Worlds of Obsession (Celtic Otherworlds) (18 page)

Chapter 18

             
Liv went straight back to her room, proud that she had managed not to cry until she closed the door behind her.  Bastien what-ever-his-name-was didn’t deserve her tears.  Yeah he was hot as sin-on-a-stick, but he was also kind of a jerk.  She only let herself sob for a few minutes before she pushed away from the door and wiped her eyes dry.

An
expensive new nightgown was already laid out on the bed, and she walked over and fingered the silky black fabric.  With a sigh, she stripped off her clothes and put Bastien’s black tee shirt back on instead before slipping into bed.  The shirt still kind of smelled like him, and she was completely pathetic.

***

Bastien was wide awake, staring at the ceiling
, yet again.  His new routine, it seemed.  It wasn’t easy, when Liv was only on the other side of the wall, and he already knew how good she felt in his arms… how good she would feel all over him.  He wanted her in a way that was growing more desperate every second, and he honestly didn’t know how much longer he could go on like this.  He needed to get away from her, and soon.  His body was constantly aroused to the point of pain, his mind was in a constant battle over right and wrong, and he felt about ready to explode.  Something had to give if he had any hope of staying sane.  Suddenly, he heard a cry from her room, and without even thinking, he was on his feet and through the door.

“
Liv?”  She was sitting up on the bed, and in the dim light, he saw her turn to look at him.  Her shoulders sagged in relief, and she gave him a little shrug. 

“It was only a dream.  I’m all right.  Sorry I woke you up.”

“I was awake.”  As if mesmerized by the sight of her, he moved closer, feeling
way
too much like a predator stalking his prey.  He hoped she would tell him to go, scream for help, throw something else at him… anything.  But she didn’t.  No, she smiled shyly at him and held out her hand. 
Oh, fuck
.  He took it and she pulled him down on the bed to sit beside her.

Her expression was still clouded from her dream
, and he could feel her pulse racing in her palm. 

He took deep breath and looked down at their clasped hands.  “Look, I’m sorry about earlier.  I… I didn’t mean it to come out that way.  You have every right to be angry with me.”

“It’s okay Bastien.  You don’t want complications, I understand.  I’m sorry I misread your intentions.”

“No, Liv.  You didn’t misread my intentions. 
I
kissed
you
.  I just… it scared me, I guess.  I don’t want to end up hurting you more than I already have.” 

“I understand.  I just felt… no, never mind.”  She squeezed his hand lightly and he squeezed back.

“Have you always had so many nightmares?”

She hung her head a little, a few locks of her hair falling forward to frame her face. 
Even in the dim light, the color looked much lighter than before.  He remembered the first time he had seen her, when the silky dark hair had made her cheeks look all the creamier.

“No.  I never dreamt much at all before, at least not that I remembered.  Maybe it’s just the strange place and… everything.
”  She stared up at him, looking a little lost, a little frightened.  “Stay with me awhile if you don’t mind.  Please.”  She put her hand on his arm, and the simple contact wracked his body with shivers of pleasure.  He wanted to stay with her, god did he want to.  But if he stayed, he was going to lose control… because there was no way he could stay here next to her and not touch her.  He felt it in his very bones that he would not last five minutes before he kissed her again.  He was pathetically weak and he wanted so very badly to lose himself in that feeling of ecstasy again, maybe forever.

Bastien
turned and grasped her shoulders hard and shook her slightly… harder than he meant to, but she
had
to understand.  “Liv, I’m
dangerous
, I’m no good for you…I’m sorry, I really wish I could stay with you, but I have to leave.  Now, before it’s too late.”

             
“What do you mean, dangerous?  You’re not dangerous Bastien, not to me.  I trust you not to hurt me…  And I promise not to kiss you”, she added with a half-smile.  “If that’s what you want.”

             
He let go of her shoulders and cradled his head in his hands in frustration, shuddering out a breath.  “You shouldn’t trust me, Liv.  I can’t even trust myself.  Not with you.”

             
Liv watched him warily, but he didn’t look dangerous, he looked… weary.  Sad maybe.  Anyway, she refused to be frightened away so easily.  Deep down, he was hurting, she knew he was.  Now that she had calmed down, she could see it plain as day.  And damned if she wasn’t suddenly channeling her feminine side and wanting to fix whatever was wrong with him.  “I do trust you.  Please, just tell me what’s wrong.  Is it something I’ve done?  Something you think you’ve done?  Because…”

             
He looked up at her, his deep brown eyes harder and colder than she’d ever seen them, and his voice was low and broken.  “What I’ve done… what I am… it’s all the same thing.  I can’t be near you… I can’t!”  He tried to stand up, but she stopped him with her hand tightening on his arm.

             
“Bastien, don’t just leave! 
Talk
to me, please!  Help me understand… I don’t understand any of this.  Is it my fault?  Should I have stayed in Boston?”  Liv was desperate not to let him go, and she wasn’t quite sure why.  Everything in her was telling her to hold on to him, to keep him with her.  How bad could he be?  After all, he had saved her life.  And he had just hours ago declared his intention to leave her behind just as soon as he could.  “Bastien, whatever you think you’ve done can’t be that bad.”

