You're Strong Enough
By
Kassi L. Pontious
Highland, Utah
YOU’RE STRONG
ENOUGH
Copyright © 2013 by Kassi L. Pontious
www.kassipontious.com
5406 W 11000 N Suite 103-410
Highland, UT 84003
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.
The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as for treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.
Scripture quotations used in this book are from the Authorized King James Version (AKJV) © 1979 and the Pearl of Great Price; both are in the public domain.
Book Design by Expert Subjects, LLC
Interior Design by Steven James Catizone
Editing by Gail Lennon
Library of Congress Control Number: 2013941978
You’re Strong Enough Color Version
ISBN-10: 098954270X
ISBN-13: 978-0-9895427-0-8
You’re Strong Enough B/W Version
ISBN-10: 0989542718
ISBN-13: 978-0-9895427-1-5
Printed in the United States of America
First Edition: July 2013
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Contents
The Quest Begins - Discover where you came from
The Quest for Knowledge - Discover why you are here
The Quest for Inner Strength - Discover what tools and strengths you have
The Quest for Answers - Discover why life is so hard
The Quest for Freedom & Healing - Discover the power of forgiveness
The Quest for Relief - Discover God’s plan of justice and mercy
The Quest for Self Control - Discover Satan’s plan of deception
The Quest for Hope - Discover your real support system
The Quest for Happiness - Discover where happiness is
I want to thank my husband Dave for all his support and encouragement on this endeavor.
I want to thank my Heavenly Father for the inspiration and insights in developing this work to assist the youth in finding the truths of why they are here on Earth.
I also want to thank those that assisted me in completing this work, namely my editors, designer Steven James Catizone and family and friends.
W
e are all on a quest here on Earth to find out who we are and what we’re made of. As a result, we will encounter many hardships during our life. Some hardships will seem like small hills, while others will appear to be huge mountains. I’d like to share with you one of the most difficult mountains I had to climb to remove myself from an unhealthy and dangerous situation.
As the eleventh of twelve children, I never felt part of a family. My parents got a divorce when I was four years old. My father stayed in California and my mother took the youngest eight of us to Utah, where her parents lived. My mom felt so out of control because of the divorce that there was constant fighting over cleanliness, our personal direction and getting back at my dad by using us as pawns.
After the divorce my mom pushed each of her children into sports to help them stay out of trouble. I personally started playing tennis in Provo, Utah at age ten. I became very good extremely fast so my mom moved me down to California to train with the best coaches.
In California, I lived with three different families (not knowing any of them) and went to two different schools. After a year of training, my mom moved out to be with me. Tennis went from being enjoyable to being a living hell because my mom demanded perfection from me. I got screamed at constantly and sometimes hit if I lost a match. As a result of my mother’s pressure and her abuse towards me, I felt that I had no other option except to leave this world. Fortunately, through divine intervention, my mind was changed. A couple of months later, I still felt I had to do something to save myself from this hell. So, at age fourteen, I ran away from home.
After the year my mom moved out to California to watch me train to be a professional tennis player, we soon moved back home to Utah. I decided that I was sick of playing tennis because of all the pain I had to deal with from my mother’s abuse. During those three months of summer, my mom did everything she could to get me to play tennis again, including, visiting with a leader from my church.
This leader was a world-class athlete. Therefore, my mother thought he could help change my mind and I would continue to play tennis. Her plan backfired. He asked what I wanted to do with my life and I told him I wanted to live with my dad. As soon as I told my mom I wanted to live with my dad, the fighting started up again.
One morning while I was eating breakfast, my mother started going at me again. She rehashed all that she had done for me and how ungrateful I was being. She yelled at me for about an hour. I just sat there and took it because I was soft-spoken, peaceful, non-contentious and non-argumentative.
After an hour of listening to her telling me what an ungrateful child I was for not playing tennis anymore, I tried to leave but my mother blocked the way. Finally, I said, “Excuse me. I’m trying to leave.”
My mother responded, “There’s no way you’re leaving! I’m not done talking to you.”
I said, “Well I need to leave because all you’re doing is screaming at me and I need a break.”
She replied, “There is no way you are leaving.”
So I barely pushed her hip so I could get by her. That’s when my mother grabbed my hair and threw me on the ground. After trying for ten minutes of struggling to get her off of me and stop pulling my hair, I finally pushed her off.
