Your Gravity: Part One (7 page)

I
was a total masochist
. There, I’d said it. I’ve heard that admitting your problem was the first step to recovery. There was no doubt I got off on pain, because over the last couple of classes I couldn’t take my mind of Cooper, and I was actually worried about him.

Ever since he’d barked at Travis, he hadn’t brought his class back to Jitters. The only time I saw him was in class. And he looked so different from the stunning, well-dressed professor I’d first run into. His scruff was unkempt and thick, hiding his beautiful chiseled jaw. His clothes were wrinkled, as if he didn’t care. His hair looked like he didn’t even bother to put a comb through it. Though that just-rolled-out-of-bed look made him look even sexier. But what worried me the most was the haunted look in his eyes.

I chewed on my pencil, watching him pace the length of the auditorium as he went over his lecture. Even his voice had lost its spark.

Other students picked up the changes in Cooper and the gossip was fierce.

“He’s drinking again,” Gianna said to Red.

“How do you know?”

“I could taste it on his breath.”

My hand itched to slap that smug smile off her face. I’d resort to drinking too if that tongue had been in my mouth. Who knew where that thing had been?

“He did the same thing last year around this time of the month,” she continued.

Red giggled. “You make it sound like he’s having PMS.”

Gianna laughed. “No, seriously. He lost someone close to him around this time of the year. I think it was his fiancée.”

“Oh, wow. Yeah, I heard about that. Did he tell you anything about her?”

“We don’t exactly do a lot of talking when we’re together.”

In another minute, I was going to hurl my breakfast. Tofu scramble in all its glory all over Gianna’s skin-tight silk let-me-show-you-my-nips blouse.

“Midterms can be picked up at the front, next to a box of tissues set aside for those of you who may need it. And I anticipate many of you who will.” Cooper’s gruff voice echoed in the auditorium as he plopped them on the table.

Boy, the man was making it hard to feel sorry for him.

Gianna was the first up front. She looked down at her paper and frowned. With hands folded over her chest, she clicked her shoe on the floor, waiting to get Cooper’s attention. He was busy explaining a grade to a crying student. Despite his curt announcement, he was surprisingly patient as he explained the grade. He was so concerned about the student he didn’t appear to notice Gianna waiting for him. Better yet, maybe he was intentionally ignoring her.

I smiled as she left in a huff. Something told me that they weren’t together—if they were even seeing each other at all.

“So I ran into the Gregster yesterday,” Travis said as we approached the table. “He tells me you have a birthday coming up.”

“Uh, yeah.” Cooper’s eyes flicked to mine. I quickly looked to the stacks of midterms. They were placed in alphabetical order by last names. I picked up the A-D stack, expecting my midterm to be on the very top. It wasn’t there.

“Why don’t I take you out to celebrate this weekend? Club Vortex is having an 80s night. I hear it can get pretty wild.”

I gazed into Travis’s hopeful eyes. Weekend evenings were usually exhausting for me after working a full day at Jitters. Soaking in a tub with a good book sounded more exciting to me than going out with Travis. Turning twenty-one wasn’t a big deal for me. It was just another year without my parents’ acknowledgement. Another reminder that instead of nearing the end of my college education, I was way behind and barely starting it. Besides, I was a lightweight when it came to drinking and didn’t do much of it.

“Well, uh...”

“Ms. Ashford, may I have a word with you?”

I blinked, shocked that Cooper was calling me. It was almost the exact same words he’d used in my dream! I reached out to Travis’s arm and pinched him.

“Ouch! What was that for?”

Shit! I’m not dreaming.

“Sorry. I’ll be right back.”

Incredible blue eyes pierced into me, making the butterflies in my stomach flutter. I wished he’d stop doing that.

The moment he took hold of my arm and pulled me away from the crowd of students around the table, electrical currents raged through my body, making my heart slam into overtime. Stupid body. It didn’t want to listen to me. Why couldn’t I feel like that when Travis smiled at me?

As we headed to a quiet corner in the auditorium, the image of him holding the baby against his chest infiltrated my mind. I didn’t want to remember that he could be sweet and kind when he wanted to be. His fingers burned into my arm, and all I could think of was that I wanted more of him. And for a moment, I wondered what it would be like to be wrapped in his muscular arms.

When we stopped, I gazed up at him, remembering the dream and the feel of his scuff rubbing against my chin, throat, and breasts. Wiggling, I tried to shake off the growing sensation deep in the pit of my stomach.

