Wrecked (33 page)

“Lorrie?
You did, yes. It’s five o’clock in the morning!”

I looked
out my window and realized it was still dark outside. A glance at my phone’s
clock proved Aunt Caroline had been right about the time—it had totally escaped
me. I put the phone back to my ear, trying to think of what to say next.

“Is
everything okay?” my aunt asked. She sounded very worried.

It started
with a single tear escaping from my right eye and falling warmly down my cheek.
As it fell from my face, the dam broke and I cried hard, my chest convulsing
with powerful sobs. Tears poured from my eyes as if they’d been saved up since
I’d walked home from my econ exam.

Why had
Marco sent that letter? Why now? The effort of crying so hard was exhausting
and yet the release was such a relief that I couldn’t stop.

“Lorrie
talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“I’m
sorry,” I choked out.

“You’re
sorry?” she asked. Her voice had raised a pitch, indicating her concern. “What
are you sorry about?”

I tried to
get words out, but blubbered instead. My aunt stopped asking me to speak. I
could hear her breathing tense on the other side.

Several
minutes passed as I tried to gather myself. The prospect of telling her about
the letter kept bringing fresh sobs. I couldn’t imagine what a mess I’d be
trying to talk to Hunter about this.

“Lorrie,
do you need me to come get you?” she asked carefully.

I
swallowed a hard lump in my throat. “. . . He sent me a letter,” I said
quietly.

“Who sent
you a letter?”

I tried to
say the name but it made me too scared, too angry, so it came out as a mumble.

“No!” she
yelled. It was so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear. “That
monster?”

I said
nothing. There was silence on the line for several seconds.

“What did
it say?” she asked quietly.

I breathed
in and out several times, trying to steady myself. “He wants me to forgive
him.”

“Bastard,”
my aunt spat. I was surprised to hear her swear. That was unlike her. “He has
some nerve sending you something like that.”

“He also
said he loves me,” I added.

“
What?
”
she screamed, even more loudly than before. I heard my uncle grumble in the
background.

I closed
my eyes and tried to steady my breathing. “I couldn’t believe it either.”

“How did
he know where you live?” She sounded panicked.

“I don't
know . . . I don't think he does, it was forwarded from the Cook County Penal
System, they must have our records.”

“Those
idiots need to get it together, how could they forward something like that to
you? Haven't we suffered enough already? I'm going to get a lawyer to give them
a call.”

“No Aunt
Caroline, forget it,” I pleaded. The thought of interacting with more lawyers
and making the situation bigger than it already was made me sick.

She
paused. “When did you get the letter?”

“A couple
days ago.”

“And
you’re just calling me now about it? What did you do when you got it?”

I sat up
in my bed. “I’m sorry. After I saw the letter, I was so shocked . . . it . . .
brought back everything I’ve been feeling since Mom died. I thought I was
starting to do better but now I don’t know . . .”

There was
a long pause on the line until my aunt broke it. “How are your classes going?”
she asked, concern heavy in her tone.

“They were
going okay before I got the letter,” I answered truthfully. “Now I’m not so
sure.”

“Is it
exams time?”

“Kind of,”
I said, grimacing.

“Lorrie,
I’ve seen you do this before. You need to come home.”

“No! I’m
not going to let him win again. Not this easily.”

“Lorrie,”
my aunt said delicately. “It’s not about winning and losing. It’s about
surviving. Remember how you wandered off into the woods after hearing the news
about your father? Uncle Stewart and I were worried sick.”

I’d told
them I needed to take a walk after getting the news about my dad’s passing. My
walk had turned into a several hour ordeal after I got lost in the woods behind
their house. Uncle Stewart eventually came looking for me; they had never said
it, but I was pretty sure they thought I’d gone the same route my dad did.

“I know,
Aunt Caroline, but I have to take some time to see if I can figure this out.
I’m not going to forgive myself if I run away unless I absolutely have to.”

“Lorrie,
I’m not asking,” she said, her voice turning hard. “I’m sending Uncle Stewart
to pick you up tomorrow.”

My stomach
soured. “What? You can’t make me come home!”

“Then I’ll
come with him so we can at least keep our eyes on you. I’m worried sick, and I
know Uncle Stewart will be too the instant I tell him what happened.”

“No, you
don’t have to do that!” I said hastily. “I’m fine! Just give me a couple days.
I promise I’ll keep you in the loop.”

“We need
to at least see you, Lorrie,” Aunt Caroline pleaded. “And I’m going to have a
very hard time leaving you there unless I feel one-hundred percent certain that
you really are fine.”