For a moment it was quiet, until my mother stood up and started screaming at me again. As I watched her yell at me, I saw in her eyes that nothing would ever change. I knew in that moment that she was out-of-control and it was only going to get worse. I felt in my gut that if I stayed, something bad would happen. So, I took off and started walking down our street.
A million thoughts went through my mind about what had just happened. Realizing the emotional trauma I just went through caused my hands to shake. Then I noticed in the corner of my eye my mom’s car pull up beside me. She rolled down the window and said, “Why don’t you get in the car and we will go get something to eat and talk?” My mom knew that I loved going out to eat and she knew that would be a huge temptation for me. For a moment I considered it, but then something inside of me more powerful than I’d ever felt before, said with a loud voice, “RUN!”
I ran as fast as I could. As I was running, a voice inside of me said again, “Go over to that church building.” Once I arrived at the church building, I started checking all the doors to see if any of them were unlocked. No luck. My heart was pounding and I was so scared. I was afraid my mother would catch me before I could get inside. As I was checking all the doors again, my mom drove around the corner of the building and looked right at me. Then, slowly, she continued to drive forward as if she had not seen me at all. As I stood there in awe, someone came out of the church door and I was able to squeeze inside.
Once inside, I found a bunch of kids playing basketball in the gym and then I noticed a phone on the wall and the thought came to me to call my sister. When I called, she answered and sounded surprised that I was calling her at work. She had been fired three days previously and was just there picking up her stuff. As I was telling my sister what was happening, I heard banging on the door. I saw my mom checking all the doors trying to get in. To my relief, no one heard her, so she left. My sister instructed me to meet her at her office four miles away. While I was hiding out at her office, both my brother and a police officer came to inquire about my whereabouts. My sister told both of them she didn’t know where I was, though I was hiding in the back bathroom, so each of them left.
We left for my sister’s home soon after. While my sister was getting ready for the evening, another person came to the front door, but I did not answer. A couple of minutes later a knock came to the back sliding door; I still did not answer, so the door started sliding open. To my relief, it stopped because of a stick in the tracking system. After this third attempt of someone trying to find me, I broke down and cried.
At dinner that night, I expressed my feelings of fear and the disappointment that mom had in me. I related to my sister all that had transpired, including the miracles that kept me safe. I told her about the voice inside that told me to run and go to the building; the miracle that my mom could not see me when she drove right past me; the door opening for me and not for her; that my sister was at her office when she had been fired; the prompting to memorize your number three days previously; that the cop did not search the building for me because I was a runaway and how the sliding glass door stopped from opening when someone came looking for me here.
My sister listened carefully and commented: “Kassi, do you realize how many miracles happened to you so that you could run away from mom? Can you see that that’s an answer from God? It is time to leave mom. It will be safer for you to be with dad.” After she put it into perspective, I felt at peace and agreed with her.
My sister contacted my dad and made arrangements for me to fly to California. I was thrilled and scared at the same time. I knew my mom would have photos of me at the airport. My sister sensed how frightened I was of going to jail if I was caught, so she devised a plan.
She came up with a disguise for me that made me look much older and completely different. My disguise included: full makeup, high heels, stuffed bra and tight dress. As we were arriving at the airport, my sister told me she put the name on the ticket as “Morgan Bond” like James Bond.
When I got to the security check, I noticed that the security officers were looking at me weird. I was so relieved when they let me pass through. Once in the air I felt this complete peace and excitement fill my soul. I was free at last from the abuse I had suffered for three years. It was the beginning of living my life, not my mother’s. I knew from that experience that I was strong enough, that God would perform miracles as we need them, and that we are never alone here on Earth.
I share this experience to give the reader an idea of the struggles we each have, though different in nature, and that we are strong enough to get through. This book is not about dishonoring your parents. I honored my mother enough to ask her permission in sharing my stories in this book and she said, “Yes.” She and I both know it was a bad time for both of us. No parent intentionally tries to destroy their children’s lives. They are human and are just trying to survive themselves in this dysfunctional world. This book is about knowing why you are here and believing you are strong enough for whatever happens to you in your life.
We are each placed on this Earth to conquer and overcome all obstacles that are placed in our path. Each of us is strong enough for anything we go through. With God’s help, anything is possible—including being happy here on Earth despite our trials and challenges.
If I am Strong Enough, So Are You!