You Knew Me When (17 page)

I didn't stick around to hear Kitty's reply, not that there was any question what it would be. I know I should have been happy for her. For them. Isn't that the way best friends and sisters are supposed to feel? But for some reason I wasn't. My heart hurt, and all I wanted to do, all I could do, was go to my room and cry.

“I
can't believe you made me get up this early on a vacation day,” Gemma whined, rubbing her bloodshot eyes and slogging across the kitchen floor in her chocolate knee-high Uggs.

“Sorry, but girls who get caught smoking at school do not get the luxury of sleeping in.” Laney spoke in a clipped tone while gathering her purse, car keys, and hulking winter jacket. “Maybe you shouldn't have stayed up talking to Casey until three in the morning.”

“It's so unfair.” Gemma slumped into a chair, crossed her arms on the kitchen table, and rested her head. “I'm exhausted.”

“Come on. I don't want to be late.” Laney tossed Gemma's coat in her direction. It fell at her feet. “I'm serious. Let's move.”

“What am I doing again?” Gemma stood up reluctantly, taming her corkscrew curls with a gray wool hat.

“You're serving Thanksgiving meals to less-fortunate people at the Manchester Soup Kitchen.”

“That sucks.”

“I told you I don't like that word.” Laney walked toward the front door, summoning her daughter with a wave of her free arm. “You shouldn't view this as a punishment. It's important to do nice things for people who don't have all that you have. I guarantee you, no one there will be wearing Uggs or Seven jeans.”

“Can't I just go with you to Luella's house?” They trekked through the snow, down the stone path to Laney's car, and got in.

“No, you cannot.” Laney started the ignition and “Eye of the Tiger” blared through the speakers.

“Can we
please
listen to something other than the eighties station?” Gemma reached for the satellite radio button. “I can help you and Katherine.”

“Gemma, I said no. Dad will pick you up and drop you off at Luella's when you're done, but that's the extent of it. Got it?”

“Fine.” She sighed, and they rode in silence for a few minutes. “Don't you want to be friends with Katherine?”

“We were friends at one time.” Laney stopped at a red light.

“I know, but don't you want to be friends with her again?”

“It's not that simple, Gem.”

“It seems like it is. I think she wants to be friends with you again.”

“Did she say that?”

“Not exactly.”

“Well, then.”

“I don't know. You don't really have any friends, so I just wondered why you don't want to be friends with her. She seems really cool.”

“Whether or not she's cool has nothing to do with it.”

“Remember when I got in that huge fight with Ella?”

“Yes, your weeklong hibernation rings a bell.” Gemma may have inherited her flair for the dramatic. “And I recall a few doors slamming as well.”

“You told me I had to forgive and forget.” Gemma smiled complacently.

“I think that was your father.” It sounded way more like something Rick would say. Laney wasn't really one for forgiving or forgetting. She was more like the queen of holding a big, fat grudge.

“Nope, you said it, Mom.”

“Well, this is different from you and Ella.”

“How?”

“It just is. Trust me. Older, deeper wounds.” Laney stopped in front of the Manchester Soup Kitchen. “Here we are. You go in that green door and ask for Martha. I'll wait here. Give me a sign when things are good, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And remember to be waiting by the door for Dad at four. He'll call your phone when he's on the way, but he'll be in a rush. Give me a kiss.” Laney cupped her hands on Gemma's flushed cheeks and pecked her on the nose. “I love you. Be good.”

“I will.” Gemma rolled her soft blue eyes. “Do me one favor, Mom?”

“What's that?”

“Give Katherine a little break. I think it'll make you relax. You're driving Dad and me crazy.”

“Thanks!” Laney laughed. “Go. I'll see you later.”

It was impossible to stay mad at Gemma, even though she could be completely infuriating at times. The bottom line was that compared to the Caseys of the world, Gemma was a good kid. If smoking in the girls' bathroom was her most serious offense, Laney could live with it. Sometimes, she just wanted to say,
Gemma, smoking in the bathroom
[or whatever it was she'd done]
is not a big deal in the grand scheme of life; I know this. However, since I'm your mom, I have no choice but to be upset and punish you.
But Laney knew that wasn't the best tactic with an almost teenager. You had to be firm and consistent, with no acknowledgment of the fact that you were once their age and had done far worse things.

