Zits from Python Pit #6 (2 page)

“It is a ship!” exclaimed Clive.

The ship's sails were full with a great, stinky wind. The odor of rotten eggs strengthened as the huge wooden ship with beautiful, tall white sails approached. The heads of the monsters and children cocked to the side in wonderment. “That's certainly the biggest monster transport I've ever seen,” said Director Z.

The others nodded in agreement.

“It looks so nice, I vouldn't even believe it vas monster transport if it veren't for the smell,” said Grigore. He waved his hand in front of his nose. “Voo, it's almost as bad as garlic.”

“Yet somehow,” said Gil, breathing in deeply, “there's something very familiar about that odor.”

The bow of the massive ship turned directly to the shore they all stood on. It was coming in swiftly, carried by the stinky winds.

“Um, should we move?” asked Gordon.

“No, monster transport has never harmed a monster or his friends before,” said Pietro.

“Yet,” added Clive.

Gordon turned to leave.

“It's fine,” said Pietro, who held the boy in place.

The ship crashed into the sand of the shallows, but kept moving, creaking and groaning as it made its way to them.

“Ahhhh!” yelled Gordon.

With a great GROOOOOOOOOOOAN, the massive ship stopped an inch in front of the boy's nose and loomed above them.

Gordon turned around. “Well, it might not have harmed me, but it harmed my underwear.”

A rope made of leathery boa constrictor carcasses, tied together in skillful knots, fell over the side of the ship.

THUNK.

Pietro tilted his head back and yelled, “Any zombies up there?!”

There was no answer.

Nabila walked up and tugged the rope. The squishy sound of rotten, dead flesh filled the air. “Ugh, this is disgusting.”

“At least they're dead,” said Ben. “I can't stand snakes.”

Everything went silent again as each wondered if another would make the first move.

“Well, let's get going, then,” said Shane. He jumped onto the rope and quickly shinnied his way up, pausing at each knot to catch his breath.

SQUISH SQUISH SQUISH.

The Bigfoot quickly followed the boy's lead but was held back by the others.

“Maybe one at a time,” said Director Z.

“What?!” asked the Bigfoot. “Do you think I'm fat? You know I've been trying to diet. Meanies!”

“You're a half-ton Bigfoot,” said Director Z. “I think it's best that there's not any extra weight on the line when you head up.”

They slowly made their way onto the ship in the moonlight.

“Zom-bie piiiii-rates?!” sang Pietro. “Oh, zom-biee piiiiiiiiiii-rates?!”

“Hello?” said Ben. “Is anyone on this ship?”

“Maybe it just takes us where we want to go,” said Shane. He walked up to the massive ship's wheel at the front of the bow and put his hand on it. “We're ready to go! Take us to our friend Chris!”

The ship shuddered, and the water underneath it bubbled and frothed. It pulled away from the shore a few yards, the bow swung back out and pointed downriver, and then the ship stopped.

“Why isn't it moving?” asked Nabila.

Dozens of scaly green monsters just like the swamp creature stood on the moonlit shore.

“My African swamp creature brethren!” yelled Gil. “I
knew
I recognized the smell of that ill wind!”

The scaly green creatures were beautiful, their shiny, wet scales gleaming majestically in the moonlight. They waved and threw their hands in the air.

“Gil, are they going to push the ship along?” asked Shane. “Should you jump out and help them?”

The scaly green creatures stopped waving and turned around.

“Hey, guys!” yelled Ben. “What are you doing? We should get going!”

The scaly green creatures bent over with a flourish and . . .

BLUUURRRRTTTTFFFFTTTFFFTT!

. . . pushed the ship into open water by farting in perfect unison.

With a SNAP, the sails were filled with the Stinky Winds, and the ship pushed out into the center of the river.

A green haze drifted down on the passengers, and they began to cough.

The scaly green creatures jumped into the water and followed the ship as it picked up speed and raced upriver at a dizzying pace.

Just as the sun rose, He Who Would Save Us was spotted from the monster transport.

The boy's friends were all crowded around the bow of the ship, pointing and yelling.

“Chris!” yelled Director Z at the top of his lungs. “Stop this instant. Get off of your crocodile and return to the safety of this ship.”