             
Bastien stared at her, knowing he could never admit the truth, and for the first time he noticed that she had worn his shirt to bed.  Sleeping with it against her warm, soft body, so that her scent would be all over it, mingling with his own.  It was the most deeply erotic thing he’d ever seen.  Fuck, he had to get away.  She drew back in surprise when he pulled his arm sharply from her grasp and hissed, “I have to go. 
Now
.  If I stay here another moment I can’t be responsible for what happens to you.”

             
But instead of being afraid of him as Bastien had intended, Liv narrowed her eyes in what could only be resolve.  He had just used up the last of his considerable control, and Bastien could only watch in horror as she leaned closer, her intentions clear.  If she touched him now, there was no way he could stay the beast that was already clawing at his insides to pull her closer, to have her. Or attempt to have her… because he had no idea whether it was even possible.  He froze, no longer able to escape. 

When she straddled his lap
where he sat on the bed, all of the air left his lungs.  She slid closer, until only the thin cotton of the boxers he’d worn to bed was between them.  There was no way she wasn’t able to feel just how hard and ready he was for her.  Another pang of doubt hit him.  What if he wasn’t able to… finish?  But then Liv wrapped her arms around his shoulders and leaned in to kiss him, and he forgot what he had just been so worried about.  As her lips touched his, as their tongues met and their mouths locked together in unearthly passion, every last thought left his mind.  Now instinct took over, and his body was so ready, so primed, it took nothing at all to push him over the edge of his restraint.  He growled low in his throat as he cupped her face in his hands, holding her in place as he devoured her sweet mouth.  His hands moved down to her hips, grinding her center against his swollen cock, and stopping his breath with each sweep of her body against his.  He reached for the hem of her shirt, lifting it up and over her head.  He paused only a moment to gaze reverently at her perfect breasts before his mouth descended on one, pulling and sucking at the hardened nipple as if he were starving for the taste of her, kneading the other breast roughly with his hand.  The little sounds of pleasure she made spurred him on, and in one smooth motion, he had flipped her onto her back and followed her down with his body, taking her mouth again while his hands roamed restlessly over her skin, exploring every inch with blatant desperation.  When one hand skimmed over her stomach and down one thigh, he realized that she hadn’t been wearing any panties under that shirt.  He had her stretched out beneath him… completely naked.  His breath hitched in his throat as his fingers slid between her thighs to find her wet and ready for him.  God, her body
wanted
his…

             
She was reaching for the waistband of his boxers, trying to push them down over his hips.  A familiar shiver of panic ran through him, and his entire body shook with both pleasure and fear
. This feels right… why does this feel so right?
  It shouldn’t… It can’t…

             
Bastien shot out of the bed and ran out the door.  After a stunned moment and the distant slamming of another door, Liv sighed and tugged the shirt back on before stepping out of her room and into the hall.  She caught a glimpse of movement through a large picture window overlooking the sea, and Conan appeared in another open doorway.  He came to stand behind her, and they were both witness to Bastien running at full speed to the edge of a cliff and diving into the cold water below.

             
Conan frowned and plucked at the sleeve of the tee shirt she wore.  “What are you doing, lass?  I told you to wear the black lace.  You would have had him with the black lace.”

             
Liv huffed out a shocked breath and looked up at him in disbelief.  “Who
are
you people?”

             
He only smiled and started to walk away.  “Be patient.  And keep trying.  Wear him down.  Trust me.”

             
Liv had waited at the window until Bastien finally emerged from the sea, climbing up onto the rocks and shaking the water from his hair.  Once she knew for certain he was safe, she went back to bed, eventually falling into a fitful sleep.

Chapter 19

The next morning when Bastien walked into the kitchen, Liv was already there, sipping a cup of coffee and flipping through a
photo book about the landscapes of Scotland, one leg swinging where it dangled from the tall stool.  He went to pour his own coffee, determined to forget everything that happened the night before.

“What is your favorite food?”
 

             
He swung around, slightly startled that she was still speaking to him after he ditched her during a passionate moment, yet again.  “What?”

             
Liv grinned at him.  “Your favorite food, Bastien.  What is it?”

             
He shrugged.  “I don’t know.  Guess I never thought about it.”

             
“Well, what do you like to eat, then?”

             
“Why do you want to know?”

             
Liv rolled her eyes and sighed.  “I just want to get to know you better.  You never tell me anything about yourself.  In fact you never say much at all.”

             
Oh shit
.  Part of him was over the moon that she’d want to know anything about him at all, but the other part, the larger part, was panicking again.  He had told himself after his icy bath in the sea last night that he could survive another day or two, and then it would be over.  He would never have to see her again.  But getting to know him meant Liv was thinking ahead to the future and maybe even a relationship between them.  A future he couldn’t give her, but damn was it tempting to believe that somehow he could.  A relationship that would only leave her hurt, at best.  Cause an all-out war, at worst, because he still had no idea who her family was or why she’d been hidden away in the human realm.  No, any relationship between them had to end and it had to end now, before it could even start.  He would do his duty and protect her until things were sorted out to his satisfaction, but no more than that.

