You Get What You Pray For (16 page)

“Please don't,” Unique said, looking down. “If you start, then I'm going to start.”

“I don't want to make you cry, Nique,” Eugene said. “I guess I want to know why. Why now?” Eugene had written Unique several letters while he was in jail. The last address he had for her had been her sister's house, so he'd sent them there. He'd even tried calling her collect, but to no avail. He'd felt that she would not forgive him until the day he died. And maybe not even then. Maybe she'd do nothing more than spit on his grave.

“It's time, Eugene, you know. I mean, my moms may not go about things the right way, but she was right when she told me I needed to let go of all this anger I had for you inside my heart.” Unique shook her head. “And I'd had a death grip on that anger. I don't know. . . . I felt like if I let go of that anger, then what would be left? There would be nobody left to blame and nobody to be mad at. That meant all that would be left was happiness and joy.”

“And what's wrong with that?” Eugene shrugged, and a look of confusion covered his face. “Isn't that what you women want? Didn't Mary J. Blige sing the anthem for y'all? I just wanna be happy? So why not just be happy?”

“Because I don't deserve to be!” Unique snapped as her eyes flooded with tears.

Dang it,
Eugene thought. Had he done it? Had he made Unique angry at him all over again, and was she now going to
unforgive
him?

“Don't you get it, Eugene? If I don't have you to blame and be mad at, and if I refuse to be happy and joyful, then that means one thing.” She got up and walked away, then stood with her back to Eugene as a wave of tears took over.

Eugene got up out of his chair and walked over to Unique. He stood behind her. Slowly, he reached his hand out to touch her, hesitated, then decided against it. Eugene felt so bad as he watched Unique's shoulders heaving. But everything was all making sense now; it was now apparent why she'd been hell-bent on harboring this hatred and animosity toward him.

“If you didn't blame me, then you'd have only yourself to blame.” That was it. Eugene had hit the nail on the head.

Unique's shoulders heaved uncontrollably.

This time when Eugene raised his hand, he placed it on her shoulder. “It's not your fault, Unique.”

“But I left them in the car. I left my babies in the car on the hottest day of the year. And they died, Eugene. Had I not—”

“Had I and those other two loser baby daddies not been sorry fathers, you wouldn't have had to spend your day riding around town, trying to hunt us down for child support. We can play the blame game all day, Unique, and it will never lead back to you. You are not the domino that started the whole horrible effect. So if blaming me for the rest of my life is what you need to do, I'll take that. I can live with that, but what I can't live with is watching you blame yourself. Not after you did for my son what I didn't do. You fed him, clothed him, and made sure he had whatever it was he needed. My little man was brilliant, smart, and intelligent. He didn't get that from my dumb a—” Eugene stopped. He knew Unique was a Christian, and he didn't want to offend her by using foul language.

“Eugene, you're not dumb,” Unique said, looking straight ahead, wiping her tears.

“Tell that to my mama.” He snickered. “For a minute I used to think dummy was my name. That's all she ever called me. The one smart thing I know I did was getting with you. But even after all was said and done, my moms was right. When I messed things up with you, she told me I was a dummy for doing so.”

Unique turned around and faced Eugene. “We've both made a lot of mistakes, Eugene. The first was thinking we could raise a kid when we were only kids . . . doing grown-up things.”

“Yeah, but you grew up. I stayed in a state of perpetual childhood.”

Unique raised her eyebrows at Eugene's use of words.

“I learned about that in jail, at some meeting. Dude said that society wants us to continue to think, talk, and act like we thirteen, even though we thirty. If we stay in that mind-set, then we never grow up and become real men.” He shrugged. “Guess I got trapped in that. Just never wanted to admit it until now.”

Unique smiled. “I know you lost a son too, and I'm sorry. And because your relationship with our son didn't look like what I wanted it to look like, I guess I felt there was no way his death could have hurt you as much as it was hurting me. And I'm a hypocrite for thinking that. Because I had a problem with people who thought I should have been acting and looking a certain way after losing my boys.”

“It's okay.” Eugene looked down.

“It's not okay. I judged how you might have been feeling based on what I thought your relationship with our son should have looked like, and that wasn't fair.” Unique took a step toward Eugene. “Will you forgive me?”

Eugene stood there, speechless. He felt as if he was the only one who should have been apologizing, yet here Unique was apologizing to him. He didn't know what to say.

“Please, will you forgive me?” Unique extended her hands.

Eugene looked down at her hands and shook his head. “You don't need forgiveness.”

“Please, Eugene, I've forgiven you. Now you forgive me.”

Eugene stood there, looking as if there was more he needed to say. “Before you really forgive me, let me explain myself first.”

Unique nodded for him to proceed, putting her hands back down to her side.

