You'll Think of Me (36 page)

Luke snickered into the phone. The guy literally snickered.

That did it. She clicked the phone off and threw it onto her wood table with a loud clang and watched it slide across and drop to the floor.

She needed music. Music always helped when she was feeling down and sad about things going on in her life. It brought her to a place where she was free from everything and let her forget her troubles from the past. So she cranked up the stereo and thanked Mother Mary she didn’t have neighbors to complain about her music.

Thirty-five minutes later, after moving the furniture back to where it originally was, Olivia was breaking into a sweat.

What the hell had she been thinking? Wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, her dog started barking from the loud banging coming from her front door.

Peering to the right, she looked out the side window and stood still.

You have got to be kidding me.

A stupid grin spread across his handsome face, reaching his eyes—green eyes that were shadowed by a hat of course. Unlocking the dead bolt, Olivia opened the door. She stood still staring with her jaw set tight.

“Umm, what are you doing here, Luke? You sure love stopping by my house, don’t you?”

Luke looked down at Olivia and continued to grin at her. She was all worked up, her hair a hot mess and clothes all twisted from sweating.
Damn…
a wild mess and she still looked good.

“Come to think of it, I never asked you how you found out where I live in the first place. How did you find my address?”

“My people.”

“Your people?”

“Yeah.”

“Could you get anymore clichéd?”

“Aren’t you going to let me in,
Livy
?”

“Not ‘til you tell me why you’re here,
Lukey.”

“Lukey? Come on, baby. Couldn’t you come up with a better one than that?” Olivia glared at him and began closing the door in his face.

“Wait… Wait!” Luke stopped the door with his hand.

“Just let me in.”

“What for?”

“Because clearly your dickhead boyfriend isn’t here to help you with your…rearranging.”

Her eyes were suddenly watery as she tried to hold in the tears.

“Olivia, please, let me in.”

There was nothing he hated more than seeing her cry. Olivia stepped back and allowed him in. When he heard her voice on the phone earlier, he knew instantly she needed someone. The pain in her words pulled him in, so he hopped in his truck and hightailed it north.

Once she shut the door behind him, Luke followed silently down the hall, not saying a word. Hell, no way could he speak a word right now if he wanted to. His eyes were glued to the two plump rounds moving up and down as her feet patted down the hallway. Luke followed her, the music he could barely hear from the front of the house getting louder, into an open room in a massive disarray of furniture.

She was really moving the furniture herself? Was she out of her damn mind? He placed his hands on his hips and looked around. It was a good thing he had called her when he did. She’d been on his mind all day and fought with the urges to call her.

“What’s next?”

Olivia pointed to the loveseat then the empty spot where she wanted it.

He moved it.

“Next?” Again, Olivia said nothing, just pointed. He knew she was hurting but also knew she wasn’t going to open up until she was ready.

Luke watched as the stress started to fade away from her beautiful chocolate eyes as she lifted the small glass of amber liquid, swirled it then brought it to her lips. Using the hem of her shirt, she wiped her face and forehead, exposing her pale belly. The soft and smooth skin rose and fell as she breathed. Luke had to shift his gaze away quickly so his dick wouldn’t get any ideas.

After a little while, she turned down the music and looked over at him. “You want something to drink? I have whiskey, water…whiskey… Maybe a beer layin’ around somewhere… I don’t know…”

“Yeah, I’ll take a beer if you have it. Thanks. Where do you want these books?” Luke asked as he began pulling them off the top shelf so he could move the bookcase for her. Olivia looked around. “Here, give them to me.” She traded the beer for the books.

After emptying the first three shelves, Luke squatted down to the fourth one, and then stopped.

Nestled in the corner and leaning against a thick medical book was the little purple Care Bear he’d given her many years ago. Luke reached for the bear. Clutching it in his hand, he stood and turned to Olivia.

Olivia’s breath hitched at the sight of what Luke was holding. Her heart contracted as he stood there looking dumbfounded between her and the bear. She’d completely forgotten the bear.

“You kept it? After all this time?”

“Of course I did, Luke.”

“Why?”

