WRECKED: GODS OF CHAOS MC, BOOK FOUR (12 page)

Her eyes clouded over and she looked away, biting her lip.

“I just want to be the person I used to be,” she whispered. My heart broke for her. Because I knew the truth. I knew she could never go back. None of us could. I would have given anything at the time to go back and start all over, before my mother lost her mind, before all the pageants, before everything - but I couldn’t.

“Well, sometimes we have to let go of the past so we can step into our future, you know?” I said, gently. “The future Vanessa is going to be a better, stronger, happier version than the person you were before.”

“What if I can’t imagine being happier than I was before?” she asked, her eyes full of pain and confusion.

“You’ll find happiness, Vanessa, I promise,” I said. “You were just seventeen when Royce took you, right? Seventeen year old Vanessa can’t even imagine how happy you’re going to be. You might have been happy then, but it’ll be even better. You’ll see.”

“Frankie,” she whispered.

“What?” I asked.

“Frankie. My name was Frankie back then. Royce made me change it.”

“Oh, okay. Well, you can be whoever you want to be from now on,” I said. “You get to make all the choices now.”

She mustered a smile and I hugged her.

“I’ll let you go on your walk,” I said, pulling away. “I just wanted to check in on you. Do you need anything?”

“Actually, yes, I do. Do you have a pair of jeans I can borrow? Or any other clothes? All I have is the stuff Royce bought me and I hate putting it on my body.”

“Of course I do!” I exclaimed, happy to be able to do something useful. “I’ll be right back!”

As I walked out of her room, I saw Wreck lingering at the end of the hallway. His eyes darted towards the door nervously. I couldn’t help but smile. I knew that look. A mixture of worry and fascination, twinged with interest and intrigue. He’d been looking at her like that since she arrived and it reminded me so much of Riot when I’d first gotten here.

It wasn’t a bad thing for Wreck to be interested at all. Riot had provided so much comfort for me back then. Wreck would probably do the same thing, I could only hope he knew to go slow with her. She needed patience and gentleness, someone to guide her lovingly.

“Go slow, Romeo,” I whispered to him as I walked to the room I shared with Riot.

He opened his mouth to speak, and then quickly closed it, shaking his head with a quick smile. He nodded to me as I passed.

I walked to my room, knowing exactly what I was going to give to Vanessa to wear. If she was anything like me, she wanted the opposite of fancy.

Give me comfort over style any day of the week.

I padded back to her room, a heaping pile of clothing in my arms.

Wreck was still standing there, guarding her door like a pit bull.

“She’ll be out in a minute,” I winked at him as I closed the door.

Vanessa

Levi’s. A black t-shirt. Sneakers. A black hoodie that had the club’s Gods of Chaos logo emblazoned across the back.

Once I’d put them on, I never wanted to take them off. I’d forgotten how good it felt to wear comfortable clothing. I thanked Lacey profusely and put all the clothes I’d brought with me in a big pile on the floor. It was a good thing I didn’t see a match in sight, or I might have set fire to them right there. I vowed to burn them later and left them laying there, with a big smile on my face. If Royce saw those six hundred dollar jeans in a pile on the floor, he’d have a fit. The satisfaction that washed over me was delicious.

I walked out of my room and felt a rush of pleasure as I saw Wreck was standing there waiting for me.

“Sorry it took so long,” I said.

“No worries,” he said, his smoldering gray eyes raking over my body. “You look great.”

“Thanks, I feel much more comfortable.”

“Right on,” he nodded. “Shall we?”

“Yes!”

“Y’all kids have fun now, ya hear?” Cherry called from the kitchen as we walked outside.

“We have more light today. We can go to the creek,” Wreck said, staring up at the sun.

“Will we see those owls again?” I asked.

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “You never know when they’ll pop up. They’re supposed to be nocturnal, but I’ve seen them at all hours of the day. Sometimes, I think they aren’t even real, just some crazy ghost owls that show up and scare the shit out of you when you least expect it or something.”

I laughed out loud, really loud, because it felt so good to do that. But when I saw the look on Wreck’s face, I stopped myself. He looked stricken almost. As if I’d slapped him across the face, instead of laughed at his joke.

