Writing with Stardust: The Ultimate Descriptive Guide for students, parents, teachers and writers (23 page)

3. Our bones were
cracking and crunching
as a horde of beasts smashed into us.

4. Our bones were
fracturing and rupturing
as a throng of goblins hurtled into us.

5. Our bones were
splitting and splintering
as a plague of hellhounds careered into us.

                                                          
SMELL

1. The ground was
glazed with gizzards
and a vile smell rose up from it.

2. The ground was
burnished with entrails
and a sickly odour rose up from it.

3. The ground was
lubricated with guts
and a nauseating waft arose from it.

4. The battleground was
anointed with bowels
. The putrefying stench of a thousand battles seemed to come from it.

5. The effluvium of death was all around us. The battlefield had been
baptised in blood
and the bitter, mordant perfume of corpses emanated from it.

                                                 
SENSATION

1. Our new armour was
flashing like moon fire
, but it was an eye-popping moment,

2. Our lances
sparkled like dew gleam
, but it was a marrow-freezing moment.

3. Our new shields were
gleaming like star flame
, but it was a spine-chilling moment.

4. The dewy grass
flickered like diamond flame
as a blood-curdling howl rent the air.

5. Our spear tips
glinted like wicked hoar frost
, but the screams of the enemy were bowel-loosening.

                                                           
TASTE

1. A
jet
of blood surged into the air. It tasted salty.

2. A
fountain
of blood soaked my face. It tasted vinegary.

3. A
geyser
of blood showered into the air. It tasted tangy.

4. A
spritz
of blood spouted into the air. It tasted brackish.

5. A
wellspring
of blood sluiced into the air. It tasted coppery.

                                        LEVEL 1: BASIC SENTENCES

1. The sky was
cobra-black
.
SKY COLOUR

2.
Mercury-red
blood drizzled to the ground. 
BLOOD COLOUR

3. Our enemies were
banging and bashing
at our lines.
BATTLE SOUNDS

4. Our fire arrows were
fizzing and fizzling
through the air.
MISSILE SOUNDS

5. Their men were
wailing and whimpering
in pain.
CRIES OF PAIN

6. Our armour was
chiming
as the horses galloped.
SOUND OF METAL

7.
A swarm
of opponents attacked us.
PLURAL NOUNS

8. The smell of battle was
ungodly
.
SMELL

9. The battle was
heart-thumping
.
SENSATION

10. The
saline
taste of blood was in my mouth.
TASTE

                                        LEVEL 2: A BASIC PARAGRAPH

The sky was
carrion-black
.
Poppy-red
blood drizzled from our wounds. The trolls were
clunking
axes and
crashing
war hammers against our shields. Arrows were
zipping and hissing
through the air. Some of our men were
sobbing and snivelling
with fear. Swords were
ringing
against each other.
A legion of trolls
attacked the centre of our lines. The
septic
smell of death hung over the battlefield. It was a battle of
head-clasping
horror. The
acrid
taste of blood rose up in our mouths.

                                        LEVEL 3: MIRROR SENTENCES

1 The sky was
profane-black
.
(Creating atmosphere)

2 Our
cold
hands gripped our
cold
, steel swords.
(Repetition)

3 The
w
ind
w
hipped at our faces.
(Alliteration)

4 We looked at the
sea of monsters
that surrounded us.
(Metaphor)

5 Their spears glinted wickedly. 
We were afraid
.
(Using a personal response)

6 Their feet
stamped
as they
roared
up at us.
(Onomatopoeia)

7
“
Fire
!” our commander screamed.
(Using direct speech)

8 A
storm of arrows (Metaphor) whizzed
and
fizzed
into the night.
(Onomatopoeia)

9
Ember-red
blood
(Using colour) gushed (Onomatopoeia)
from the monsters.

10 They surged forward. It was
like being attacked by a swarm of insects
.
(Simile)

11 Their iron ladders
clanked
off the castle walls.
(Onomatopoeia)

12 They all had
bulbous eyes
(Character description)
and they blazed
magma-red
with hatred.
(Using colour)

13 Our
teeth chattered
(Sense of sensation)
and our
spines tingled
with fear.
(Sense of
sensation)

14 The swishe
s
and hisse
s
of sword
s
slashing through the air made the battle seem more perilou
s
.
(Consonance)

15 His sword rose. I fell.
(Short syntax for dramatic effect)

                                        LEVEL 4: MIRROR SENTENCES

1 The sky was
damnation-black
.
(Better diction)

2 Our
cold
hands gripped our
gelid
swords.
(Better diction)

3 The wind
screamed
and
slashed
at our faces.
(Alliteration and pathetic fallacy)

4 A
plague of monsters (Better metaphor)
teemed beneath our feet at
the castle walls
.
(Establishing location quicker than before)

5 Their spears glittered and gl
o
wed under the gh
o
stly m
oo
nlight.
(Assonance)

6 Their feet
thundered
on the valley’s cold floor as they
bellowed
up at us.
(Onomatopoeia)

7 Our commander screamed: “
Fire
!” and we loosed our arrows.
(Better command of syntax)

8 A
blizzard of arrows (Metaphor) buzzed
and
hummed
into the shroud of black sky.
(Onomatopoeia)

9
Molten-red
blood
(Better colour)
sluiced (Onomatopoeia)
from the deadly wounds the arrows caused.

10 The monsters swarmed forward
like a plague of ravenous locusts
.
(Better simile)

11 Their iron ladders were
thunking
and
clanging
off the castle walls.
(Better onomatopoeia)

12 They all had
saurian eyes
and they were
festering with hatred
for us.
(More creative description)

13 Our
hearts pounded
against our rib cages and our
neck hairs felt like pins
with the terror of it all.
(Better expression of sensation)

14 The slithering sound
s
of thousand
s
of sword
s
being unsheathed were frightening.
(Consonance)

15 It was carnage.
(Short syntax for dramatic effect)

                                         LEVEL 5: MIRROR SENTENCES

The starless sky was casket-black and
brooding
.
(Using pathetic fallacy)
Even the clouds seemed morose. Gelid hands
clasped
algid steel as we gazed
upon
our foe. The cold, north wind
keened
and
mewled
through both the valley and the souls of our men.
(Four archaic
words)

The clouds cleared. Their spears glimmered cruelly under the eerie moon. Its phantom flame sent r
i
bbons of chrysal
i
s-s
i
lver l
i
ght sp
i
ll
i
ng onto the upra
i
sed sh
i
elds of our men.
(Assonance)
The monsters swarmed and swayed below us like corn in a field, yet it seemed there were
more of them than a thousand bushels could hold
.
(Hyperbole)
Our commander raised our
p
roud
p
ennant aloft in defiance.
(Alliteration)
It represented
our
dreams,
our
lives and
our
salvation.
(Triplication and symbolism)
If it was taken, it would mean we were dead.

They crashed upon the castle walls as our commander screamed: “Fire!” in desperation
. (Better syntax)
Their iron-shod feet clapped off the frozen ground
like the rumbling of thunder
.
(Simile)
A
tempest of
wicked, barbed fire arrows
(Metaphor)
s
oared into the
s
ombre
s
ky.
(Alliteration)
They
sizzed
and
sizzled
(Onomatopoeia)
before hitting their targets.
Fountains of magma-red blood
(Metaphor using hyperbole)
sprayed into the air. It was butchery.
(Short syntax for dramatic effect)
We hoped that we would survive the day.
(Finish with hope or despair)