Wuthering Frights (13 page)

"Well, you're beautiful yourself. Thanks for noticing."

He shook his head and leaned forward, squeezing my right thigh just above my knee with his large hand. "I'm serious, Dulcie, what's up?"

I shook my head, refusing to look at him. Then remembering myself, I forced my eyes to meet his and held his gaze. "Nothing's up."

He shrugged and relaxed back into the chair. "Sam said you've been ignoring her—not returning her phone calls. And Dia called yesterday, wondering where the hell you were? Apparently, you aren't returning anyone's calls? I had to convince Sam that you were fine and talk her out of an intervention."

"Intervention?" I repeated with a frown, feeling irritation creeping up within me. "That's taking things a little too far." I shook my head as I considered it. "Holy Hades, I've just been ... busy."

"Doing what?" he demanded and his eyes narrowed on me as he crossed his long legs at the ankles. Relaxing against the chair back, he folded his arms behind his head and looked as if he had all the time in the world to listen to me lie my ass off.

"A little of everything." I shrugged. "I've got a lot on my mind."

"That's fair," he said, standing up and approaching me. He dropped down to his knees in front of me and took my hands in his, forcing me to look into his stunningly beautiful blue eyes. "Dulcie, I know you've been through a
lot. We've been through a lot. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you ever need to talk, if you need a friend, you have me."

I had to choke down the guilt that suddenly welled up within me. More unshed tears were now ready to betray my words again. "Thank you," I managed and then took a deep breath, looking away from him because I knew if I gave him any more eye contact, I'd lose it.

"I know how independent you are and I know how strong you are, Dulcie, but sometimes you need to break your barriers down and let people in. Sometimes you need to talk about things to get through them."

I faced him again and smiled, dropping my eyes to the ground as I realized he was completely right, but I couldn't open up to him. I couldn't talk to him about everything that was going on because it would put his life in jeopardy. "I'll see Sam tomorrow at work and we'll go to lunch," I said hollowly.

"No," Knight said, with an emphatic shake of his head, leaning forward as he did so. "You and Sam take the day off and spend some quality time together. I'll call her in the morning and tell her to expect you at nine a.m., bright and early."

"Knight, you don't have to do that," I started, but his lips were tight, his jaw clenched, which meant he would not be dissuaded. "Thank you," I said finally, allowing him to take each of my hands in his.

"I care about you, Dulcie," he said frankly. "And everything I said to you when we were in High Prison was true."

I felt my stomach turn. We both admitted our love for each other while rotting away in the main prison of the Netherworld. I was awaiting my sentence and Knight was basically sitting on death row. But as far as whatever we said or didn't say, I couldn't think about those things now. If I did, I knew it would break down my resignation as well as my dedication to doing what I had to do.

"Knight, I realize we were both under a lot of pressure when we were in the Netherworld," I started, hating the way it sounded, and, more so, having to pretend that Knight didn't mean as much to me as he did.

"Dulcie, I meant everything I said," he reiterated, his gaze just as penetrating as his tone. His hold on my hands tightened.

I nodded and said nothing, at a complete loss for words. Well, I knew what I had to say, but that didn't make it any easier. And so far, I was sucking at it.

"Did you mean everything you said?" he asked, after I was silent for a few more seconds.

And this was the moment when I knew I had to force the words out—I had to tell him that we couldn't be together any longer but the words seemed stuck in my throat, as if they were clinging to my tongue with all the strength left in them.

You have to do this!
I screamed at myself.
Knight's life depends on it!
But I was still silent.
For fuck's sake, Dulcie!

"Knight, I ..." I started.

Immediately, I could see the pain in his eyes. He knew what I was about to say—probably from my expression or maybe the tone of my voice or the words
I’d just uttered
. The expression of hope he'd shown earlier was suddenly gone, replaced with dejection. His eyes looked hollow.

"I don't want you to think I didn't mean what I said," I corrected myself quickly, hating myself for inflicting the pain in his eyes. "But things between us can't continue."

His glance was filled with angst but mostly anger. "Why?"

I swallowed hard, feeling as if my tongue was swelling and gagging me. It suddenly occurred to me that I couldn't blame all of this on my break-up baggage with my last boyfriend, Jack. Now it just seemed as if that excuse wouldn't hold weight. Why? Because the problems with Jack couldn’t hold a candle to everything that had happened between Knight and me. I mean, we'd openly admitted our undying love for each other! Those words were so strongly heartfelt and deep, I couldn't imagine anything I said now would hold weight. It was like I was just speaking in hypotheticals—in one-sided masks of reality that would easily fall over as soon as a gusty wind approached.

"I can't work with you and date you at the same time," I admitted at last. The words sounded cheap and flimsy as soon as I uttered them. "It's against ANC policy."

