Writing well (for the rest of us): No Grammar. No Rules. Just Common Sense. (5 page)

Here I’ve listed the major mistakes made in today’s writing.
I’ve ignored quite a few errors, focusing primarily on the common ones.

The biggest mistakes

It’s
= it is. “It’s a cold day.”
Its
= a pronoun. “I hate the sound of
its
motor.”

We’re
= we are. “We’re sitting here.”
Were
= a verb. “What were you doing?”
Where
= a pronoun. “Where are you?”

They’re
= they are. “They’re coming to dinner.”
Their
= a pronoun. “Their car broke down.”
There
= a pronoun. “I went there and it’s beautiful.”

You’re
= you are. “You’re beautiful.”
Your
= a pronoun. “Your car is nice.”

There vs. their vs. they’re
This error is probably the most common one in writing and is a source of
enormous irritation to some people.

These words sound alike, so it’s understandable if they get
confused. But to be totally honest, if you misuse these words, you will really,
really irritate a large group of people.

Here’s the scoop:

There
means a
location
.

I went
there
.

Their
means a group of people.

Their
car
broke down.

They’re
means “they are.”

They’re
more people than expected.

I or me?
(I covered this problem earlier in this book and am going to go over it
again a bit, but if you really don’t care, just scan down to the section named
“A trick.”)

Me
is used when
me
is
receiving
something.

You use pronouns like
me, him, her, it, us
and
them
when the pronoun is the
object
 (again, “object” means that the pronoun
is receiving something).

As an example, look how weird these sentences look:

He hit
he.
I went with
they.
Come with
we.
Bring it to
I
.

These sentences look wrong because you’re using pronouns that are used as
subjects
(what is being talked about). Instead, you should
be using pronouns that are used as objects. The sentences should be:

He hit
him.
I went with
them
.
Come with
us
.
Bring it to
me
.

That’s why some people cringe when you say something like
this:

              Jim and
me
went to the beach.

“Jim and me” is being used as the subject (even
though there’s two people – Jim and me, they are both being used as
one
subject).
Me
is never used as a subject. It should be
I
.

Jim and
I
went to the beach.

A trick
People can get confused when you have two people being talked about in the
sentence.

However, there is a trick if you can’t remember what to do
or if you simply don’t care about rules.

If you can’t figure out if it’s
me
or
I
, take
out the
other
person.

Look at this example:

Jim and
me
went to the beach.

Take out “Jim” and you’ll see that “I” is correct:

__ __ I went to
the meeting.

(It’s obvious that “me” is incorrect.)

The same rule works with myself,
and the other “selfs.” See the next section.

The selfies
It’s very simple to understand when to correctly use
myself
, himself, yourself, itself
and
themselves
: The subject (what’s
being talked about in the sentence) has to be receiving the action from the
object (the “self”).

It’s called a “reflexive pronoun” because it “reflects” back
on the subject.

People often make the mistake of just using “myself” without understanding what it means.
It means that you did something back to
yourself.

Sound confusing? It’s really not.

I hit myself.

In this case, “I” (the subject)
received the action from “myself” (the object).

Some other examples:

He hit himself.
They hit themselves.
You hit yourself?
It broke itself.

You don’t say things like:

The doctor talked to myself.
The teacher and myself talked.
Myself will be with you in a minute.

It can be confusing if you’re dealing with two people, such
as:

Jim and myself went to the party.

Incorrect. It should be:

Jim and I went to
the party.

If you’re confused, use the same rule used to figure out
whether to use “me” or “I”: Take out the other person and it will make sense
what word to use.

____ and myself went to the party.

Obviously wrong.

____and I went to
the party.

Correct.

Does “I” come first or last?
 
This upsets people with a strong feeling of self-importance, but in grammar,
you
come last when talking about yourself.

Not:

Me
, Mary
and Joseph went to the beach.

Instead:

Mary, Joseph and
I
went to the beach.

You’re last.

I know, sucks, huh?

