Women and Children First (12 page)

‘Annie? It’s Eileen.’ The words were accompanied by urgent knocking. ‘We’re to go up on deck.’

Annie flung the door open. ‘What’s happening?’

‘You’ll have to wake the little ones. A steward just told us all to get dressed in warm clothing and put on our life preservers and make our way up to the boat deck.’

‘Why? What’s going on?’

‘I think we’re being loaded into the lifeboats. No need to worry, love. Just keep moving and we’ll be fine. Do you want me to give you a hand with the childrun?’

‘No, I can manage them. But you’ll wait for me, won’t you?’

‘Of course. We’ll be right back for you when we’ve got our things together.’

‘Are we to bring our cases?’ Annie asked, alarmed. It would take her ages to repack all the children’s clothes.

‘The steward said not to. We’re just taking our money and papers. See you in five minutes, love.’

Annie didn’t allow herself to think. She shook Finbarr and Patrick awake and gave them their clothes to put on. Startled by the sharp edge to her voice and too sleepy for questions, they obeyed. Annie laid out clothes for Roisin then started to dress her little girl while she slept. She’d always been a sound sleeper from the day she was born. The house could have fallen down round her ears and Roisin would sleep through it.

Annie dressed herself quickly, without thought, just pulling on the first items that came to hand. Her heart was thumping hard, causing a rushing sound in her ears.
Keep moving, keep moving
. She had all her papers and money in her handbag anyway so now she just had to get a change of clothes for the baby, little Ciaran. He was sleeping in a cosy sleeping suit her sister had passed down, so she’d only need to bring a change of clothes for him, and some nappies and a bottle, and they could be stuffed into her handbag, leaving her arms free.

‘You ready, Annie?’

There was Eileen at the cabin door, and one of the men behind her, whom she remembered as Kathleen’s brother. ‘Would you like me to carry one of the children?’ he asked.

‘Oh, would you?’ Annie asked. ‘That’d be a big help.’ She picked up the sleeping Roisin and handed her over. The alternative would have been to waken her and make her walk, but this would be easier all round.

‘You’ll need your life preservers. They’re under the bunks.’ Eileen squeezed into the cabin and crouched down to haul them out herself, then helped the boys to pull theirs over their heads.

‘Where are we going?’ Finbarr asked in a puzzled tone.

‘In the lifeboats. It’ll be an adventure,’ Eileen told him.

‘Why are we going in the lifeboats?’ he asked.

‘Finbarr, will you give it a rest. Not now.’ Annie knew that his stream of questions would continue ceaselessly once you let him get started.

The life preservers were miles too big for her youngest two. They were twice the size of the baby and almost as tall as Roisin, so she pulled on her own and left theirs behind. Maybe someone up on deck would have smaller ones they could use. ‘That’s us all set,’ she said, picking up the baby in one arm and her handbag in the other.

‘They’re waiting for us by the stairs,’ Kathleen’s brother told her.

Just along the corridor was the staircase they normally used to go down to the dining saloon, and there were the rest of the Mayo party all wearing their life preservers over outdoor clothing.

‘A steward said they’re not ready for us up there yet,’ someone said. ‘The gate up to D Deck is closed. He said he’d come back for us when it’s time.’

‘I don’t know about you but I’m not hanging about down here,’ someone else replied. ‘If they’re loading lifeboats, I’m going straight up there.’

‘But you can’t get through this way.’

Annie’s stomach was in knots. She reached for Patrick’s hand and gripped it tightly as the men went into a huddle to discuss the situation. She would stick with these people and do whatever they thought best and then she would be fine. There were loads of them and they seemed like good people. Thank goodness she wasn’t all on her own trying to work out what to do for the best.

‘Ma, why are we going in the lifeboats?’ Finbarr whispered.

She sighed. ‘There was an accident. We hit something and the ship took on a bit of water. It’s not serious. We’ll be fine.’

‘What did we hit?’

‘I think it was an iceberg.’

‘How big was it?’

‘I don’t know, Finbarr.’

‘Didn’t you see it?’

