against Joe and was now nudging his father, making these sounds in the back of his throat as if begging for his father to get up.

Kelly whined against his legs, trying to bury himself in his father’s scent.

Joe breathed heavily, nostrils flaring, hands leaking blood from where his claws had cut into his palms.

Mark stood watch.

Gordo slumped against the tree, head on his knees, tattoos moving wildly. The raven flew up one arm and disappeared into the sleeve of his shirt. It appeared on his neck, wings spreading up to his ear.

And Elizabeth.

She didn’t move toward her husband. Or her children. Or her brother-in-law.

She came to me. Slowly. Stiffly.

She pressed her nose into my hand. My fingers curled near her ear. I felt it flick against my skin.

She pushed harder.

I looked down.

I was wrong about being thankful she was a wolf because of the lack of humanity.

Because her eyes were the most human of all.

And they were stricken.

I broke the silence.

I choked out, “I’m so sorry,” because I should have done more to protect him. And maybe if I hadn’t let him drag me away, he would have been fine. If he hadn’t put himself between Richard and me, Elizabeth wouldn’t have lost her mate.

She took my hand gently in her mouth, her teeth dimpling my skin. For a split second, I thought she would bite down. I thought she would spill my blood for allowing this to happen. And I would have let her too.

Instead, she tugged on my hand, pulling me toward the others.

I didn’t understand.

But I went anyway.

She didn’t let go.

And she didn’t look away from me.

She backed up slowly, step by step, eyes never leaving mine.

I focused on her because it was getting harder to breathe.

The sounds were getting to me. I could hear Gordo moaning, low and broken. I could hear Kelly’s
whuffing
sound as he shuddered against his father. I could hear what could only be considered sobs coming from Carter.

Joe, though.

Joe wasn’t making any sounds.

At least out loud.

But I could feel him.

His horror.

His anguish.

His fury.

And it was louder than the rest.

I was overwhelmed by it.

Consumed
by it.

But Elizabeth didn’t let me go.

And I knew what she was trying to do.

She whispered,
PackSonLove.

She whispered,
you belong to us.

She whispered,
we belong to you.

She whispered,
i feel your pain. i feel your grief. we have lost. i have lost
.
but so have you.

She whispered,
please do not blame us. please do not hate us.

She whispered,
she should not have been taken from you. and he shouldn’t have been taken from us.

I let her pull me. I let her words flow over me through the threads. Through the bonds. The others heard her too. They heard what she spoke. Even Gordo, who raised his head in surprise, staring at Elizabeth as she tugged me closer. Somehow, he’d become part of this. Of us.

She reached her sons and her husband, her back legs bumping into Kelly, who didn’t open his eyes. She tightened her bite just slightly before she let go of my hand.

I heard the telltale signs of a shift, and Mark made his way over. Elizabeth sat near her husband’s head, leaning down and licking away the blood from his face. Mark sat next to her, his wolf large and imposing, the biggest out of all of them.

At least for now.

Because even though it’d only been a short time, Thomas looked smaller than he’d ever been in life. I didn’t know if it was death or the fact that he’d died a Beta, but he was diminished now. Less substantial.

Joe didn’t look different, aside from the way his eyes looked as if they filled were with blood.

But he
felt
different.

There was something radiating off him, something larger than he’d ever been before. I didn’t understand what it meant to be an Alpha. I didn’t understand what it meant to be wolf. To be connected to the territory like he was now.

I wanted to touch him.

But I couldn’t raise my arm.

He hadn’t yet moved away from his father.

Carter and Kelly lifted themselves up from Thomas. They stayed shifted and moved until they sat as Mark did, looming over Thomas. Mark sat at his left side. Carter and Kelly sat near his feet.

Elizabeth pulled away from her husband’s face and sat near his head, her leg pressed against his cheek.

Joe stayed at his right side.

They were deliberately placed around him based on their position in the pack.

They waited.

I didn’t know for what.

Until they all looked at me.

Except for Joe.

I thought about running away.

Disappearing into the trees.

Finding my mother’s body and lying next to her. I would close my eyes and sleep and when I awoke, this would all have been a dream. Even though there was pain, even though I could feel
everything
, this would be a dream because it couldn’t be real.

But there was blackness in my head.

There was murder in my heart.

And it felt real.

I couldn’t move.

