You Knew Me When (27 page)

Wasn't that the truth? Katherine could remember like it was yesterday the time their friend Lisa had asked Spencer Atkins to the eighth-grade “Under the Sea” dance after Laney had declared she was waiting for him to ask her. Laney had been livid. She'd sworn up and down that not only would she never speak to Lisa again, but she'd make sure no one else did either. Ultimately, Lisa had told Spencer to go with Laney, and Laney had forgiven her, until their falling-out at Karen Mann's sweet sixteen, which probably would not have been nearly as massive of a falling-out if not for the Spencer fiasco two years earlier. That was Laney for you—wildly loyal until you crossed her.

“I've noticed.” Katherine cupped her hands over her nose and mouth and blew warm air into them.

“If you're cold, we can go someplace inside.” He moved a small paper bag he'd brought with him in between them.

“I'm okay.” More like frozen to the core, but she didn't want to seem high maintenance. What if Michelle loved sitting on cement walls in thirty-degree weather? Plus she knew why he'd asked to meet there. In addition to it being the site of their sixth kiss, it was also the place where he'd given her his class ring, a significant gesture for a graduating senior, especially one dating someone younger.

“Good, because I brought us lunch.” He lifted two wrap sandwiches, a large container of fruit salad, and two waters out of the bag. “I'm guessing you don't stay in such good shape by eating McDonald's, so I brought a healthful selection.” Katherine laughed.

“What?” Grant was suddenly self-conscious.

“Nothing. It's stupid.”

“Tell me!”

“It's just that most people don't know the difference between
healthy
and
healthful
. I'm pretty sure it's one of the most common verbal and written mistakes in the English language.”

“And here I thought you were going to tell me how handsome I am.”

“Nah.”

“Gee, thanks!”

“I think you know that already.” Was he flirting with her? Was it inappropriate to flirt back? She needed to change the subject fast. “I owe you a better apology than the one from Thanksgiving.” Katherine shook her head. “Wait, that sounded ridiculous. I know any apology won't even scratch the surface.”

“Water under the bridge, Kitty.”

“No one is that forgiving, Grant. Laney told me.” She couldn't even say the words.

“I know.”

“How is it that you don't hate me? Seriously.”

“First of all, I could never hate you.” He stared into the distance. “And, anyway, Luella came to me.”

“She did?” This was news to Katherine.

“Yup. Shortly after you left, she asked to speak with me. She explained the whole thing—how she'd pushed you to leave. And she said that if I loved you, I'd let you spread your wings, because if I held you back, there was a good chance you'd end up resenting me for it. She also said that if we were truly meant to be, then you'd come home or you'd ask me to come to New York. But you never did.” He turned toward her again. “Don't get me wrong, Kitty. I was pissed and hurt for a long time. I half expected you to appear on my doorstep for three years after you left, although deep down I knew you wouldn't. Sometimes I'd think I saw you in town and I'd even follow the person for blocks, just to make sure it wasn't you. Or the phone would ring on the anniversary of our first kiss, and I'd think,
Maybe that's her.
I suppose at some point I realized I was holding on to a ghost, and I found a way to move on.”

“To Michelle.”

“Not immediately. There were other women in between.”

“I don't need to know.”

“Good, because I'm not going to tell you.” He laughed softly. “Honestly, Kitty, I think I was mostly disappointed that you didn't have the respect to tell me in person.”

“It wasn't like that, I promise. After the fight with Laney, I was just so raw and, not that this is any excuse, but it felt like you didn't want to move to New York, like you expected me to either stay or wait on you to decide. I didn't have the luxury of time.”

“I know, but you still should have told me you were leaving. Running away wasn't the answer.”

“You're right. What I did was unforgivable.”

“Not unforgivable; just selfish.”

“I'm sorry. I should have called you. I thought you would reach out. You were always the bigger person when it came to that kind of stuff, and then when you didn't, I felt rejected. Kind of ridiculous, since I was the one to leave. And then when Laney refused to talk to me, I guess I figured you would too.”

“Laney and I weren't one in the same, although sometimes it felt like we were to you.”

“I know. But it wasn't like that, honest.”