‘No, I was in bed, like you.’

‘Who told you it was an iceberg?’

‘Stop it,’ she hissed. ‘You’re driving me mad. I need to hear what the grown-ups are saying.’

Groups of passengers were heading in different directions but no one seemed to know for sure what they were supposed to do and there wasn’t a crew member in sight.

Kathleen’s brother came over with Roisin sound asleep on his shoulder, oblivious to the commotion. ‘We’re planning to go down through the crew area to the third-class outdoor deck. There’s a ladder from there up to the boat deck. Us men will give you a hand with the kids, so don’t worry about that.’

‘Are you sure it’s all right?’ Annie asked. ‘Shouldn’t we wait for the stewards to come and get us?’ She didn’t like to break the rules.

‘They’re going to be busy with all these folk.’ He gestured around and, just at that moment, a large crowd swarmed up the stairs from below, dozens of them, all chattering in a mixture of languages.

‘There’s a foot of water down there,’ someone called in English, and Annie’s mind was made up. If water was flooding in, she wanted to be higher up in the boat. She wanted to be close to the lifeboats and able to see the night sky above her.

‘I’ll come with you then. Thank you.’

They pushed forwards down the now-crowded corridor and through a gate into the staff quarters. Annie struggled to stay right behind Kathleen’s brother. He was tall and fair, and easy to spot with her little girl’s mass of dark curly hair on his shoulder, but he was walking fast. She tugged on Patrick’s hand and called to Finbarr to hold onto his brother’s other hand so they formed a chain. Some folks were dragging suitcases, but the Mayo party was rushing now, overtaking the ones with luggage.

‘See in there, Ma?’ Finbarr called over the voices. ‘That’s where Reg took us, it’s where he sleeps. There’s the stairs up to the galley where we got a teacake from the chef. This is called Scotland Road. At least, that’s what Reg called it.’

‘Keep up, Finbarr. Stop dawdling and yammering.’ Annie was exasperated by the effort of rushing with a baby in her arms, her bulky handbag dangling from her elbow, her son’s hot little fingers in hers, and keeping sight of Roisin and the man who was holding her, a man whose name she didn’t even know. If only Eileen had stayed behind to help with the boys, but she was somewhere up ahead, probably with her husband, who Annie knew was called Eoghan. Annie pushed through the crowd. ‘Excuse me,’ she murmured. ‘Excuse me, I have to reach my friends.’

Scotland Road seemed to go on for ever but at last they reached a staircase that led upward with no gate blocking it. A mass of people was already on the stairs, all shoving together, and Annie was scared that if one toppled, they would all fall down and crush those below.

‘Keep a tight grip on each other’s hands, boys,’ she told them and, glancing down, she saw their scared little faces. They were half the size of some of the biggest men there. It must be terrifying to be caught up in such a mob. ‘We just need to get up these stairs to the deck. Stick right beside me.’

As soon as she stepped onto the stairs someone pushed in behind her and she had to nudge backwards with the sharp point of her elbow to make space to haul Patrick up onto the step. She held his hand so tightly she knew she was hurting him but there was no choice. Under her breath, she began to pray. ‘Holy Mary, mother of God, help us please.’

They moved slowly but steadily upwards. She saw the doorway to the open air up ahead and counted the steps till they would reach it. Kathleen’s brother was through it now and he turned back and waved at her and pointed to indicate he was going to the left.

‘Wait for me, don’t go,’ she wanted to shout, but he had already vanished.

When she reached the top, she peered over in the direction he had indicated and saw Eileen climbing a big metal tower. Her heart sank. It wasn’t a ladder at all, but a crane for loading cargo, and at the top she would have to shimmy along the beam and over a railing onto the boat deck. The others were crowded below, watching. Annie hurried across.

‘I’ll never manage that with the children in tow,’ she cried.

‘Eoghan here will take the babby for you and I’ll manage this little ’un.’ Kathleen’s brother nodded his chin down to Roisin. ‘The boys can climb by themselves if they’ve got a man right behind in case they slip.’