“I messed up.” Eugene's voice began to crack. “I was so busy stacking loot, thinking the entire time,
My son ain't gon' have to hit these streets on no grind. I'ma grind enough for the both of us.
” Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he fought them off. “That money I meant to hand you from the freezer that day, but instead, I handed you those drugs. . . .”

Unique nodded. She remembered just fine that brown bag he'd handed her from the freezer right before the police raided the place. Unique had insisted he break her off some child support money. After a couple minutes of fighting her on the issue, Eugene had given in, had told her to hold on, and had gone and grabbed a bag out of the freezer. He'd thought he was giving her a bag of money he kept hidden in the freezer, but instead, he'd handed her a bag of dope. The worst timing in the world.

Eugene went on. “That money was part of the stash I'd been saving. The reason why I had been avoiding your calls was that I was on my hustle for real. I knew once you got at me, you was gon' cuss me out. But it was going to be worth it when I handed you over that big payday. I had gotten involved with these new cats and was making money hand over foot and had a big deal set up that was going to make me more money than I'd ever seen. But it was all a setup . . . as we all found out the hard way. Turns out that shortcut to riches was a quicker way to nowhere but hell and jail. And in the process, I lost my son.”

Tears filled Eugene's eyes and began to flow. There didn't seem to be anything he could do to stop them. Although he didn't want to offend her, the F-bomb dropped from his mouth. Frustration, hurt, anger, and regret had all created a fire inside of him. Eugene turned his back to Unique. He'd never cried in front of a woman before. All those times when his mother was insulting and humiliating him by cussing at him and calling him all sorts of dummies, he'd wanted to cry. The words had cut so deep, he'd wanted nothing more than to bleed tears, but he hadn't. Being the little street soldier that he was, he'd simply puffed out his chest and held it all in. Well, right now every tear he'd held in over the years poured out as he shook uncontrollably.

“Eugene.” Unique came up from behind him. She slowly opened her arms and embrace him from behind.

He pulled away. Unique's feelings weren't hurt. She figured he was embarrassed and ashamed to be crying in front of a female.

“It's okay, Eugene. I felt the same pain. I know it hurts. Let it out. It's okay. It's okay to cry.” Once again Unique slowly wrapped her arms around Eugene from behind. This time he allowed her to comfort him.

The genuine love and warmth Eugene was feeling from Unique was something he'd never felt before in his life. His own mother had never even been the hugging type. She wasn't the kind of mother who told her children she loved them every night at bedtime. Even when Eugene had thought making the basketball team would make her proud, she'd never come to any of the games to show her support. His mother had given him the bare minimum: clothes, food, and a roof. Then, when she'd learned Eugene was a dope boy, all she'd done was hold her hand out. It had hurt him and had affected him negatively while he was growing up. At this moment, it all just took over him, the years of heartbreak, anger, and pain, and he broke down even more. His shoulders heaved as the sound of his cries bounced off the walls.

Several minutes went by before Eugene regained his composure. He lifted his head and began to speak. “‘You ever seen a grown man cry? You ever seen that look in his eye? Than to let that first tear drop, he'd rather die. He can't keep the others from flowing, no matter how hard he tries.'”

By now Unique realized that he was reciting a poem.

He continued. “‘Following these drops are arrays of “whys.” His weep lasts forever as time goes by. Your witnessing shrinks him to the size of a fly. I don't mean to get personal and I don't mean to pry. Just wondering if you ever seen a grown man cry.'” Eugene turned to Unique with red eyes. “The short story ‘You Ever Seen a Grown Man Cry,' from the book
Please Tell Me if the Grass Is Greener,
by Joylynn M. Jossel. I read it when I was locked up.”

Unique tenderly turned Eugene around to face her. He didn't resist her direction. He didn't resist her touch. A lone tear slid down Unique's cheek as she witnessed Eugene's breakthrough.

“I'm sorry,” he said, breaking down once again.

This time Unique wrapped her arms around him from the front. He was taller than she was, so he simply rested his head on hers and let his tears fall. This time there was no shame and no embarrassment.

“It's okay,” Unique assured him. “You can cry in front of me. It's okay, Eugene. Let it out.”

And that was what he did for the next couple of minutes. Unique held him as if he were a small child in need of love and affection, something she was sure he'd never gotten from his mother, who, Unique knew, was cold and standoffish. It was never too late to make that little boy inside of him feel loved. Finally, he pulled away and looked down at Unique. For a moment they looked into each other's eyes, for the first time seeing something more in each other than just a young teenage kid. The two of them had been through a lot. The birth of their son had connected them, the challenges of being so young and trying to take care of him had made them drift apart, and now his death was bringing them closer than ever.

“Thank you,” Eugene whispered to Unique, taking his thumb and wiping her tears away. “Although I don't feel like you owed me an apology, I thank you for it and I forgive you.”

“And I forgive you too . . . really forgive you.” Unique smiled.