Starting a sentence with but, or, and
 
Old-school English teachers do not like children to start their sentences
with the conjunctions
and, but, or, nor, for, so
or
yet
.

This is more of an effort to ensure good writing habits than
from any really good reason. Professional writers have been using conjunctions
to start sentences for a long, long time.

For formal writing, I would not start a sentence with a
conjunction. However, for more informal, casual writing (including even most
business writing), who cares. I don’t.

Match up your nouns
 and pronouns
 neat
and tidy
I’ve discussed this before in this book, and I can show you the grammatical
rules, but it’s really common sense.

Take a look at this sentence:

John’s ideas inevitably led
him
into a conflict between
he
and his boss.

The sentence talked about John’s ideas leading
him
into a conflict, and suddenly it’s
he
and his boss?

Instead:

John’s ideas inevitably led
him
into a conflict between
him
and his boss.

Or this:

Because
the farmers
were
the ones who believed in less taxes, no other groups but
them
were at
the meeting.

It was
the farmers
who believed in less taxes,
and then
them
went to the meeting? No, wrong.

Instead:

Because
the farmers
were
the ones who believed in less taxes, no other groups but
they
were
at the meeting.

Incorrect placement of modifiers
Look at the following sentence:

Oozing slowly across the floor,
Marvin watched the salad dressing
[2]
.

It seems like Marvin is oozing slowly across the floor. It’s
a
terrible
sentence structure.

The fix is simple: Put your modifiers 
next
to the words they are modifying.

Marvin watched the salad dressing
oozing
slowly
across the floor.

Or, even better: Use common sense. This sentence would never
have been written if the writer just looked at the sentence for what it was:
crazy!

Confusing pronoun use
Have you ever looked at a sentence and wondered just what the heck the
sentence meant? Sometimes, this problem is caused by pronouns used
confusingly.

For example:

Bob was really smart, always fixing
cars and radios, and
this
was how he was able to get through
college so rapidly.

What is “this” referring to? Is it referring to his being
“really smart.” or to his ability to fix cars and radios?

An English teacher once taught me to always place what is
being referred to after the “this.” So the sentence would read:

Bob was really smart, always fixing
cars and radios, and
this intelligence
was how he was able to get
through college so rapidly.

You can do that. But really, it’s just a matter of how you
construct the sentence. You could, for example, rewrite it:

Bob was always fixing cars and
radios as a kid, and this intelligence was how he was able to get through
college so rapidly.

Just check to make sure that pronouns clearly
point to what is being written.

Parallelism
Parallelism is a fancy word that means that the verbs that
you use are all of the same type in a sentence.

Look at the following sentence:

Learn to
run
faster, and
eating
better foods.

Run
is a verb, and so is
eating. Instead,
use
run
and
eat
.

Learn to
run
faster, and
eat
better foods.

It sounds like a no-brainer, but this mistake is not
uncommon.

Commas
Commas put a natural pause into a sentence. There are rules around commas,
but I don’t want to confuse you too much. Just look at it logically.

Here’s an example:

Joe ran to the bank went to the
store and came back an hour later.

Yikes. I am out of breath just reading that sentence!

Instead, just a simple comma makes everything work
beautifully:

Joe ran to the bank
,
went to
the store and came back an hour later.

Use commas when inserting a bit of additional information:

Bill, always unhappy, was really
upset that Janet came home late.

Use commas in a series of things:

Bill, Tom, Janet,
and Bob all went to the store.

Use commas before words like
and, but, for, nor, yet, or,
so
when joining groups of words.

It was a wonderful day outside, and
we played the whole time.

If you could put the word
and
in a series of
adjectives, then a comma usually belongs there:

A fine handsome
blond man came to the house.

Or

              A fine
and
handsome
and
blond
man came to the house.

Or, correctly:

              A fine, handsome, blond man came to the house.

Overusing commas is also a mistake. It makes the sentence
hard to read and understand:

He went to school and took, in
several weeks, courses such as, English and History.

Instead:

He went to school and took, in
several weeks, courses such as English and History.

