World Of Shell And Bone (16 page)

I spend the rest of the day close to Ceres, pondering the Nukeheads, and trying not to dwell on Philip’s capture. How can I make my way in, gain their trust?

Ceres insists on singing snatches of phrases from children’s songs she must’ve learned at the Asylum. I think again about her nightmare, what she said in her sleep.

“Ceres,” I ask. “I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant.”

She is still for a moment before continuing to sing her song. “Pocket full of posies.”

“Ceres.” I edge over to her, grab her hand, and place it over my stomach. “I’m going to have a baby. They matched me with a Husband, Shale. He’s…he’s gone, but it’s his baby.”

She pulls her hand away and refuses to look at me.

“Did you have a baby in your stomach too, once?” I am afraid I’ll cause irreparable harm by asking her this, but I want her to know that I know. I want her to see it’s okay to speak to me about it if she wants.

She stares at me for a long time. I think she’s on the brink of telling me something, the way she’s working her mouth, her jaw. But then she turns away from me and begins to sing again. I sigh.

Later, when Nurse Carina has a moment, I tell her about my encounter with the Nukeheads. She pats my hand.

“They’re not sympathetic to our situation, the poor things,” she says.

“There has to be some way I can get them over to my side,” I say.

“Getting out of that uniform might help,” Nurse Carina says. “You’re clearly not a Guard, but you just remind them of what they’d rather forget. I have a spare pair of my uniforms you can wear.”

I glance down at the sand-colored uniform that I’ve washed only once in an effort to conserve water. It’s been three days, and I realize I must stink. “Thank you. I’d like that.” I smile and wave at Lynx as she prances around the grass with Ceres.

After lunch, I return to the Nukehead compound, this time with Ceres. I’m dressed in Nurse Carina’s white shirt and billowy beige pants, my Guard uniform discarded forever. After a good scrubbing with as little water as I could manage, I feel a lot more presentable for the Nukeheads. It’s my hope that when they see Ceres, they’ll remember they’re not the only ones who’ve been shunned by society.

The knot of men has dispersed, and I thank my luck silently. Ceres is still humming songs under her breath, seemingly unconcerned that we’re away from her little corner of the camp.

When we get to the tent where we were earlier, I say, “Hello?” again.

The flap opens and the woman who was trying to cajole the little boy into eating appears, this time with him on her hip. He sags against her as he watches us, his eyes lifeless and vacant.

“Yes?”

“I’m Vika, and this is my sister Ceres.” I smile at the little boy. “Has he eaten anything yet?”

“No,” she replies, her mouth working in a twitch she can’t control. “He doesn’t like the food here. He wants the food we used to eat at our house, sweet food.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I wish I had something else to offer, but I don’t. I look behind the woman for the other, ruder Nukehead female, but the tent is empty. This is my chance. “I’m here to talk to someone about setting up transportation. I need to get my sister to China. She’s been through hell, and she needs to get out of here, especially now that Philip’s been captured.”

The woman runs her eyes over Ceres. “I’m sorry for your sister,” she says, “But we are all in trouble, the same as you. We’re waiting for the Sympathetics. There is nothing I can do for you.”

She goes to close the tent flap, but I put my hand on it to stop her. “Why not? They tell me you people are the only ones who can help. I can’t wait around for sympathetic government workers without knowing exactly when they’ll be here. If you feel that’s what you must do, I understand. But my sister has been tortured and”—I glance at Ceres to make sure she’s distracted, and lower my voice anyway—”raped. I don’t want to take a chance that the Escorts find us before the Sympathetics. She’s been through enough.”

“Tell me one thing,” the woman says, adjusting her boy on her hip. “When you were in your normal life, did you do anything for
us
? When you saw Nukeheads outside your house, in the streets, being captured or killed by Maintenance workers, did you say anything? Or did you go home, eat your good food, and sleep in your warm bed? Hmm?”

I cannot think of a single thing to say. She shakes her head. “It is too late now, for you and your sister. We are busy helping the people who gave to us.”