Laney waited and watched until Gemma peeked her head out the green door and gave a thumbs-up. Then she turned her car around in the driveway and headed toward Luella's, replaying her conversation with Gemma in her head. No friends? Gemma thought she had no friends. What about Maxine and Joni, the hair colorists at Oasis? She'd gone out with them a few times for girls' night. Not for a while, but still, she'd call them friends. Kind of. And there was that mother at school she'd talked to on occasion, Allison. They'd even had coffee once. Honestly, who had time for friends? Between work, errands, and motherhood, there was little opportunity to gab on the telephone or meet up for a leisurely lunch. Forget dinner altogether. By the time she got home from work, it was all she could do to devour a bowl of pasta and help Gemma with her homework before collapsing from fatigue at ten o'clock. She couldn't imagine having more than one kid. How did those women do it and keep themselves so well groomed at the same time? It was no wonder Kitty looked like a model. She had no children to wear her down!

Laney pulled into Luella's driveway. Katherine's rental car was already parked in front. Maybe Gemma was right. Maybe she should give her a little break, if only to relieve some of her own stress. She got out of the car and hurried into the house. It was freezing outside. “It's gonna be a chilly T-Day!” the weatherman had announced on the morning's forecast, appearing a little too giddy about the single-digit temps, especially when he'd flapped his arms to mimic a turkey.

“Hello?” Laney called out once inside, peeling off her puffy black down coat.
Katherine would never be caught dead in this,
she thought, ascending the stairs toward Luella's bedroom. “Kitty?”

“In here.” Laney heard Katherine's muffled voice and followed it to Luella's closet—one of four. She opened the sliding door and jumped back. “Holy fuck!”

“What?”

“You scared the shit out of me.”

“Sorry, I called out. I thought you heard me.”

“I did.” Laney stood, immobilized, staring at Katherine wearing one of Luella's gowns. “It's just, I mean, I can't believe . . .”

“I know everything is fair game. I couldn't resist.”

“It's not that. It's totally uncanny.”

“What?”

“You look exactly like her. I literally thought I'd seen a ghost for a second there.” Laney shook her head. “You have no idea how fast my heart is beating right now.”

“Thanks, I think.” Katherine started undressing. “Can you get this zipper for me?”

“Wow, I mean, seriously. With your hair pulled back like that.” Laney unzipped the dress. “You should definitely take this. It looks amazing on you.”

“It does fit well. With a few minor alterations . . .” Katherine regarded herself in the mirror. “Clearly, there's plenty to go around, but it's up to you.”

“It's yours. It's not like I have any use for a gown like that, so you might as well.” Laney peered over Katherine's shoulder in the mirror. “Listen. I owe you an apology.”

“For what?” Katherine slithered out of the dress and back into her blue jeans and sweater.

“Yesterday. I know you were trying to help with Gemma. I was just in a really bad mood from dealing with Tina, and I'm also a little sensitive about things with Gemma at the moment. Playing bad cop all the time isn't fun.”

“Apology accepted.” Katherine smiled. “I think it's pretty natural for teenage girls to clash with their mothers. Or so I've heard. I guess that's one of the perks of not having a mom and not being one.”

“I guess.” Laney sifted through a rack of Luella's dresses. “Speaking of Gem, Rick's dropping her off here after her community service; she can help us out.”

“Oh, great! I was hoping to spend some more time with her. And, actually, I wanted to ask your permission on something.”

“Okay.”

“So I know Gemma is really into makeup, specifically Blend. I got a big box of our new products sent to the hotel last night and I brought it with me. I thought maybe—only if it's okay with you—I could give some to Gemma. I was planning to send the stuff home with you today, but since she's coming here, any chance I can show her how to apply a less-is-more look that you'll both be happy with?”

