You Make Me (22 page)

“My brother?” I asked, puzzled. Why would Brian be hanging around the bar Heath worked at? But there weren’t many bars in town to choose from, and Brian went anywhere he thought he could score a free drink. Never mind that he and Heath had always hated each other and he and I weren’t speaking, he would try to take advantage of the connection. “Well, that’s not surprising. Brian is an alcoholic.”

Though I was wondering why Heath hadn’t told me. He probably didn’t want to worry me, either about seeing Brian or seeing Ethan. He had a habit of thinking he knew what was best for me. It was endearing and sweetly protective, yet annoying at the same time.

“Yeah, and when I mentioned to Michael that he was your brother, he said he’s seen him there before. Like every time Michael’s been in there the last few weeks, and that the bartender always gives him free drinks. It’s obvious to everyone they know each other and he said Brian usually ends up passed out on the bar by the end of the night.”

As he spoke, my shoulders stiffened. “You’re telling me Heath is giving my brother free drinks, enough that he passes out cold?” I scoffed. “Why the hell would he do that? Brian and Heath don’t even like each other.”

Ethan shrugged. “I don’t know. It just seemed like something you should know. And you obviously didn’t.”

That made me stand up so quickly, the chair rocked and almost fell over. “What are you doing? Are you trying to mess with my head, trying to get me to pick a fight with Heath?”

“No, of course not.”

“You broke up with me!” I repeated. “This isn’t fair, don’t do this to me.”

“I’m not trying to do anything to you.” His fist clenched. “I just don’t want you hurt. That’s all. I have no agenda.”

“What makes you think you know anything about what would hurt me?
You
hurt me. You hurt me, Ethan.” Tears were in my eyes and I knew my voice was getting too loud. The people at the table next to us glanced over at me. I waved my hand in protest when Ethan started to reach for me, his face stricken.

I turned and rushed away, heading to my class blindly.

Digging in my backpack, I found my phone. I didn’t know if Brian had the same cell phone as he had the last time I’d been in touch with him right after my father died, but I called him anyway.

“Hello?” He answered on the sixth ring, his voice hoarse. He breathed heavily into the phone.

“It’s me, Caitlyn.”

“I know that. Your fucking name comes up on the screen when you call. What do you want?”

I let out a sound of exasperation. Asshole. He was always an asshole. “Are you hungover?”

“Yes. Is that what you called to ask?”

“Where have you been drinking?”

There was a pause. His tone changed from annoyed to interested. “Why do you care?”

Damn it. I couldn’t let him know why I was curious. Brian would find a way to use it against me. “If you needed to borrow twenty bucks from me, then clearly you’re not working, right?” I hit the door to outside and jogged down the stairs, cramming my free hand in my pocket. It had been a mistake to call him. I had no strategy, no tactical plan. Just an overwhelming need to prove to Ethan and myself that there was nothing out of line going on, that Heath didn’t keep secrets from me or feed my brother booze.

“Working is for suckers.” He yawned. “What do you want, Cat?”

“I’m just calling to check on you,” I lied. “I don’t want you getting yourself into trouble you can’t handle.”

He snorted. “Well, that’s touching. Thanks, little sis. I promise not to get swept up in a life of crime and street drugs. Honestly, that all just sounds like a lot of work, so no worries.”

“Good. Glad to hear it.”

“Can I go back to sleep?”

“Want to hang out later?” I asked out of pure desperation. I didn’t want to end the call without getting the information I wanted. Without him knowing I was getting information.

He gave a startled laugh, which turned into a choking cough. “Are you kidding me? No. I don’t want to hang out later, but thanks for asking.”

I ground my teeth in frustration. “Okay, well, take care of yourself.”

“Sure. You, too. Tell Heath thanks.”

I came to a stop. The person behind me bumped into me. “Sorry,” I murmured. Then to Brian, “For what?”

“Just thanks.”

So it was probably true. Heath was letting Brian drink at the bar. That didn’t make any sense at all. It really didn’t. But otherwise why would he ask me to relay that message? How would he even know that I was in touch with Heath? I certainly hadn’t told Brian. “Sure. Okay.”

