Young Forever (3 page)

So, I started walking. I walked and walked and then realized I was just walking in circles, still coming back to the tree that had housed me during my nap. I went over to it and sat down and burst into sobs of rage, helplessness and self-pity. I cried for a very long time and then forced myself to sleep, knowing I would get out of the woods tomorrow when it was daylight and if something didn’t eat me before then.

But it was not to be. I could not find my way out of the woods. Looking back on it, Papa had probably walked in circles and backtracked around the forest to confuse me so I couldn’t get out. But I didn’t know that then. At first, I still had hope that I was just lost and that someone would come for me. I was sure that my father was getting a search party together and soon there would be many men in the woods calling my name, swinging lanterns around at night looking for me. Perhaps they were already here. Maybe they were just over there… Way over there, where I couldn’t see or hear them. I would stop sometimes and listen, then call out, “I am here! Find me!” I would beg them to please, please, please rescue me. There had to be someone coming for me. There had to be!

But what if they weren’t coming for me? I refused to succumb to that idea, to the panic that would follow if I did. I instead focused on survival and got the idea that I should begin to hunt for my food. I had already found water at a stream that ran down a small hill not far from my tree. I was overjoyed because I knew that if you followed the stream, it would come out somewhere. However, that didn’t happen. I walked and walked and walked and it just led me deeper and deeper into the woods. Soon, I was more confused than I had been. Where was I and why couldn’t I get out? I went back in the other direction and walked and walked and walked, still coming to nowhere. Soon, I gave up and walked back the other way and soon found my tree.

After a while I stopped trying to find my way out of the woods and would spend most days sobbing until I was so exhausted I’d fall asleep wherever I fell to the ground to take to my tears. Soon I realized that if there had been a search party, then they would have given up on me by then. Why couldn’t they find me? I am uncertain how long this went on or how long I was actually in the woods alone. It might have only been a few days before the real starvation process began. It might have been a few weeks. I don’t know how long I was in there. Besides, time didn’t matter when I was in those woods. Nothing mattered but getting out and getting something to eat. I knew if I didn’t leave the woods soon, a hungry animal of some sort would make me his supper.

The water sustained me but that’s all it did. The tree kept me from freezing to death but I stayed cold. Perhaps having these things just delayed the process of my death. I am uncertain. However, while I was very weak, and probably because I did have water, I still had my wits somewhat about me. I knew the only way for me to survive would be to kill and then eat an animal of some sort. I thought this might help me hang on until I was found. I occasionally saw squirrel and once a rabbit. Animals of this type would pass by from time to time, then scurry away, more frightened of me than I of them. But there was one animal in particular that would visit me regularly; it was this one deer, a huge buck with large antlers. He would see me, stare for a moment as if trying to figure out what I was, and then run away. I got it into my mind that if I caught him and killed him, I could feast for a week.

Yes, I was delusional. There was no way a little girl like me could take down a big animal like that with her bare hands, but hunger does that to you. It makes you believe things no rational human would ever believe.

Even so, I watched him for days and even tried to leap out at him. But he was quicker than me and probably smarter. I should have given up but I couldn’t. He became my reason for being. In my hunger-driven mind, he was what stood between me and death.

But then one night, probably towards the end, I fell against my tree and rested, breathing heavily as the starvation began its final assault. The water could only keep me alive for so long. I knew I was dying and I began to accept it. My eyes closed and when they opened again, it was night and there he was, my deer, standing in front of me, sniffing me. He wouldn’t bite, not like I would. He was curious. He’d seen me around these parts and wanted to know what problem I had with him.

We stared at each other for a long time, the beast and I. I reached up after a while and stroked the width of his nose. I don’t know why this wild animal allowed this, but he did. I petted him and he liked it. Maybe he knew I was too weak to harm him. Whatever the reason, we had a moment and bonded. But then his musky, animal scent got to me. I began to have visions of boiled meat and potatoes. It was almost funny. If I could have laughed, I would have. But I didn’t have the strength.