And the tent closes in my face again. I turn away, my eyes burning as tears rush to them. It is not Ceres’s fault, I think angrily. It is not her fault that I never helped a Nukehead. Why are they punishing her for my misdeeds? But then the answer comes to me: Of course. It is how they have always been treated, like disgusting leeches on society, through no fault of their own.

Ceres and I walk back to our side of the camp.

I cannot stop thinking of the little boy. His sallow skin, his unfocused gaze. He wouldn’t last much longer without food. What did his mother say?
He wants sweet food.

I sit at the foot of a hill, running my hands through the wildflowers and other hearty vegetation growing there. Sweet food. It is then that it hits me: Stevia. An herb I used when I cooked, Stevia is naturally sweet. And the best part is, it’s one of the plants that grows here in spite of the harsh conditions.

I begin to scout out the desert, analyzing any growth I see. And finally, I find it: a scraggly little Stevia plant, clutching the side of a sandy hill. Smiling, I pluck handfuls of it and stow it in the pockets of Nurse Carina’s pants. Then I grab Ceres’s hand and race back to the Nukehead compound.

When we get there, I open the tent flap without bothering to announce myself. The woman with the pustules is there again, and I feel a dart of nerves, but I hold my hand out with the Stevia leaves in it. “I have something that will help your boy eat.”

The mother of the little boy frowns. “Leaves?”

“It’s an herb called Stevia. It’s sweet. Look.” I pick a leaf and pop it into my mouth, chewing to show it’s not harmful. “I used it when I cooked back home.”

The woman with the pustules laughs. “Cooked? I thought Flocker females weren’t allowed to cook.”

“It’s strongly discouraged,” I say, trying not to get angry. “But I did it. I enjoyed it. Look, if we grind up some of these leaves and add it to his meals, he’ll eat. Shall we try?”

The boy’s mother grabs two leaves and chews them to check for herself. Then she smiles.

Once the leaves are ground and added to his food, the boy still refuses to open his mouth. His mother smears the paste on his lips out of exasperation. His tongue snakes out and tastes the concoction. When he realizes it is sweet, he eats big mouthfuls of his food, making little slurping sounds. The mother, the woman with the pustules, and I laugh. It is an amazing sight. Already, more color appears in his cheeks. When he lets out a burp, the mother begins to cry.

The woman with the pustules turns to me. “My sister says you came by before, to ask for transportation to the Harbor.”

“Yes.” I feel sweat begin to form on my face. “I want to take my sister to China.”

The boy’s mother nods and wipes her eyes. “You will want to talk to Reyes. He’s the one who handles all of that. You must have seen him when you came through. He stands on the corner with some other guys—the one with the red skin.”

“Yes, I saw him.” I don’t tell them he laughed at me. “I can tell him you sent me.”

The woman with the pustules smiles, as if she knows exactly what I’m getting at. “Don’t worry. I’ll come with you to make the introductions. Reyes is not keen on Flockers without introductions.”

I follow her to another tent. When she opens the flaps I see the same four men from before, sitting around a makeshift cot. It is clear from the pipes they hold and the smell in the room that they are smoking hashish. It is only available in limited quantities in le marché noir, and Nukeheads hold the largest quantities, perhaps because they have the greatest need to escape their lives.

“Flocker girl and her sister want transportation to the Harbor,” the woman says.

They blow out blue smoke and look at me, their eyes narrow slits. Finally, Reyes speaks up. I watch in fascination as the cavity of his mouth emerges from inside his red skin.

“Where’s your uniform?”

The woman with the pustules leaves with a squeeze to my shoulder, as if to say this is between me and Reyes.

“I took it off,” I say. “Nurse Carina lent me her uniform. It’s cleaner. Besides, I wasn’t actually a Guard, it was just a—”

But Reyes isn’t interested in hearing about me. “Nurse Carina’s a good person. Wants to help everyone.” Reyes suckles deeply at the pipe. “That’s not true of Nukeheads.”