Knight narrowed his eyes and stood up, retreating to the far side of the living room. His back was to me and his shoulders seemed tight, making his posture straight and rigid. When he turned to face me, there was anger in his eyes and grimness to the lines of his mouth. "That's bullshit, Dulcie, and you know it."

I stood up and took a deep breath, trying to convince myself not to lose it. One tear and he'd know I was bluffing, that I wasn't being honest with him or myself. "Whatever my reasons, Knight, I can't do this anymore. Things between us from now on have to be strictly platonic."

He glared at me. "So this whole thing was set up."

"Set up?" I repeated, shaking my head, although dawning realization hit me like a bomb. That was exactly what this looked like—a set-up. He thought I
’d
only asked for my job back so I could break up with him, blaming it on not being able to work together and date. Although it was the farthest from the truth, the truth was nearly as bad.

He nodded and took a step closer to me. I felt like I was shriveling beneath his stringent gaze. "You wanted your job back because you knew it would be an out where you and I are concerned."

"No, that isn't why," I started, shaking my head again, only this time more adamantly. Before I could defend myself, he interrupted me.

"Then why, Dulcie? Seems pretty damn convenient if you ask me."

My heart started beating frantically. I didn't want to get into an argument with him. I'm not sure what I expected—or what I'd thought his reacti
on was going to be, but
I wasn’t at all prepared for this. "I just, um … I just felt like I belonged in law enforcement," I said sheepishly. As soon as I said it, I realized my reason needed to sound more legitimate than that. A lot more legitimate if Knight was going to buy it. "Going to the Netherworld reinforced my reasons for getting into law enforcement in the first place. I needed to come back where I belong," I said as a wave of nausea washed over me. I hated the fact that I was a complete and total hypocrite.

"The ANC is where you belong. It's in your blood," he agreed, but crossed his arms against his chest to reveal that he was still angry all the same.

"Please believe me when I say that getting my job back has nothing to do with ... this."

"Then what does this have to do with?"

"I just don't think it's right to work with you and date you, Knight. It's a conflict of interests, especially because you're my boss."

"Then I'll change the arrangement so you can report directly to Caressa."

I swallowed hard. "Knight, Caressa doesn't work in our office and no one else reports to her. It would be too weird and I don't want special favors merely because you and I are in a relationship."

"So you’d prefer to be completely out of the relationship?"

And that was exactly what I was trying to say, but apparently, not doing a good job of saying it. "Knight, I care about you," I started, but he sighed and shook his head.

"But not enough, it seems." He glared at me for a few more seconds and the pain in his eyes nearly undid me. "Damn me for falling for you, Dulcie." He shook his head and stared at something in the distance. "The warning signs had always been there, but I ignored them. I thought you would let me in, that I could help you break down your walls and forget about your past, forget about Jack." He faced me again. "But I was completely wrong." He chuckled acidly. "And fuck me for being completely wrong."

I felt my heart breaking because everything I'd just told him was a complete lie. I was as much in love with him now as I'd ever been. And he
had
been successful in breaking down my walls! It was solely because of Knight that I was able to put Jack behind me and move on. Knight really had saved me, but of course, I couldn't tell him that. Instead, I had to watch silently after I painted the worst possible picture of myself. I had to simply sit back and allow him to believe that I didn't love him.

"I'm sorry," I said dumbly, knowing there really wasn't anything more I could say. Anything more would be considered blabbing the entire truth, thereby sealing his fate to an early death.

Knight didn't say anything for a while, just stood there looking at me with an overall pissed off expression. Then he shook his head and exhaled as he started for the door. "Dulcie, you have issues and the sooner you can attack those issues, head on, the happier you're going to be."

"I realize," I started, but he held up his hand, intimating that I should talk to it because the face wasn't listening.

"I actually pity you," he continued and with his other hand on the doorknob, he turned back around to face me. "I just hope for your sake, one day you don't wake up and realize you wasted your entire life by dwelling on the past."

Then he turned around and walked out of my house, closing the door behind him.

Eight

At nine a.m. the next morning, I showed up on Sam's doorstep and rang the doorbell. She answered immediately, a huge smile spreading across her pretty face. Her light brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, highlighting her large brown eyes and rosy cheeks. She sort of reminded me of a young Sally Field. She was wearing her "Kiss Me, I'm Wiccan" apron which had to mean one thing—she'd either been cooking or baking. Lucky me.

"Who the hell are you?" she asked, throwing her hands on her hips as she pretended to be irritated, but the smile curling her lips gave her away.

"I know, I know," I said, guilt rampaging through me as I shook my head as if to say I had no words for being such a bad friend. If she only knew the half of it ...

"Well, come on." Sam held the door open wider and grabbed my hand, pulling me inside. "I thought I'd make us breakfast." Then she eyed me suspiciously, tapping her index finger against her mouth. "Knight is right—you
have
lost weight and you look anorexically thin, like LeAnn Rimes in a bikini thin." She brought her eyes back up to mine. "
Not
a good look."