“Okay,
okay. Maybe I can take the bus back to Indiana for a few days.”

There was
silence on the line as my aunt was thinking. “Is there a bus available tomorrow?”
she asked tentatively.

I stood up
and went to my desk. “Let me check.”

Once I was
at my desk, I did a search for the buses leaving for Indiana the next day. My
aunt waited on the line.

“Yeah,” I
said, “looks like there’s one for nine a.m. tomorrow.”

“Okay,
dear. Buy that ticket and I’ll give you the money when you get home. If you
don’t get on that bus, I’m sending Uncle Stewart to pick you up on Monday.”

“You won’t
have to do that,” I said.

“Good . .
. Is everything else going okay? What’s going on with that boy I met with all
the tattoos? Hector?”

“Hunter,”
I said, a small laugh escaping my lips despite the tear rolling down my cheek.
“We’re actually dating now. Since last week.”

“Oh!
That’s exciting,” she said, apparently trying to change the depressing tone of
the conversation to a brighter one. “I’m glad you two finally shared your
feelings for each other.”

“Me too,”
I said, a smile on my face for the first time in what felt like forever.

“What does
he have to say about this letter?”

My smile
turned to a frown. “I haven’t talked to him about it yet. I think I will later
today.”

“Okay.
Well I’m going to get up and start on breakfast for the boys before their
soccer practice.”

I
grimaced. She was going to be a nervous wreck until I decided to go home.
“Okay. Bye Aunt Caroline.”

“Goodbye
dear.”

I ended
the call and stared out the window. How long was I going to stay in Indiana? I
really needed to talk to Hunter and fill him in on everything that had
happened. This had quickly become a situation we needed to work through
together. Where the hell was he?

I was a
little worried about our relationship. We’d confessed our love for each other
on Friday, and I knew I still felt that way about him. Hopefully his feelings
hadn’t changed either. Still, not being able to get in touch with him when I
really needed to made me uneasy. Could I count on him to be my anchor through
thick and thin?

I bit my
lip, suddenly feeling more uncertain than ever. It upset me that a rough patch
had come so early in our relationship, but it had, and he wasn’t off to a good
start in helping me through it. He hadn’t answered my texts for days. What
would make you ignore someone you love for days? Could anything? Did he really
love me?

I looked
at my phone again and sighed. Five in the morning was too early to call, but I
needed to talk to him today. After setting an alarm for eight o’clock, I rolled
over and tried to fall asleep. My plan was to go down to breakfast and get some
food in my system, then talk to Daniela and Hunter.

I had to
get this situation figured out soon.

MISSING

This time, when my alarm
rang I turned it off and sat up in bed. Throwing my sheets aside and getting
out was literally painful. My legs felt like jelly after surviving on granola
bars for a few days. Once I walked around and stretched for a minute, I changed
into some new pajamas and went down to the Floyd Hall dining room for Saturday
morning breakfast. I loaded up on carbs like I was about to run a marathon: two
bagels with cream cheese, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, melon, and blueberry pancakes
drowned in syrup. After cleaning my plate, I walked back to my suite, hoping a
hot shower would help me feel slightly more normal. I opened the door to my
suite and nearly bumped into Daniela.

“Hey!” she
said brightly, her hair a bed head mess. “Did you go to the health center? You
look a lot better.”

I shook my
head. “No, I was just down at breakfast.”

“Oh. Why
didn’t you come get me? I would have gone down with you.”

I shifted
back and forth on my feet. Now was as good a time as any to talk to her about
it. “I just . . . we should talk.”

Her face
scrunched up in worry. “Is something wrong?”

“No. Not
with you, I mean. Let’s go to my room.”

We walked
over to my room and sat down on my bed. Once we were settled, I took a deep
breath and started. “I wasn’t really sick the past few days.”

“Really? I
saw you though. You looked white as a ghost.”

“I didn’t
feel good, but I wasn’t really sick.”

Her eyes
narrowed. “I’m confused.”

I pressed
my lips together. It was so hard to talk about something that upset me so much,
even to my best friend. “My stepfather sent me a letter a few days ago,” I
said, choking on the last couple words. Tears were welling up in my eyes again.

Daniela
watched me blankly for several seconds before realization appeared to click in
and her jaw dropped. “Oh my god, you mean the one in jail?”

“I don’t
have any others.”

She shook
her head, bug-eyed. “But how? Is he allowed to do that?”

I thought
of my aunt’s anger when I had told her about the letter earlier that morning.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter, I guess. It happened.”

She
nodded. “What did it say?”

I told her
about the letter and cried into her shoulder. Why did this have to happen now?