“Need to visit the ladies room, Ms. Ashford?”

My eyes narrowed. He seemed amused. What was it about him that made me want to slap him and grab him by the shirt collar and press my lips against his at the same time? It was so infuriating.

“No,” I snapped. “What did you want to see me about?”

“This.” He waved my midterm exam. “Your grade is unacceptable for a student of your caliber.”

Aww, crap. I failed the exam.
I should’ve studied harder. My parents were right. I was doomed to be a failure. I wondered if it was too late to drop—

I did a double take. Wait. Did he just compliment me?

“What did you say?”

“You made an eighty-nine on the midterm.” He held out the exam. “Although it was one of the highest grades in the class, I expected more from you.”

Holy shit! I made one of the highest grades in the class. Damn! I’m not as dumb as I thought I was if other people had a hard time with it too.

“I, oh, wow.”

“I hardly think this is a grade to be impressed with, Ms. Ashford. Based on your performance on your previous assignments, I anticipated better. I thought maybe your job at Jitters has taken away from your study time, but now I see that other pursuits,” his eyes flicked to Travis, “may be interfering.”

“Excuse me?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Though Texas State is not MIT, you have the intellect to go a long way
if
you focus on your studies and not frivolous social activities.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He couldn’t be talking about Travis, right? I was just imagining things, right? What professor does that? First he ignored me; then he was suddenly all over my business. The man turned hot and cold so fast, he was giving me whip lash.

Cooper ducked his head as he leaned closer to me. I could smell the light scent of his cologne. His incredibly blue eyes glittered as he spoke. “If you had invested more of your time on your studies and less of it flittering from one boy to another, you could have made a better score. This is an institution of higher education, not a party zone.”

Stiffening, I willed my right hand to stay where it was and not go flying through the air to connect to his annoyingly handsome face.

Who was he to tell me who to hang out with? Pot calling the kettle black much? I wanted to ask him about Gianna.

“First of all, my social life is none of your business. And for your information, I’m not like what you said. I’m not even dating anyone. Not that it’s any of your business.”

“No, it’s not my business.” His face fell for a moment and a look of longing flashed across his eyes before he schooled his face. “But it is my job to watch over the welfare of my students and to identify potential.”

There. He’d said it again! He thought I was smart. I softened for a moment before he whacked me again with his words.

“Take my advice and stay away from Travis. He’s not for you.”

“You can’t order me around. You’re not my father.”

His face twisted as if I’d stabbed him. I blinked and the mask was back again, and I wondered if I’d imagined it.

“And I can date whoever I want,” I added.

“I’m only suggesting this for your benefit. If you’ll excuse me, I have other students who require my attention.”

Dumbfounded, I watched him head back to the table and talk with a group of students waiting for him.

“Bad news?” Travis asked when I went back to him.

“No, just got my midterm back.”

Glancing at the grade, he grinned. “Not bad.”

“I’m in the mood to celebrate. What time do you want to pick me up on Saturday?” My voice was so loud it echoed through the auditorium. Students whispered as they gazed at me and Travis. Everyone heard.

As we walked past Cooper, I couldn’t help but smile when his back stiffened. He’d heard too.

Yeah, take that, Professor Nosy.

As Travis and I exited the classroom, he placed a hand on the small of my back. I smiled up at him as he talked excitedly about his plans for Saturday night. I tried to focus on what he was saying, but all I could think about was the gutted expression on Cooper’s face and how he stood alone with his hand gripping the lectern, his eyes following us as we walked out.

I
couldn’t believe
I’d told Travis I’d go out with him on Saturday. And even worse, I couldn’t believe I’d told Lou I’d lead off open mic night by playing guitar.

Lou hadn’t told me he’d advertise the event in the campus newspaper.

With my photo.

On a full page!

I should’ve known when Greg left the house early this morning giggling that something was up. He had been hanging out with Travis a lot lately, supposedly hitting the gym and working out. So I didn’t think anything of it until I sat at the kitchen table and saw my face staring out at me from the newspaper.

That rat was going to get it. He was the only person who had a photo of me playing guitar.

I scanned the crowded coffee shop. I thought I’d be playing for Rainbow and Greg and maybe a few other people since Thursday nights were usually slow. Almost every table was filled.

I groaned, conking my head on the counter. Maybe if I faked sick now, I could get out of this and going out with Travis. It would be win-win.