“Here's the problem, Kitty.” He took a deep breath and then exhaled. “Okay, I'm just going to lay it all out on the table, because at this point I can't come up with a better solution.” He paused for a moment, furrowed his brow, and then continued. “I still have feelings for you. Strong feelings. I've been driving myself crazy over it these past couple of weeks. I'm in a relationship, for God's sake. And I don't know what to do, because I don't even know if you love me too. Or even if you were interested, how we could ever be together. It's nuts! You live in New York. I live in Vermont. You go to galas at the Plaza. I go to barbecues at my neighbor's house. You eat caviar. I eat meatloaf. It's stupid, right? Please tell me it's stupid.”

“I can't.” Katherine avoided eye contact, determined to quiet the voice in her head imploring her to kiss him. She couldn't let it happen this way. She refused to be the other woman, despite the fact that every urge inside her was battling her better judgment.

“So what, then?”

“I don't know.” She put her hand on his. “You're with Michelle, and she seems great.”

“That's the thing. She is. She's kind and devoted, and she adores me. We've been together for a year and a half.”

“Then what's wrong?”

“What's wrong?” He sighed. “What's wrong is she's not you.”

Katherine closed her eyes and let the wind beat against her face. She'd imagined this moment more times than she could count on both hands, and now that it had finally arrived, she couldn't do anything about it. “Grant, I can't tell you to leave Michelle. I don't want it to be like that. You need to make sense of your relationship with her on your own, without me as part of the equation.”

“Easier said than done.” He slipped his fingers through hers. “Just tell me one thing, Kitty. I need to know. Are you still in love with me?”

Katherine tilted her head upward and their eyes met. “Yes. I am.” She smiled tenderly and caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. “And, for the record, I hate caviar.”

I
t had been another taxing week at the office, with only one bright spot: a message from Grant on her answering machine every night when she got back to her apartment—the flashing red light an antidote to her fatigued body and even wearier spirit. They'd agreed not to speak on the phone while she was back in New York. Katherine felt strongly that it would marginalize his relationship with Michelle, which wouldn't be fair to anyone. Grant had agreed, albeit reluctantly, and much to her delight had found a loophole in leaving her the sweetest, funniest voice mails that put a smile on her face for the rest of the evening, no matter how much work she'd taken home with her.

The more Katherine thought about it—and it was basically all she'd thought about in her spare time since leaving Vermont—it was hard to believe that for the past twelve years Grant, Laney, Carol, even her dad and Hazel had been living their lives as she'd gone about pursuing her career at Blend like it was the one valuable thing in the world. While she'd been sitting at her desk, poring over ad copy or running meetings or traveling across the globe to secure major business deals, Laney had gotten married and raised Gemma. Her father and Hazel's symbiotic companionship had evolved into true love. And Grant—well, Katherine wouldn't dare let herself contemplate how many women he'd dated before committing to Michelle or, even worse, what their courtship had entailed.

Of course it had crossed her mind through the years that Grant could have moved on with someone else, but since she didn't know for sure, she'd allowed all of the characters from her past, including Grant, to remain just that—characters frozen in time. But now things were different, and all of a sudden she felt an urgency in her gut and in her heart. She didn't want to miss one more day, one more minute with him. The idea of Grant being with anyone but her made her feel sick, quite literally. Why did it all have to be so complicated?

She'd taken off early from work again on Friday, unable to concentrate on anything other than the thoughts whirring inside her head. What if Grant had decided, in the past seventeen hours, that he'd made a mistake in leaving her those messages and that Michelle was actually his soul mate? Michelle was the loyal one, after all. And she could cook. Really, really well. That had to count for something. What if Laney had realized that forgiving Katherine and letting her in again, if only a little, was more than she could handle along with being a wife to Rick, a mom to Gemma, and a slave to Tina? Was Katherine fooling herself into thinking she could stride back into all of their lives that easily, as if more than a decade of milestones hadn't elapsed?

She'd arrived at her dad's house after midnight on Friday. Hazel had already been asleep, but her father had waited up. He'd even sat with her and sipped a cup of tea. If he knew what was going on in her mind, he didn't say as much. He just asked about her week and if she was ready for Luella's estate sale the next day. She'd said she wasn't sure. Could anyone ever be truly ready to peddle the entirety of a loved one's possessions to the highest bidder? He'd told her to remember that they were just that—possessions—and they did not make Luella any less a part of the woman Katherine had become. Then he'd kissed her good night and told her to get some rest.

