You and I Forever (14 page)

I want all of that for you Anna. I want you to experience every happiness this life has to offer because at the end of the day, we only get one chance to get it right. Life is short. Too short. And while we like to believe that we will live forever, the truth is, we won't.

Embrace the life you have been given. Live each day without any regrets. You are bound to mess up from time to time but learn from those mistakes and use that knowledge to your advantage. It's better to live knowing you did everything that you could, than to live a life only half fulfilled because you were hindered by fear.

Be brave Anna. You have greatness inside of you. A strength that I have never seen in another person. Embrace that strength. Go for what you want and always remember that the most important thing you can do in this life is to touch another human soul. Hold onto that.

Never be afraid of what could happen and chase happiness with all you have. Live for you dear. Live the life you want. Live the life that allows you to look back on it someday with happiness and contentment and not longing or regret.

I lived that life. A good happy life. I am so very grateful for everything I was given but the best thing that ever happened to me was the day you walked into my dance studio. You became such a driving force in my life and I have loved you like you were my own daughter from that day on. Because you are my daughter Anna, in all the ways that matter.

I have watched you fall and pick yourself back up more times than I can count. And I know you will get through this as well. Because you are strong and fearless and you will always tackle anything life throws at you.

Dance Anna. Dance in the rain, in the studio, on the street. It doesn't matter where as long as you never give up your love for what makes you, you. You were born to mold the world of dance. Get out there and show them why. Never let what's been taken from you hinder your dreams. We all need dreams. My dream was to have a child. And even though I couldn't physically have children, God gave me one anyways. He gave me you.

Hold onto those you love with all your heart. You never know when they won't be around anymore. And love Anna. Love hard and fierce. Love with everything that you have. And remember those who love you back. Let them help you heal. Let them hold you up when you can't find the will to do it for yourself. Embrace what God has given you my dear.

I love you with all my heart Anna. My daughter. I will be with you always. Watching over you. Guiding you. Never forget that.

All my love,

Patty

Tears trickle down my cheeks as I re-read Patty's words over and over again. Reaching up, I wipe them away trying to clear my vision as I stare down at the letter that Bentley gave me earlier today. He waited to give it to me until just moments ago. I didn't understand why at first but now I do.

It's been over a week since the funeral. I think he knew that I needed a little time to make peace with this on my own before giving me the closure Patty knew I would need. Scanning my eyes over the paper again, my stomach twists painfully at the thought of this being the last communication I will ever receive from her.

Folding the letter, I slide it back into its original envelope and then stand from my spot on the living room floor to shove it into my purse. I have been at this house everyday since the funeral. Going through all of Patty's things, clearing out the house.

Bentley stopped by and picked up the last boxes a few minutes ago. What was once a house filled with life and happiness is now just a hollow shell. An empty space sheltered by bare walls and faded paint.

Andrea tried to convince me to give it some time before taking on the task of selling Patty's house but the truth is, there was no way I was going to be able to move on with this hanging over my head. Better to get all the pain out of the way at once, like ripping off a band-aid.

So instead of fighting me on it, her and Lo have been here everyday helping me. We donated most of Patty's things. With the exception of the few things I decided to keep of course. All of which are small trinkets that I know meant a great deal to Patty. Her grandmother's pearl necklace, her mother's wedding bands and of course, her photographs. I may not have her here anymore but I have years worth of pictures to look through when the urge to see her face becomes too much to bear.

I packed it all away in a small box that now sits next to the front door. It seems so weird, walking away from an entire life with only a small box to remind me of that person. Glancing around, I take a deep breath, thankful that this is all over but saddened by it as well. This house holds so much of Patty within the walls, it seems wrong to sell it. But at the end of the day, I know she wanted me to. She knew this place would hold too many memories, too much pain.

Bentley hired someone to take care of everything; the house, the car, all of it. When I walk away today, I walk away free. Well, with the exception of the studio which I have decided to keep. I don't know how it's going to work yet but for the time being Shira is keeping the business side going while Jenny, one of the dance instructors and one of Patty's closest friends, is managing the dance side of things. I don't know when I will be ready to step in and take over but I know for sure that I am not ready yet.

Bentley assured me that Shira is loving the change of pace and that I am in no rush to jump back into things. He has been so wonderful. I honestly do not know how I could have possibly gotten through all this without him. I guess it just goes to show, sometimes you just never know what people are capable of until you give them a chance.

“
Hey.” His voice washes over me from behind and I spin around to see him standing in the doorway, his body leaning slightly into the frame. “You okay?” He asks, stepping inside and crossing the space to where I am standing.

“
I am.” I say, smiling up at him. “Thank you for waiting to give me the letter. You were right to wait. I needed some time.” I admit.

“
Patty told me not to give it to you right away. She knew that it would be too much for you all at once. I had specific instructions.” He reaches out and trails his hand against my cheek.

“
Well, I'm finished.” I say, gesturing around the space as he steps back and looks around the empty room.

“
What now?” He asks, pulling me into his side and wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

“
We let go.” I say, letting out a long sigh. “We move on.”