The longer the two of them stood there and stared into each other's eyes, the closer their faces seemed to come, until finally their lips were locked. Eugene caressed the back of Unique's head, allowing his fingers to play in her hair. She held his arms as the kiss became more passionate.

“Sur . . . prise.”

Unique and Eugene were engulfed in one another's arms, sharing a kiss, when the voice startled them. They broke apart. They looked over to see Terrance standing in Unique's kitchen doorway with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

Before Unique could even catch her breath from the kiss, the roses were lying on the floor and Terrance was out the door.

It took Unique a couple of seconds to let everything that had happened sink in. Had it all been real? Had Terrance really shown up and found her and Eugene in an embrace, kissing? Terrance, her fiancé?

“Oh, God,” Unique said as she immediately fled from the kitchen and dashed through the living room and out the screen door. “Terrance, wait!” she called out as she ran down the walkway, toward where Terrance was parked.

Terrance ignored Unique's call as he clicked his key fob to unlock his car.

“Baby, please wait,” Unique said when she caught up with Terrance before he could open the car door and get in.

“Baby?” Terrance turned to face Unique. “Is that what you called him before you stuck your tongue down his throat?” Terrance had said it with such venom.

Unique opened her mouth, but no words fell out. What could she say to defend herself? He'd seen what he'd seen. She couldn't even utter the infamous words “It's not what it looked like,” because it was absolutely what it looked like. She'd been caught kissing her babies' daddy.

Unique swallowed and this time forced the words out of her throat. “I know you're angry right now, and you have every right to be,” she said. “Eugene and I were just talking, and then I apologized to him, he apologized to me, and then . . . I don't know. Things got emotional. I was crying. He was crying. We were both trying to comfort each other, and . . . I got lost. I don't know how else to explain it.”

Unique's eyes pleaded with Terrance to understand where she was coming from. “What you saw was nothing more than me getting caught up. There is nothing going on between Eugene and me. It's just that we had never mourned the loss of our son with each other and . . .” Unique ran out of words. Even to her own ears, everything she said sounded like babble. Why hadn't she followed her
Judge Judy
rules? This babbling on went against everything she'd learned.

“You can't even finish, can you?” Terrance shook his head. “Even you can't stand to eat that bologna you're trying to feed me, huh?”

“Terrance . . .” Unique went to step toward Terrance to touch him, but the look he shot her let her know not to come any closer, let alone put her hands on him. She hadn't seen that look of hate on his face since the day he stood up in the sanctuary to stop Mother Doreen's wedding.

“I drive all the way here to surprise you. To make it official. To get down on one knee.” Terrance reached into his pocket and pulled out a small red-leather box. “To give you this.”

Unique looked down at the box. Terrance didn't even need to open it. She knew a ring was inside. “Terrance.” She shook her head in shame. “I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't plan it.”

“Well, you planned something. He's over at your house, which means you must have invited him. Certainly, he wasn't an unexpected and uninvited guest, because it sure looked like you were expecting him. What were those? All his favorite foods you had laid out?”

“It isn't what it looked like.”
Darn.
Unique had let those ridiculous-sounding words escape her mouth.

Terrance looked at her like he was insulted by the fact that she had even said those words.

“What I mean is that those were leftovers from . . .” Unique stopped herself. There was no use explaining. Where the food came from didn't matter nearly as much as where all those emotions had come from that had led her to share a kiss with her ex. And at the time of the kiss, she'd been totally in—mind, body, and soul. Not only had she forgotten about Terrance, but she'd also forgotten about the whole frickin' world! It had felt like she and Eugene were the only two people on the planet. All the hate and anger she'd had for him for so many years seemed to have vanished with just two little things—forgiveness and a kiss.

“I thought you said you hadn't seen Eugene since that day. . . .” Terrance didn't want to sound insensitive by bringing up the day of her sons' deaths. But he'd told Unique that he didn't want her past coming back to mess up his future. He didn't want her lies to hurt him. He didn't want to suffer the consequences of her mistakes.

“That's the truth,” Unique confirmed. “Except for that day at my mother's, I hadn't seen Eugene since the day . . . since the day at the drug house.”

“Your mother,” Terrance said in a tone that Unique couldn't read.

“What about my mother?”

“She was wrong.”

“I know she was wrong to invite Eugene over to her house that day,” Unique agreed. “She said she was going to call and apologize to you and—”

“She did call. That's what I meant by her being wrong. She called and apologized to me about putting me in that predicament with Eugene being at the house and all. I understood. It's not like you'd told anybody you were seeing me, so how was she to know I'd show up with you that day? So of course, I accepted her apology. What I meant by her being wrong was that she was wrong about you.”

Unique shook her head. “I still don't get what you're saying.”