The three other men chuckle the vapid chuckle of those whose heads are not completely in the moment.

“It’s not true of Flockers, either,” I say, my temper rising. “But I just helped that woman’s little boy eat. Added some herb to his food to sweeten it. I went out of my way for one of your kind. I think it’s only fair you return the favor.”

Reyes surveys me over his pipe. His eyes travel over to Ceres, and I find myself stiffening as I wait for a derisive remark. But all he says is, “What happened?”

“She was in the Asylum in Toronto for eight years. She’s not right anymore.” I swallow the lump lodged in my throat; it threatens to choke me.

Reyes nods, and then hands me his pipe; its tip is coated lightly in his saliva. I take it and pull the sweet vapor into my lungs—the first time I’ve ever smoked hashish. I expect to cough, to struggle to breathe, but all I feel is a warmth that spreads from my stomach to my chest to my head. I close my eyes and release the smoke slowly, then hand the pipe back.

“Thank you.” My voice sounds comical to me, so I giggle.

Reyes and the other men watch me with interest. “You need that more than we do, I think.” He shakes his head.

“Will you help us get to the Harbor?”

Reyes nods. “Yes, Flocker. But you better be willing to follow my rules.” He waits for my acquiescence, and I nod. “First, I ain’t gonna take you and your sister there before the ship comes on Tuesday.” I open my mouth to argue, but he silences me with a raised hand. “If the Escorts come before that, we’ll get word through le marché noir and I’ll get you out before they get anywhere near the camp. If I drop you off at the Harbor alone, you and your sister gonna die. Even if the gov’ment didn’t find you, there’s some very bad men over there. Men who work on the ships and do things because they can sail away from they’s crimes. You be safer here for the next five days. Understand?”

I nod reluctantly.

“Good. Also, the ship ride ain’t gonna be easy, not for you and not for your baby sister. It’s a long journey and people get sick. Especially the stowaways. You got to be quiet and stay in cramped spaces until you get to China. You prepared for that, Flocker girl?”

“Yes. I’m prepared for that.”

I don’t tell him anything is better than staying behind, because I don’t know if Reyes plans to come to China or spend his last days here. Nukeheads as a group are nihilistic; they know the reaction the government has to them is not localized to New Amana. They would be shunned the world over, as people who are different—as different-looking as they are, anyway—always have been. That is something common to the human race.

Before anything else can be said, there’s a commotion from somewhere outside. Reyes glances sharply at the men. They all reach under the cot and grab ancient firearms. I instruct Ceres to remain in the tent, but grab the pistol Carlos gave me from the pockets of Nurse Carina’s pants and follow them outside.

The men march in twos and I walk right behind them. As we get nearer the front gate where Philip had dropped me off not so long ago, the noises get louder. The men accelerate into a jog and I do the same.

The two guards I saw on the day I came to camp are at the gate.

“Get back!” One of them orders, his weapon trained at someone outside. “This your last warning!”

“You can’t keep us out.” The male voice is cajoling and slightly mocking at the same time. I recognize it and a shiver rolls through me. “We deserve refuge too, don’t we?”

“Only time we let people in be with one of our drivers,” the guard says. “Come back with one of them, you can stay.”

I approach carefully, keeping myself hidden behind the taller men. From the gap between their necks, I see him. Drew. And with him is Nathan. They look a little worse for the wear, but they’re toting along their tents in a bag.

“They have weapons,” I whisper to the men. “Be careful.”

“You know them?” Reyes whispers back without turning around. We’re about twenty feet from the gate, standing to one side. Drew and Nathan haven’t noticed us yet.

“Yes. The tall one held me captive. The shorter one is his right-hand man. They were with the Rads in Ursa, but they got kicked out.” I tighten my grip around my pistol.

“We don’t shoot unless they tryin’ to hurt us,” Reyes says. “Shootin’ attracts the wrong kinda attention. But I’ll tell them guards what you said, Flocker. You head back now, so he don’t see you.”