They'd settled on having the estate sale in the gymnasium at Manchester High School. Katherine had speculated, and Laney had agreed, that Luella would not have wanted flocks of strangers infiltrating her home like a stampede of greedy scavengers, even if she was no longer around to witness it. And Katherine wasn't sure she could stomach it either. When Laney had suggested the high school and put in a call to the principal, offering a small percentage of the proceeds, the decision had been made. The sale had gone on all day, from nine a.m. until five p.m., and every last thing had been purchased. Katherine had tried to remind herself of what her dad had said—that these things were only possessions—but there had been moments when the enormity of the situation had overwhelmed her. She'd asked Grant not to come to the estate sale, explaining that she preferred to see him alone when they could really talk, when she could give him her full attention, and when she looked her best, though she didn't tell him that last part. Mainly she wasn't sure how she was going to feel about everything, and the last thing she wanted was for Grant to see her fall apart. Katherine had never prescribed to the theory that men loved a damsel in distress. And she wasn't about to start now.

“I guess that's it.” Katherine surveyed the cavernous space with its vacant tables and bare drop cloths.

“I can't believe there's nothing left.” Laney's shoulders were hunched, and if the somber expression on her face was any indication, she felt the same way as Katherine did—empty.

“I know.” Katherine reached for her purse, fishing through it to retrieve the keys to her dad's Subaru. “I think I miss her more now. That probably sounds stupid.”

“No, it doesn't.” Laney sighed and then looked up as the gymnasium door squeaked open. “Here comes Principal Wasserman. She said she'd check in when the sale was over.”

“It looks like you ladies did well.” Rebecca Wasserman smiled warmly at Laney. She was a petite woman with strawberry blond hair and sharp features that belied the earnest expression on her face. “Hope the space worked well.”

“It was perfect, thank you.” Katherine extended her hand. “I'm Kitty Hill. Laney's friend. I used to go here, once upon a time.”

“Nice to meet you, Kitty.” She nodded. “Well, if you're all set, I have a soccer game to get to. It never ends!” She rolled her eyes playfully.

“Thanks, again, Rebecca.” Laney waved as the principal made her way toward the exit. And then she pivoted back to face Katherine. “You ready?”

“Just about.” Katherine retrieved a small, creased envelop from her purse and handed it to Laney. “So, this is about twelve years belated, but I found it when I was in New York. I figured better late than never.”

“What is it?” Laney took the envelope, addressed to the house she grew up in, stamped and ready to mail.

“A letter I wrote to you after our fight. As you can see, I never sent it. I don't even know why I'm giving it to you now. I guess I just want you to have it, to know that I was thinking of you, and that I was, in fact, truly sorry. You don't have to read it if you don't want to.”

Laney tilted her head to one side and gave Katherine one of her vintage
You can't be serious
looks. “Right, like that's going to happen.” She opened the envelope and took out the letter, which was swathed in Katherine's flawless handwriting.

Dear Laney,

I don't really know where to begin. I'm pretty sure you hate me right now, and I'm still not entirely sure why you're so mad with me. I see now how leaving suddenly wasn't the right decision. I was just so upset after our fight. I love you, and I do want to be there for you during your pregnancy and to watch your baby grow up. I still want you all to come to New York. If you want to. Of course, I'll understand either way.

Things here aren't as exciting as they would be with you. My job is a lot of hard work, and I haven't made many friends—certainly no one like you. I hope you can find a way to forgive me.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry for everything. It doesn't have to be this way. I miss my best friend. I miss my sister.

Love always, Kitty

“Wow. I can't believe you kept it all this time. How come you never sent it?” Laney turned her attention back to Katherine.

“I don't know. I guess I didn't think you'd receive it well.”

“Probably true. Well, thank you for giving it to me now. I'll, um, cherish it forever?” Laney smirked.

“Oh, shut up!” Katherine swatted at Laney's arm.

“But seriously, thank you. At least I know you weren't a complete coldhearted bitch.” Laney grinned. “By the way, Grant called while you were haggling with that fat lady over Luella's purple gown.”