“He’s not a bad guy, you know. Feel kind of bad now about what happened.”

“What happened?” I asked quietly. People moved around me, jostling me, some glancing at me, most totally ignoring me. There was a light dusting of snow on the ground and I ran my foot back and forth in it.

“What?” Brian coughed again. “Shit, Kitty Cat, the girlfriend’s calling me. Gotta go.”

“Wait, Bri-

He hung up.

I stood there on the sidewalk, biting my lip and wondering what exactly was going on and if I dared ask.

Or if I really wanted to know.

Chapter Eighteen

“How was your date?” I asked Aubrey as I sat on her bed. There was still an odd tension between us, but after talking to Ethan and Brian, I had gone to Aubrey, wanting things to be normal, familiar. But they weren’t.

I could feel Ethan between us. Even Heath between us, after her comments about being attracted to his type.

“It was amazing, I’m not going to lie. It turns out he plays lacrosse, which explains the hot body, and he is a media major, which explains the stellar smile and clear interest in teeth whitening.”

It was such an Aubrey assessment of someone, I had to smile. “Cool. So you had fun?”

She was painting her toenails, not looking at me. “Yes. We talked non-stop for two hours. Then we made out and I really, really wanted to have sex, but I controlled myself. I couldn’t help it though, I allowed a little dry humping. People don’t dry hump enough anymore. It’s underrated.”

There really wasn’t a proper response to that other than laughter. “I love your philosophy. Bring back the dry hump.”

“Let’s make T-shirts.”

“So how was he, size wise? Obviously you felt it.” It seemed an appropriate question to ask. Something she would make me tell her. And I wanted her to understand that I was interested in her life, that I supported her.

“Bueno.” She paused in brushing to look up and give me a grin. “There was no patting around, trying to find it. Bam. It was right there.”

We’d always had an unspoken agreement that she shared anything and everything about her sex life and I shared nothing. Zero. Because, well, the only guy I had ever had sex with was her brother and that would be a totally creeper conversation to have. She didn’t want to know anything about her brother and I didn’t want to tell her anything about her brother.

But now it seemed all bets were off. Because she casually asked, “Is Heath hung?”

“Aubrey!” I was caught off guard and I could actually feel myself blushing.

“What? You asked me about Jared. Though Heath just looks like he would be. He’s too angry to have a small penis.”

“There is absolutely zero logic in what you just said.” I raised my knees up and propped my chin on them. “I don’t know why angry men can’t have small penises. You think men with small penises would be angry. But either way, Heath is not angry.” I wasn’t going to tell her anything about his penis, which was damn nice.

“Oh, the hell he isn’t. He can’t even flirt without sounding pissed off. It’s a talent.”

She spoke casually, but something about that statement gave me pause. “What would you know about him flirting?”

“Because he was flirting with me when you were still with Ethan.”

“Bullshit,” I blurted before I could stop myself.

Aubrey capped her nail polish and made a face at me. “Why, because no guy would flirt with me?”

“Of course guys flirt with you.” I dropped my knees and sat up straighter, annoyed. “But Heath came here to see me. He wouldn’t flirt with my best friend.”

“He asked for my number. He texted me a few times.” She inspected her pedicure. “It’s not a big deal. You were with Ethan. It meant nothing. I didn’t give him any encouragement because I knew you’d be upset.”

“So why are you telling me now?”

“It’s not a big deal,” she repeated.

There was a sour taste in my mouth, and I felt hot, ill. “Why do I feel like you’re just trying to hurt me?”

“Why would I do that? Of course not.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” I wasn’t even sure I believed her that Heath had been texting her. I suddenly felt like if anyone had been flirting it had been Aubrey. She was clearly jealous of the interest he had in me.

Something was brewing beneath the surface, something I didn’t understand and was afraid of, something ugly and unpleasant.

“He was probably just flirting with me to get under your skin. Don’t let it affect you. That’s what he wants, I’m sure.” But then she added, “Besides, that was before you were together. What difference does it make now?”

Which if that were true, again why had she bothered to mention it?

“It doesn’t,” I said, finally, but my voice was cold.

“Oh come on, don’t be pissed. At least you know I’m always honest with you.”