Another way you can overuse a comma is being lazy and not
separating out one sentence into two sentences. This is a very common error:

By the middle of the twentieth
century and after two major wars, the Germans had finally found a way to become
citizens of the world without conflict, instead using their power as an economy
to gain the dominance in the world that they so desired.

This sentence is endless! I’m lost and confused and tired
reading it.

Let’s make it clear and simple, by separating it out into
separate thoughts:

By the middle of the twentieth
century and after two major wars, the Germans had finally found a way to become
citizens of the world without conflict. Instead, they used their power as an
economy to gain the dominance in the world that they so desired.

As I’ve said before, you can also use semi-colons as a nice
way to combine two sentences into one.

These are the major rules on commas; when you’re up to it,
there are good references online that have additional rules. 

Wrong placement of the space at the end of a sentence
.
Does this not look wrong to you? It should.

He is great !
I like books .

This error is very common in online writing (especially with
older people). I don’t really understand why, but some people write the word,
then press “space.” and then put in the punctuation mark.
Obviously, the punctuation mark goes at the end of the sentence, with no space
between the final word and the punctuation mark.

Don’t double up your punctuation

He is great.!
What was the reason.?
That was such a great movie!!!

Keep to one punctuation mark. Only one!

He is great!
What was the reason?
That was such a great movie!

Who or Whom
 
The misuse of who is a personal peeve of mine. But it’s now such a common
error in language that I’m not sure it even matters.

Nevertheless, if you want to sound like a smarty pants, get
it right. Well-educated people really do notice the correct use of “whom.”
The grammar rules are actually simple: “whom” is a pronoun which receives
action (the object) but it might get confusing.

So here is a simpler trick: “He” is the same, grammatically,
as “who.” “Him” is the same, grammatically, as “whom.”

You hit him.
You hit
whom?
He is nice.
Who
is nice?
She drove him.
She drove
whom
?

It was addressed to him.
To
whom
should I address it?

So you can just replace who or whom with “he” or “him” and
see what sounds right.

Here are some examples of mistakes where the wrong word has
been chosen.

Infamous, famous, notorious
These three words are commonly confused.

Famous
is what you read about on TMZ (celebrities,
that sort of thing). Or something widely known to be fabulous.

That Hollywood actor is
famous
.
Her cooking was
famous
throughout the neighborhood.

Infamous
means the complete opposite – something
terrible and horrible!

He was an
infamous
serial-killer.
Her temper was
infamous
.

Notorious
also means famous, but usually for a bad
reason.

             
Notorious
Wall Street bankers.

imply vs. infer
These words are actually opposite in meaning and are commonly confused.

To imply means to hint at something. To infer means to make
an educated guess.

Jon
implied
that Bill had an
odor problem.
By John’s comment, I
inferred
that Bill had an odor problem.

Then is not than
Then
is a point in time.
Than
shows comparison.

Back
then
, I would have
rather eaten candy
than
have gone to school.

You’re welcome. Not “your welcome”
 
Your
is a pronoun.
You’re
means “you are.”

Ensure vs. insure
Ensure makes something certain.

Using this
wonderful book will
ensure
I’ll write well.

Insure? That’s Obamacare. Car insurance. Getting insurance
for a business.

               How can you
insure
him? He has a DUI!

The words are not the same.

I better go
“I had better go” or “I’d better go.” Not “I better go.”

Definately
?
Do you not use a spell-checker? Because if you are, it’s
definitely
not working.

All together, altogether
All together
means “all in one place.”
Altogether
means
“completely.”

The family came
all together
,
which was
altogether
a wonderful thing.

Discrete vs. discreet
Discreet
means being careful not to attract attention or reveal a
secret.
Discrete
means separate.

I
discreetly
asked if she was single.
       There are two
discrete
buildings on the lot.

Along or a long
Along
means going with someone or something, or forward motion. A
long
means great length.

We drove
along
the beach for
a long
time.
My sister went
along
with me to the movies, and it was
a long
wait in line.