“This way,” he nodded, his lips pressed together in a thin grimace. We entered the same trail we’d followed yesterday, following a well-worn path towards the sound of rushing water.

“I used to walk in the woods all the time,” I whispered, taking in the peaceful beauty around me. “It’s so therapeutic!”

“I think so, too,” he said, his voice echoing off the trees around us. A breeze blew past us, shaking free some of the leaves above us. I watched as they floated down, seemingly weightless in the air, dancing one last, long dance before falling at our feet.

“So are you holding up okay today?” he asked, as we walked side by side.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Everyone has been so nice, I am feeling much better than I expected to.”

“Good,” he said, looking over and smiling at me, sending a shock of pleasure right to my gut. “Before you know it, this’ll all be over and you can move on with your life.”

“Does that always happen? Every woman who comes here moves on? You never see them again?”

“Well, yeah, pretty much. Not much to do around the clubhouse, you know? Lacey stayed, but she fell in love with Riot.”

“Right,” I said. “They seem very much in love.”

“They are,” he said. “They’re inseparable.”

“Have you ever felt that kind of love?” I asked. Alright, I know, I know.
I was fishing.
In a way, I wanted him to talk about me. I wanted to hear what he thought about our time together, after all these years had passed. Maybe it was twisted, but I wasn’t exactly thinking clearly, and being right next to him, knowing it was really him, and the fact that I was all alone with him in the woods, it just made me a little crazy.

And I needed something. I wasn’t sure what. I couldn’t really put my finger on it.

I wanted so many different things and I was so confused. Most of all, I wanted him to recognize me. I wanted him to like me for who I was now and yet at the same time I wanted to hear him talk about who I used to be.

None of it made sense.

Nothing did. I was barely hanging on to my sanity by a thread, pushing out all thoughts of Royce and the danger lurking in the back of my mind. And at the same time, trying to reconcile my feelings about seeing Jesse now.

To say it was confusing was an understatement.

It was a straight-up mind fuck.

Maybe everything would be alright if I just told him who I was.

But he thought I was dead. Maybe he wouldn’t even believe me?

Unfortunately, the part of my twisted psyche that wanted him to recognize me was winning out above just coming flat out and telling him. I don’t know why, but I kept staring into his eyes deeply, hoping that if I just stared deeply enough, he could see me behind this facade that I’d been burdened with.

“Have I ever felt that?” he repeated my question. “Yeah, once. A long time ago. What about you? Before you were kidnapped? Did you have someone special?”

I swallowed hard, my body beginning to respond to the heat pouring off of his body. He was so fucking hot. I didn’t give a shit about that scar on his face, or the others that were surely hiding under his clothes. You didn’t walk away from a wreck like that with just one slash on your face. But instead of turning me off, I wanted to get closer. I wanted to run my finger along his scars, I wanted to tear off his clothes and see all the other scars he was hiding.

“Yes, but it was a long time ago, too,” I answered softly, biting my tongue before I said anymore. I turned away and kept walking. I could feel his eyes on me as I walked towards the water, fallen leaves and pine needles crunching under our feet. I took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet healing scent of last night’s rain. I took a few more steps and then caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye.

Wreck placed a hand on my arm. “Don’t move,” he said, pointing a finger to the right of us. I turned my head and saw a beautiful fawn, her delicate little face and huge ears sticking up over a rock. She saw us and froze for a second before turning and walking away slowly. Her long gangly legs carried her away from us and I felt my heart burst open with happiness.

I turned to Wreck with excitement rushing through my veins

“A deer!” I exclaimed. A quick smile spread across his face and he stared down at me.

“Looked like a baby,” he said. “Probably not even a year old yet.”

“This place is like a magical fairy land!” I said, feeling like a little girl discovering animals for the first time. “Owls and deers! What’s next?”

“I’ve seen lots of wildlife around here,” he replied. “Crows, robins, scrub jays, coyotes, lots of deer come through, sometimes you see snakes and salamanders. Ryder told me there used to be wolves and bears, but they’ve become extinct in these areas because of logging. There’s lots of other stuff, too.”