“Um, sure. Yeah, that sounds fine.” Laney certainly approved of the idea of Gemma looking age appropriate, but she wasn't entirely sure that rewarding her directly on the heels of getting caught smoking was the right thing to do. Though the soup kitchen really was her punishment, not that serving less-fortunate people a Thanksgiving meal should be viewed that way. Sometimes navigating the potholes of parenting could be so confusing. “On one condition.”

“What's that?”

“You hook me up with some freebies too!”

“Deal.”

“Oh, my God!” Laney pulled a floor-length white chiffon gown with intricate gold beading at the neckline and waist from Luella's closet. “Do you remember this?”

“How could I forget?”

“This gown is epic.” Luella had worn it to the biggest and most glamorous gala she'd hosted at her home. Laney and Katherine had all but begged for invitations, but Luella had said it was strictly for grown-ups and that they'd be bored out of their minds. At the time, they'd been devastated and desperate for a piece of the action. So in lieu of attending, they'd borrowed a crappy pair of binoculars from Laney's father and watched—trading the binoculars back and forth for four hours—from Laney's bedroom window while they sipped sparkling apple cider. They were positive Luella had spotted them, but if she had, she'd never said a word about it.

“She was breathtaking.”

“She literally glided across that dance floor. I can still picture it so vividly. And do you remember the shoes? Those gold shoes. They must have had ten-inch heels.”

“Lest we forget the diamond necklace.”

“It's probably all here somewhere. The lawyer said Luella didn't have a safety-deposit box.”

“So strange.” Katherine grabbed a shoe box from the top of the closet. “You'd think she'd want to protect all this stuff.”

“I never told you, but I asked my mom about the house. You know, if she knew why it was in such disarray.” Laney twirled around in front of the mirror, holding the dress up to herself. “She said Luella didn't let anyone come visit her for two years before she died, except one neighbor who checked in sporadically.”

“That explains the uncleanliness, but what about all the papers and junk everywhere?”

“I don't know. Maybe she was going through things. Or bored being cooped up.”

“It doesn't surprise me that she didn't want to see people. Or, more likely, that she didn't want people to see her. Luella was pretty vain.”

“
Pretty
vain? She was completely vain. But can you blame her?”

“Definitely not.” Katherine reached for another shoe box. “I'm dying to find the gold heels.”

“I'm sure they're here somewhere. It doesn't look like she threw anything out.” Laney stopped for a second. “You know, I always wanted to be her.”

“And I always thought you would be.”

“Ironically, you're the glamorous one now. Huh?” Laney tried not to sound bitter. She was channeling Gemma's advice and doing her best to give both Katherine and herself a break.

“I don't know about that.”

“Yeah, you do. Luella would have been proud. She loved you more than anyone.”

“She loved you too.”

“It wasn't the same, Kitty, and you know it. She loved me, but just as the crazy little girl next door. You were like her daughter. You remind me so much of her now.”

“Really?”

“Oh, absolutely.”

“I'll take that as a compliment, especially coming from you. But I'm nothing like Luella.” Katherine sat down on the floor of the closet with a pile of sweaters, separating them into neat, color-coordinated stacks. “Luella was wise and kindhearted. She was fair and philanthropic. She loved her community. And she loved this awkward girl from next door with no mother.” Her eyes began to mist. “I am definitely nothing like Luella. She was one of a kind.”

Laney watched Katherine folding sweaters fastidiously, her head bowed. For the first time, she saw Kitty. Just barely, but she was in there somewhere. Beneath the flawless makeup. Beneath the designer clothing. Beneath the cool demeanor. “Yes, she was.”

There wasn't much else to say. Luella had been one of a kind, no doubt about it. She was the sort of person you could never truly appreciate in the moment, but years later, once she was gone, you wished you'd paid better attention, soaked in a little more of her . . . je ne sais quoi.

•   •   •

Katherine
and Laney worked quietly and efficiently after that for the next few hours, stopping only for bathroom breaks and a quick bite to eat, courtesy of Hazel. They didn't converse about anything other than the items they were cataloging, save for an occasional and transitory reminiscence. Still, the mood was lighter, easier. Laney was hardly ready to forgive and she could never forget, no matter how hard she tried, but she had to admit it was a relief to let go, even if just a little.