Annie looked up. It seemed a long way. ‘What do you think, boys?’ She turned round, and her heart skipped a beat. Patrick was there, still holding her hand, but there was no sign of Finbarr.

‘Where’s your brother?’ she screamed, shaking his hand fiercely. ‘Where is he?’

‘I don’t know,’ he murmured. ‘I tried to tell you but you didn’t hear me.’

‘When did you let go of his hand?’ Annie could hear the hysteria in her voice.

‘On the stairs. I couldn’t hold on.’

She ran back to the top of the stairs and screamed ‘Fin-barr! Fin-barr!’ The baby wakened and began to cry.

Kathleen’s brother appeared by her side. ‘Fin-barr,’ he yelled.

Annie scanned the crowd, her eyes roving across all the faces, looking for a gap between the people where a little boy might be trapped. He wouldn’t have the strength to haul himself up if he got knocked to the floor with all these people tramping over him. ‘
Finbarr!
Where are you? Can anybody down there see a boy with black hair?’

Most people ignored her but a few turned to look, then shook their heads. ‘Sorry, no.’

Kathleen’s brother tapped her on the arm. ‘I’ll go back and find him. You take the other three up and I’ll meet you at the top.’

‘I’m not going without Finbarr. I’m not leaving him.’ She was wild with anxiety.

‘Of course you’re not, love. He’ll turn up like a bad penny any second. Come on, now.’ He pulled her away from the top of the stairs and back to where the others stood round the foot of the crane.

‘I’ve lost my eldest,’ she told them, choking back tears.

‘I’m going to look for him,’ Kathleen’s brother explained. ‘Someone take this wee girl.’ He handed her over to Eoghan.

‘But you don’t know what he looks like,’ Annie protested.

‘Course I do. Black hair, skinny legs, cheeky smile. I’ll find him. I’ll see yous all up at the boats.’ He turned and strode off towards the stairs, pushing his way through the crowds coming in the opposite direction.

‘Come on, love. They’ll be right behind us,’ Kathleen urged Annie. ‘You stick with us an’ we’ll get your childrun up there. I’ll go up wi’ this fella.’ She nodded at Patrick.

Annie struggled with herself. Every instinct in her body wanted to go back down those stairs and hunt and hunt until she found Finbarr, but how would she manage to get through the crowd that was still pressing upwards when she had her other children in tow? She’d end up losing them all. Instead, she shushed the crying baby.

‘Maybe I’ll just wait here for him,’ she told Kathleen.

‘No, you go up to the boats, love,’ Kathleen urged. ‘They might come up by another route. Maybe the gate on the stairs is open now. We’ll all meet on the boat deck. I promise.’

‘Come on, Annie,’ someone else urged. ‘I’ll take the babby for you.’

The man called Eoghan had started climbing upwards with Roisin on his shoulder and suddenly she opened her eyes, wide awake, and began to shriek: ‘Ma! Mammy!’

‘I’m coming,’ Annie called to reassure her. ‘Be a good girl for the nice man.’

Another man took Ciaran from her arms and started climbing. She let Kathleen help Patrick onto the crane and waited until he was a few steps up before getting on behind him. It was hard to climb with her bulky skirts wrapped round her legs, slowing her. Patrick was much faster, like a monkey scampering up to the top, where someone held out a hand to help him along the boom to the deck. As she got closer, Annie saw that it was Eileen. She’d waited for them up there.

When Annie reached the top of the crane, she sat astride the boom and inched her way along then Eileen helped her to swing her legs over onto the boat deck. As soon as she was on her feet, she turned to peer back down below. Had Kathleen’s brother found Finbarr? Were they on their way yet? Half a dozen people were still climbing the crane but none of them was her boy. Oh Jesus, where was he?

She had such a tight feeling in her chest, she knew she wouldn’t be able to breathe properly until Finbarr was back by her side. She clutched Patrick and Roisin and baby Ciaran and stood at the top of the ladder, peering down to the third-class deck below and the doorway beyond. She scrutinised each new head that emerged and prayed they would appear any moment.

What could have happened? Why was it all taking so long?