Wolfsong (49 page)

“Then
do
something,” Elizabeth said. “You’ve never been indecisive before, Ox. Don’t start now.”

I snorted. “That’s bullshit. There’s plenty of times I haven’t been able to make a choice.”

She slapped me upside the head, and I glared at her. “Fix this,” she said. “Before I lose all my patience and take care of it myself. You don’t want that to happen.”

“You really don’t,” Mark said. “She’ll become like a little gnat, always buzzing in your—”

“Don’t even get me started on you,” Elizabeth said. “You’re in the same boat, Mark, I swear to god. You just wait until this is finished, and I’m going to start on—”

Mark raised his hands in surrender. “Hey, all right. All right. I hear you.”

“Either end it or don’t,” Elizabeth said to me after glaring at her brother-in-law. “Forgive him or don’t. Just don’t make him wait. It’s not fair. To either of you. Men. Useless. All you do is make things difficult just because you can.”

“Could a pack have two Alphas?” I asked, trying to distract them.

She narrowed her eyes at me, knowing what I was doing. But she allowed it. “Who’s to say we couldn’t? We already have a human Alpha. We’re not exactly orthodox here. We never really have been, even when we were supposed to be. There’s tradition, and then there are the Bennetts.”

I was still learning that. “And if I say no,” I said slowly. “If I rejected him. If I kept the packs separate.”

“It would be your choice,” Elizabeth said. “And we would know you thought you were making the right one.”

“But you wouldn’t agree.”

“Maybe,” Mark said. “Maybe not. But it’s not about that. You have… instincts we don’t.”

“I could say the same about you.”

“True,” he said. “But our instinct is to trust you to make the right decision for the pack.”

“Even if you disagree?”

“Even then.”

“That feels like I’m controlling you. That you’re not getting a choice in this.”

“We are,” Mark said kindly. “We chose you.”

“They’re your sons. Your nephews.”

“And you’re our Alpha,” Elizabeth said, eyes flaring orange. “This is the way things are.”

This wasn’t how I wanted things to be. “I don’t want to come between you.”

“You couldn’t, even if you tried,” she said.

And that was that.

HE WAS
waiting for me on the dirt road.

Looking hopeful. Scared. Angry. Tense.

Because I’d talked to all of them. Except him. And he knew that.

I was tired. Of all of this. Something had to give. And it needed to be from me.

I just needed to find the words.

I reached him, and I
knew
he thought I was going to walk by. Maybe say
not yet
again, throwing those words back in his face like I’d been doing since he’d come home.

His shoulders were already starting to slump.

So I said, “Hey, Joe,” and hoped it was a start.

He was startled. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. He made a growling noise deep in his chest, a low rumble that made my skin itch. It was pleased, that sound, like even just me saying his name was enough to make him happy. For all I knew, it was.

It cut off as quickly as it started. He looked faintly embarrassed.

I scuffed my foot in the dirt, waiting.

He said, “Hey, Ox.” He cleared his throat and looked down. “Hi.”

It was weird, that disconnect between the boy I’d known and the man before me. His voice was deeper and he was bigger than he’d ever been. He radiated power that had never been there before. It fit him well. I remembered that day that I’d really seen him for the first time, wearing those running shorts and little else.

I pushed those thoughts away. I didn’t want him sniffing me out. Not yet. Because attraction wasn’t the problem right now. Especially not right now.

I cleared my throat, and he looked back up at me.

Our eyes met like a car crash, colliding and breaking away.

It was awkward in a way it’d never been before.

But it was
something
. More than we’d had in a very long time. I couldn’t help but think of the single kiss we’d shared, the driest brush of his lips against mine as we lay side by side.
I will come back for you
, he’d said, and hadn’t I believed him? Hadn’t I believed every single thing he’d told me?

I had.

And he had come back. Like he said he would.

It’d just taken longer than we thought.

“You—” he said as I said, “There’s—”

We stopped.

He coughed. “You first.”

I nodded, because it had to be me. “Tomorrow. It’s the full moon.”

“Yeah? I guess it is.” He knew, but he was humoring me.