“Nervous, hon?”

I gazed up. Rainbow stood on the other side of the counter. She looked so pretty and normal wearing an emerald green blouse and dark slacks. Her red hair spiraled down her shoulders in well-behaved curls. She even had a tint of color on her lips.

“A little.”

“You’ll do fine. Greg tells me you play very well. He’s so excited to hear you play again. He says it’s been a while and that it makes you smile.”

I sighed. It was hard staying mad at him. I’d been so busy with classes, dealing with the Cooper, and the freaky-deaky daydreams that I hadn’t had time to play.

“Rainbow Skye! Don’t tell me you’ve actually stepped out the house without Meadow.” Lou rushed to Rainbow and gave her hug. It was hard to imagine the wild escapes that Rainbow alluded to when they were at Woodstock. He was a head shorter than she was, even with her in flats.

“Meadow’s still in Tibet,” she sighed. “I wish she could be here. She’d love it. Where’s Greg? Isn’t he bringing your guitar?”

“Oh, that’s right.” Lou snapped his fingers. “I forgot to tell you, Nina.”

“Nicole.”

“Right, Nicole.” I locked eyes with Rainbow. She had an amused expression on her face. “Greg called an hour ago to say he was running a little late. Something about pink tea. Or maybe it was a pink tree.”

Lou scratched his head.

At that moment, Greg dashed into the shop with Travis close behind him. His face was flushed. They were both panting as if they’d been running.

“Pink teacups,” Greg gasped.

“You’re late,” I said. “And you sound crazy.”

“Pink teacups.” He held his hand up, shaking his head. “There are . . . pink teacups . . . in the mall . . . parking lot.”

“What are you talking about? And here,” I tossed each of them a bottled water, “you look like you’re about to pass out.”

“Thanks.” Travis flashed a smile. I narrowed my eyes, looking from him to Greg. I didn’t know why, but I had a funny feeling that they were up to something.

“Pink teacups. You know. The type that spin you around,” Greg said, sipping his water. “Oh, here’s your guitar. This thing gets heavy after running a few blocks.”

“My car broke down at the mall,” Travis explained. “We were on our way here when Greg saw the carnival. He wouldn’t stop talking about it until I stopped the car to check it out.”

“A carnival, Nicole.” Greg’s eyes lit up. “We have to go. Tomorrow. Call it a birthday celebration. They even have the zero gravity ride. You like that one.”

“You get sick on the teacups.” I opened the guitar case and made sure it was okay. Who knew what he banged it against on his way over here.

“Aw, come on. It’ll be fun.”

“What about you?” I asked Travis.

“Tomorrow’s Friday.”

“Yeah? So?” Why was he looking at me funny?

He glanced at Greg, giving him a is-this-girl-serious look.

“Quarterback here. Saturday early afternoon game?”

“And?” I still didn’t get it.

“The man needs to save his energy for the game, woman.” Greg rolled his eyes.

“And for our Saturday night date.” Travis winked.

Ugh, men.

“Please, Nicole.” Greg gave me his sad-puppy-dog eyes.

I hated when he did that.

“It’ll be fun. Besides, you owe me.”

“I owe you?”

“Yeah, you and Travis are going to Club Vortex without me.” He pouted.

My eyes darted to Travis, who was suddenly fascinated with the wrapper on his bottled water.

Yeah, something was definitely up.

“You can come with us. He won’t mind. Right, Travis?”

Surprised, Travis’s eyes darted to Greg. It was almost as if he were waiting for Greg’s direction.

“I can’t.” Greg leaned in whispering, “My mom’s coming down for a visit. She wants to talk.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that before?” I whispered furiously. “I’ll cancel my date. I want to be there for you.”

This was huge. Greg’s mother was a timid woman. She’d never gone against her husband’s wishes, and he’d made his wishes pretty clear.

“I need to handle this myself.” Serious eyes gazed into mine. He was scared. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. “I’ll tell you everything later. I promise.”

He stood up and placed a smile on his face. “So now, about the carnival.”

I looked into baby blue eyes. Hurt and fear lay behind the playful smile. Carnivals had never been my thing. Something about them always made me feel sad. But if I could get his mind off of meeting with his estranged mother for one night, then teacups here I come.

“Okay, fine. We’ll go to the carnival tomorrow. Just promise not to boo after my set tonight.”