The wolves waited.

Somewhere, a killdeer called out from the trees. An odd bird, it was. Singing at night.

I thought the whole forest could be holding its breath.

From behind me, Gordo said, “They’re waiting for you.”

I didn’t turn to look at him. I couldn’t. Not while the wolves were watching me.

“You’re part of them,” he said. “You’re part of this.”

That little voice, that mean little voice whispered in my ear again, saying I never really had a choice in the matter. That if they’d just stayed away, none of this would have happened. And I wouldn’t be feeling as guilty as I was.

And my mother would be in the kitchen. Popping soap bubbles on my ear.

Carter whined at me, soft and low, ears drooping.

Because he could probably feel what I was thinking. Maybe not in so many words or specifics, but he would get the gist of it.

They all would.

So I swallowed it down and let it slide down my throat. It burned.

I felt Gordo’s hand on my shoulder.

Out of the corner of my eye, his tattoos pulsed and writhed.

“You feel it too,” I said.

He sighed. It was the only answer I needed.

I shrugged off his hand.

Took a step forward. And then another. And then another.

Until I’d taken my place. Next to Joe.

I knelt down beside him. My shoulder bumped his. He was stiff, unmoving. He stared down at his father, bloodred eyes glowing in the dark.

Something settled when I took my place next to him.

It wasn’t much, especially not in the face of all that had happened.

But it was there.

Because he was my Alpha now.

And I was his mate.

“WHY DO
you howl?” I’d asked Thomas.

He dug his bare toes into the dirt and grass and leaned his back against a tree. The sun was shining overhead.

He said, “In the wild, wolves call to each other. It can be meant as a warning for others encroaching on a territory. It can be a rallying cry, to bring the pack together. It’s used in a hunt. To show location. And sometimes, they howl together. To show happiness. To make them seem like a bigger group than they are. It’s called group howls, and it’s a beautiful thing to hear.”

“And that’s why you do it?”

He closed his eyes and smiled. He was amused by me. I was enraptured by him. “I think we do it just because we like to hear the sounds of our own songs. Narcissistic creatures, we are.” The smile faded slightly. “Though sometimes, the songs are meant to sing a pack member home. It’s easy to get lost, Ox, because the world is a wide and scary place. And every now and then, you just have to be reminded of the way home.”

We didn’t speak for a long time after that.

I WASN’T
a wolf.

I didn’t think I’d ever be. Not by choice.

But two members of my pack were
lost
.

I tilted my head back.

My eyes stung.

The stars blurred above me.

I said, “Ah god.”

It came out rough.

I cleared my throat as it tried to close.

I thought of my mother.

I thought of Thomas.

They were lost to me now.

I needed to sing them home.

And so I did.

It was a broken sound, cracked and splintered. It wasn’t very loud, and it grated against my ears. But I put everything I could into it even as I realized I maybe wasn’t quite the man I thought I was as my cheeks became wet, my breath hitching in my chest.

My howl died out quickly.

I took another breath.

Mark howled with me, his voice melodic and heartbroken.

Carter and Kelly harmonized along with us, mixing in with our song.

Elizabeth picked up the song as we breathed in, her howl high and long. The song changed because of her, because of what she’d lost, and the wolves took her song and made it their own, their voices inlaid with hers, octaves above and below.

I felt Gordo on the periphery. I felt his hesitation. His awe. His sadness. He didn’t howl, but his magic sang for him. It was in the earth below us. In the trees around us. He didn’t howl, but then he didn’t have to. We felt it, just the same.

Joe shifted next to me.

It was smoother than any shift I’d seen him do before.

One moment, he was a sad boy, lost and bloody, and then he was a wolf, bright white in the darkness. He was already bigger than he’d been before tonight, his paws maybe twice their original size. Where he’d come up to my waist before, he would now probably be up to my chest if I’d been standing. He wasn’t as thick as his father had been. He was bigger, yes, but still wiry. I thought that would change with time as he got older.

The others let their songs echo and fade into the forest as they waited.

Joe looked at each of us in turn. His eyes lingered on me the longest.

His song was deeper than it’d ever been before. I felt every single emotion (
hurt pain love oh god why why why
) he put into it and it was all I could do to keep from flying apart.

There in the forest, under a new moon and stars that lied, we sang our pack home.