After I’d
calmed down I told her about my conversation with my aunt. Daniela listened
attentively, her face wrinkled in thought.

“Guess
this came at a bad time with exams and stuff,” she said when I was done.

I scoffed.
“That’s an understatement.”

“You
looked like you were feeling awful during that psych exam.”

“Yeah.” I
sighed. “I just filled in bubbles on the answer sheet. My brain was so foggy I
couldn’t even understand the questions.”

“Oh wow,
I’m so sorry, Lorrie.”

“It’s
okay.” I tried to smile reassuringly but my mouth barely responded. “Not your
fault, obviously.”

We sat in
silence for a couple minutes. Then Daniela’s eyes widened as if she’d had a
realization. “I don’t mean to pry Lorrie . . . but did your therapist ever
mention you might have PTSD?”

I thought
back. “Yeah . . . It was one of the first things she said, actually.”

“I guess
having it doesn’t help you take an exam about it, right?” She smiled
uncertainly. I knew she was trying to cheer me up and I felt better knowing she
cared.

I forced a
small smile and shook my head. Leave it to Daniela to do some amateur
diagnosis. “Whatever is going on with me, it didn’t help on that test.”

She
watched me for a second then her head dropped back down.“So what are you going
to do now?” she asked quietly.

I tapped
my nervous fingers on my legs. My small dorm room began to have the same
oppressive feeling the courtroom had.

“I don’t
know,” I said. “My aunt wants me to go back to Indiana tomorrow for at least a
couple days. ”

“Do you
want to go home?”

I pursed
my lips. “Yeah, at least for a couple days. I think it’ll help me get my head
straight.”

“Fair
enough. What does Hunter think about all this?”

My face
felt hot. It was embarrassing that I didn’t know the answer to that question.
“I haven’t heard from him since I got the letter, actually. I texted him last
night before bed but he hasn’t responded.”

“That’s
weird,” she mused. “Did you guys have a fight or something?”

I
shrugged, feeling even more bewildered now that I was talking about it out
loud. “Nope.”

She bit
her lip. “Huh. I have to say, that is pretty strange. When are you going to
talk to him?”

“I don’t
know,” I said truthfully. “I was going to take a shower then give him a call
and see if I can go over there or something.”

“What are
you going to say? I mean, are you thinking you want to try and stay here? Go
back to Indiana? Am I going to see you anymore?”

Her
questions were making me feel overwhelmed. “I don’t know,” I said, my voice
breaking. “I love Hunter and I want things to work out, but I don’t know how we
can do that.”

Daniela’s
eyebrows shot up. “Have you told Hunter that you love him?”

“Yeah,
that night of the party.”

“And he
loves you?”

“That’s
what he said,” I rasped, trying to stop from crying. “But I don’t know why he
hasn’t contacted me in days. This decision is going to drastically change
things for us and I can’t even get ahold of him. He’s letting me down.”

She
grimaced. “You didn’t text him before last night, right? Maybe he’ll respond
soon.”

“Yeah,
that’s true.”

“I say
give it some time,” she said with a shrug. “Once you do talk to him, if you
really love each other then you’ll find a way to make it work.”

I took a
deep breath, thankful for my friend’s level-headedness. “Thanks Daniela.”

“I guess
what you have to decide is whether you’re staying or going. Everything depends
on that.”

I nodded.
“Yeah. I’ll definitely keep you in the loop.”

“Thanks,”
my friend said. “Let me know if I can do anything, okay?”

I smiled
at Daniela as she stood up and walked out of my room.

After she
left, I sat and stared out my window. Was there some way Hunter and I could
stay together? I sent another text asking where he was. After waiting a minute
to see if he would respond, I grew impatient and went to take a shower in the
suite bathroom. The sensation of the warm water hitting my shoulders and chest
helped me feel a little closer to normal. After a few days of being alone in
bed with my thoughts, I was looking forward to just being around other people
again.

When I got
back to my room the first thing I did was check my phone. Still no response
from Hunter. This was getting weird.

I stared
at my phone, deciding whether to call.
Screw it,
I thought. Even if he
was being a jerk by not responding to texts, I still needed to talk to him. I
found his number and put the phone to my ear. The phone rang a few times—which
meant it wasn’t off—and went to voicemail.  I left a message asking where
he was and threw the phone on my bed.

An idea
dawned on me as I looked at the keys sitting on my dresser. I could go over
there to see if Hunter was there. Seeing the kittens might also make me feel
better.

I grabbed
my keys, put on my coat, and left. Part of me hoped he would be at his
apartment. Part of me had a bad feeling about his reason for not picking up the
phone.