But it’s too late. Drew looks up and spots us. I know I stand out in my white outfit. He lets out a boisterous laugh as I meet his eye.

“There you are, beautiful!” he says. “You broke my heart runnin’ off with that bastard, you did.”

“Go away, Drew,” I say sharply. “They aren’t going to let you or Nathan in. And we’re all armed.”

Drew holds up his hands in mock innocence. “I wouldn’t dream of shootin’ at you or your people, sweetheart,” he replies. “I’m just here for some food and shelter, same as you.”

“And after that, maybe you’d like to force yourself on some of the little girls,” I say. “Isn’t that your style, Drew?” I step forward so we are only ten feet apart. “You can’t get women to like you any other way, so you have to take what you can by force.”

His face hardens as the cocky smile slips off. He points at me. “You can say what you like with this gate separatin’ us, bitch. But when you’re least expecting it, I’ll be right there, forcing you to your knees to get what I want. I’m not done with you.”

The pure venom in his words makes me shudder, but the guards poke at them with their rifles then, forcing them to turn away. Drew takes one last look at me, spits on the road, and retreats. Nathan shakes his head and follows.

I’ve just escalated things, and Drew isn’t one to forget a grudge.

After Drew’s threat, I spend a sleepless night plotting the best ways to kill someone. The next morning, I even convince Reyes to let me keep one of his knives, just in case I cannot aim with the pistol or it gets taken from me. I slit the plastic covering on my mat and slide my knife in at night. For use during the day, I make a belt out of a strip of bandage Nurse Carina gives me and tie it around my waist.

But two more days slide by on a haze of heat and exhaustion, and Drew and Nathan stay gone. I begin to let myself believe that the Nukehead guards scared them away. Perhaps they saw that they were outnumbered, that there was no way they could come in to this camp and get out alive, even if they did get to me.

I am helping Ceres wash her hair when Nurse Carina bustles up to me, her face shining.

“Just got some news,” she says. “Those government Sympathetics?”

My hands pause in Ceres’s strands. She begins to chant a nursery rhyme.

“They’re coming. They have a plan, a couple of ships for all of us to board.”

My mouth falls open. Will we not need to stow away after all? We could be legitimate passengers on a ship bound for China, the journey as stress-free as possible for Ceres. “When? When will they be here?”

Nurse Carina laughs, the sound full of sunshine. I smile, too.

“Soon, they say. Very soon. Maybe in the next day or so.” She puts her hands to her cheeks. “Oh, my. I have so much to do. The children are not the least bit ready. We’ll have to pack clothes and food and medicine! Vika, you must help me.”

“Of course.” I smile. “Whatever you need.”

“Excellent.” She tousles Ceres’s hair and then heads back to the tent on the top of the hill.

I grab Ceres’s chin so she looks into my eyes. “Did you hear that?”

She stares at me. Blinks.

“We’re going to get out of here. We’re going to China.” I smile gently. “We’ll get you to a doctor, Ceres. Okay? You’re going to start feeling better soon.”

“Better. Letter. Helter. Skelter.” She grins.

I gather her in a hug and kiss the top of her sopping wet head. “Things are going to be just fine,” I say. And I fully mean it.

I know there will be hard times ahead as I find a way to escape to a part of Asia that’s not under the influence of New Amana’s government officials. Yes, there will be late nights filled with crying and nightmares, as Ceres heals. But we won’t have to worry about not having food or water, or breathing in air that’s killing us. We won’t have to worry about crossing oceans. I’m confident that once we’re in Asia, we’ll be able to get away. We might even get help from the government Sympathetics—surely they’ll come with us. They know what the situation is there, and they won’t expect a pregnant woman and a young girl to be involved. One way or another, I will find a way for Ceres and me to start over.

I think of Shale, imagine him smiling at us, and feel a deep ache inside my bones. He would’ve loved Ceres. We could’ve taken care of her together. Her and our baby. We would’ve had our own happy family, somewhere, with a small garden and earthen pots in the kitchens. We could’ve had everything he was fighting for.