Written in the Scars (The Estate Series Book 4) (31 page)

‘Eighteen months.’

‘And it was a heart attack, right?’

‘You know it was.’

A silence enveloped the room again. Josie thought Lewis might talk to fill it but he didn’t say anything.

‘Tell me what happened,’ she said. ‘Tell me what you’re blaming yourself for.’

Lewis’s face crumpled. He looked away again.

‘Lewis,’ she urged.

‘I can’t.’

Silence dropped again.

Finally, Lewis began to talk. ‘During an ambush, my friend, Nathan, took a shot in the neck. We tried to stop the bleeding but the blood was pumping out so fast.’ Lewis held out his hands as if the blood was all over his palms right now. ‘We couldn’t – we couldn’t stop it. The blood. He died. Right there in my arms.’

Josie swallowed, almost feeling his pain. ‘But you all did your best to help him,’ she said. ‘I can’t see how it was your fault.’

‘Because I led them to us.’ He prodded himself sharply in the chest. ‘Earlier, I was messing about with some kids on the side of the road. We gave them some sweets and when we went back they— they had all been killed. Their throats had been cut because they spoke to us – to me.’

Josie’s hand covered her mouth. ‘Oh, Lewis.’

‘They were innocent kids.’ His eyes filled with tears as he relived the horror. ‘Their parents were made an example of. Three kids from one family, two boys and a girl, all no older than ten.’ He pointed to the floor. ‘Laid out and left there for us to see.’

‘That wasn’t your fault either. You were in a country—’

‘It was! Can’t you see? They’d waited for us to come back. They knew we would stop again. When we were with the kids at the roadside, that’s when they shot at us.’

Josie watched as Lewis’s face contorted.

‘They killed Nathan,’ he whispered. ‘I should have taken that bullet. It was meant for me.’

‘No!’

‘But I let him die.’

‘Do your friends all blame themselves?’

Lewis looked at her with a frown.

‘I bet they don’t.’ Josie moved along the settee to be a little closer to him. ‘You were all just doing your job.’   

It went quiet again. Lewis stood up, paced the room for a few seconds and then dropped to the floor on his knees.

Josie dropped to the floor beside him and took him in her arms as he cried. Amy opened the door and hovered in the doorway, tears pouring down her face too.

When Josie caught her eye, she stepped forward, but Josie put a hand up to stop her. Hard as it was for Amy, she didn’t want to risk Lewis getting angry again until he had calmed down.

‘I miss him so much,’ Lewis spoke after a few minutes. He pulled away and stood up, clearly embarrassed by his outburst.

‘I bet you all miss him,’ Josie soothed as she stood up too.

‘No, not Nathan. I miss my dad.’ Lewis wiped at his cheeks. ‘If I had known he would die so young, I would never have left the country.’

‘We’re always saying “if only.”’

‘But I realise how much of his life I missed while I was away. If I hadn’t gone into the army, I would have seen more of him.’ Lewis shook his head. ‘I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for not being around more.’

‘You need to remember how proud he was of you,’ said Josie. ‘Maybe it’s time that you and your mum had a good chat about things? Laura’s grieving too. You might be able to help each other.’

Lewis nodded.

Josie glanced at her watch to see it was nearing five o’clock. ‘I need to go now, and I think you do, too.’

‘But I need to talk to Amy.’

‘Amy can see you another day. Would you like a lift back to Graham Street?’

Lewis nodded again. ‘Thanks for listening – and not judging.’

‘Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger.’ Josie smiled and squeezed his hand.

Chapter Forty-Three

Megan was walking back from her shift at Poplar Court. The weather was muggy, a tad overcast. She reached for her phone and sighed. There had been no new messages from Sam since she’d hung up on him the day before. She couldn’t blame him for not sending any. He’d been good enough to keep in touch with her, despite feeling that she wasn’t interested in him. What was the point if he felt as if he was hitting a brick wall every time?

She couldn’t help thinking that she’d made another mistake. What happened if he was fine after he saw her birthmark? Since talking to her mum, she’d soon realised that if he was grossed out by her mark, then it would show he was a shallow person. But if he wasn’t…

Megan was a firm believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt. She knew Sam was a troublemaker and would probably bring her more grief than happiness but she didn’t care.

She was falling for him.

So maybe he would give her a second chance? She had to let him know what was wrong with her before giving up her dreams. She couldn’t deny herself happiness. Because if she lost the opportunity to be with someone who cared about her, she would never forgive herself.

After deliberating some more, she quickly typed out a message on her phone.

Sorry for hanging up on you. I was really upset.

She paused, then continued typing.

Do you think we could meet and I could explain why?

Her finger hovered over the button. Should she send the message or should she delete it? She shouldn’t class Sam the same as the others – he deserved a chance. He might be totally cool with it. She
wanted
him to be totally cool with it. And if she didn’t let him see for himself, then she was letting herself down too.

‘Stop being so indecisive,’ she scolded herself.

Holding her breath, she pressed send.

When Lewis was dropped off by Josie, he looked at the house and saw his mum standing in the window.

’Now I really do feel like a five-year-old,’ he joked. ’I’m going to get told off by my mum again. Amy must have called her.’

‘Not necessarily.’ Josie’s smile was encouraging. ’Just talk to her. Tell her what you said to me.’

He shook his head. ‘I need to sort myself out first before I can tell anyone that.’

Lewis got out of the car and walked up the path. Laura was in the hall when he opened the door. He took one look at her and hung his head in shame.

‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ he said. ‘I was selfish and I—’

‘I’m lonely, too,’ she broke in. ‘I can’t believe he’s gone. It happened so quickly.’

Lewis stayed quiet, realising she needed to talk. And he needed to listen.

‘Don’t you think it’s hard for me to put on a brave face every morning?’ Laura spoke softly, her voice breaking with emotion. ‘I miss your dad every single day. I miss him every time I open my eyes, every time I take a breath. I miss him when I go to bed every evening. Sometimes I don’t want to get up in the morning because he won’t be around. It’s a terrible cliché, I know, but life goes on. Your dad wouldn’t want either of us to mope around.’

Lewis tried to grasp some of what his mum was going through. They were both grieving but she was doing a much better job than he was of hiding her pain. Nathan had been taken quickly too, but so had his dad. There had been no time for his mum to say goodbye. One minute, they’d been a couple: the next the life had gone from his dad as he’d keeled over and had a heart attack.

How could he have not realised, not tried to understand how she was feeling?

Ashamed of his actions, Lewis opened his arms. ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ he repeated.

Laura walked into them. Moments later, he felt her sobs against his chest, her tears soaking his T-shirt.

Lewis hugged her tightly, his own eyes welling up, too. Saying what he had to Josie had come out of the blue. Of course, he’d known he was affected by Nathan’s death, but he hadn’t realised it was also because he was grieving for his father, and the problem it had left him with, not having anyone to confide in.

He needed to make amends with a lot of people. With Amy, even if their relationship was unsalvageable. With Dan; he was a great lad and a son to be proud of. With his mum, hopefully too.

Then he’d go and see Nathan’s parents. They’d offered to chat to him a few times but he hadn’t wanted to intrude. Now he thought perhaps it might do him good to sit down and talk it through with them. He needed to shed his pain, his anger, his grief.

He needed to get on with his life.

Josie Mellor was right: Nathan would have liked that. He knew his dad would too. It was the best thing he could do for them both. He would move on with his life in their memory, make everyone proud.

‘If I come and help out with the old dears at Poplar Court until I get a job, could you put up with me on a regular basis?’ he asked Laura.

Laura smiled through her tears. ‘Your dad would be so proud of you,’ she told him.

‘Dad would have kicked me up the arse, Mum.’

‘Maybe so – but he would be proud of you, too.’

Lewis hugged her again. Perhaps he would never forgive himself for all those wasted years he could have spent with his dad, but he could make the following years with his family ones to remember.

Sam had had a boring day. The weather had been hot and he’d spent most of it sitting in the tiny garden behind the flats. All he could think about was Megan. He couldn’t understand the pull he felt towards her. She was giving him the brush off big time, yet he didn’t want to give in yet.

Something about her mannerisms was telling him not to quit. There was something she wouldn’t share with him, and he needed to know what it was before he walked away. He could cope with the rejection if she just wasn’t into him, and he wasn’t going to chase after her. But she seemed so vulnerable, so sweet when she was with him. The last time she had seen him she’d been trying to soothe him, and the next she was gone when he came out of the room.

He thought back to that conversation. Had he said something to upset her? Okay, he’d been a grumpy bastard but that was nothing new so it probably wasn’t that.

Was she too wary of his past? Did she not want to get involved because of what he had done? She knew he’d been involved in a fight, she knew he’d been in trouble before.

With spare time to mull things over and over, it had made him realise that if he wanted to find love, settle down, perhaps get married and have kids, then he needed to be a good catch. It had also made him understand he was far from that. What would any woman want with him right now?

But if he kept away from the likes of Scott Johnstone, and his so-called mates who had all but abandoned him anyway, he could perhaps go on the straight and narrow. Maybe in time he could earn some decent money the legit way. After all, he hadn’t earned much as a criminal. It wasn’t as if he was some Face with a huge house, flashy cars and loads of money, and people doing the dirty work for him. He was a petty thief, and had been very lucky to avoid jail.

The thought of being locked up now, especially being so vulnerable, not knowing how long it would take for his hand to get better, if he ever got the full strength back, was too much.

Yes, to get a girl like Megan, he would have to change. She wouldn’t put up with him and his ways. And he realised that was far more important to him.

He was falling for her, wasn’t he?

Half an hour later he checked his phone to see a message. He opened it, smiling when he saw it was from Meg.

Chapter Forty-Four

With the weather recovering after a sudden downpour earlier that morning, Megan took her break in the hospital grounds. Although it was always noisy with so many cars, staff and visitors coming and going, she found a bench on a small patch of lawn next to the helipad, and sat down. Gazing up, she closed her eyes in the sunshine and let the warmth flood over her while she waited for Sam.

Over the past few days, they’d begun to send text messages again. Their conversations veered on the friendly side now. Sam hadn’t asked her to go out with him again and, although she was glad, she hoped she hadn’t missed her chance altogether. Maybe if the friendship built up, she could trust him enough to take things from there.

Last night, they’d arranged to meet during her break. Sam had an outpatient’s appointment that morning. Although she was nervous about seeing him again, she was excited too.

‘Hi, Meg.’

Megan jumped at the sound of a voice. She hadn’t heard anyone coming towards her. Shielding her eyes as she looked to see who it was, her stomach did its usual flip. Sam’s smile was as warm as the sun, his blue eyes shining down on her just as brightly.

He sat down next to her. Megan moved along a little and an awkward silence fell between them.

‘How are—’

‘Are you—’

They spoke in unison and then laughed. Embarrassed to look at him, Megan watched as a woman expertly parked a people carrier in the tiniest of parking spaces in front of them.