“If I lived here, I’d never leave the forest,” I said. I stared up at the trees in wonder.

“It’s definitely a huge perk of the clubhouse,” he replied.

“Yeah?” I asked. “What other perks are there?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” he said, grinning. “Parties? Booze? Privacy?”

“Are you guys like typical bikers? Engaging in criminal activities and fighting with rival gangs over drugs and guns?”

“I think you’ve been watching too much television,” he teased.

“What you didn’t watch Sons of Anarchy?” I asked, winking at him.

“Nah,” he replied, shrugging. “Riot told me he watched that shit. But those bikers are way too pretty to be real.”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Some of you are kinda hot.”

“Who, you mean Ryder or Slade? I guess they’re alright,” he answered, looking away.

“I meant you, too,” I said, softly, looking up at him.

“Oh, Jesus, woman. You do need to get out more. Have you seen my face?” he asked.

“Yes and I still think you’re handsome,” I answered, daringly.
Was I flirting?
Maybe.
Did I care?
Not really. But once I saw the slight blush creep into his cheeks, I was satisfied. I’d wanted to break through his rough exterior a little and maybe it was finally working.

He grunted in answer and turned away from me again.

“Let’s keep going,” he said, leading the way. I followed him, staring at his ass the whole time. By the time we’d gotten to the creek, I had every inch of his back memorized.

“This is beautiful,” I said, my voice once more full of wonder and amazement. “I’m in love!”

“You’re easily pleased, aren’t you?” he asked, his grey eyes looking at me for the first time with what I recognized as hunger.

“I guess I am,” I quipped, hopping on to a log that had fallen over the creek and throwing my arms out to balance myself as I walked over it, the creek rushing over the rocks below me.

“Be careful!” he warned. “That log is slippery with moss.”

“If I fell, you’d save me, wouldn’t you?” I called, looking over my shoulder at him.

“Well, yeah, of course,” he answered.

“Then I’m not worried,” I replied, flashing him a quick smile before turning on one foot and heading back towards him. He shook his head and laughed as I hopped down right in front of him.

I stared up at him, my heart filling with gratitude - for him, for the fact that he was actually Jesse and that he was in front of me again, for this beautiful place, for this beautiful day that I was able to spend away from Royce and most of all, for my freedom.

“I’m so thankful right now,” I whispered, our eyes locked together.

He swallowed hard, the muscle in the side of his jaw twitching as he looked down at me. I mustered my courage and put a hand up to his face, sliding a finger along his scar. His breath turned ragged, his mouth opening slightly as he stood there motionless, allowing me to touch him.

“You know, I kinda like it,” I said, smiling. “It gives your face more character.”

“How do you know that?” he teased. “You haven’t seen me without it.”

Maybe now was the right time. Maybe I should have just spilled it all right then, told him everything, explained that it was me, that I was still here. But again, something stopped me. I opened my mouth to speak but then I closed it just as fast.

“I can imagine,” I finally whispered.

He nodded slowly, his eyes never breaking contact, as my fingers kept caressing the thin angry line. My hand slid around the back of his neck and I raised up on my tip-toes, bringing my lips inches from his. I pulled him down towards me and our lips met in a chorus of fiery unleashed passion.

I kissed him hard. Urgently. With all the passion I’d kept pent up for ten years, all the pain, all the yearning, crashing down around us in that one second, our lips working together and creating an intense burning heat that was so real, so familiar, so fucking right that I never wanted to pull away.

But he did.

Too fast, way too fast.

When he looked at me again, his eyes were wild with lust and tortured with pain and confusion.

“Vanessa, I don’t think —,” he began, before dipping his head, his lips colliding with mine once more. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him in before he could pull away again. The hunger I felt was overwhelming, my head flashing with all the memories of kissing him so long ago and the intense pleasure of kissing him again now. Everything swirled together inside of me creating a wicked tornado of emotion that whipped around inside of my heart. Hot tears fell down my cheeks as I kissed him back, my entire body wrecked with pure ecstasy to have my love back in my arms.