You and I Forever (13 page)

“
No dear, you inspired me.” She smiles weakly. “Now go. I need to rest.” She says, yawning again. “I love you Anna. So much.” She says.

“
Love you too.” I say, blinking hard trying to fight the well of tears forming behind my eyes. Leaning forward, I kiss her forehead before pushing into a stand and ducking into the bathroom just as the emotion swallows me whole.

Chapter

Twelve

I thought we would have more time. I thought a lot of things, but it's clear now that I was wrong. It's been three weeks since Patty returned home and already her health has deteriorated so greatly that she is now completely bedridden.

Despite her attempts to fight me on it, I withdrew from classes two weeks ago and have since moved back home to stay with her. I know that school is important and I fully intend to return next semester, but right now being with Patty is my priority. Because at the end of the day, I don't know how much time I have left with her. Days. Hours. It's anyone's guess at this point and I can't bear the thought of her dying alone. I am the only family she has and I will be here for her until the very end.

A light knock on the door pulls my attention from my magazine and I look up just in time to see Bentley step inside. I hold my finger up to my lips, gesturing for him to be quiet. He nods and crosses the space towards me. Looking over Patty's sleeping figure, he fixes her blanket and then turns and joins me on the couch that I pushed up next to her bed so that I could be close to her.

“
I brought you something to eat.” He says, handing me a white paper bag folded over at the top.

“
Thank you but I'm not hungry.” I say, taking the bag from his hand and sitting it off to the side. Sylvia hasn't been here for the last few days as I didn't feel that her services were necessary given that I am here. So Bentley has made a point to bring me food everyday though I rarely eat more than a couple of bites if any.

“
Anna. You need to eat.” He says, hitting me with the same look of concern that he has been wearing for the past week. Truth is, I know I look like hell and that I am not taking care of myself but I can't bear the pain that is slowly overtaking me with each day that passes.

“
I'm just not hungry.” I look up, hitting him with tear filled eyes.

“
How is she today?” He asks, not pushing the issue further.

“
She hasn't woken up at all.” I say, turning when I hear Christine, the evening nurse, crossing the room. She stops next to Patty and checks her vitals on the monitor before inserting pain medicine into her I.V. and then walking away again, throwing a nod in our direction as she does.

“
Why don't you try to get some sleep?” He asks, clearly seeing how exhausted I am. Truth is, I'm afraid to sleep. Every time I dose off I have a nightmare that she's screaming for my help and I shoot up to find her still sound asleep. I think it's because deep down I am afraid that I will miss her final moments while I'm asleep.

“
I will stay and keep an eye on her. I will wake you the second anything happens.” He promises, seeing the hesitation on my face. “Please.” He pleads.

“
Okay.” I say, not able to deny how badly I need sleep. Maybe knowing he is here watching over Patty will give me the piece of mind I need to just shut my brain off for a while.

Standing, I lean down and give him a light kiss before crossing the room and ducking down the hall towards my bedroom. I don't bother with the lights as I make my way inside, collapsing on the bed the moment I reach it.

****

When my eyes open, the room is shrouded in darkness. I have no idea what time it is but if I had to guess, I would say it is sometime in the middle of the night. I shoot up, panicking for a moment until I remember that Bentley is with Patty and given that he didn't wake me, she must still be sleeping.

Deciding to freshen up, I flip on my bedside lamp and peel myself out of the bed. Grabbing my duffel bag that Andrea packed full of clothes for me, I sort through it until I find a clean pair of black yoga pants and a plain white t-shirt. Grabbing some clean panties and my toothbrush, I quickly cross the hallway into the bathroom.

It takes me less than twenty minutes before I re-emerge feeling more human than I have in several days. Quietly making my way down the hall, I freeze just shy of the living room when I hear Patty's voice. It isn't until I hear Bentley respond that I realize they are talking.

Holding my breath, I strain to hear what they are saying without making my presence known. I know that it isn't right for me to eavesdrop but at the same time, I want to know what they are saying when they think I am not here to listen.

I feel like a lot of times they both keep things from me because they don't want to hurt me. And while I love them for trying to protect me, I also wish that they would let me make the decision as to what I can and cannot handle.

“
You have to promise me. No matter what. Promise me.” I hear Patty's weak voice through the silence of the house.

“
You have my word.” Bentley says. Peering around the corner, I see him sitting on the side of Patty's bed, her fragile hand wrapped in his large one.

“
You know she won't make it easy on you.” She coughs out a laugh, clearly having trouble speaking.

“
She doesn't make anything easy.” He laughs lightly. “But we both know, that's part of her charm.”

“
She's going to shut down. I know it. And it terrifies me. But you need to push her. No matter how angry she gets. Push her. Do not let her fall apart. She has lost so much already. She is going to need you more than ever before. I need to know that you will be there for her.” Patty shifts slightly in the bed. Reaching to the table next to her, she pulls something out of the drawer before handing it to Bentley.

“
I've had everything already switched over into her name. She gets everything, as she should. We may not be blood but that girl is my baby. Since the day she walked into my studio at four years old, she's been my baby. Please give this to her after I go.” He nods, sliding the envelope into the front pocket of his suit jacket before turning back to Patty.

“
I'm so glad she has you. She may not see how much she means to you but I do. I know that you love her beyond words. I know that you would do anything for her.” She smiles weakly, her face illuminated by the small lamp just to the left of her bed.