“You always say how close you and your mother are, how she knows you better than anybody,” Terrance said. “So when she told me it would be a great idea to actually buy you a ring and propose to you, ring in hand and down on one knee, like you'd dreamed of since you were a little girl, I didn't argue with her. She even suggested I do it today. ‘The sooner the better,' she'd said.”

“Wait. My mother told you to surprise me? On this particular day?”

Terrance thought back. He wanted to be sure he was giving Unique the correct information. He recalled the conversation he'd had with Korica the day she called him up to apologize to him for the whole Eugene incident. She'd been adamant about doing it Friday evening. Even when Terrance told her he had a dinner appointment scheduled, she'd insisted he cancel it. Terrance had assumed that Unique must have mentioned something to her mother about not yet having a ring. Not wanting Unique to have a change of heart for any reason, he had listened to his future mother-in-law, had hit the jewelry store to get Unique a nice stone, and had canceled his dinner appointment so that his Friday evening would be open and he could go propose to Unique properly.

“Yes.” Terrance nodded with certainty. “She said she knew for a fact you would be home Friday evening.”

“Are you sure?” Unique was not willing to accept that answer. Unique remembered specifically mentioning to her mother that she was going to invite Eugene over to her place to talk with him on Friday evening. So why would her mother deliberately tell Terrance to drop by her place that same evening? She should have known this was going to cause drama. Then again, maybe that was exactly what Korica had wanted. But why on earth?

“Terrance, for some reason, I feel like we were both set up, and I really need to get to the bottom of this,” Unique said, now unable to even think straight with all the thoughts running through her head. “Do you mind if I call you later so that we can talk or if I come by your hotel? Where are you staying? There is something I have to look into.”

“Unique, honestly, I don't think we have anything left to say. You've made your decision. You don't want me. It's clear that I was someone who you were going to settle for until you fixed things with . . . him.” He pointed angrily at Unique's apartment.

“Terrance, that truly is not the case. I have to straighten some things out, and then I promise—”

“You don't need to make me any promises, Unique,” Terrance said. “Look, you go on and get back with 50 Cent in there and try to start another family with him.” As if on cue, 50 Cent came ambling down Unique's walkway and approached Terrance and Unique.

“Unique, is everything okay?” Eugene asked her.

“Yes, Eugene, everything is fine. Why don't you go, and I'll talk to you later?”

“No, Eugene, why don't you stay? Because I'm leaving.” Terrance looked at Unique. “For good.”

“Please, Terrance,” Unique pleaded.

“Unique, don't beg this Negro to stay. Let him go. We don't need him,” Eugene spat.

“We?” Terrance mocked.

“Eugene!” Unique said. She couldn't believe he was standing there, using the word
we,
as if they were an actual couple. Didn't he realize that what they'd shared inside was nothing more than a heat-of-the-moment kiss? It was not an attempt to rekindle their relationship, at least not on her part, anyway.

“No, he's right,” Terrance said, opening his car door. “You and Lil Wayne should go start y'all a nice little family together or even get married, get back the twin daughters you conceived during your little one-night stand, raise them, and live happily ever after.”

Eugene appeared stunned. “What? What did you say, man?” Eugene looked at Unique. “Twin daughters? The ones you were a surrogate for? What's he talking about, Unique?”

Unique buried her head in her hands in shame. The throbbing caused a streak of pain to fill her head.

“Was Miss Korica right?” Eugene said under his breath as he looked off in wonderment. This was why Korica had kept saying that he was the father of her grandchildren. But again, Eugene took everything that Korica said with a grain of salt.

Unique lifted her head and looked at Terrance. Her eyes questioned why he'd said that in front of Eugene, but of course, Unique hadn't gotten the chance to tell Eugene the whole truth, so he was clueless.

Terrance looked at Unique and saw pain written all over her face, but the biggest word was stamped right across her forehead: BUSTED! In all capital letters.

“Wow, Unique,” Terrance said, shaking his head. “He didn't even know.” He let out a tsk. “I can see now I dodged a bullet. Girl, your past is deadly. I'd need to marry you in a bulletproof vest instead of a tux.” On that note, Terrance got into his car and drove off.

Unique's eyes began to water as she watched Terrance drive away. She didn't know if it was because she was so angry or so hurt, but the river was flowing.

“It's all right, baby girl,” Eugene said, wrapping his arms around Unique.

Now, all of a sudden, Eugene's touch didn't feel like it had felt twenty minutes ago inside her kitchen. Unique was no longer caught up in her emotions. She pulled away.

“What's the matter? You okay?” Eugene said, rubbing Unique's cheek with the back of his hand.

Unique shooed his hand off her cheek like it was a mosquito about to bite her. “No, Eugene, I'm not.” Unique looked up at him. “How did you get here?”

“Caught the bus.”

“I need to take you home,” Unique said. “But first, we have a stop to make.”