“What are you doing for it?”

He shrugged and scratched the back of his neck. “Hadn’t really thought about it.”

Which I thought possibly was a lie.

“If you’re not busy. We could. Run. Your pack. And mine.”

He looked surprised. “You’d do that?”

“You were here first, Joe. It’s your land.”

“But it’s—”

“Just. Will you do it?”

He nodded furiously. “Yes. Yeah. I can.
We
can. It’ll be—”

“Good,” I said. “It’ll be good.”

And I didn’t know what else to say after that. Because I had
too
much to say.

So I said nothing at all.

We stared at each other for a little while. Taking each other in. I tried to force myself to take a step closer to him, just to…
be
. But I couldn’t.

“Okay,” I said finally. “Tomorrow, then.”

He frowned as I moved to walk around him down the dirt road to the old house.

“Ox,” he said quietly as we were shoulder to shoulder.

I held my breath and waited.

“Are we—” He stopped. Shook his head. Let out a frustrated groan. “We have to talk. About everything I need you to know. Everything. There are things you have to hear. From me. I need you to—just. I need you.”

I tried to ignore the heat along my skin to focus on what was important. “Is he coming?”

He knew who I meant. “I think so.”

“Are we safe for now?”

“Yeah. Yes. It can wait a few days. But—”

“Then the rest of it can wait too.”

“Ox.”

I said nothing.

He sighed. “Okay.”

Somehow I was able to walk away.

THE SKY
was darkening the next day when my pack gathered at the old house, standing in the kitchen. I still avoided the living room whenever possible. Elizabeth and Mark still slept at the house at the end of the lane, but Robbie had moved back to the old house, taking over the spare bedroom, knowing Mom’s room was off-limits. Apparently, him being there didn’t sit well with Carter and Kelly, and they told me as much. I didn’t know what Joe thought.

“Are you sure about this?” Robbie asked me. “We don’t even
know
them.”

“I’d like to think I do,” Elizabeth said lightly. “I gave birth to most of them.”

Robbie grimaced slightly. “Sorry.”

“For giving birth?” she teased.

He blushed and mumbled something incoherent.

“He’s got a point,” Jessie said. “Full moons with you are different. We know these wolves. Most of the humans here don’t know them. Are you sure they’re in control enough? Have you even seen them shift since they’ve been here?”

I hadn’t and said as much.

“They broke away,” she said. “How is that different from them being Omegas?”

“They had an Alpha,” Mark said. “They still do. They may not have… been here, but they still had an Alpha to draw strength from. They tethered themselves to him.”

“Just as long as there are no wolves gnawing on my ass, I’m okay,” Rico said.

“Succinct as usual,” Tanner said, smacking him upside the back of the head.

“
Pendejo
,” Rico muttered.

“No one is gnawing on anything,” I said.

“Really?” Chris said innocently. “I’m sure Joe’s going to be disappointed to hear that.”

I glared at him as most everyone in the room snickered at that.

“We’re going to be fine,” I said, trying to get the conversation back on track. “We’ll run with them, there will be no gnawing on anyone—Chris, keep your mouth shut—and we’ll figure this out. Okay?”

They nodded.

“Okay,” I said.

This was going to be fine.

IT WAS
not fine.

It
had
been fine, for the most part.

When we arrived at the clearing, the moon was rising and Joe and his pack were already there. The eyes of the wolves were flashing at the pull of the moon. Gordo’s tattoos were glowing, and I realized this was the first time I’d ever seen him as part of a pack on a full moon. It hurt dully to think he’d been a part of something for so long and I hadn’t been there to see it. There hadn’t been enough time to ask him about it after everything had happened.

Like they did when they first came back, they all moved together, watching us as we walked into the clearing. I was sure that if I were a wolf, I would have heard their hearts beating in sync.

It felt tense as we approached, a little bit off, but I didn’t think it was too bad.

It might have been wishful thinking.

“Ox,” Joe said, but not before his gaze flickered over my right shoulder, where I knew Robbie stood.

“Joe,” I said.