Then, as if on instinct, I leapt at him, grabbing at his neck with my mouth. He was startled and jumped, rising up on his hooves and tried to shake me off of him. I had known it might end like that but I had to try. What choice did I have? I was a goner and I knew that. It was only a matter of time so all bets were off.

I held onto his neck with my mouth for as long as I could and that wasn’t but a few seconds, then he did what wild animals do. He began to attack me with his antlers and with his hooves. He scooped my tiny little body up with his antlers and threw me over to the side and then he descended on me as soon as I hit the ground.

I knew it was over for me. I just lay there and prepared for the worse. He came over and reared up to strike me with his hooves. I shielded my face and my entire body tensed, getting ready for him to kill me. But then, out of nowhere, something attacked
him
, swiftly grabbing onto him and throwing him off. The two things scuffled for a few minutes before the deer fell to the ground lifeless. I was so weak I didn’t even move when she rose up from behind the animal and stared at me.

For a second I thought she might be one of the people looking for me. But then I knew she wasn’t. Who was she? She was by herself, alone like me in the woods at night. She didn’t seem to have a problem with it, though, not like I did. I was still scared witless of all the noises in the night. I didn’t realize at the time that she was one of those noises in the night.

However, she was a beautiful woman and that disarmed me. Someone pretty like her wouldn’t hurt a little girl like me, would they? Her beautiful face was covered in the deer blood and it seeped out of her mouth and onto her chin. She was dark-haired and blue-eyed and wore a beautiful gown of dark blue silk. Such finery was never seen in our village. I was so out of my mind with starvation that I thought she must have been a witch or even a fairy, something out of this world, extraordinary. I’d heard tales of women like her, stories that used to frighten me and probably still would have had I not been so weak.

But then I saw that she was a person, like me, human. She was human. Looked human. But she looked very, very out of place in her fancy gown in the middle of the woods late at night. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. She was quite at home there in the woods.

She stared at me, helpless on the ground, and smiled, then jerked her head at the deer. “He is dead.”

I stared back at her, then at the deer, which was fresh with blood and guts. The smell of blood, of flesh, overcame me and before I could stop myself, I had scrambled over to the deer and was quite literally—and quite disgustingly, I might add—eating him. It only took a few seconds of that, of swallowing wild animal blood for my empty and tiny stomach to rise up in revolt, resulting in a purge. I vomited it all up, all the blood and meat and whatever else I’d managed to swallow. It was quite ghastly. And a little humiliating.

I fell back and breathed heavily, trying to catch my breath. Then I realized something. I was actually feeling the deer’s blood in my veins. I had managed to keep a little of his blood down. I could feel my strength returning. I wanted more and was about to go back to the deer when she stopped me.

“Halt, child,” she said and held me back. “You will be even sicker if you continue.”

She held firmly to my arm, not allowing me to move. I knew I was weak but even so, I could tell that she was strong, probably even stronger than my father. I stared up at her, noticing that two of her teeth were slightly longer than all the others. Maybe I was hallucinating from hunger but they looked like they belonged to an animal or a reptile of some sort. Perhaps a snake? Was she an animal? Like a wolf? What was she? Maybe my first impression had been right and she wasn’t a human after all. Her odd teeth confirmed my suspicions. They looked like fangs as they caught the light of the moon and glistened. Without thought, I reached over and touched the bottom of one and it pricked me, drawing blood. That’s how sharp they were.

She laughed a little at me and said, “No, no, lovely, do not touch.”

She gently removed my hand and forced it into my lap. And, just like that, her fangs shortened and she looked normal. It was the oddest thing I’d ever seen but I couldn’t comment because I was almost out of breath.

“Are you by yourself?” she asked.

I nodded.

“I come to these woods,” she said. “And find many children like you. Starving, without a home.”

I looked away. I had a home. I was just lost, that was all.