Hunter wasn’t at his
apartment. As I kicked off my boots and hung up my coat, I heard the kittens
eagerly mewling, excited to have a new friend to play with. All six of them
came running to me as I walked into the kitchen. As I gave them loving pets, I
noticed dirty dishes filled the sink. Judging by the brown line ringing around
one of the pots, it looked like the sink had been filled up with water and left
to sit for days.

Had he not
been home for a while? Afraid that the kittens hadn’t been fed, I looked to
their food and water bowls and was relieved to see they were reasonably full.
Even if it wasn’t Hunter, someone had been in the apartment within the last few
hours, because the kittens went through food and water like locusts.

The more I
thought about it, the more likely it seemed that it hadn’t been Hunter who fed
them. Life got crazy for everyone sometimes, but things would have to be pretty
hectic for a clean freak like him to ignore his dishes for days. My guess was
he hadn’t been home.

At the
same time, it was hard to imagine why he would be sleeping somewhere else. Was
he hurt? Sick? The more I thought about it, the less sense it made.

Then an
ugly thought flashed through my mind: there was no way he was cheating, right?

I shook my
head and brushed it aside, afraid to even consider the idea. After writing a
note on the fridge’s whiteboard asking him to call as soon as possible, I left
his apartment  and walked over to Huck Cafe. I had just spent several days
alone. Being around people sounded a lot better than going back to my dorm room
and staring at the wall.

I got my
usual large black coffee, found a table, and sat down with my sketch pad in my
lap and my phone on the table. When was Hunter going to get back to me? The
messiness in his apartment increasingly worried me the more I thought about it.
It was so out of character for him to leave things as untidy as he did. There
was no way he would allow that if he were home for more than a few minutes at a
time.

I looked
around from my seat, hoping to find something or someone to sketch. As I
scanned, I heard Hunter’s name above the general buzz in the shop. I found the
source of the conversation after a moment’s search: two girls wearing pink
sorority t-shirts sitting a couple tables over from mine. The girl on the left
had her blonde hair in a sloppy ponytail, the one on the right had wavy
shoulder-length hair.

“I thought
he was dating that girl whose mom got murdered,” Ponytail said.

“Me too,”
Wavy answered. “But Shannon said she saw him and Ada walking into the health
center, and he didn’t look right, like he was really stunned or something.”

My spine
straightened and I nearly dropped the coffee in my hand. I subtly tilted my ear
to listen more closely.

“That’s
weird,” Ponytail said. “Why would they be at the health center together?”

“I don’t
know. They used to be a couple, right?”

Ponytail
took a sip of her iced coffee. “Yeah, but that was like two years ago.”

Her friend
twirled her hair. “Maybe they never totally stopped sleeping together.”

All the
air left my lungs at once. I suddenly wished I was back in bed. This was
rampant speculation, but I still hated it.

“I don’t
know. Even if they still hook up sometimes, they wouldn’t go together to the
health center. Unless―”

“What if
she’s pregnant?”

My skin
prickled and the hairs on my neck stood on end. This was getting ridiculous.

Ponytail’s
eyebrows shot up into her bangs. “Oh my god, no way.”

Her friend
pounded the table, leaning forward. “Come on. How many explanations could there
be?”

“I don’t
know, that sounds crazy.”

“Then what
could it be?”

“I don’t
know,” Ponytail said, shaking her head.

“I mean it
would make sense. I’m not saying it’s for sure, but it would make sense, and
I’m not hearing any better explanations.”

“I guess.”

I couldn’t
listen to any more. Hearing that Ada and Hunter had been seen together when I
couldn’t even get ahold of him was bad enough. I didn’t need to listen to these
two girls speculating on
why
they were together. They would always go
for the craziest explanation. That’s how gossip was.

Still, as
I packed up my stuff my stomach felt like I’d been punched repeatedly. Even if
Ada wasn’t pregnant—and who knew, anything felt possible at this point—it was
still pretty shady that they’d been together at the same time he had been
impossible to get ahold of. I searched my brain for more reasonable
explanations for why he’d been going with her to the health center. Maybe
they’d just been having a great conversation and he’d wanted to continue it, so
he walked with her while she picked up a prescription or something. Maybe he
went with her to get the results of a test. Not a pregnancy test. Like a test
for cancer, maybe. Shannon, whoever that was, could’ve also been lying.

Thinking
about the possibilities wasn’t making me feel any better. Trying to figure this
out without more information would only drive me crazy. I just had to add it to
the already long conversation I was going to have with Hunter, whenever that
fucking happened.