“Thank you for allowing us to join you tonight.”

I nodded, hating how formal this was. “Thank you for being here.”

“Oh my god,” Rico muttered. “They are so awkward.”

“Shut up,” Tanner hissed. “They’re
werewolves
. They can
hear
you.”

“I
know
what they are, stop whisper-shouting at me!”

“They are really awkward, though,” Chris whispered.

“They were always like that,” Jessie mumbled under her breath.

If I hadn’t been watching Joe, I would have missed the way his lips quirked for just a second, like he was fighting back a smile.

“This is my pack,” I said, trying not to snarl at all of them.

“And this is mine,” Joe said.

Carter and Kelly were snickering to each other. Gordo looked like he was ready to roll his eyes.

“Shall we run?” Joe asked.

“We can,” I said.

“And here comes the part where really attractive people get naked,” Rico said. “And most of them are related. Which isn’t weird. At all.”

“Rico,” I said.

“Yes?”

“Shut.
Up
.”

“It’s
weird
. Just because
you
don’t see it as weird, doesn’t mean it’s not.”

“Talking about it doesn’t make it any
less
weird.”

“I feel like we should at least
address
the weirdness—”

“Rico!”

“Shutting up now.”

Carter and Kelly had already disrobed by the time Rico closed his mouth. Carter winked at me before he shifted, the familiar snap of bone and muscle loud in the clearing. Kelly followed quickly, and then there were two wolves standing in the moonlight, eyes orange and teeth bared in a canine smile.

They weren’t all that much different than they’d been years before. Same coloring as they’d always been. But they were bigger and heavier. They would never be as big as Thomas was, but they had grown noticeably. I didn’t know if that had to do with age or Joe. Probably both.

Mark and Elizabeth followed suit, Rico muttering about everyone being way too calm with the nudity and Chris calling him a prude.

Soon, there were four wolves in the clearing, and they rubbed up against each other, Carter and Kelly crowding on either side of their mother, wriggling excitedly like puppies.

“Go ahead, Robbie,” I said, feeling Joe’s eyes on me.

“I don’t have to,” he said through a mouthful of sharpened teeth. “I can stay with you. I can run like this. Or half shift. It’s fine.”

But it wasn’t fine. I knew the moon was pulling at him, his wolf clawing just under the surface to break free. Mark had told me once a long time ago that it physically
hurt
not to change with the moon, and that if a werewolf denied it for too long over too many moons, it could cause a mental break.

“It’s fine,” I said lightly. “You should get used to the others.”

He didn’t look happy about that, glancing between Joe and me. He let out a huff and started stripping. I averted my eyes as a courtesy.

Joe was still watching me with a blank look. He didn’t used to be able to do that. I hated it.

Robbie shifted somewhere behind me. He was ganglier than the others and smaller, with long, thin legs and a narrow body. His tail twitched as he came to stand next to me, watching the wolves from his pack mingle with wolves from another pack.

He looked tense and unsure. I ran my hands over his head, tugging gently on one of his ears. He nuzzled into my hand and I felt a pulse of warmth along the thread that stretched between us.

“Go on,” I said.

And I thought he would. I thought he’d join the other wolves, but instead, he turned back to the humans behind us and started rubbing up against their legs, snapping playfully at their heels to get them moving toward the trees to run through the woods.

Then it was just Joe and me, listening as the wolves sang and the humans hollered.

He spoke first.

He said, “You did good, Ox.”

I didn’t know what to do with that, so I just said, “Thanks.” But that didn’t sit right, so I added, “It wasn’t just me.”

“Oh?”

“It was all of us. They did as much for me as I did for them.”

“I know. That’s what pack does.”

I bit back the retort and pushed away the familiar curl of anger. Joe probably knew it, could probably taste the bright spark of rage before I caught it, but he didn’t say anything about it.

Instead, he said, “But don’t think it wasn’t you, Ox. If it wasn’t for you….”

I waited to see if he would continue.

“Ox.”

I looked over at him. He was closer to me than he’d been in over three years. I didn’t understand why it felt like he was still so far away.