“
Anna.” He starts but I turn and hold my hand to his lips, silencing him.

“
I know. It's just a house.” I say, smiling up at him. “And I'm okay with this. I'm good. Really I am. Patty wouldn't want me to sulk. She would want me to get back out there and pick my life back up and that is exactly what I am going to do.”

“
I'm happy to hear you say that because I was hoping maybe we could get away for a while.” He says, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear that has worked its way free of my messy bun.

“
What do mean?” I ask, not sure what he's getting at.

“
Things have been so crazy here recently and I just thought it might be nice for you and I to take a little trip. A couple weeks maybe, just to get away from everything and recoup.” He smiles sweetly down at me.

“
Are you sure you can get away from work for that long?” I ask, knowing how heavily his work weighs on him.

“
What is the point in working for yourself if you can't take time away when you need it?” He questions. “Besides, I have management in place for a reason and Shira will be available if something happens. She knows what to do and she can do it from Chicago.” He smiles. “So what do you say? Me, you, a secluded getaway?”

“
I think that sounds incredible.” I say, not missing the way his eyes light up at my words. I know he was expecting me to fight him on this but my days of fighting against him are over. I love this man, it's about time I start showing him just how much.

“
Where did you have in mind?” I tack on.

“
It's a surprise, but we will fly out first thing tomorrow morning.” He smiles when I narrow my eyes in on his face.

“
You're really not going to tell me?” My hands immediately go to my hips and I cock my head to the side.

“
Nope.” He shakes his head on a light laugh. “But I promise you, it will be exactly what we need.” He says, pulling me into his arms and wrapping them tightly around my body.

“
I have a favor first.” I say into his chest, not continuing until he drops his hold on me and steps back so that he can meet my gaze. “Can we stop in North Carolina?” I ask. “I want to visit my family.” I say, seeing the understanding in his eyes.

“
Of course.” He says, taking my hand in his.

“
Thank you.” I say, taking another look around the empty space, having trouble grasping how much things have changed and how quickly. “I think I'm ready.” I say, taking another deep breath as I look back up to Bentley. “I'm ready.” I say again.

“
Okay.” He says, giving me a warm smile. Crossing the room, he picks up the small box of things that I am taking with me and then turns back to face me. “I will wait for you in the car.” He says, throwing me one last glance before pushing his way outside and leaving me alone to say my last goodbyes.

I walk through the space, my footsteps echoing off of the walls around me given the emptiness of the house. I walk down the hallway and peek into Patty's room, remembering all the times I have stepped inside this very room to be greeted by her warm smile. But she is no longer here and the room that once belonged to her is just as empty as I feel without her.

Taking a deep breath, I close the door and then walk to my old room. Stepping inside the doorway, I try to remember every memory I have had here. The good, the bad. The low moments and the high ones. I can still see myself standing in this very space looking at myself in the mirror as I waited to meet Bentley for the first time. God, so much has happened since then. What I once thought would be a meaningless one night hookup has since turned into something I was completely unprepared for; love.

Pulling the door closed behind me, I make my way back out into the living space, grabbing my purse from the floor before turning back around and taking one last look around the room. Like the first time I stepped into this house, I know that my life will never be the same again.

Flipping off the light, I back out of the doorway and pull the door closed behind me. I wipe away the few tears that trickle down my cheeks and take another deep breath. “Goodbye.” I say aloud, before turning and making my way to Bentley's car.

He smiles at me the moment I slide into the passenger seat and reaches for my hand. “Ready?” He asks, giving my fingers a tight squeeze.

“
Ready.” I breathe, watching the house disappear in the rear view mirror as we drive away, knowing full well it will probably be the last time I ever lay eyes on it again.

Chapter

Fourteen

As we make our way through the old cemetery, I can't help but feel extremely guilty that this is the first time I have ever visited my family's graves. Granted, up to this point I haven't really had the means to do it but I wish I could have gotten here sooner. I guess after Patty, I just felt like this was something I needed.

I scan each stone, not sure where exactly they are buried or what their headstones even look like for that matter. We have been walking for what feels like forever and honestly, I am starting to feel a bit restless. It isn't until Bentley slows next to me that I realize he must have spotted them.

Turning my head towards him, I follow his line of sight to the back of the lot, immediately spotting three headstones all side by side, the name
BLAKE
carved beautifully into each one. Taking a deep breath, I follow Bentley towards the graves, not able to keep my hands from trembling slightly.

It isn't until we actually step up in front of them that I realize the beautiful assortment of flowers that is arranged around each stone. Who would have done this? We have no family here anymore. No friends that I am aware of. Of course, there is still so very little I know about the life we lived here to know for sure.

“
I didn't know what kind of flowers they would like so I had them do a mixture.” Bentley's voice washes over me and I immediately turn wide eyes on him.

“
You did this?” I ask, completely stunned by the beautiful thought.

“
I knew you would probably want to bring something but I also knew we wouldn't be able to stop anywhere to get flowers so I called in an order last night.” He says, briefly meeting my gaze before turning back to the headstones in front of us.

“
Thank you.” I choke out, emotion thick in my throat.