             
He gritted his teeth for a long moment.  “Look, Liv… I can’t do this.  It’s not you…”

             
“Whoa, are you giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line again?  Really?  Damn it Bastien!”

             
“It’s for the best.  I’ve told you, I’m no good for you.  We can’t go on like this, it’s just not going to work.  You need to concentrate on finding your people, and I’m going to help you with that, but I just… I can’t give you more.  I don’t have more to give.  I’m broken, empty.  End of story.”

             
She sighed and went back to looking at the book, and for a moment Bastien thought he was safe.  But hell, she looked beautiful sitting there, her hair now streaked with gold, her eyes a startling shade that was somewhere between green and blue, her long, shapely legs bare under a light cotton skirt.  And there was something else too, something shining from within that was even more beautiful still.  Something about her was… absolutely mesmerizing.  Then she spoke again.

“Do Fomoiri ever
have families?  Children, I mean?”

             
Bastien’s lips turned up a little in amusement, and he slid a couple of pieces of bread into the toaster.  “Of course they do.  How do you think
I
got here?”

             
She reached out and cuffed him on the arm, and he rubbed it with a little laugh. Just like that, there was a certain comfort between them again.

“
How am I supposed to know that?  So many other things are different.  Where are your parents?”

             
“They stay in the Fomoiri realm, most of the time.  I haven’t seen them in a very long time”, he answered.

             
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” 

             
“I have two older brothers.”

             
“And do you ever see
them
?”

             
“Yeah, I do.  They like to keep an eye on me.  They have families now, though, so it’s not like it used to be.”

             
She smiled.  “So you’re an uncle, then.  Do you ever want kids of your own?”

             
His felt his smile turn sad, and he knew that Liv immediately regretted her question.  Her eyes filled with concern, and her lips parted as if she didn’t know exactly what to say. 

“I would have liked that.  It would have meant everything to me.”

              “Why…”

             
He shook his head, trying to pull himself together, then sighed in defeat.  What did it really matter now?  “My mate is gone, Liv.  The races of the Sidhe can only have children with their mate.  Nature made it that way, because we have the potential to live for so very long.  Otherwise, we would have over-run the planet long ago.  For us, children are a rare and precious gift.  Just like finding a mate, the one who is perfect for you in every way…”

***

             
Bastien’s voice trailed off, and although Liv was grateful that he had opened up to her a little, she hated to see the pain she had obviously brought flooding to the surface with her questions.  Bastien didn’t deserve pain like that, and no matter what he claimed, he was good and decent, and he was so incredibly strong to have survived for so long with such heartache.  She was certain that if she had had to carry that same weight, it would have crushed her ages ago. 
I wish I could be the one to give him a child…
Yes, but if wishes were stars and all that. 

             
“Tell me more about the Otherworld, Bastien.  Do you think I’ll ever get to go there?”

             
He shook off his shroud of misery with an obvious effort.  “Of course.  You’re Fae, Liv.  You can go whenever you like.  I think you should wait, though”, he said with a little frown, biting his bottom lip in a way that made Liv want to lean in and bite it herself.  “At least until we find out more about your past.  Most realms are peaceful, but some are downright dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

             
She nodded.  “I’d like it if you’d be the one to show me around, Bastien.  I have so much to learn.  I still don’t understand how any of this happened.  I mean, I was just living a normal, everyday life with a normal, boring job.  There’s never been anything different or special about me.”  Well, that wasn’t exactly true, she
had
always felt like things weren’t quite what they should be… like there might be something she was missing… or than she was just a little strange.

             
“There are a thousand reasons why a Sidhe might hide a child in the human world, Liv.  There is just as much drama and conflict in our world as there ever was in the human world, probably more.  In fact the woman who raised you must have known more than she has ever admitted to.”

             
“My grandmother?  We were never what you would call close, but surely she would have told me something
that
important.”

             
“Where is she now?”

             
“I don’t know, exactly.  She lives in Boston, officially, but she travels a lot for her job.  She always has.  I was with nannies and babysitters as often as I was with her.  I only hear from her every couple of months, but that’s okay.  My parents died when I was just a baby, or at least that’s what I was told, and I don’t think she was very happy to have to go back and raise another child.  I’ve always understood that.  She did the best she could.”

             
“But maybe you missed out on a mother’s love”, Bastien said quietly.

             
“Yeah, I did, but it could have been so much worse.  I could have ended up in an orphanage or bouncing through foster homes.  If anything it made me realize that when I have kids of my own, I’m going to give them every part of me, and they’ll have more love than they know what to do with.  They’ll probably be completely smothered.” 

Liv
smiled, and Bastien could see all of that love she had to give, shining in her eyes.  He silently reaffirmed what he already knew:  he couldn’t let her think there could ever be anything more between them.  He couldn’t give her the children she wanted, and he couldn’t give her the love she deserved.  Love like that could never come from a heart as broken and shriveled with hopelessness as his was.  And children...  He stood up and gave her a smile that he didn’t feel.  “Jace and Erath will be here soon, and I have some work to do.”