“When have I ever . . . oh, yeah.” He chuckled. The last time I’d played in front of an audience was during my junior year. Greg and I had argued about the song I wanted to play. I had wanted to play “Creep” by Radiohead. He was going through his Celine Dion phase and wanted me to play “My Heart Will Go On.” Stubborn man booed and hissed in protest during the entire performance.

“Well, depends what you’re playing tonight.” I scowled. “I kid, I kid. Seriously, Nicole, you need to take a chill pill.”

“Just go to the table already.” I pushed him playfully.

As Lou directed everyone to the table he’d reserved for them near the stage, I sat myself in a corner, strumming my guitar to tune it. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to play.

I looked around the packed room hoping people would leave. Nope. If anything, it seemed like there were more people.

That’s when I felt it. Someone was watching me. Of course people were probably watching me. I was the only one with a guitar about to go on stage. But this was different. It was as if someone was calling me.

Gazing around the room, my eyes rested on smoldering sapphire. Cooper sat in the far corner, in the same spot he’d sat in when he’d last brought his students for ice cream.

I sucked in a breath.

He’s here.

Butterflies stormed my already nervous stomach.

His eyes held mine. There was brief flash of light and the sound laughing, wheels rolling, and music echoed in my head.

I had the sudden urge to go to him, to caress his cheek and wipe away the haunted look in those eyes. Why was he here? Why now?

A manicured hand slowly turned his face, taking those blue eyes out of reach and breaking our connection.

I gripped the neck of my guitar, expecting to see Gianna. I blinked with surprise to see a woman in a business suit sitting across from him. She looked a little older than me and stunning. Chin length hair framed a porcelain face. Thick ruler-straight bangs hung like silk over light brown eyes. Her hair was a severe square-shaped bob like the style 20s flappers wore, except a little longer. Pink lips moved as she spoke to Cooper. He looked at her as if she were the moon.

My heart twisted.

I couldn’t explain why. I was used to seeing women throw themselves at him, especially Gianna. But this was different. I’d never seen him look at anyone like he was looking at her.

I choked back a sob that should’ve never formed in the first place. Why should I care if he brought his date to Jitters? If anything, it showed that he was cheap when it came to dates.

The microphone whined as Lou turned it on.

“Dude, that was loud,” he said. “Okay, everyone. I want to thank you for coming. Jitters is proud to present one of our very own. Please give a warm welcome to,” he glanced down at his open palm, “Nicole Ashford.”

Dread filled my stomach as I made my way to the center of the stage. I still hadn’t decided what song I was going to play. I strummed a little, looking into the audience, fighting the urge to look at Cooper.

“Woohoo!” Greg called out.

The audience chuckled, and I could feel my face heat up. I looked down at Greg’s proud face and Rainbow’s encouraging eyes.

This was supposed to be fun, damn it! I wasn’t going to let Cooper and Flapper Girl ruin my night. I may not be the smartest student. And I wasn’t a world famous pianist like my mom and dad, but I knew for a fact that I could play a mean guitar. Classical musician or not, music was in my blood.

Pulling my shoulders back, I flicked my eyes to Cooper, determined not to fall apart just because he was here with a date. And at that moment, it hit me. I knew exactly what I was going to play.

There was a hush through the audience as I strummed the first few chords of “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” It’d been my favorite song ever since I’d heard Sheryl Crow’s version of it. The moment I opened my mouth and sang of childhood memories, calm washed over me. It happened every time I sang it.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying the song. Lou and Rainbow held hands, swaying them in the air. Others sang the chorus with me. Greg and Travis pulled out there cellphones, using the light as they swayed, holding them up in the air.

The excitement was contagious. I strummed hard on the strings, really getting into the song. I was having so much fun; I didn’t want the song to end, so I started from the beginning again. When I got to the part of the song describing eyes that were like the bluest skies, I couldn’t help myself. My eyes drifted to Cooper’s.

His face was pale as if he’d seen a ghost. Even Flapper Girl looked freaked out.

I stumbled on a note and quickly recovered. With each note I sang, his face twisted in pain as if I was plunging a knife deep into his chest. When I got the chorus, he stood up abruptly and dashed out.

When I strummed the last note, I couldn’t move. Shocked, I barely heard the loud applause and yelling for more. I should’ve been happy. I should’ve been elated by the compliments. All I could think about was Cooper’s handsome face twisted in torment and the deathly glare Flapper Girl gave me before she ran out after him.