Olivia walked over to Luke and reached for the bear but he swiped his hand away before she could grab it. Blowing her hair from her eyes in frustration, she placed her open palm out. “Hand it here, Luke.”

“No. Tell me why you kept it first.”

Olivia rolled her eyes.

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?”

“Men are so dense,” she mumbled. “Of course I kept it. But your grubby hand is getting it all dirty. Now please, give it back.”

“These grubby hands are helping you while your boyfriend is MIA. So answer the question.” His eyes were hard and unnerving. “Why did you keep it?”

“Because we grew up together? You were my best friend and you meant something to me, dammit. What? You don’t have anything sentimental?” She sighed heavily while answering.

Astonished, he stared at the bear as he asked, “But Olivia, it’s been, how many years?”

“What does it matter?”

“It’s just a piece of pillow stuffing, Livy. It’s nothing.”

Olivia felt the tears prickle her eyes. Her jaw burned as she fought to stop it from quivering. She refused to cry over a stuffed animal that obviously meant nothing to Luke.
Just a piece of pillow stuffing?
He obviously wouldn’t understand.

“To you maybe.” She held out her hand and asked softly, “Can I have it back now? Please?” That bear meant more to her than the medical books on her shelves. It was priceless. And if anything happened to it, she didn’t know what she would do.

Luke looked at Livy’s puffy, tear rimmed eyes and handed the Care Bear back to her. He hadn’t expected her to keep the bear. Then something dawned on him.

“What about the necklace? Did you keep that too?”

Livy brushed a hand down the front of the bear feeling the downy softness. Of course she kept the necklace. A sad smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes formed on her face.

“It’s because of you, you know. Nate’s not here because of you,” Olivia whispered, dodging the necklace question.

Luke’s head snapped up at Olivia’s words. Had the bastard actually left her?

“You’re kidding, right? When did he leave?”

Olivia sighed and placed the bear on top of the book pile with great care, as if it was porcelain. She took a deep breath and ran her hand over her knotted hair. Walking into her kitchen, she grabbed another beer for Luke and poured two fingers of whiskey into her glass.

Handing him the beer, she said, “It was over a month ago. The day after the results of your mom’s tests came in, he broke it off.”

“That long ago? Why haven’t you told me?”

She shrugged, shaking her head. “Do you want the truth? All of it from the beginning?”

“Indulge me.”

With a heavy heart, Olivia decided to let the words flow that she had kept locked inside for so long.

“Truth is, Luke, I came back here because of you. I didn't want to admit it at first, but there was a pull so strong that kept screaming at me to come back to Georgia. But like the incredibly stubborn woman I am, I kept ignoring it. Even though we had been over for years, and I had no hopes of ever reconciling anything with you, I still had to come back. I don’t know why, and I know it doesn’t make any sense. I just needed to be here too. It’s one of those things you can’t explain, just that I knew I had to do it.”

Olivia’s heart was racing a mile a minute, battering against her ribs. Luke just stared at her, not saying a word.

“After everything I dealt with growing up, I needed to prove to myself that I could survive on my own. That going to school in a new city far away was the right thing. I was devastated after I left, you have no idea. There were times where I was ready to drop med school, pack up and come home. The first year was the most difficult, and a few times I almost caved. Thankfully, the overwhelming amount of school work kept me busy. I told myself that I was happy with my new life, that it was what I wanted. It was what I wanted, just not without you. So I stuck it out and stayed. After I completed everything I went to New York for, I worked for a little while until I couldn't take it anymore. I was...done. I wanted to come home. Now when I look back on it, I can’t believe how selfish I was. I was stupid to be so single-minded and not thinking about who I was hurting.”

Olivia inched her way to Luke, taking small steps and scrunching up the bottom of her shirt in her clammy hands. She was nervous as hell and starting to tremble, but desperately fought to keep it from showing. She wanted to appear cool, calm, and collected. That she could handle even an admission as simple as this. But this wasn’t simple. Not in the least.

“Nearly every day I put on a brave face while dying on the inside trying to be someone I’m not. I was hollow, empty without you. I suffered day in and day out without you for years until I finally let go. Now I’m wondering if I made the right decision to come back to Georgia. I never expected this. You, being around again, near me, surrounding me, taking up my thoughts and what could have been. What I threw away. Everything is so messed up.”