Advice vs. advise
You give
advice
. You
advise
someone.

Nauseated vs. nauseous
Nauseated
means you’re sick.

I felt
nauseated
after a bad dinner.

Nauseous
is something that makes you feel sick.

                  
The smell was
nauseous
.

Misspelling won’t
Won’t
, meaning “will not.” is never
wont
. There is always an
apostrophe.

He
won’t
(will not) go to
the store.

(You might be interested to know that “won’t” is a
contraction of “wonnot.” an old English word with the same meaning.) 

There is a different and rare word, “wont.” without the
apostrophe. But it means
someone’s typical behavior:

He is
wont
to hate disco.

(Meaning his normal behavior is to hate disco.)

A lot is
two
words
Not
alot
.

A lot.

At least is two words
 
Not
atleast
.

At least.
To is not too
 
Too
means “also.” or “excessively.” It doesn’t mean the same thing
as “to.”

To
eat
candy is
too
dangerous.

Tho vs. though
I had a business partner who would use “tho” in writing constantly, and
although he was very well educated, it truly made him look illiterate.

There is no such word as
tho
. Use
though
.

Accept and Except
You
accept
something,
except
something that you don’t want.

Capital or Capitol
Capital
is money for a business, or the city where the government of a
region or a country is located.

Capitol
is a building where lawmakers meet. It’s a
hard one to remember, but try.

Emigrate or immigrate
Emigrate
is to
leave
a country.
Immigrate
is to
enter
one.

Toward and anyway never have an “s”
You go
toward
something, not
towards
.

Oh, and “anyways” is not a word. It’s just
anyway
.

Dollar symbol
Some people have a confusion with how to write currency – specifically the
US dollar.
The dollar sign comes before, never after.

Incorrect: 2$
Correct: $2

It’s different for other countries, however. Check your
local currency.

For all intents and purposes
For all intents and purposes mean “practically speaking.”

For
all intents and purposes
, he was done with college, as he had finished his final exam.

Not “for all intensive purposes.”
Farther vs. further
A lot of people have difficulty with this one, but the rule is simple.
These words both basically mean the same thing, but one is used for physical
distance, while the other is used for an
idea
of distance.

Use farther when talking about physical distance (like feet
or miles).

How much
farther
is it to the
store?
If I walk any
farther
, I’m going to faint.

Use further when it’s an
idea
that’s like distance,
but isn’t actually a real distance.

I went
further
in my career
than the others.
Would you like any
further
information?
No
further
questions were allowed.

In truth, no one will kill you over this one. The words have
been used interchangeably for hundreds of years.

Formerly vs. formally
Formerly means previously, or before. Formally means very proper and
serious.

She was
formerly
the wife of
the senator.
He spoke very
formally
, choosing his words carefully and acting very
serious.

Precede vs. proceed
Precede means to go before. Proceed means to go forward.

The groom always
precedes
the bride in a wedding.
Please
proceed
down the aisle.

Affect and effect
Affect means to do something that causes an effect.

“It
affected
our profit.” not “it
effected
our profit.”

There is another use of the word “effect.” meaning to do
something: “To effect change.” But it’s still not “affect.”

Principle and principal
 
Principal
is a key thing, or a person who runs a school.
Principle
is something you believe in.
Lend vs. borrow
 
You
borrow
something
from
someone. You
lend
something
to
someone.

Numbers
There are differences of opinion, but I spell out the number if it’s under
10, and just write the number if it’s 10 or over.

I ate three pieces
of chicken, and then ate another 10.

There are more rules for numbers that can be found online.
But my little rule is widely accepted.

“Could care less
”
is simply wrong
You could care less? That actually means you
could
care less.
It’s
nonsensical. Instead, it’s “couldn’t care less.”

Irregardless
This word has become accepted but I wouldn’t use it, because it’s a dumb,
sloppy word.
The
ir-
at the front means “not” and
-less
at the end also means
“not.” So you’ve stated the same thing twice.

Like I said, it’s a dumb, sloppy word. Just use “regardless.”