“Are you?” I asked, searching her face for clues as to what the hell was going on in her head.

“Absolutely.” She stared back. “Are you honest with me?”

“Yes. I don’t have any secrets.” But it was the wrong thing to say and I knew it immediately.

“Then why didn’t I know about Heath or Brian or anything about your life? Secrets. All of them, Caitlyn. And not the kind of secret where you stole a bracelet from Martin’s when you were thirteen. Like important shit, stuff about who you are.”

So we were back to that. “I thought we already had this conversation.”

“We did.” She stood up and hobbled over to her mini fridge. “And you know what? I’m not having it again, because nothing is ever going to change the fact that you didn’t share jack shit with me and I’ve been a fucking open book. And yet you are sitting there and you actually think I’m lying that your boyfriend texted me. That I made it up. Just think whatever you want. I don’t have to prove anything to you.”

“What did he say in the texts?” Everything was spiraling out of control. This conversation, like all our recent conversations, had become a minefield. I didn’t know what to say to Aubrey or what to believe or what she was going to say next. The easiness to our friendship was gone and I was upset and hurt by that, and angry with myself that it was my own fault.

“I don’t know. Stupid shit. Like what are you doing? And that I’m beautiful and crap like that.”

“Let me see.” I held my hand out, nostrils flaring. I was acting crazy, I knew it, but I couldn’t stop myself, couldn’t dam the flood.

“I don’t have them anymore.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, my God, really?” Aubrey hurled her phone at me. “Fucking look for yourself!”

I didn’t bother, just catching her phone in my hands. If she said they weren’t there, then clearly they weren’t. But it made me wonder all over again if any of it was true. “I don’t need to look.” I stood up and put her phone on her desk next to her. “I’m sorry.”

“You know, have you ever stopped to ask yourself if you’re actually happy with this guy? Because you don’t seem happy. You seem crazy.”

The accusation stung. “I’m happy.” I was. I loved Heath with everything inside me and it felt amazing that he was back in my life. Amazing that the love and friendship we’d shared hadn’t been damaged by the time apart. He was my best friend.

But of course, I couldn’t say that out loud. Aubrey wouldn’t understand that she could be my best friend too, just in a different way.

Which didn’t really seem to make sense. I was confused again, unable to articulate my feelings in any way that was coherent.

“I love him,” was what I finally said.

“Are you sure? Because it seems more like obsession to me. He has some weird hold on you. Like a cult leader does his follower.”

That was going way too far. I stood up, hurt and anger so enormous my hands were shaking. “You don’t understand. You’ve never been in love.”

“What, so I’m not in your stupid club? If it makes me act like you are, then I don’t want to be.” She folded her arms across her chest and looked away from me.

I walked out, not bothering to respond to that. I knew she was jealous. I knew I was acting irrational and jealous myself. But she was being harsh. Just flat out harsh, and I didn’t need to listen to that. I wasn’t going to be a target or a punching bag for her feeling left out. When did best friends fall in love with great guys at the exact same time? Like never. It was just going to happen that she or I might be in a relationship and the other one wouldn’t be.

If I were single, I would never begrudge her happiness with someone.

Nor would I suggest that her boyfriend had been flirting with me before they got together. What was the point? There could be zero possible reason to bring that up unless she just wanted to hurt me. Plain and simple.

Going into my room, I slammed the door shut and locked it.

Headphones stuffed into my ears, I cranked my music and tried to study. I had a finance quiz in two days.

But I couldn’t concentrate at all.

I fixated on the idea of Heath texting sexy things to Aubrey. My dream from the other night danced in front of my eyes over and over. What if there was more to it? What if Heath and Aubrey had hooked up? She wasn’t one to betray a friend, but then again, she hadn’t known at that point how much Heath meant to me, because I hadn’t told her. She also wasn’t one to hold a guy off if he wanted to have sex.

The thought of them together, panting, touching each other, bodies hot and slick, made bile rise up in my throat.

Heath had to work that night at the Tavern. Technically I wasn’t old enough to get in, but it was a dive bar that undergrads frequented because no one checked IDs. I knew I could get in, especially on a weeknight.