Swirling her glass, Olivia watched the smoky liquid spin into a funnel. She took a sip of whiskey then set the glass down on the table. “Nate left me because he saw what I couldn’t admit. He saw what you mean to me.
I
didn’t even know,” she said, placing a hand against her chest, “but he did. It didn’t help that I wasn’t upfront with him over the phone calls. Or all the texts. With anything that involved you.”

Olivia looked at the bear, then to Luke. “You wanted a reason why I kept the bear, Luke? There it is. You’re the reason. I thought I had let go, but obviously I never did. I don’t know if I’ll ever truly let go. How pathetic am I? I’m thirty-one years old and still in love with my first love.”

Luke didn't utter a word as she finally broke the dam that was holding back everything she had bottled up inside.

Clutching her hands to her chest and swallowing her anguish, she kept talking. “I missed you so much, Luke. Each and every day I thought about you, what we had, and how stupid I was to walk away from it. I screwed up. I can’t take it back, and as crazy as it sounds I wouldn’t. But I’m here now pouring my heart out to you.”

Olivia didn’t know where this courage was coming from. Liquid courage? It didn’t matter. It was now or never that she be truthful to herself and to Luke.

“Had I known how things were going to happen between us, I never would've left. But I don’t feel bad about leaving, either. And how fucked up is that? I’m so fucked up... My mind is all over the place...”

Luke hadn't moved a muscle or spoken a single word the entire time. She couldn't even gauge his thoughts. He just stood there with his arms crossed in front of his chest with a pained expression. She couldn’t interpret what he was thinking. Luke just stood there, his silence was deafening.

Grabbing her drink, she sipped it. “You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m not even making sense. The past can’t be changed and everything is such a joke. It is what it is. No matter what, I’m always going to want more…” She mumbled the last sentence to herself. The whiskey infused her blood, and she let go, opening up to Luke and letting it all out so he knew where she stood. That he could take her or leave her.

Take me or leave me,
Luke once said to her. Now she knew the full impact of those words.

Luke didn't know whether to throttle Olivia or throw her to the floor and take her right there, which he was positively sure she’d allow. He definitely didn’t see this coming, dumbfounded by her confession.

He took another swig of his beer as he thought back to the day he’d seen her after all these years. She looked as beautiful as the first time he laid eyes on her when they were teens. There had always been an undeniable connection with her. The lure in her eyes, her pouty little lips, it was all damning to him. In that moment, he hated himself for not following her.

Taking a swallow of his beer, he placed the empty bottle on the table and stalked his way over to her.

“Why, Olivia? Why, now?” He growled in the back of his throat. She gave a hesitant shrug.

Slowly, he leaned into Olivia, crowding her space. “What makes you think that I want you after all these years? Because of a few kisses? A few songs I made up?” he asked, cocking his head to the left. “You,” he said pointing at her chest, “left me.”

Olivia took a couple of steps back. She understood he was still angry about the past and how easily she threw it all away. Luke may have moved on, but she was the one that killed him on the inside. No one had ever compared to Olivia King.

Wired and ready for a fight, resentment filled his green eyes with fire even though his body was hard and ready for her.

“I... I…didn’t say…” Olivia felt a twinge of uneasiness settle in her stomach.

“No. No you didn’t say I still wanted you, but that’s what you’re hoping for, isn’t it? That I’d drop everything and run back to you now that Nate is gone? Or was it because we shared a kiss?” Luke asked, still wondering where this admission of guilt was heading.

“Luke, I…ahhh…” Olivia stammered. Luke was in her face, invading her personal space. Taking another step back, she placed her hand behind her, feeling blindly around the newly arranged room.

“You ‘ahhh’ what? Huh...” Luke mimicked with a cocked eyebrow. He was livid and wanted her to feel what he felt.

Boxing her against the wall with his arms, Luke leaned close to her face. He could smell the whiskey on her wet lips and the smell of flakey coconut drifting all around her. It took everything not to press into her soft body.