“
She means everything to me.” He says, rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand. It's such a touching moment. One that I feel horrible witnessing without their knowledge but simply can't turn away from either.

“
And you to her.” Patty says. “She fights against love because love has always brought her loss and heartache. Even if she can't admit it, that only makes her love harder when she finally opens up to a person. She's opened up to you, I can see that. But I also see that she's still holding back too, which means she's still hesitant.”

“
Well, I certainly haven't made it easy on her.” He admits, laughing lightly.

“
We all make mistakes and we all have our flaws dear. It's being able to admit them that's the hard part. But if you love someone hard enough, deep enough, no amount of flaws will measure the level that person will love you back, if you earn their love in return.” She pauses, taking a few deep breaths before continuing.

“
I want her to have that kind of love. A love that teaches her that loving someone is worth the risk of losing them, whether to this life or another. I want her to get married and have children of her own one day. I want her to realize that even though she can't dance professionally, dance is still part of who she is and she needs to share that gift with the world. I want her to not just believe in happily ever after, I want her to get her happily ever after. At least the best one that this life can offer her. After all, she gave me mine.” I put my hand over my mouth to stifle the sob that works its way into my throat.

I can't bear to hear her say these things. It's one of those moments that fills you with unmeasured happiness accompanied by overwhelming sadness. It breaks me to know how little time I actually got with her in this life.

I should have years with her and not just days. She is going to miss so much. She should be at my college graduation, smiling and telling me how proud she is of me. She should be at my wedding, threatening my future husband within an inch of his life if he hurts me. She should be there to welcome her grandchildren into the world when I finally decide to become a mom, and tell them stories of how crazy I made her when I was growing up.

There are so many things she is never going to experience. So many accomplishments and failures where only her telling me that everything is going to be okay will help. How am I going to face a world without her?

“
She's given me mine too. No matter what happens.” Bentley says softly.

Patty falls silent and then her head falls slowly to the side as she dozes back to sleep. I watch him for a moment. The way he holds Patty's hand. The way he looks down at her like he truly cares for her. He has sacrificed so much for me, for her.

Weeks have passed and we have not spent a moment alone since the first week Patty came home. She got too bad too fast. None of us were prepared for it to happen so quickly. I watch him as he lays Patty's hand on her stomach and pushes to a stand, turning in my direction as he does.

Stepping backwards into the hallway, I tip toe back into my room and close the door softly, trying to disguise the fact that I was listening in on their conversation. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I take a few deep breaths trying to reign in the amount of emotion boiling to the surface.

I jump slightly when my bedroom door pushes open and Bentley steps inside. “You're up.” He says, closing the door behind him before crossing the room and taking a seat next to me.

“
Yeah, I took a quick shower. I feel better. Thank you.” I say, meeting his eyes for the first time. “For everything.” I tack on, feeling the tears well behind my eyes.

“
Hey. You okay?” He asks, wiping away a stray tear that manages to escape down my cheek before gripping my chin and forcing me to look at him.

“
I love you.” I say, my chin quivering as the words leave my mouth. “I can't thank you enough for everything you have done for her.” Another tear falls followed by another and then another until a steady stream is falling down my cheeks.

“
Anna. Baby, look at me.” Bentley says, holding tight to my chin when I try to look away. “I know this is hard.” He says, sliding his hand over to cup my cheek. “But we are going to get through this together. Whatever you need. I am here for you. I will always be here for you.” He promises, pulling me into his arms.

I snuggle into his embrace. It is the one place I feel safe. The one place I feel even an ounce of happiness. It's strange that the one person I pushed away for so long has turned out to be the only person that can keep me afloat in my lowest moments.

He has surprised me in so many ways and he continues to surprise me everyday. Pulling back, I look into his eyes for a long moment, neither of us speaking. There are so many things I want to say, things I want to tell him. But in this moment, I can't seem to form one single word.

“
I should get back out to Patty.” I say, taking a deep breath and reeling in my emotions. “I don't want her out there by herself. Will you stay with me?” I ask, feeling horrible for even asking but not wanting to feel the emptiness and pain that weigh so heavily on me in his absence.

“
Of course I will.” He says, standing from the bed and holding his hands out to help me up. Pulling me to my feet, he wraps me in tight hug and drops his lips to the top of my head before leading me from the room.

Quietly crossing the space, I do a quick check on Patty before settling down on the couch next to her bed, Bentley sliding in at my side. Snuggling into him, I watch Patty's chest rise and fall with each breath she takes, wondering each time which one will be her last.

I know it's only a matter of time. I can feel her slipping away more and more with each day that passes. Every hour is worse than the last. Her pain becomes harder to bear. She has a harder time staying awake. But even as her body deteriorates, her mind is still her own. Even though the doctors warned me that it wouldn't be, I still see her in there. It's in smaller doses now but she's still Patty. And for that, I am so very grateful.

Chapter

Thirteen

My dearest Anna,

If you are reading this letter then it means that I am no longer with you. Time was not on our side and for that I am truly sorry. But while I may not be with you physically, I will always be watching over you.

I will be watching you when you walk down the aisle on your wedding day. I will be holding your hand when you give birth to your children. I will be next to the tree each Christmas watching as you open gifts and share in the joys of having a family of your own.