“Families are breaking apart,” she said with a touch of sadness. “It is terrible when this
happens. One day, though, the sun will shine again and bring warmth and bounty.”

I couldn’t imagine that, not after all I’d been though.

“Are there many of you in your family?”

“Three brothers, one sister and me. There are five of us and I am the youngest.”

“Five children in these times,” she said and pushed the hair out of my face. “Are five too many.”

She was right about that. I had to give it to her.

“Such beauty,” she said. “You could have been sold instead. Many sell children now instead of abandoning them. You could have been sold into servitude.”

“My family was once wealthy,” I said, closing my eyes. “They would not think of selling me like that. They would rather I die. We once had servants or so I am told.”

“They would rather leave you for dead in the woods than have you clean pots and pans for others?” she asked.

I thought about that. Was that what they had done to me? Left me to die? No. No, no, no. And no. No, that couldn’t be true. Even as I vehemently denied it to myself, I had a feeling she was right. And cleaning pots and pans would be a lot easier than this. A lot.

“No more,” she responded and sighed lightly. “Now you are facing death. I am surprised that you actually bit the beast. You are a little beast yourself, are you not?”

“I was hungry,” I said and opened my eyes, looking away from her.

“Most children do not fight like I saw you fight,” she said. “They welcome death.” She stared into my face. “Will you welcome death, also?”

I turned back to her and said, “No, I will not.”

“You will not,” she said and stood, walking circles around me. “You will not! And why not? You have nothing. Unwanted. Abandoned by your own flesh and blood. Why not welcome death, little child?”

“Because I have to get back to my family,” I said, sitting up.

She stopped and stared at me, fully understanding what I still wanted to believe to be true and what she knew was a lie. “Your family has abandoned you here,” she said.

“No, they haven’t,” I told her. “I am just lost, separated from my father. We went looking for berries! He will return with others to find me soon. We need to berries for a pie.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Berries? Oh, berries. Oh, yes, I remember their sweet taste, too. I can still indulge sometimes, but not often. No. Berries are something I remember more than I savor now.”

“He’s coming back for me, my father is coming back,” I told her.

She looked sad for a split second, then shook it off. “No, child, you have been left to die. Do you not understand that?”

No, I didn’t. Not only did I not understand it there was no way I’d ever allow myself to believe it. Me? Abandoned? My father loved me best! I was his favorite; he had told me so himself. Of all people to abandon me, it would not be him.

She bent down in front of me and said, “Listen, you are not lost. You have been abandoned deep in this forest for a reason. They could not feed you. And soon, your siblings will follow.”

I stared at her as the weight of her words sunk in and when they did… Well, I was enraged. How dare they do this to me? And they were going to do it to my siblings, as well? That wasn’t very nice. So, where did that leave me? Well, I guess it left me dead, didn’t it? But I would survive, at all costs, in any way I could. I would not just surrender my life like that. I couldn’t. It goes against human nature and human nature is to survive at any cost.

But what of her? This woman or witch or fairy or whatever she was. What did she want? What did she want of me? “Are you a witch?” I asked.

She laughed. “No, I am not a witch. I am a vampire. Have you heard of vampires?”

She wasn’t a witch? She was a vampire? I shook my head, trying to comprehend this.

“We are much, much worse than witches,” she said, bending down in front of me again. “Unlike witches, we
do
eat little children left alone in the woods.”

I just stared at her, thinking that if someone were to eat me, it might be best that be someone like her did. She was so pretty. I liked that about her. And she did look a little hungry.

“You’re not the only one who has been going without,” she said. “The cold affects me too. People are not as plump and good as they once were. Their blood is quite thin.”

I really didn’t understand what she was talking about but I nodded like I did.

“You, too, are very thin. There is not much of you left. You are so starved, but I am not after your meat or bones,” she whispering in my ear. “I am after your blood.”

I didn’t understand that. What? What could she do with my blood? I didn’t understand but then I was tired, so tired. “What will you do with me?” I asked.