The boy savior said something, but the huge GUSSSSSSSSSSSSH of water drowned out his voice.

He Who Would Save Us and his trusty crocodile were about to be crushed by a massive waterfall.

“Chris!” yelled Nabila.

His power stone, the source of his strength, was also the source of his madness. There was no stopping him—not even a waterfall that could kill him.

“Yah!” He Who Would Save Us yelled. He lashed his crocodile with a reed and held on tightly. “Keep swimming!” The majestic river creature obeyed and swam slowly against the spray of water coming off of the waterfall.

“We have to do something!” yelled Shane.

“He cannot survive this,” said Director Z. “But the ship can.” He pointed to the largest sail. “That can be opened up even more! Release the rope at the top.”

Without a word, Shane took a deep breath and climbed up the mast and into the green haze. For a moment there was nothing but the sound of GUSSSSSSSSSSSSH.

With a SNAP, the Stinky Winds blew the sail open, and the ship lurched forward, heading directly for the boy savior and the waterfall.

“I hope we can gain enough speed,” said Director Z. “We must find a way to snag Chris from the water!”

Shane nearly blew off of the mast as the ship hit the rapids at the base of the waterfall.

Gil yelled as loudly as he could above the great din of the quickly moving water. “Help us, my stinky African brothers, or we're going to crash!”

“We're going to hit Chris,” said Shane from the mast.

But it was too late.

The ship slammed into the boy . . .

. . . at just the right moment.

As the ship rocked into the froth at the base of the waterfall and began to travel up—yes, up!—the waterfall, the boy savior and his crocodile splashed onto the ship.

“Leave me alone,” screamed He Who Would Save Us, shaking with anger, clutching his crocodile tightly.

The ship tilted ninety degrees and headed right up the side of the waterfall into the blue tropical sky.

“Hold on!” yelled Director Z.

“Yeah,” yelled Clive, “this is one killer wave!”

The crocodile landed on the swamp creature with a growl.

“No!” Gil screamed. “I'm a bony fish. Bony fish!”

With a screech of fear, the Bigfoot grabbed the crocodile by its tail and flung it off of the ship. Luckily he flung the poor creature far enough that it wasn't crushed by the waterfall. It rose to the surface and watched in surprise as the ship slowly made its way up to the top.

Groans and moans could be heard from the pile of monsters and children as the ship crested the top of the waterfall and splashed horizontal again. They spilled out onto the poop deck.

“Where's Chris?!” yelled Shane.

“Over here!” Twenty-Three yelled.

The best chance for our people's survival lay at the back of the ship, his head smashed through a small wooden door into a cabinet that held rope.

Twenty-Three tried to pry open the door, but couldn't.

The boy savior's arms laid motionless.

“Chris! CHRIS!!!”

It was dark and moldy, and my head hurt terribly.

“Chris!” someone yelled.

Who is Chris?
I thought.

There was a great SNAP of wood, and light filled the hole my head was stuck in. I could see perfectly coiled white rope in front of me. A wet smell drifted to my nostrils.

“His eyes are open,” someone said.

“He's stunned but okay!” someone else called out.

“Chris!” a kid yelled. “Are you okay?”

Someone grabbed me and pulled me out of the wooden cabinet my head had been smashed into. The light shot through my eyes, and my head exploded in pain.

“Uuuuugh!” I moaned.

“Chris, are you okay?” someone asked. I opened my eyes just a little bit and saw a familiar-looking kid. Next to him was a cat-size lizard with fur. I shook my head and it was gone.

“I don't know who this Chris person is,” I said. “I haven't seen him. But I think I'm seeing things. My name is . . .” I clutched my head in pain, trying to remember my name. “My name is . . .”

“Your name is Chris,” said a pale man. He reached out and clutched my shoulder to hold me steady and calm me.

“Director Z,” I said. “I have no idea how I know, but your name is Director Z. And my name is Chris.”

The word
Chris
still seemed like something a baby might say while spitting up milk, but I knew it was my name.

My headache went from skull-splitting to merely mind-scrambling, and I took a look around. We were on a pirate ship in the middle of a river. Jungle spilled out into the river on both sides.

“Do you remember me?” asked a dark, curly-haired boy.