Compliment vs. complement
Compliment is a nice thing you say to someone. Complement means something
goes well with something.

Very
common error.

I
complimented
her on how
well the drapes
complemented
the sofa.

Complimentary
can mean to say something nice, or to
give something for free:

Her
complimentary
remarks
about the house made Jim feel good.

The drinks were
complimentary
.

Moot vs. mute
A
moot
point is something that isn’t worth discussing.
Mute
is being unable to speak.

i.e.
 vs. e.g.
e.g.
 means
for example
.
i.e.
means
specifically
.
Misuse of these two is a very, very common mistake.

He ate food (i.e. candy).

He
specifically
ate candy.

He ate food (e.g. chocolate, jelly beans, and so on).

These are examples of what he ate.

He missed his
flight (i.e. flight 254).

You’re specifically saying what flight he missed.

He missed his
flight (e.g. one of the evening flights).

Not specific. You’re just giving an example of one of the
flights he missed.

Peek, peak, pique
Pique means to stimulate (“it piqued my interest”).

Peak is the top part of something.

Peek is to look in to a place.

It
piqued
my curiosity. He
peeked
into the room. He reached the mountain
peak
.

Who or That
?
“Who” is used in referring to
people
. “That” is used in referring to
things
.

She is the girl
who
came to
the office.
The car is the one
that
hit the curb.

Adverse or averse
Adverse
is something harmful.
Averse
means not liking.

I was
averse
to eating food with
adverse
effects.

Setup or Set Up
?
You
set up
something. It is then
setup
.

Into or In to
?
Use into only if it shows
movement
.

He went
into
the room.     
He called
in to
the meeting.

That or which
?
You can drive yourself crazy with this one, and the truth is, no one really
cares much these days if you use “which” or “that.” I also don’t want to kill
you with the grammatical rules.
However, it’s very important for lawyers, as they need to make things very
clear. So lawyers, pay attention.

To the rest of you, read this if you want to be a really
careful (and good) writer. Then, you’ll know when to use “which” or “that.”

“That” is used when what is being discussed is clearly part
of the sentence. It’s not separated by a comma, because it’s key.

“Which” shows you that it’s not as important to the meaning
of the sentence. It might be important, but it’s not key to getting the
sentence.

The ball
that
was in the
room was round.
The ball,
which
was in the room, was round.

Do you see the subtle difference? In the first sentence,
it’s a ball
that was in the room
. It’s specific. (People! It’s the ball
that was in the room! Hello! Is this mic on? It’s the ball that was in the
room!)

In the second sentence, we just note, as part of the
conversation, that this was the ball in the room to make things clearer.

Also, “which” always has a comma before it, and “that”
doesn’t.

& or and
?
Use “and.” not “&.” Never, ever, ever use “&” in formal writing.
Save “&” for naming products or companies.

Should have vs. should of
There is no correct usage for “should of.” None.

Moreover vs. more over
.
It’s moreover.

Peruse
Peruse means to study something very carefully,
not
to skim through.

Loath or loathe
A very common mistake is to confuse these two words.

Loath
means unwilling,
loathe
means you
dislike.

I was
loath
to go to the
park, because I
loathe
the filthy pigeons.

Elicit or Illicit
You
elicit
(bring out) something. If you’re doing something
illicit
,
well, you’re doing something very bad, because it means “illegal.”

Allusion and Illusion
You allude to something (talk about it indirectly). That is an
allusion
.
An
illusion
is what you see from a magician – that kind of thing. The
words are not the same.

Penultimate
 does not mean “the best”
Penultimate
means before the last thing:

The
penultimate
show in the TV series.

Here, penultimate means there is
one more
show left.

It does not mean “the best.” Very common error.

Fewer vs. less
Fewer is used for plural. Less is for singular.

Fewer
horses are on the
farm.
Fewer
than 80 kids showed up to the party.

Spend
less
time in traffic.
Less
than $10 in his pocket.

Recur or reoccur
Something
recurring
happens again and again and again.