“How ridiculous was that?” Katherine laughed for the first time all day.

“I know! I felt like coming over and ripping it out of her chubby hands.”

“So, what did he say? Grant.” She delighted in the simple pleasure of saying his name.

“That you should meet him at Luella's house as soon as we were done.”

“Got it.” Katherine tried to hide the cocktail of exhilaration and anticipation that was simmering within her, but her effort was in vain.

“You still love him. Don't you?” Laney looked at Katherine with that glint in her eyes. The same one she'd had when they'd first met.

“I've always loved him.”

“Don't be coy, Kitty. You know what I mean.”

“Yes, I love him.”

“Just don't hurt him again.”

“I won't. I promise.”

“Good. Because next time, I won't forgive you.”

•   •   •

Katherine
stood in the middle of Luella's hollow foyer, unsure whether to mourn the past or celebrate the future. There were so many beautiful memories tied to this house. And now it was time to let go. But how? Running away she could do. She had that down pat. Letting go was another thing altogether.

“Hey, you.” Katherine swiveled around to find Grant smiling at her. She'd been so consumed by her own reminiscences, she hadn't even heard him come in the front door.

“Hey, you.” She moved toward him, and he folded her into his arms.

“It's really, really good to see you.” He kissed the top of her head.

“You too.”

“Come on, let's talk.” He took her hand and led her to Luella's staircase, where they sat on the fifth step, as close to each other as physically possible, his arm draped across her leg. “I broke it off.”

“With Michelle?” Katherine's heart started throbbing like a fresh wound.

“Who else?” He laughed.

“Was she upset?” She adopted her most convincing somber tone, even though her whole body was tingling and she could barely catch her breath.

“She was, but she also wasn't surprised. She said she'd suspected for a while that things weren't what they should be and that when she saw the way I looked at you at Thanksgiving, she knew for sure. She's moving to New York to go to culinary school.”

“Kind of ironic.”

“Oh, you didn't get the memo? All of the women in my life leave me for New York.”

“Very funny.” Katherine nudged Grant with the side of her body.

“Come here.” He touched her cheek and turned her face toward his, leaning in to place the softest kiss on her lips and lingering there just long enough. “You have no idea how long I've been waiting to do that again.”

“About twelve years?”

“Something like that.” He kissed her again. “I love you, Kitty.”

“I love you too.”

“I don't know how we're going to make this work, but hell if I'm going to let you go again.”

She kissed him back, stroking the nape of his neck with her hands and, finally, running her fingers through his hair. She didn't want to stop, but something—a sudden flash of inspiration—made her pull away abruptly. “Can you let me go for an hour? I have something to take care of.”

“Wait. What?” Grant stood up too, bemused and visibly anxious.

“Call Laney. I need both of you to meet me back here in an hour.”

“Kitty . . .”

“Trust me, okay?”

“Okay.”

•   •   •

An
hour later, as promised, Katherine walked through Luella's front door to find Grant and Laney waiting on her.

“We weren't sure you'd show,” Laney teased, though there was an underlying strain of truth in her testimony.

“Listen, before you tell us why you called this impromptu meeting, I just got off the phone with the Realtor.” Grant paused, as if preparing to deliver bad news. “There's already been an offer made on the house. A good offer.”

“That's great!” Katherine beamed.

“It is?” Laney didn't seem to agree.

“Don't you think?” Katherine looked back and forth between the two of them, taking in their solemn expressions.

“I guess. I mean, I know that's what we wanted. The money and all, but it still feels sad.” Laney appeared stung by Katherine's unabashed nonchalance. Grant too. “I love this house.”

“I don't think it's sad.” Katherine shrugged. “I'm sure the next owner will love it as much as we did.”

“Okay.” Grant shook his head at Laney, who clearly had more to say on the matter. “So, what's up? Why did you ask us to meet you here?”

“Right. About that.” Katherine smiled meaningfully. “No one else is going to buy this house.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Laney arched an eyebrow.

“No one but me.”

“So the offer . . .” Grant trailed off, his mouth hanging open.

“That would be me.” Katherine nodded.

“You're going to move here?” Grant was perceptibly stunned.

“What about your life in New York?” Laney prodded, equally shocked.

“Don't you worry. I have a master plan.”