“You're a karate master,” I said. “Master Shane.”

“Yeah!” said Shane, and he clapped my back so hard my head split open again. “He's back, everybody! Chris is back!”

I looked around to see other friends cheering along with Shane. My friends—Gordon, Ben, and Nabila. I was trying to remember what exactly Director Z was a director of when a low growl shook me from head to toe.

GRRRRRRRRRR.

Mixed in with the cheering, I could hear growls. I looked past my friends, and that's when I could finally see, in the bright, bright sun, a vampire, a werewolf, a zombie, and more monsters staring back at me.

Glaring at me.

“We're on a ship with monsters,” I said, panicking. “I
did
see a cat-lizard thingy.” My head spun.

“Hi,” said the cat-lizard thingy.

I looked around, but there was nowhere to escape. I was, in fact, stranded on a pirate ship with monsters.

The monsters approached me from all sides. Before I knew it, there was a Bigfoot and a banshee in my face.

“So glad you're back,” the Bigfoot said.

He reached out a paw, and I flinched.

“What's wrong?” asked Shane.

“Get these monsters away from me,” I hissed, and rushed under Shane's sweaty armpit. I was so scared, I didn't even care how bad Shane's BO was. And it was pretty bad.
Why is it so bad?
I thought.
How long have we been out here . . . ?

“These monsters?” said the vampire. “Vhat do you mean, ‘these monsters'?”

“They're talking,” I said, huddling deeper into Shane's armpit. “Why are they talking?”

“Darned tootin' we are!” growled a hairy-faced gentleman.

I looked around desperately for something I could defend myself with. But the monsters kept reaching for me.

“Why aren't any of you guys doing anything?!” I yelled.

My friends looked at me like I had a shrunken head.

“What do you mean?” asked Ben. “Are you frightened of these guys? Wow, I guess you really did hit your head hard.”

“Ow, don't remind me,” I said, and clutched my head.

The vampire reached out and touched my shoulder. “You're okay, Chris,” he said.

The way he smiled made me relax. He looked straight into my eyes, and my headache melted away.

“Yes,” I said, suddenly filled with love for the monsters. “Yes, I am okay, and I must go—”

“Don't even start that again,” said Shane. “Why do you want to go south, anyway?”

“Did I say I wanted to go south?” I said, forgetting where I was for a second.

“Someone or something is compelling you to head south,” said Director Z. “We don't know why. But what we do know is that you had us all very scared as we searched for you along the banks of the Nile. We took a day to gather supplies and have been at it for a few weeks now.”

“Weeks?!” I said. “I feel like I was just at the pyramid a few hours ago. Back with Murrayhotep.”

“Murray,” corrected Shane.

“Right, Murray,” I said. “He's the last thing I remember before . . .” I stared into the jungle.

“Before what?” Shane asked.

“As I was saying,” said Director Z, “we searched for you along the Nile for hundreds of miles. We kept seeing brief glimpses of you ahead, and we'd get close and then lose you again from time to time, but in the end, we caught up to you. And when we finally confronted you, you jumped into the river and fought us with crocodiles. If it weren't for blah, blah, blah-diddy blah . . .”

Director Z kept talking, but I couldn't concentrate. I felt antsy.

“Sorry, guys!” I yelled. “I gotta go!” I had to get away from all of these people and monsters keeping me from my mission.
I just wish I knew what my mission is
, I thought.
What's wrong with me?

I jumped off of the ship and into the cold, churning water.

“Chris, no!” Director Z yelled. “We can't keep doing this! You must come to your senses!”

The swamp creature jumped in after me, hitting the water with a FLLLLLLLLURT to push himself quickly toward me.

“Stay back, you farting motorboat,” I said. “I've got places to go and people to see.”

FLLLLLLRRRP FLIP FLUP!

“I'm coming to get you,” the swamp creature said. He disappeared under the water.

I was momentarily stunned, not sure what to do.

“Chris, you're getting drawn back to the waterfall!” yelled Director Z. “Come back to the ship
now
.”

The current got stronger. I swam forward as hard as I could, but I was getting dragged back to the very edge of the waterfall. I didn't care about traveling south anymore. I had only one thought on my mind as I felt my body being carried swiftly toward the edge:

I am going to die.